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‘I love your hair-cut ‘ is what I use to hear a lot which now always makes me smile because back then I cut my own hair at one stage with a pair of poultry shears {not recommend however I was tired delirious and hormonal} because I was that desperate to get rid of some of my hair. Now however that I pay someone I don’t hear a thing about how good my hair is which makes think I should possibly change hairdressers but the girl I see;  well she gives a good massage and nothing beats a good head rub; well maybe there are but we are talking about hair today.

Anyway I have fine but thick hair and far too much and mine grows fast which is I’m told not normal but then I’m not sure there is much about me that is. I also don’t have a lot of time for myself {that whole guilt thing} and when I was cutting my own hair I was going through that stage of I can’t ask anyone for help that would signal to the whole world I am not coping when the fact is that’s just stupid and why I stopped being able to say my own name hence the use of poultry shears. Now I have seemingly less time but no more guilt.

Now back then naturally not having enough time, not wanting to ask for help for an hour so the kids could be watched, being so independent it was crippling and slowly falling into that exhaustive episode I now call the exhaustive episode I learnt to cut my own hair via you tube, online and goodness knows where else.

Now whilst I can’t teach you how to cut your own hair I can give you a couple of tips on how to trim your fringe between salon visits but I always recommend the use of a professional and I am by no means an expert just a mum with little time and too much hair.

So..

1. Should you be going to cut in your fringe {which I don’t recommend unless you have lots of time for it to be cut and to grow back as well as lots of confidence } determine your face shape before you start cutting away with loose abandon. It will help determine your fringe style. I am a diamond shape incase you were wondering so I have the off centre part thing happening and its wispy but you can work it out through here or here.

2. Do not use poultry shears ever unless you’re hoping for admittance somewhere based on your hair cut where the jackets are white and the walls are padded. Invest in a good pair of pointed hairdressing scissors. Craft scissors will also not do. And do it in front of the mirror and clean one without toothpaste spits all over it.

3. Your hair should be dry. Your hair is longer when wet so naturally when cut wet will dry shorter. Should you cut it wet you will end up with a mullet and there is no fun in that and your husbands work mates will never let you live it down.

4. Take your time. Do not rush trimming or cutting your fringe whatever you have the brazenness to do. You may not have time to get to the salon but make sure you have plenty of time up your sleeve to cut your fringe. Your fringe takes forever to grow out so go slow on the cutting…using the term ‘it will grow back’ will only reassure you for so long.

5. Do not cut a straight line unless of course that is your look. Hold your scissors at a slight angle lightly cutting small sections at a time slowly use the tip hence the good quality scissors. It creates a better looking fringe and is softer on the face.

Yet having said all of that a good salon {the one you attend regularly and who does cut your hair not just any old salon; commonsense please} should do a free fringe trim for free and as I have found don’t usually require an appointment unless of course its Christmas time, a Saturday afternoon or clearly their salon is full to the brim but most salons are more than happy to give a quick trim {again commonsense in your expectations} between your cuts.

Now combine that with this handy guide to a 30 minute beauty routine and a bathroom clean and you have a new you in just under an hour without even leaving home.

xx Deb

 

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Come summer time I don’t like to spend to much time in the kitchen in fact I don’t really enjoy cooking baking or even eating in summer which is why I can usually fit back into my shorts come November. Its to hot to move let alone cook a meal in my already sauna of a kitchen. Yet when I do cook dinner its in the morning before my kitchen hits 35 degrees its still cool and I can think straight without a hot head. Then come 5pm I and can cook some meat on the BBQ reheat if need be or dont reheat in the case of a salad.

And so I love salads and would eat them over vegetables however in my family I am alone there but one thing we all like is potato salad..

We loooooove it its a summer staple but I have never found a really good at home recipe until yesterday when I found this one.

So yummy my husband ate the remainders which was good because it meant I couldn’t have a third helping and as I dont keep secrets here it is with my tweaks because I can never leave anything alone.

A really really good Potato Salad

What you will need: 

  • 1.5 kg potatos
  • 4o0g whole egg mayonnaise
  • 3 generous tablespoons of sour cream
  • 6 eggs
  • bunch spring onions
  • 8 rashers short cut rindless bacon
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons onion salt
  • 1 tablespoon garlic powder

How to:

  1. Hard boil the eggs by placing in a pot, cover with salted tap water and bring to boiling. Turn off the heat, cover and let sit for 17 minutes. Cool under running water, crack all over and leave in fridge covered with cold water for an hour to cool. They should be easy to peel now. Cut into quarters.
  2. Meanwhile peel potatoes if you wish but the salad works just as well un-peeled. Dice potatoes into 3cm cubes and place in large pot and cover with salted tap water. Bring to boil and cook for approximately 10 mins, check regularly, the potatoes should be just cooked, not falling apart. Drain and refrigerate for 2 hours. This helps to stop the potatoes from falling apart when mixing in the rest of the ingredients.
  3. Chop spring onions into 5mm pieces, do not use the dark green part of the onion.
  4. Fry bacon quickly over high heat so it is browned but not too crispy. Drain on paper towel and slice into thin strips.
  5. Mix together the mayonnaise, sour cream, onion salt and garlic powder and mix through with the potatoes, eggs, spring onions and bacon.
  6. Lasts for a few days in the fridge so you can prepare the salad in advance and tastes even better once all the flavours are infused together!

Enjoy with a good steak.

xDeb

{Image with thanks to here because I am not a photographer}

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She said she would change he said. I looked at him sitting on my couch his head in his hands. We had been here so many times before him and I; my dearest friend for so long. I sat down across from him my couch sagging under my weight. I sighed do you want to know what I have learnt I asked because we can’t keep doing this I said to him.

He lifted his head from his hands his eyes red and swollen from crying and said yes.

People don’t change I said but they can and usually do grow into better people some call it growing up. That is the only time people change is when they grow up. When they stop being children, stop being selfish and start being an adult. Start wanting to be a better person but that growing that is a choice. That is the change.

We all get to a certain age and understand what consequences are. Some of us grow up quicker than others then there are some that don’t at all because they don’t want to grow up to be better people. They don’t want to learn lessons, understand right and wrong. Understand hurt and understand love and they don’t want to take responsiblity. They enjoy being selfish literal children by choice.

You can’t make someone change like you can’t make someone grow up. You can try to teach them but like children they need consequence otherwise it’s a wasted painful effort for which you have tried to teach time and time again. Until they change grow up they will never consider you or the impact of their actions. Until they want to start to grow up or do you will not matter as you should and so they will continue to hurt and disappoint you.

So I said to him you have a choice you either accept the way she is go back and live with it or you change what you can because you are the only one that can do that. You can make a change.

She won’t change or grow up he said I have tried to talk to her show her how I feel make her understand.

Well I said there is your answer. You have done all the teaching you can now you need to work out what is the best consequence the only type of change that is possible for your children.

He never left her he didn’t have to life taught her the ultimate lesson ; death.

What do you think..do people change? 

{image with thanks to here}

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FIFO ruined our marriage she said. It turned us into brother and sister. We are just another FIFO statistic she said.

I sat on the other end of the phone listening to her.

What was your roster again I asked?

Week on off she said.

That’s a pretty awesome roster I said.

Yeah but we just get into routine and he is home.

Right I said.

Yeah I don’t know what we are going to do she finished with.

There was a silence on the phone I didn’t know what else to say because I didn’t know if it was my place after all she was calling to tell me her dog had eaten one of my chickens not get my advice on her marriage.

Yeah I said I don’t know that I would like a one and one but that’s me I said I like the  four and four it works for us.

No way could I do four she said my marriage would have ended long before now.

She said it without realising her mind was made up.

Why I said.

It would ruin us completely. It’s too hard to be a couple she finished with.

I sat on the end of the phone trying not to get all antsy because blaming your partners work as a cause for relationship failure for me is a cop-out. I have been there done that. You know I said finally plucking up the courage FIFO isn’t the cause of any marriage breaking up it might exacerbate the situation, make it easier for you not to talk to make excuses but ultimately it’s not working on your relationship be it with your partner or of your children it’s not FIFO’s fault it’s you not being able to open your mouth that’s the problem. FIFO or not that can happen and I added dentists actually have a higher divorce rate than FIFO couples. I wanted to add that FIFO whilst has been hard has made my marriage what it is which without wanting to rub her nose in it is freaking awesome . FIFO has made my family what it is. Has shown me, my husband and my family what it is important but I stopped short of saying more.

She silent sat on the end of the phone I figured regretting that she had even given a courtesy call about the chicken.

So what would you do? she asked me.

Start again I said if thats what you want. Start investing in my husband. Its not his job to do it all like it not yours to do it all. You have to every single day. Good relationships all relationships don’t just happen they take work. When you make a new friend you invest time in them what is the difference with a marriage just because you have fallen in love had the wedding the honeymoon does not mean you are set for life. The size of your dress and wedding guest list does not dictate the success of your marriage I said. All relationships take effort and time and it doesn’t have to be a lot of time but time and quality time. Relationships are soooo much work I emphasised and sometimes its fun other times its hard you just have to want it bad enough and..

And she cut me off you wonder if it’s worth it because the non FIFO people you hang out with seem to be so much happier…

Really I asked?

Yeah it’s all so easy for them.

Right I said so you think that everything for them is easy. They don’t need to talk to each other about anything you think because their partner works at ‘home’ that everything works out?

Yeah kinda..is how she replied.

Our conversation ended and moved back to the chicken and me saying its fine because sometimes there are people who need an excuse of why things didn’t work out rather than the reality that they didn’t want to work it out. Relationships and good ones don’t have room for excuses it’s really as simple as that.

Big Love

Deb

{image with thanks to here}

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a fifo wife {fifo life: a few things}

by debbie on November 8, 2014

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I as I type this husband is helping the kids set up a movie theater in the shed it’s a desperate attempt to get our TV and lounge room back for just one night. I am betting they will last just 20 minutes before shuffling their way back inside and the whole hour-long production of getting TV and chairs out there will be a wasted effort and he will more frustrated by bring it back in half an hours time than he is trying to wrangle three excited boys out there in the first place.

Yet the things you do to get a piece of your house back even just  for 20 minutes..

So how was your week? For me the week passed was awesome I had my Master D as he took ill so couldn’t go to daycare and then his mother became unwell and so we have had a baby in the house for a few days and a night. I loved it yes siree. More babies for me? No way. Loved having him loved it but babies are work {good work but I’m past that}. So much work and I have done it three times over but I must say when you’re not tired you can do anything. What I did find was a few forgotten secrets and then rediscovered the first mummy syndrome again; and you can shove that right up your backside I should say it affects some mothers not all but I met two today and they were severely effected. OMG.

So as this day comes to a close I am looking forward to tomorrow my favourite day of the week? Do you have one? Anyway these are the few things running through my head.

1. Researchers have found that comfort doesn’t really bring you comfort? Really they have clearly never had BBQ chips with Freddo frog chasers here.

2. Brittany died with dignity last week and I can’t stop thinking about her and how brave she was here.

3. Polio has almost been eradicated here don’t care what you say that’s just awesome.

4. I know it’s another country I know but still it doesn’t make sense to me here.

5. And finally laid to rest..science at its best here.

And last weeks well this weeks posts here marriage advice nine, listening to the universe and baby wearing.

Much love

Deb

 {image with thanks to artist Jennifer Hui here}

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I posted this picture of myself and Master D on Facebook yesterday and apparently I was baby wearing. And I was in fact wearing him in a baby sling that I made out of a sheet after all it’s been four years since I have had to wear a baby but I was looking after him and he was unwell. And being unwell he just wanted to be held however being twelve months old and a few kilos and I needing to do stuff something had to give. I had in fact forgotten how much I had relied on that sling when the boys were babies and it was almost the secret how I stayed on top of things with a baby(s).

I discovered baby slings when my PNG neighbour used it on B1 when she was watching him for me she had used a sarong that she had and I used that same sarong for all three of my boys. I must admit I never used it when they were newborns however she did but I didn’t feel comfortable but I did use it when they were older {from about five months} and could support themselves a little.

And I used it a lot right up until they were two and three.

I used the sling when they were sick, grizzly or just wanting mum because as babies that’s what they want. I had forgotten until needing it again for Master D how much I had used it and its one of the secrets to survival I think of being a mum and since I don’t believe in secrets I will tell.

I remember having B1 strapped in the sling and I painting the house he was 18 months old teething and getting the house painted before husband came home from swing. Using the swing it freed up my hands to get stuff done and today even with Master D strapped to my back I did the gardening. It used to make going out so much easier and I was able to exercise and B1 and I would walk miles a day with it and it was so good for ones abs’s and bum.

Traditionally slings have been used for centuries and still are being used westerners have just started using them but we have got all fancy with fabric and padding. And we have called it baby wearing something I only learnt today. I just called it a sling and getting stuff done. I did have a fancy one once but found it to tricky to wear and so I happily stayed with the sarong but it’s each to their own and it’s important that you make an informed choice when it comes to any baby equipment.

And whilst I’m not endorsing any of these options you should always consider the safety of you and your baby these videos are essentially what my PNG neighbour taught me…Excuse the horrid accent but she basically shows you what you need to do for the use with a sheet and this is a close up of the knot and my other favourite is the Moby sling although I never used it as a I never had the patience of the wrap but the African sling is another that my PNG neighbour showed me but I prefered the knot it felt more secure to me.

There are however I am told by the now baby wearing community there are a large amount of support groups on face book and retail options for professionally made slings however a sarong was enough for me.

There secret told.

Much love

Deb

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I was sitting on the floor of the hall listening to them. I was a new mum trying to find my feet and I was at a mothers group meeting. It was the first of the mothers group that I tried {I tried a few – so another post there} and they were older and more experienced than me. I thought I would gain something valuable some insight on how to be a great mum being there. It was my second group meeting and it was my second time to sit in silence.

Both times I had sat listening on the floor. Listening and become more disheartened that this was what family life was about. I sat with another young mum looking at her trying to make conversation but it was obvious that whilst we shared some views not all because when she asked me about controlled crying and my thoughts our conversation seemed to cease; so I sat and listened silently not adding to any of the conversation.

Not adding because they were talking about things I didn’t understand and given that I simply had nothing to add because they were things I didn’t understand I sat. I didn’t understand not because it was about attachment parenting about the skunk do or wearing your uggs in public they were talking about their husbands and what they did and didn’t do right. And even though I had a husband I still didn’t get it.

Now I’m no saint and admittedly I will often say to my sister in-law why did I marry him again? Or I will throw my hands and say bloody husbands and I will have had the odd whine about my husband’s ability to contribute possibly half of the worlds methane gas contribution and he about me and my ability to stop listening.To not clean the car or leave my coffee cup every where but we are married. We are bound to annoy each other at some point it is why we got married to each other {surely?}. To annoy them as our favourite person for the rest of their {our} lives. Isn’t that what marriage is about? Riding the waves of annoyances and happiness together?

But this was different.

It wasn’t a whinge that their husbands were not putting away the dishes or taking the kids to school. It wasn’t telling a friend a problem and looking for answers because I wasn’t their friend I had just met them. It was gossip it was hurtful it was personal and it was mean but mostly it was sad because it was about their partners.

So Marriage tip nine. Stop the gossip and start the conversation.

It’s okay to have the odd rib, gripe and giggle over and about your partner. It’s healthy to an extent and if you must then gripe to the right person but if they aren’t doing their end of the deal in what ever is the deal is tell them. Dont tell your mates tell them. It’s a courtesy you owe them, your relationship and your children. Your mate won’t fix them not pulling their weight with the kids. How can they? Your mates won’t stop them from being a lousy unimaginative lover. Only you and they can together after a conversation you have had and a trip to Max Black.

But if you need a little help in starting a conversation then read this it may or may not be helpful.

But gossip generally comes from when you have nothing else to say so perhaps you need to start a conversation about that do a wee bit more self love and so given I didn’t have anything to add to their conversation I never went back and it was as simple as that.

More from the Marriage Tip Series

Marriage tip 1#
Marriage tip 2#
Marriage tip 3#
Marriage tip 4#
Marriage tip 5#
Marriage tip 6#
Marriage tip 7#
Marriage tip 8#

Much love

xxDeb

{Image with thanks to the Sartorialist}

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Do you believe in signs? I never use to but you know getting older brings out the quirks in you that you feel more comfortable in allowing people to see.

So I believe in signs of the universe but at the same time I must tell you I do shave my underarms and, don’t wear patchouli. {Not that there is anything wrong with any of that} I believe in dreams telling me what my subconscious is telling me, that repetitive things happening i.e. breaking glasses is a symbol for disappointment coming, that your actions = learning’s and silver linings you just can’t see it at the time. I could tell you what you need to be a good universe listener however I do feel I am going to have strips ripped off me and my character severely judged but neh it takes confidence and quiet like all good listening. Given that I am now the woman who believes there is a reason you missed that flight and there is no point being pissed about it. Never mind that it was almost $2000 worth your still here right? It was the workings of the universe to keep you safe somehow.

It was last week I went to post up a post went into my drafts folder and all 179 drafts- GONE. I stood at my kitchen bench pondering what to do. Had I been hacked? Possibly but I doubt it who would want my drafts really? If they were going to hold them to ransom they picked the wrong website. No the more likely the reason was on my simplifying mission I cleaned up my blog ‘dashboard’ and deleted them by accident. Well I knew what I had done because I pondered whether I should press that button said  ‘delete drafts’ I just didn’t realise it was ‘those’ drafts {I am not always the smartest one in the bunch} So without even a curse {very unlike me} I logged out a little hmmm and then proceeded to have the rest of my week implode with a kid retaken down with swine flu and then the same kid taking himself down yet again into a concrete scooter bowl spending a further hour and half in the ER.

Now naturally I took that deleting of my drafts as a sign; as a good listener of the universe would.

How? Because a few weeks ago I wanted to start another blog keeping this one also and had the name worked out and everything but didn’t for whatever reason.

So.

Whilst I am not starting a new blog I am changing it up a little. Im not sure how but I am going with my gut more. Getting a little more honest. Is that possible? Oh my poor husband.

Oh and I’m writing my drafts in word and saving them to cloud because that’s also what the universe wanted to teach me..

Do you believe in signs? The universe teaching you a lesson? Silver clouds and all that?

Much love

Deb

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a fifo wife {a fifo life: a few things}

by debbie on October 25, 2014

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Its Saturday and we have ‘the few things’ today instead of Monday but I thought I would sas things up a little you know a little change in routine does wonders.

So how was your week? You know how mine was but yours was it good?

Did you cross anything off your list add anything shift anything? I got two of the things off my list between that was between sobs’ and school lunches. I did okay I’m starting to make headway through the mess that is my office and the spare room. We all have one of those rooms a junk room. Well I have two and I fully claim them as my messes but slowly but surely no more. By next week a shovel will not be required on entry.

Now the weekend is here the hate day of the on swing weekend {Saturday} is coming to a close and I am preparing a game plan for tomorrow and getting ready for Support Sunday {its held on the Facebook page each Sunday} if you haven’t popped on over on a Sunday before please consider it however please remember it’s not a replacement for professional help and the Facebook page is an open one.

So the sun is setting B1 has his head back in the toilet bowl while chasing his nose down the street and my gorgeous neighbours have taken my other two boys to a festival in the village. Despite feeling blargh right at this minute this time of day always makes me reflective of being blessed and knowing that even though not all days go to plan they are always a good day at the end of it.

But these are the few things running through my head.

1. Pasta diet friendly food? I didn’t realise it wasn’t. Here.
2. Denmark has decided to ban sex with animals. Yes seriously I wonder what changed their mind? Here.
3. She is eleven years old watch her move. Here. Me trying to do that would just look like I was having a fit.
4. The new family friendly way to fly. Here. Just need to solve the crying baby problem ..mine involves getting rid of the other passengers but that may not be profitable to the airline in question.
5. 14 Green foods healthier than Kale. Here. Thank god I can hear you say I know.

and last week but this weeks posts on saving a farmer here, five tips for a sobbing wife here, and how to deliver bad news here.

Have a great day.

Deb

{image with thanks to here}

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I threw myself against the wall this morning slid down it and sat on the floor of my boy’s room and sobbed and I mean sobbed. My husband and I had a very short phone call this morning because sometimes there is nothing to say between morning and night. He said I love you and hung up- that was literally it. Literally. No argument however in my tired state of mind {and I know I am always saying I’m tired but I am} because of course I am back to an insomniac state with thanks to my three cherubs not including the sleep debt of last week I  have hit what I can only call delirium. You know that state ? It’s when you get confused like your drunk so that look from the woman across the road means she hates you, your husband and you only speaking for a few minutes means he is angry at you. So verging on delirium I took that short phone call the only way a tired almost to the end of her tether wife could.

I took it as I had done something wrong and not being able to call the ship back; the beauty of an offshore wife I managed to make the next four hours hell for myself in fact I was already planning what I was going to take in the divorce. Now I don’t know if it’s getting older taking on a new out look or what but I did something I don’t normally do I called the office.

Sucking up the ugly cry so as to disguise the imagined panic, imagined argument and impending divorce I said Can you get him to give me a call. It’s not urgent I said I just need to talk to him is all. She dragged out the ooookkkkkay like she didn’t believe me and sent off an email to the captain which I hope said something like this: can you please have fifo husband call home when he has time rather than what I am thinking it said..Please have FIFO husband call his wife because that woman is loosing her crap faster than a rabbit having kittens. This is URGENT.

I never call the office in fact I have five times in fourteen years but this morning I went Fuck it I can’t do this to myself  by the time he comes home he will be divorcing me and have a new girlfriend.

And then he called and well everything became all okay again.

So this is for the blokes five tips a little gift from me to you..

1. When she tells you why she is crying do not say are you kidding me? And don’t ask how long she has been crying for. That will result in more hysterical crying because we can lose our crap over not being able to open the Vegemite jar.Be open minded and answer with a hmmmm okay five hours is a long time baby. Don’t say darl or dear its condescending and we will cry some more.

2. Listen and say ah huh at the right sobbing intervals. It comes with the some practise but like a mother knowing the difference between a baby’s hungry crying and hurt cry you will learn the difference and fast. But listen it’s important.

3. When she says are you laughing at me because you have heard the reason why she is in hysterics. . Answer no Common sense and your manhood when you get home prevails.

4. Ask her is she is okay more than a dozen times. It seems excessive but we take it as you care. Ask if you need to come home but more than likely we just want to sob in a non judgemental ear and the answer will be no.

5. Tell her that you love her that without doing her part of this bargain none of this can happen. It makes us stronger some how instantly.

And I know its only five tips but don’t hang up the phone until she is ready and your sure that she is okay. Your boss will understand especially if she has only called five times in fourteen years. Make sure that she just needed that cry to hear the voice of someone who loves her unconditionally, of someone who knows how strong she is and so to be bawling like a neurotic fool she has hit rock bottom but will be okay.

Dont hang up unless you can be sure she is fine and if you don’t think she is have someone sent around to ‘drop’ in on her that knows her as well as you do. I can not stress that enough. If your gut says don’t hang up don’t have a work mate call while your on the phone to her to her mother, her best friend, your neighbour any body that can get to her. Until you can make sure that she is okay that some is with her because if we are not okay and we do need someone and I have been there once before we will love you more for recognising it in us knowing, caring and loving us well. In fact you will become our hero’s for ever after.

Sending flowers are optional but that would make it tip seven when it was only meant to be five.

xxDeb

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