The Crystal Cave, Iceland

I smiled when I saw it was her number on my phone.

I answered it said hello and closed the door to the spare room behind me.

Hey, Deb, she said.

I sat on the bed ready for a chat. I looked at the door as I sat and how the paint was peeling at the base.

How are you? I squealed a little too much like a school girl excited by her call.

She and I had been friends for so long but when she started her new job our conversations switched to messaging and actual conversations would be weeks apart.

I’m good she said, but she wasn’t good I could tell, and my heart began to race.

I stood up from the bed and as I did her sobbing started. It was hard and loud over the phone into my ear. I looked around me to find a spot to hear her better. I found it, a place between a bed and a wall. It was dark and quiet, and I could concentrate on just her.

Baby, I said where are you?

I’m in my car she said sucking in some air between sobs. I smiled at myself because the car is where all good ugly cries are done.

What is the matter I asked quietly? But I already knew.

She told me.

It came out of her like a dam bursting. I let her go not interrupting. It was hard to hear and sweat formed between my ear and the phone as I pressed it harder to my head. She stopped and waited for me to reply, and all I could say was I know and I have been worried about you.

I want you to write about it, she said. I want you to tell my story. Her story was that of a drug users girlfriend and how she could no longer watch it happen. How she cold no longer watch him kill himself despite the pleas and promises. She could no longer deal with the mood swings and the abuse. How she could hear the husbands and wives of addicted partners cry in their rooms after phone calls home because this drug doesn’t just happen in darkened allies and squatters homes. It’s happening everywhere.

Ice is so bad she sobbed. I don’t know what to do she said to me.

I reassured her Ice wasn’t just affecting her and is was everywhere. Cities and country towns even my small country town. I know three families affected by the drug and my town is small and its farming. Ice is everywhere, and it’s getting worse. It’s the most accessible and easily made drug available on the illicit market. It can be made in the back of van for goodness sake.

She went on a little calmer now, I just want them to know what they are doing. Not just to themselves but their families. To the people that love them. I want them to know that they are killing themselves. Destroying everyone around them and to think of that when they use. And I tried to fix him she said I loved him so much and I always will, but I can’t do this anymore. She must have repeated that a hundred times reassuring me that she wouldn’t just fall or do this for anyone. That he wasn’t a terrible person and I don’t believe he was.

Okay, I will I promise I replied. I never wrote it then, and I knew I wouldn’t but told her I would anyway, I was too angry at what was happening because she told me everything that morning. Everything. And in a sense, I knew that it wouldn’t be the end of it. I knew she just wouldn’t leave him to die she would try one more time.

However, I have woken twice this week with the words in my head so its time and while I don’t believe it will change a ‘user’ it will give you information to talk to your kids. Information is power so the facts as I have come to learn them.

Ice is a pure form of methamphetamine, its because of this purity that makes it so addictive. It’s also known as Crystal Meth, Shard, glass, and shabu.  In appearance, Ice often resembles iced water or grains of salt. However, it may also have a brown, yellow or pink tinge to it, with the consistency of a paste or earwax. It can be smoked, injected, eaten or snorted. The effects, when smoked, are almost instant with the drug taking hold in 3-7 seconds. Snorting, eating or injecting takes several minutes. Most users start at 18 years of age, but the reality is 2% of users started at 12 years old and the frightening part is 7% of the population have used it at least once in their life. The hold of the drug lasts between half an hour to twelve hours.

The drug gives a false sense of confidence, increased alertness, energy, high sexual drive and happiness. One former user said that it gave her clarity; she felt organized and that she could make good decisions. The ‘bad’ side effects are itching and scratching. Enlarged pupils and dry mouth. Teeth grinding and excessive sweating. Fast heart rate and breathing. Reduced appetite and insomnia.

Coming down off the drug often leads to depression and antidepressant medication is used however this creates a dependency on both drugs. Lacing the drug with others is very common because apparently the coming down is incredibly bad and they thinking lacing eases the effect.

The well-known ‘psychosis’ of Ice comes with heavy and frequent use and is the result of brain damage starting to occur.

What it does to the brain is irreversible with every inhale, snort or injection. Hours after Ice has been used the receptors in the brain start to turn off the natural production of Dopamine. Dopamine is responsible for the reward and pleasure portion of the brain. However unlike other stimulants like cocaine that allow the brain cells to re-capture & package dopamine ie reset, Ice does not.

Instead, the brain receptor cells respond by releasing an enzyme that destroys any extra dopamine. With repeated use over time, these enzymes permanently destroy dopamine cells. This leads to chemical changes in the brain that affect the way the brain works.  In lamens terms, it means you damage the brain’s ability to ‘feel’ and so can’t without the drug. You are don’t feel joy or happiness without it or more of it, and yet you become an anxious, paranoid mess with the more you use.

This is what is called METHAMPHETAMINE-INDUCED BRAIN DAMAGE, and this is why Ice is Neurotoxic

Those who suffer Methamphetamine brain damage from chronic use of Ice will eventually have health problems that lead to intense behavior changes including paranoia, insomnia, agitation, hallucinations, delusions and other psychotic behaviors. Along with causing behavioral changes and brain damage with symptoms similar to bipolar and schizophrenia, Ice is known to contribute to the aging process, kidney and liver damage, cardiovascular problems, respiratory problems, lowered immune system function, significant mouth and teeth damage and anorexia. Long-term users are known to have difficulty in memory retention but also show symptoms similar to movement disorders such as Parkinson’s disease. It is believed that long-term methamphetamine use also causes irreparable damage to the central nervous system which causes these symptoms. These combined issues mean a slow painful death.

The effects on family members loved ones is one of heartbreak and loss. It will tear families apart. Watching someone kill themselves is tough, soul destroying and walking away will break you.

That was my last phone call with her because the universe had a different plan for her, however, it went on to open dialogue about drugs with my children and now hopefully with you.

We talk about the effect all drugs has on the family and how it eventually and as will any drug will kill them. Slowly without decency and painfully despite those first few hours of ‘fun’ and often that death will be alone. We talk about how the initial buzz will never be recaptured and how the brain is forever changed.

Everything in their life and mine will be forever changed and rarely for the better.

xxDeb

Life line 131114.

 

 

 

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{fifo wife} Chicken chowder

by debbie on May 17, 2016

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It’s almost winter- well it’s meant to be. If you look at the weather forecast for winter, it’s expected to be above average temperatures for this winter which after a long hot summer isn’t really what you want to hear.

Regardless of however I thought we would post some of our favourite soups this month and this is a favourite Chicken chowder. It’s simple and quick. We eat a lot of soups when the husband is at work because he isn’t a fan of them. Me I love soups {and salads} because they are so quick and filling. Just what I need.

I had always thought chowder was a heavy, stodgy floury soup and so never tried it until I got married and it was served at my wedding reception. I then fell in love with a good chowder and this is a simple one. This recipe is an adaptation of a Jamie Oliver Recipe.

I last made this after coming home from a trip to Dinner Plate falls. The boys had been swimming in temperatures only fish should be swimming in. So it was perfect to be able to come home whip it up and eat.

Chicken Chowder

What you will need:

  • 2 chicken breasts, cut into small pieces
  • 2 Slice of bacon chopped
  • 1 large Onion, finely chopped
  • 2 garlic cloves, crushed
  • 1tbsp olive oil
  • 20g butter
  • 2 medium carrot, finely chopped
  • 4 large potatoes, chopped into cubes
  • 30g plain flour
  • 400ml chicken stock (made from stock cube)
  • 400ml cream {or milk}

How to:

1. In a large saucepan add the olive oil and cook the onions for about 1 minute until soft. Add the butter, garlic, carrot bacon and chicken and continue to cook until the chicken has sealed over a low-medium heat as you don’t want to brown any of the vegetables or the chicken.

2. Stir in the flour and once incorporated, pour in the chicken stock and bring to a simmer.

3. Finally, add the potatoes and cook for about 20 minutes until the potatoes are soft over a medium heat stirring every so often. Add the cream, mix well and bring back to the simmer.

 

{image is from here because I am not a food stylist}

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Where to start- so long since we did a few things post. For those that a new its just a round up of my lasting impressions of the world around me, the internet a journal.  It is a blah post and my way of easing into the week.

As my son said last night ‘Mondays, really are the most horrible day of the week but once its over its over.’ I replied with it’s the day we start our work/school life routine, and unfortunately we can’t have one without the other.

He grumbled how much he disliked school, and we returned to the topic of worrying. We are all currently in a state of worry but what I find most worrisome is my vibe- there is none.

Usually, my vibe will tell me ifs it’s going to be okay, and I rely on it for everything, and as I have got older, it’s got more intense and more correct.

So I think that’s the scary part there is no vibe. There is no ‘gut feeling’. I wouldn’t say I’m ‘physic’, but my gut, my vibe, my intuition is rarely wrong although perhaps with age I’ve mistaken my vibe and just become more neurotic with an irritable bowl and I shouldn’t rely on my gut but some sort of probiotic.

Anyway regardless of the gut, my worrying has been passed on to the kids, and while they aren’t worrying about dads job it’s about other stuff like no chocolate cake or what high school they will go to? Stuff is keeping them awake or giving them bad dreams. They are six and seven they will have an ulcer by eight at this rate, and so it’s got to stop, so I told my husband this morning when he called I can’t hear it anymore I can’t listen to what might happen.

It’s making me literally sick. The neurotic control freak with an irritable heart and no gut can’t handle the no control situation we have going on.

So my natural solution is put my head in the sand of all negative and focus on today. Focus on this very minute. I don’t write a list that just overwhelms me more when I’m like this.

Negative blinkers or head in the sand is how I manage anything, especially when I’m worried or overwhelmed. I focus on getting up, eating breakfast and getting my shoes on. I will repeat the process in my head. Getting my kids fed makes me a champion.

Being overwhelmed without control increases my anxiety a shite fold, but the reality is no one is going to die here so whats the point of worrying? Can I do anything about it? No so what’s the point of thinking about it? However, easier said than done when it’s had a grip on you for so long.

So having got that far here, here I am with shoes on at my desk. The kids are at school, the husband is at work, the elderly dog is on my lap, and I’m writing about my gut or loss of because I’m trying to break free of the anxiety and worry that has consumed me. You can’t imagine how pleased I am with myself right now for just writing this.

Anxiety being overwhelmed makes me antsy, cranky and sick. It also makes me stuck. I explained it once. I want to do things so badly; I want to write so badly, but can’t, I’m stuck. I lost my ability to ‘just write’ when I offended someone. There the initial out in the open. Their version and my version weren’t the same. To me, it’s a given however it wasn’t that simple, and I have never been able to write without the angst since. I’m trying to fix that because it’s part of ‘anxiety’ I have.

So this week I am aiming to write out three of the 475 drafts I have in my folder. Pulitzer Prize winning stuff it isn’t however, I think you would have worked out long ago that’s not what I am about.

My reality is what it is, and this is it.

xxDeb

Postscript. I feel like I should write thanks for coming, and I feel like its all I have gone on about and you inevitably will walk away unclick like and mutter neurotic witch as you close the door. For that I am sorry, but its consuming for me and this is like therapy for me. I am trying to fix it, get back to where I was. I am just human.

{Image is the work of Julien Muave}

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{a fifo wife} Autism 101.

by debbie on May 11, 2016

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When our son was first was diagnosed with Autism, I cried I then became angry because he had to be ‘labelled’ to receive some help, I so hated that label.

However, having that label is not him he isn’t broken because he is Autistic he isn’t less than he is just B1 and as I have come to understand at least for us it been a blessing in knowing him better for a ‘label’ because the reality was it was me that needed the label for education for understanding and a hell of a lot of AH Ha’s. Knowledge is power. Once he would have been called Aspergic but they are now all on the one spectrum. While some of his traits or quirks as I prefer because they are just part of him are challenging, others are a blessing.

This is my B1.

Socially my son struggles immensely. He can’t read social cues, has trouble relating to others and reading between the lines. The blessing there is he doesn’t know when someone is bullying him, he spends much of his days alone even at home but when you become friends it’s for life. Sensory he becomes overwhelmed easily and he is a chewer. He has dyslexia, an immature nervous system and central processing issues that affect his ability to learn. The immature system will come as he grows but for the central processing and dyslexia, we have been fortunate enough to be able to buy a hearing piece to assist him educationally and we now get a tutor one on one. However, we are lucky that we can afford it less than 5% of a schools budget goes towards children with disabilities.

My son is obsessive about superheroes and before that it was Thomas the tank engine, however, he can draw build and create anything because he will draw, design, build the same thing over and over. He must have things a certain way. As a result routine and familiarity see things sailing smooth however miss something and fear consumes him.

And despite being Autistic and what people might think my son is incredibly mature in his decision making. His decisions and actions are always thought out and for him to act out means something massive has happened in his world. His behaviour is always impeccable but you can tell a big day at school because he will come home with a headache, vomit and sleep; and no it’s not his eyesight because believe me I’m on top of the testing game.

This is just our child and whilst these are part of him it is not all of him. He is brave, strong, thoughtful, funny, clever, determined like any parent I could go on. However, I work with Autistic children and ‘symptomatically’ they are completely different to him. They are completely non-verable as are 40% of those with the disorder.

Autism is such a diverse disorder and despite affecting one in 88 people with males five times more likely to be on the spectrum there are some people are still unaware of what Autism is.

So a 101 on Autism at its most basic.1. Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by impaired social interaction, verbal and non-verbal communication, and restricted and repetitive behavior.
2. Individuals on the autism spectrum vary enormously from each other. No two persons are the same but they all share the two ‘core’ traits. The first is continued difficulties with social communication and social interaction. For example, they can’t read between the lines, pick on social cues or body language. Everything is literal. The second core trait is regimented, repetitive patterns of behaviour, interests, or activities. For example, they may develop an overwhelming almost obsessive interest in something; they may follow inflexible routines or rituals; they may make repetitive body movements, or they may be hypersensitive to certain sounds.
3. However ‘difficult’ those core traits also lead to many people on the autism spectrum also having significant strengths. These may include a good eye for detail, a high level of accuracy and reliability, an excellent memory for facts and figures, and the ability to thrive in a structured, well-organised work environment. Some also have considerable creative talent. Because of this, some individuals with autism do not consider autism to be a disability but a neurological difference.
4. Autism is highly heritable meaning if you look back to through the family of someone with Autism chances are there was a quirky Aunt Dianne or OCD uncle Fred.
5. Vaccines have nothing to do with Autism nor does being the first born child something I heard on the weekend. I believe the reason for the sudden rise is not hormones, not the vaccine but better understanding and coming out of the virtual Autistic closet. Just like unwed mothers were hidden away back in the day so was that embarrassing Aunt Diane.
7. Those who are diagnosed with Autism will most often have other factors and symptoms associated with it. It’s these other factors I believe make the Autism spectrum so vast and hard to explain to those not affected. These other factors include but not limited to sensory issues meaning noise and light can overwhelm them, anxiety and depression. Intellectual disabilities, central processing, metabolic disorders, sleep disorders, genetic disorders, epilepsy, ADD, Tourette’s, delayed nerves system development and gastrointestinal disorders.
8. There is no medical detection for Autism.

Most importantly Autism is not a hopeless disorder much can be done for those suffering it we just need to provide the right support and education with those with it.

xxDeb

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I was telling my husband the other night as I got dressed about the first time I admitted to having a made a mistake. We were talking about our middle boy at the time who is currently covering up his mistakes and lying about them, and a concerning pattern is forming. I felt I made a lot of mistakes as a ‘younger person’ however I’m sure I made no more than others. The f*ck up I made this day was not overly huge, and in fact, I can’t remember what it was, but I was a hotel reservations manager and my front office manager was going off about the mistake I had made.

Ordinarily I would have stayed silent and hoped it would have blown over not wanting to embarrass myself that I had done something wrong. I would have stayed silent so not to bring attention to myself, and ultimately I was a coward. However this particular morning for whatever reason I stood from my desk and went over and said to her Ms. V “that was my fault, that was my error.” I recall her turning in her chair straightening her white jacket looking at me and saying “wow Deb that’s brave admitting that. I have never met anyone who has owned up to a mistake before.”

I waited for the embarrassment and the shame of my “mistake” because isn’t that what mistakes are about? And perhaps it’s because of the way she handled it because none of those feelings came.

Instead, I felt proud and grown up almost of myself for admitting my error and slowly {because I am not the quickest of learners} I came to learn and understand making mistakes both big and small was nothing to be ashamed of at all.

Mistakes unless excruciatingly serious {commen sense will tell you the difference} should be welcomed, seen as a good thing.

Now you will find me front, and center was admitting a f*ck up with more enthusiasm than is probably required.

So since then I have come to make some major f*ck ups in every single aspect of my life, but there are few things I have learned about them.

  1. F*ck ups big and small lead to ‘personal growth’. I hate that word growth as much as the word journey. However, it is true. My mistakes, bad choices and lousy reactions have made me who I am and despite the number of them, I like who I am. They are part of my story and my mistakes have made me less judgy because the reality is I have done worse on a better day.
  2. F*ck ups big and small have forced me to understand there is more than one way to do things, and it’s not always my way or my thought process. I also believe mistakes is the universe way of telling you that. They are there to guide you.
  3. They are vital in becoming successful in anything. A baby doesn’t just start walking, and no one expects it to. It doesn’t fall over a hundred times and ‘say oh well let’s forget about that’. My version of success these days is getting through a parenting day without everyone in tears some days it takes the tears of the day before to get through the day after.

Making mistakes shouldn’t be something people look down upon in fact people like that should be avoided personally I like someone who has the wiseness of a few mistakes under their belt. I like someone who is willing to admit their error’s and show me their ‘flaws’; they are people I can relate to and want to be friends with.

To make a mistake, a royal f*ck up and to ultimately fail at something is a good thing and while it’s usually in hindsight; with every mistake come’s a new lesson to be learned and with every lesson comes knowledge.

And we all know knowledge is power.

And if you are anything like me don’t feel bad about making the wrong decision, don’t dwell on it, you have made that choice for a reason and never let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s your life and f*ck ups make great stories.

Yet keep in mind: Make as many mistakes as you want, just not the same ones over and over again because made more than once its a decision.

xx Deb

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Two things are happening here that I don’t normally do. I don’t normally post my top fashion picks or post affiliate links directly into a post, however, its 40% off site wide and too good not to share.

Now the link is an affiliate link which means should you go into the sale and buy something I will receive 5% of that sale {on average it’s $3.00} at no extra cost to you.

I made the decision to start posting the odd affiliate link when I decided against doing sponsored posts which is when someone pays me to have an opinion. I don’t like it. I did it once, and even though I disclosed it, it didn’t sit right, so I didn’t do it again.

So given the blog and page are now a very expensive love I don’t intend on giving up I need to do something to help myself out a little because the avocado season only runs six months of the year.

So here we are however the affiliate link has to be good, and this is a good one.

Now because many are under the impression blogging is a lucrative business and that I may make a fortune the answer is no, to be honest, and transparent due to my lack of wanting to become a walking infomercial I don’t post affiliate links often in fact this is my second.

My first affiliate link in case you are wondering was for a Lorna jane sale. I will also always tell you what is and what isn’t an affiliate link. I won’t promote a product or a label unless I use it myself. You helped create this community, and it’s always been based on honesty and will continue you to do so, however, I don’t have sponsors or brands knocking on my door, and it’s not for lack of trying. ‘You’re not the right fit for our brand or no reply at all is the usual response.’ I reckon it’s the good grammar, and talk about mental illness sex talk that has me not being the right fit, but that’s the story of my life, and I’m cool with that.

My main priority was is and always will be answering messages of help at 1am from a tired mummy or a struggling dad. My blog was created to help those who think they are alone FIFO and not, people who were or are like me.

So an affiliate link and a good one.

Fashion label Autograph is having a 40% off sale site wide on their online stores just in time for mothers day. My top picks and buys.

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Lace insert peasant blouse.

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Casual dress.

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Long line vest.

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Betty Boops Spotted Brief and Bra set.

And for all purchases over $80.00, there is free shipping. Win win. Head here to a have a look.

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Meal planning and budgeting is like and Olympic sport for me. My accountant called me a magician last year for being able to sustain our finance goals without seeing me enter a facility.

The food, however, is the biggest expense a family can have with the average household spending on average $224.00 at the supermarket. Families also on the average throw out $1036 in food waste every year. While that’s only $20.00 a week, that’s still a decent family get away come, the end of the year.

So last week I royally stuffed up the budget and left myself just $74.00 for the weeks groceries- ordinarily we average $160. Now I could have withdrawn money from other accounts however it was Saturday afternoon; Monday was a holiday I accepted the challenge that $74.00 was it.

Now I didn’t get everything I wanted and this $74.00 challenge doesn’t include any cleaning or personal products I made do for those.

So how I got the most of my $74.00…

  1. I meal planned the week out. I do this ordinarily but this week I did all meals.  Determine breakfast, snacks, lunches and dinners. I only meal plan for five days. In case you’re interested in this particular week we lived it up on Butter chicken {using $3.00 drumsticks on special in the slower cooker}, Sausages and vegetables, Spag Bol, Roast chicken pieces and vegetables, and Beef Curry and Rice.
  2. I utilized the leftovers of the previous week by freezing and using for lunches.
  3. I cooked up a bunch of cupcakes and a sultana cake for snacks with the basics we already had.
  4. This royal challenge saw me using it as an opportunity to use what was in my freezer and pantry. Which was some sausages and blade steak.
  5. I worked out my ingredients for said meals and wrote down what I didn’t have into my shop.
  6.  I then added the other essentials such as bread, milk and cat food.
  7. I then discovered if you can shop without the kids it’s awesome and I took along a calculator {or better still buy online}. I picked last Sunday as my shop day I went in as soon as they opened my eyes peeled for the discount aisle. I was like an elderly stealth bomber, looking for discounted meats. I then literally recorded the amounts down on a piece of paper and then hid down the back end of the store and calculated my shop it’s a wonder I didn’t have security tapping me on the shoulder. I then went through the self-serve checkout because accidentally forgetting to scan an item is less embarrassing than not having the funds for it.
  8. I then placed the ‘meal plan’ on to the fridge and told the kids that what they were eating for the week; surprising it didn’t bomb as much as I thought it would. You could buy yourself something fancy, but that’s more money to spend when you don’t really need to have it, especially when $74 is your budget. Besides, I like the ‘vintage decorative look’ of note paper on the fridge.

Best of luck.

 

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Are you okay mum he said to me this morning.

He leaned in for a hug, and I said I’m tired.

He pulled back looked at me and smiled.

He went back in, and I started to cry not the full blown ugly cry but the thank you for asking me how I feel cry.

The truth is I didn’t sleep well, so I am tired, story of my life. I woke up this morning at 213am, and I don’t know why. I tossed and turned until I heard my husband’s alarm go off, then mine, then mine again.

I got up at 530am.

I sat down and had some breakfast while listening to my husbands tell me about his latest idea and wanting my input. He wanted to use my blog tag line, and it’s not often, but I said no. The blog is the one thing I have that is mine, and I don’t believe it was the right fit for his newest project anyway. Guilt for saying no set in.

He continued asking me questions, and I could see he was getting with frustrated me for not participating.

I want to help him I do. I’m proud of him the idea is a great one, but the reality is I’m almost full something has to give especially at 530 am before I have eaten my toast or had my coffee something has to give.

And I know I’m going to have someone snap at me oh but he works 28 days on but he also has 28 days off from his ‘job’ and I know his job is stressful. And I understand he feels pressure to keep the money coming in I know all of that, but this is my blog for women like me, and this isn’t anything against him. He is an amazing, kind man who will do anything to make my dreams come true.

Yet many women like me don’t stop working when their husband come home. He helps out, we are a team through and through and he is AMAZING. I am not complaining about him and all that he is done for us, but I guess what we forgot about for women. Us women and mum’s are as busy as chicken in a hen house. We have so much going on especially in our head its no wonder I often get out of the shower having just shaved one leg.

Myself alone I am currently working two jobs, raising three kids, running around said, three children. I am an entertainment officer come the weekend. I am the treasure for maintaining one house and several other investments while trying to ensure as much money is in the bank as possible because in two swings there will be no job. Doing it all while trying to ensure everyone gets what they want. The crazy part is I like being that busy I like being that full on but currently I’m battling severe anxiety which until yesterday was resigned just to my blog but as of yesterday that anxiety that overthinking the need to vomit spilled over into my everyday life which ticked me off no end. It made me angry because I have too many files in my brain open. I am tired of battling that little shit anxiety I liked it better when it didn’t have a name and was just a quirk but it’s no longer a quirk its anxiety and I’m tired of the way he dictates me. However its not about that its just about having to much going on too many balls in the air.

So I guess what can you learn from this? Whatever you need to but you can start with allow your wives to drink their coffee, have their toast before asking them what you think the new tag line should be for your great idea be.

xxDeb

 

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I’m not easily star-struck. As a child I chose to have posters of fighter jets over a celebrity although at 17 I did find a soft spot for Keanu. When I worked at the hotel I checked in several Hollywood profiles because my colleagues failed to put a sentence together because of who they were or weren’t. To me, they are just another human who has worked hard in a job one way or another to become an actor or actress.

But. I do find how they deal with parenting interesting after all they have. How do they bring up their children with excessive and extraordinary ideas? Or as their parents did them? What are their thoughts?

Interesting I tell you.

So five pieces of advice from celebrities.

I would never be the kind of parent to force somebody to be something they are not,” Angelina said. “I think that is just bad parenting…. Children should be allowed to express themselves in whatever way they wish without anybody judging them because it is an important part of their growth.”- Angelina Jolie.

I try really hard to put my phone down [ever since] my daughter pretended to take something out of one of her little purses and was like, ‘I’ve got an email – hang on one second,”- Jeniffer Garner.

“Always be available to your kids. Because if you say, ‘Give me five minutes, give me ten minutes,’ it’ll be 15, it’ll be 20. And then when you get there, the shine will have worn off whatever it is they wanted to share with you. I’ve never gotten up to see something one of my kids wanted to show me and not been rewarded.” – Micheal J Fox.

“Pay attention: I recognize it can be boring to play with young children – to tell a story over and over again, let’s say – but the secret is being there,” Ewan said. “If you’ve made a decision to play with your children, then play with them. Don’t be looking through papers on your desk or sneaking off to the computer. Turn off your BlackBerry. Lose yourself in their world. Even if you do it for a short time, it will mean a lot to you and to them.”- Ewan Mc Gregor.

“We try to lead by example, by showing them it’s important to work hard,” said David. “That’s one of the key things me and my wife have always done, (both) before we had children, and now we have four children. We juggle everything around the family because our main priority is the children, simple as that, and it always will be, but being hardworking is the best thing you can show children.” David Beckam.

xx Deb

{image with thanks to here}

 

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Much to my anxieties, delight, I’m not the confident person I once was. I’m okay with a few in a group but groups slightly larger no way. And I have found its gotten worse with being a stay at home mum not finding my tribe and all that jazz.

Now walking into an event or just a room full of people on my own will see me hug the wall like a stripper on a pole but with none of the athletism. The idea that I have a few people reading my blogs freaks me out. Breaking the ice or into a conversation is not an option well not yet. Making conversation ..whhhaaat are you asking?

Now I am totally aware that I’m not actually the centre of attention when I walk into a room or in a group but my lack of confidence tells me different. Everyone is looking at my bug eyes, bumped nose and inability to talk about much else than farts being a warning sign of a poo I am a mother of boys after all. Being the ‘centre’ of attention sends me into hysterics for days prior but I’m getting there because it’s my dream that I have dinner with the people that have been reading this blog for years. It’s my absolute dream and the universe is telling me stuff because Im being asked stuff.

Last year I did my first public speaking thing for an ABC writers group I wanted to vomit on my shoes, I sweated like a pig on the spit and almost rubbed the skin off my hands. I don’t believe I did a good job because the whole caged thing happened. This year I met my husband’s work mates which essentially was like meeting his extended family finally after ten years. Scary shite I tell you. I still wanted to vomit on my shoes, and I made more trips to the bathroom than an Aussie with a case of Bali belly. I still sweated like a pig on a spit but it was Darwin after all but I reckon I pulled off it off alright.

Then recently I did my second radio interview with the ABC Radio National. My first radio interview was kind of a disaster I clammed and word travelled because they knew when they asked me. This interview was with my all time favourite journo Ellen Fanning. {yes I’m name dropping – love her} Not wanting to fuck it up I had to learn how to gain some balls and despite almost crying in the interview and blacking out from hyper-ventilation I was told it was a great interview given how scared they knew I was. You can listen to it here and let me know because I still haven’t listened to it nor will I.

Anyway. The universe is telling me stuff, and that is learn to deal with shite. So. I’m dealing with it in my own drawn out the way. I’m slowly getting my confidence back with the whole people human interaction thing. I can no longer stay in my kitchen with my excuse Im busy cleaning pee.

So here is what I have learnt so far about faking it till you make it.

  1. Have a drink. Not a literal drink although I did that with my husbands mates and found it just made me sweat more and made me second guess my words; not ideal when you’re already a mess inside. Water I’m talking water. It helps settle your breathing, and you have something in your hands to focus on.
  2. Stand tall or in some cases sit tall. Your posture is everything. Stand tall shoulders back, chin up all that. See the research below for the why.
  3. Smile but not a full smile a half smile like you get after you say gee whizz. I think a full smile would make people do the wide berth to avoid the woman standing up straight with an empty glass in her hand smiling like a Cheshire cat. Typically a study completed by social psychologist Amy Cuddy, researchers, found that manifesting fake “high-power poses” reduced cortisol, or the stress hormone, and boosted testosterone and self-confidence. Smiling, Standing up straight with your shoulders back and chin up, and manifesting more “open” and relaxed poses will actually help you feel more confident rather than slouching and looking like the worn out mum you feel like.
  4. Eye contact. Sounds simple enough but it’s amazing how many people will look at the floor, the wall around anywhere but at someone. However just scanning the room and making eye contact with people for 3-4 seconds at a time is enough to activate the brains Vagus nerve; responsible for humans fight or flight reaction. Research suggest the vagus nerve acts as a “brake” on the sympathetic nervous system, calming down the adrenal glands, to attenuate adrenaline release and maintain heart rate. Don’t look down or quickly away like you have been caught out perving maintain contact for 3-4 seconds smile that half smile and keep scanning.

Do you have any tips for faking it until you make it?

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