the fifo wife

I have been dancing around this no brainer tip since god knows when because basically until recently, I hated talking about sex out loud in public, with people I didn’t know without any Vodka Collins in my belly. Talking about sex it makes me feel uncomfortable (men seem to be able to chat about it freely but women can’t we become trollops apparently or worse. Seriously those words have been said to me) Or it did but it’s a bit like ripping off a band aid and since talking about here  I’m on a roll. It’s like saying your first swear word when you were a kid. I remember the first time I said the word sh*t. I was 11 years old late bloomer to some I know (I may be able to say it but I still cant right it down) I said it once after crashing my bike at my friends Paula’s house and never stopped. It now seems to be my word of choice for most situations.

So since I have been doing a lot of tip toeing around the topic of sex humming and ha-ing about whether to publish this or not, it’s now been a long time since I have done a marriage/relationship tip so let’s do a little revision shall we?

Tip one: boast about your partner and let them hear on purpose. Read more about that here.

Tip two: go to bed angry. There is no point fighting when you’re tired and confused. Read more about that here.

Tip three: know who to vent to. If you’re a man vent to your mates. If you’re a woman vent to his mother. Both of you should really vent to each other. Read more about that here.

Tip Four: create boundaries no what you can expect from each other. Read more about that here.

This brings us to happy marriage/ relationship tip five: Sex. Just do it.

Simple. It doesn’t have to be hotel sex every night (don’t you agree that has to be some of the best sex you have ever had) but sex. Any sex. Oral (dare I say it) or likewise. He likes you. You like him. Just do it. Yes I know you’re tired but a good marriage/ relationship has sex and when you get down to its good fun. Leave a relationship too long without any sort of sex and you (grace given for those just having babies or likewise) become room mates say what you like but it’s true. A division forms. You stop touching each other which often leads you to stop talking to each other. Then you start to bicker because you don’t really know what’s wrong or what went wrong or how you got there.  Then it all because too hard. So it’s simple just have sex. Need a little help getting to the mood then just head here but having sex it causes the juices literally and conversation to flow. However if you need more of an incentive to bump uglies here are a few things I bet you didn’t know about sex, the horizontal tango, going naval to naval or walking the dog what ever you call it.

Sex is good exercise. Everyone of your 600 muscles are being used during sex so technically your getting an aerobic workout and I know what I would rather be hitting and it’s not the gym. Chemically it has been suggested to lift ones mood and reduce depression hence why you feel so damn good after a good aerobic workout of sex. It increases your immune system a Wilkes study found people having regular sex had more antibodies than those who didn’t.

It releases stress, you sleep better, boost yourself esteem, gives you fast relief from aches and pains. It also gives stronger intimacy to your relationship i.e. you become closer you go back to being honeymooners again a no brainer really and isn’t that we want? That honeymoon feeling? All. The. Time. A recent study conducted by researchers at the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina found that among 59 couples, those with more loving physical contact showed the highest amounts of oxytocins. Oxytocins is released both during sex and even while kissing. Oxytocins are the hormone that creates the urge to merge and bond and there’s a surge of it after sex. Hence where the desire to cuddle and hold each other comes from; when conversation’s start again.

Yet here is the clincher for me well not totally the fact I am married to the sexiest man in the world is the main reason; he is seriously yum but this is a nice by product of all that activity. A Scottish study showed those who had regular sex had better skin and looked younger by up to ten years. Ten years girls. Apparently an orgasm triggers a rush of endorphins and growth hormones, like DHEA, that help heal damage caused by the sun, smoking, and cortisol build up, which is associated with the thinning of the skin. Now if that’s not a reason to get some loving I don’t know what is.

So go on stop what you’re doing, turn the TV on for the kids, grab your lover preferably your husband I don’t encourage adultery, lock the door and just do it.

xx Deb

Okay so I’m going to blow my own trumpet doesn’t happen often but this I know I’m good at. I’m not good at craft although I am a DIY queen just not of the craft variety, I cant play a musical instrument, cant bake macroons nor subtract in my head but what I am is a good host. I know how to take care of people. Come stay with me and you will have a good time weather your family or a stranger. I take pride in the fact I’m a good host (well given my return rate I shall assume I’m a good host) I love having the house full. I love to take care of people, its my thing which is why I guess I’m good at it. I have also had to sleep in my fair share of rather revolting spare rooms (sorry) where the smell woke me as opposed to the alarm (sorry again) so I vowed I would never allow that to happen under my roof. It made the whole stay awful, like I was an imposition, now I am more likely to stay at a hotel. Sound like a social snob? No I just think if someone has taken the effort to fly/drive to see you then they are worth the effort to fix up a room. Its not particularly hard even with three kids attached to your ankle. If I can do it any one can; so with it being that time of year when extra bodies come to stay this is my how to on the guest room and few extra bits to make sure you stay friends for the after.

The first thing and its not rocket science when you have guest’s that you know are arriving (tough luck on unexpected arrivals, take what your given sunshine) have fresh sheets, a blanket and aired pillows on the bed. I once went and stayed with a second cousin whom not only didn’t change the sheets but left evidence of the previous couples her stay. Gross on so many, many levels  I had travelled along way to see her and its now been a long time between visits.

Have the room relatively tidy. In other words transfer the major junk to the shed or better still purge it; its the perfect opportunity if you have the time. A room filled with junk and I mean wall to ceiling stuff of boxes, bikes and the pram you haven’t had to use for three years but cant seem to part with stuff not a few books here and there. Move it. Excess stuff in a guest room adds a little ‘I knew you where coming but didn’t care enough to get my crap together’ feel to it despite the clean sheets. A room that’s cluttered well it stresses me out and so a stressed out guest who is already out of their comfort zone is generally not ideal.

If the room allows have a little chair. It doesn’t have to be your favourite Edwardian tub you don’t want them to settle in and stay that’s not the point of a guest. A little dining chair somewhere for them to sit and put their shoes will do the trick nicely. Have a beside table, even if its another little chair beside the bed (hence the word beside table) and a lamp for them to read by at night or fumble around in the dark by.

Give them two clean towels, a bar of soap and a washer for each person; if you can at least one towel, accommodating that room, leave it on the bed or chair. This not only is a courtesy from you but it helps refrain them from ravaging through your bathroom cabinets looking for something to dry themselves with. It also stops them seeing that you have penchant for Lovan, Emulide and that your not a natural blonde. We all have our secrets and some should remain this way. This courtesy and forethought will also encourage them to bathe; sad but true what can I say.

If they are with you for awhile clear some hanging space in the wardrobe or draws or provide them with some hangers at least to hang their ‘going out clothes’. This helps to keep your room tidy and clean (its still your room) and hopefully remind’s them of this. If they choose not to use either its their loss and if they look like homeless Myrtle in their supposed ‘non crinkle’ but very crinkled shirt it’s their fault not yours. A mirror is always a nice touch but not always possible. Having one available to them stops them creating a back up line for the bathroom; as they create their skunk doo; which is never ideal when you only have one bathroom. It also adds to a list of things that are starting to tick you off about them come day seven of their stay when the novelty of their presence may or may not be starting to wear off. I could tell you that I go so far as putting some photo frames, candles, books and magazines in the room but I have a tendency to go over the top and its just a nice added little thing.

So the room is set; then its just a couple of formalities that are essential in making sure you remain friends with your guest even after the stay. When guest’s in our house come to stay the rule in our house and its one my mother always said if you have been with us more than once and your second stay is longer than ten minutes then your no longer a guest and you are to treat the house as your own so to speak. We physically say this. Dangerous words I know but you be the judge.

Show them where the laundry is hint, hint and where dishes go; again hint, hint. They are your guest you are not there slave. The only other massive thing to remember; casually but firmly establish their  leaving dates and times from the moment they have settled down with their welcome coffee, wine or gin. Give them time in their space but get it done. It establishes a time line so when their over amorous bed room activities become to much, you know how long you need to keep your mouth shut for. Remember you want to stay friends, or do you?

Other than that my friends you are set. They have a nice space to not only sleep in but to escape to for a couple of hours and you can rest happily knowing that you have done your bit to make them feel welcome. Everyone is happy.

So enjoy the extra bodies long bathroom lines, extra dishes, strange sleeping and living habits of others; you may or may not learn something. Enjoy the late nights, too much food, too much drink and to much laughing is its not forever and its what guest’s are made for and what memories are made of.

Enjoy.

xx Deb

We are coming to the end of the swing and even though husband came home half way through for four days to which I’m very grateful to his crew for allowing him to attend the funeral I cant wait to see him, it feels like weeks. The past month like every month has been full on and yesterday saw my B2’s kindergarten Christmas party the final school event of the year I’m hoping. We of course attended with out husband because of obviously he was at work which many other fathers were and that in itself is a drag but never more so than when someone has watched 60 minutes and then feels the need to point it out that my husband is indeed absent.

Having been at this point of conversation before its usually from that point on I start doing my best Wonder Woman (because she really was a little sexy) impersonation and deflection methods. Imagine me in my wonder woman cape and crown right about now if you would. Fighting the good fight for FIFO families every where who are happy with the decision that they have made for their family. Happy to wade through the hard times and look forward to the good. They own their decision understand nothing in life is easy and if you want to make good money and have decent time off then situations like B2’s kindy party is going to happen but you are dually compensated for it in the form of a good pay packet.

So me in a pair of tights and a crown now if you would its not a pretty thought but you get the gidgst of the power positivity and strength of the good fight. Now almost always I’m successful in deferring their unintentional ‘negativity’ like a true ninja but broken sleep saw me suck up their continuing questions and despite my firm answers and cheery disposition just their desire to question me further on ‘how hard it must be for me and what about the children’ stayed with me through the afternoon and even now in the morning.

Why after I said its right for us did they feel the need to continue with ‘still it must be hard on you’ after all I didn’t feel the need to question her about her decision not to teach her child any manners or why as woman in her fifties was she wearing a Lycra skirt?

Damn you 60 minutes and no I didn’t watch it. On purpose. I’m so over the pity party thing. If this is you leave now. Unsubscribe unfriend me what ever but don’t continue reading I don’t want the trolls or the horrible comments because I will delete them. Negativity and crap attitudes are not wanted here. It makes me sad. It leaves me frustrated and angry which in turn just leaves me yelling at my kids and you don’t want to be responsible for that now do you?

So here we go the rant.

FIFO is a choice seriously. We are not the first nor are we the last defence, truckies, explorers and station hands have been doing this long before us but we are is the first to be compensated for missing birthdays and Christmas. Life is a choice. FIFO is a choice. Don’t tell me its ruining your marriage, giving you a drinking problem, making your kids fat, these things are happening as a direct result of a choice you have made. Sitting at the bar will do that, not talking to your loved ones because your happier sitting at that bar rather than being with your family is your choice suffer the consequence. Spent all your money at the bar or on that over priced self deprecating car then its your choice. If your depressed seek treatment for goodness sake real depression it will kill you and no I’m not heartless I have been their and done that too. So make your choice and own it don’t whinge about it. No one likes a whinger. No one. Do the job or don’t. Its simple. Need help get it. Ask for it go in search for it. Rarely in life will things come to you and we all need a little help sometimes. Can I help you? Asking for help doesn’t make you more or less of a person.

And just to get in right now if you are on that 28/7 and you don’t like it (been there done that I know how hard it is I’m not saying its not) do it till you get something else (we did) or you get what you need from it but do something about it. Don’t loose site of things. Money cant fix families or people.

Now again in case you missed my point FIFO is a choice, make your choice own it and get some perspective I don’t hear the poor defence members creating such a who ha because they cant get life insurance because when they do FIFO someone is usually trying to kill them or that their kids are becoming rude and intolerable because their father is on a six month deployment with limited or no communication. I don’t hear any one creating an uproar about that. Probably because they literally knew what they signed up for terrible conditions, long deployments, serious life threatening situations and may I point out as a former defence wife very little money or recognition.

So if you signed up for FIFO and were naively unaware how hard it was and you don’t like it then for the benefit of yourself and your family stop doing FIFO its that simple and do something else it doesn’t make you less of a person for saying you cant do it.

Just do something else. Gain a little perspective and accountability please.

Life is to short for being unhappy.

x Deb

Before having children I had a career in hotels. I was a reservations and events manager for a large five star property chain. I loved my job. I loved it so much that I commuted over an hour away down a mountain range with 265 bends into the city every day for it. I loved the responsibility. I loved the team I had and the team I worked with. I loved having a life of my own as well as a life with my husband. I loved the money that I made for me and for my husband. That I was able to contribute to our already ‘FIFO family’ of me and him but when I fell pregnant with my first child morning sickness soon put a stop to that.

Once the morning sickness settled so determined was I to still contribute to our family I went and worked on a hydroponic farm until I was six months pregnant and the doctors told me no more. I was starting to show traces of herbicides in my blood; having to finish work, I was devastated. I felt like I was letting the team down. My husband never let me feel that way. He has always always said that its our money that I work just as hard as him at home but its not the same you know. I thought I could eventually go back to work to my career some how some way and have that life again.

So when I first became a mother I didn’t really understand the concept of how tired I would be, how much this one little person would consume me both physically and emotionally. It was those first days of being in the hospital on my own, with husband having just flown out for our first offshore job that I knew I wouldn’t have that career for a very long time if at all. I cried more for that than the fact I was in a hospital recovery from a c section, with my husband out on his first offshore job, no family with me and those that were made it clear in no uncertain terms they weren’t there to help but I can only guess watch my fall and my baby about to have surgery. I cried for my loss it sounds selfish I know but that’s how it was. I loved my career that much.

I realised at that point I couldn’t do it all and do it well. I couldn’t do FIFO and mothering well. I cant see the point in not doing something properly. I couldn’t have that career, have a life of my own, have money of my own, or so I thought. I essentially at the time couldn’t because one I was now a FIFO mum on my own for goodness knows how long and two I didn’t have the family support to do so.  I would kill myself trying to do it all for the sake of doing it all, proving a point; as it was I almost killed myself just trying to be a FIFO mum let alone be a FIFO career mum. And I knew I wanted to be the best mum and wife possible but I didn’t look at it like it was a job or career. I looked at it like it was my end of the bargain. I had drawn the short straw.

I wanted to do my job as a mum well. That was and is important to me but I struggled with that loss for months and probably longer if Im truthful. I missed that career that feeling of self worth that it brought with it. Being able to dress up in heels and skirt and go to my other life. I was frustrated that my husband; despite his support of me, baby and his FIFO job meant I couldn’t have the career I wanted and had worked so hard for but I so badly wanted to raise my baby well. And I wanted him to do this offshore FIFO gig because it was an opportunity that couldn’t be missed and I wanted him to do this. I knew it would be good for us and it was massive to him. He had worked so hard to get this; so hard. But it felt and I know it wasn’t this way but at that time it felt like that I was always supporting him and what about me?

Then it happened one day whilst fishing with my parents up in Kakadu a place we, my mother father and I had spent every year for three months as a family, it dawned on me, I remember the exact moment right down to how the setting sun felt on my skin and how the air smelt. This was my family. This was my career for now. This was it. Strange I know that it took me so long to understand this was my family, my career and it was more important than any trip down the hill to another job. These two people. My handsome husband sitting beside me, his hand on my thigh and the baby playing between my feet on the floor of the boat. This was it. This wasn’t something that was stopping me from having the career I wanted this was my choice. This was my career choice. FIFO or not. I made the choice with my husband, my family to do this, from the moment I said okay lets have a baby. I had unexpectedly loved being a mother and I loved being a wife. My husband depended on me. My five month old son depended on me. My family depended on me for them. To make them happy. To feed them. Keep a roof over their head, food in their belly and keep them safe. Running my house, my marriage and my family was my ‘hotel’. I was officially in a career again even though I had never been without one.

Its sounds like a took a step back in time to the 50’s and yes I do wear an apron but I wanted to do this mothering and wife thing right and I couldn’t if I was struggling with ‘I should be doing something else’. This decision was right for me. Me I’m not talking about anyone else but me. So from that moment I realised this was more important than any other job in the world I was officially the CEO of the FIFO household and I have taken my job my career of raising good boys, having an amazing marriage and a semi profitable household seriously ever since. I cant do it all. I don’t have the resources too have a career outside the home and for those that can sometimes I’m jealous of you. Big time and I’m sorry for that. Please forgive me if I roll my eyes when you step out of your car in your newest pair of heels matching your newest Cue pencil skirt as you drop your kids off at school. Don’t take it personally take it as a compliment that you look rocking and I’m jealous you can do it all and I wish you so damn well but me I cant do it all well. I raise my hands to that and running my company in a pencil skirt and heels is just not practical so forgive me if I roll my eyes again but I’m happy with my career choice truly I am.

However that’s not to say I don’t struggle with it some days because I would be lying if I said otherwise but my husband my amazing husband in all his wisdom and all his support is the one who encourages me with my shop and my blog so I can have a little life of my own apart from this very important role and career of wife and mother. And I think that is the key having a little life of your own weather it be a craft; and more power to anyone who can handle a glue gun, going to the gym, drawing or some charity work you need something of your own. Something anything that doesn’t involve anyone else.

So now as we move into almost all my boys going into school hours I’m getting just a wee bit excited will I go back to my old career probably not its not what I want anymore but perhaps heels and pencil skirt wont be so impractical after all.

CEO Debbie of the FIFO household.

Bacon, Cheese and Pea Frittata.

Had a day where nothing seems to be turning out right and dinner needs to be no fuss and easy. This bacon, cheese and pea frittata is super fast, easy dinner, tasty, kids will love it and its healthy. Add extra vegetables if you want. I like a little zucchini and capsicum thrown in with onions with mine.

What you will need:

• 2 tbs olive oil
• 1 red onion, thinly sliced
• 9 eggs
• 200g bacon, cut into 1cm cubes
• 1 clove of garlic crushed
• 1 cup (120g) frozen baby peas (not thawed)
• 2 cups cooked macaroni or other short pasta
• 1 cup (120g) grated cheddar cheese

How to:

Heat oil in a 22cm ovenproof frypan over medium heat. Cook onion, stirring, for 2-3 minutes until softened but not coloured. Meanwhile, whisk eggs in a bowl with salt and pepper. Add bacon, garlic, peas, pasta and cheese to pan with onion.

Pour over the eggs, then reduce heat to very low and cook for 6-8 minutes until almost firm, tilting the pan and drawing in the sides from time to time so egg cooks evenly.

Preheat the grill to medium, then place pan under the grill for 3-4 minutes until top is golden. Cool slightly, then turn out and slice. Serve with chutney and salad.

Super quick and super yum

xx Deb

*original recipe Delicious magazine