Just random stuff of the family. We are off to the city today for our final suit fitting for the boys. Have a great day sweets.
Images taken by Mel.
xx Deb
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I took a picture of myself in the mirror the other day while we were at a suit fitting for the boys. I looked at the picture and it took all my might not to scrutinize myself on how big my thighs were in my new vintage pleated skirt; which I will admit not the best choice for someone with a shape like mine but I had to have it and wear it too. It took all my control not to look at how my face crinkled when I smiled and how big bug eyed my eyes looked. Instead I looked at the kids at my feet in the picture and the smile they had brought to my face.
I am trying to stop looking at myself in such a negative detrimental way because it’s tiring. I want to stop feeling like crap and I don’t want to be a liar any more. I want to change how I see myself because when I tell my boys that I as a women; as a person I can do anything I don’t want to feel like I am lying because the reality is the one of the simplest things in the world; self acceptance is hard. Well it was and occassionally still is until about two years ago before then it seemed impossible but I’m working on it; with some success I might add. I’m trying to change how I see myself too how my husband sees me, how my kids see me.
It’s a work in a progress but until a couple of years ago I avoided mirrors at all costs. Getting my picture taken was like pulling a bar stool out from a man at the pub. I didn’t like the way I looked after I had babies but if I’m honest I have never really liked how I look. Which is probably why I spent so much time at the gym and eating lettuce; never mind lessons learnt; food tastes good. After my boys were born but even before I didn’t like the way my body was shaped, how my face looked, right down to how I sound on the phone yet I knew I could and can do anything. I like who I am as a person, who I stand for, how I love, how I contribute and I like myself that way a lot. I am a good person. Does that sound contradictory to the extreme? Someone with issues? I call them quirks..it sounds cuter and less likely to have me admitted.
I should add that I’m not writing this for oh that’s not right. You’re not fat or you are pretty in your own way. I don’t want or need that. What you say makes no difference to me ( but thank you anyway the sentiment it is appreciated) because it needs or needed to come from me and I’m writing this because I’m sure there are others out there who think or battle the same way I have or did and it shouldn’t be. It shouldn’t. We should like ourselves completely. So whilst I still battle hard to be okay with how I look. My body. My face. I like to think I’m winning against the voices in my head because now I think I am pretty damn fine, my husband could do worse than have me and from what I here Natalie Portman is now off the market so she and I can both relax.
My husband loves me just the way I am; always has. and he doesn’t get my thing about my body, just doesn’t. How he doesn’t it baffles me. It baffled me at 23 and it baffles me at 36 but he says he can’t get enough of me and my naked body but he says it’s not just my naked that he likes. He says being naked with someone is more than that. He says ‘my naked’ is made up of so much more I don’t get it well I didn’t I do now. My husband he tells me what he sees is someone who has given him the world. That is beautiful and sexy. That I bore him three children. I laboured three times for him. I gave up my body for him, my children and I nourished those children with my body. He tells me that I’m not afraid of doing my own thing, that I am independent, I like having an opinion, speaking out when I feel necessary and knowing when to stop and walk away. He says that makes up the naked. The body. The me. Not just the skin, muscle and flesh. He loves me, is in love with me not just my body.
Yet I still often find myself looking at images in the media saying to myself is that what a 36 year old looks like, OMG? Now however I try to remember that my story, my heritage and theirs are different. Most days I get it and some days rarely I don’t although as I get older those days are becoming fewer and it’s been a very long time since I cried over the way I looked in a skirt. Back then I found myself looking at cosmetic surgeon’s pages a lot and I did go once I got as far as the reception area and walked out. I couldn’t do it wanted to but couldn’t.
Now it’s simple I shut out those negative thoughts telling me my thighs are to big completely. I control those thoughts. I have complete control of them and I simply stop listening to myself or I distract myself whatever it takes. I also don’t compare myself with anybody; anymore. At all. I don’t read gossip magazines. I have become grateful for my body and that it’s still working. My body amazes me now. Amazes me. My neighbour has been diagnosed with MS whilst another has just lost their voice box just to stay alive so I have a lot to be grateful for. Grateful that I can speak without the aid of an ipad, that I can control my own limbs and put on my own knickers.
Still I’m not at the stage of walking around naked or sleeping naked my body and I still aren’t that comfortable with each other and truthful I’m too much of a prude and what if someone was to see other than myself or my husband? So there are still those very rare days when I am feeling horrible about how my stomach sags or how much weight sits in my hips but now instead of listening to myself I now do several things. I do something nice for myself it can be as simple as have a shower with a nice soap or getting my eye lashes tinted or I go for a work out. I challenge my body I keep it healthy and as cliché as it sounds I treat it well. If I think I look crap I change up my style I might wear a nicer outfit and I no longer aspire to modern day celebrities there is no point I am not built like them. If I want style inspiration I now go back 50 years to when women had a bottom and boobs like me.
I remind myself that I earnt those stretch marks and wrinkles that I hated so much. They are my tattoos of life and that is now how I wear the sunspot on my left cheek that won’t budge despite how many times my therapist zaps it with that damn laser. Many a day was spent canoeing up the Katherine Gorge; mud crabbing with my father that got me that sunspot and wrinkles. My last pregnancy gave me the stretch marks on my breasts. I earnt those. I can’t deny that and wouldn’t change a single thing so why see them as something ugly when so much fun and love got them in the first place. I will remind myself how my husband see’s me and how my kids think of me as superwoman. I remind myself of that a lot that my kids think of me as Superwoman and I’m sure never doubted how she looked in her cape or if her bum looked big in that. I bet she thought of herself as pretty damn fine.
Overall though when now I look in the mirror I really do think I am pretty damn fine but tentatively I will add it will always be a work in progress.
Want to know what others look like not to compare but to reassure that we are just all pretty damn fine head here
Xx Deb
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Its wedding week here this week and whilst I’m not in the bridal party the rest of the family is I have had the honour of helping my sister in-law to be. Its a DIY wedding almost everything has been made by someone; with an equal amount of love, frustration, love and humour. I despite my inability to use a glue gun or call my self a crafter have successfully helped make the invites, the wedding favours, the pom pom things and then I am helping ‘style’ the wedding with all my bits and piece from my little store.
If you haven’y popped over why not? Seriously after this blog, my husband and my children she is my other love. I will at some stage post all those DIY wedding little efforts on here…I just have to ‘photograph them right..I hate dodgy photo’s hence why I don’t do many of my own and credit all others. I’m the same with handwriting if when writing a thank you note it looks ‘dodgy’ I will write it again and again so it looks less so that effort may or may not take up a whole tree or an entire pine plantation but I will rewrite until it looks right. OCD you mutter? No..I like to think of it as another quirk like my need to eat with a particular Fork or dinner can’t commence.
That eye for my dodginess is probably why I don’t do pinterest or craft..it would do my head in. I would be working on the same thing for years trying to get it to the same ‘pintrestable quality’ no not a word but is is now. Anyway..its wedding week..the house will be full come Thursday night .With family driving from near and far to be here. I am in heaven..I love it when all the brothers come together..the sister and the mother in-law well we have learnt how to handle them and well we are so far on a roll of stand your ground goodness. Twenty eight bodies thirteen of those children..sleeping under one roof..squishy yes..one toilet yes but I cant freaking wait..and I mean it..I love it. They leave me in awe those boys..from where they have been to who and where they are ..amazing and a true commendation to themselves and the motto only you can make something happen. So without further ado here are the few things that have been running through my head since 120am this morning..
1. My parents are driving down for the wedding. They are driving down together but in separate car’s yes that’s right separate cars. I cant stop smiling at how well they know each other and their relationship. My father hates my mothers driving and my mother hates my fathers but why fly when you can drive down in two separate cars?
2. Have a got enough toilet paper?
3. My mother inlaw is coming to stay the weekend so I washed my washing machine so she wouldn’t have too.
4. Having trouble writing today..did a class of yoga..I now know I can’t touch my toes, downward dog makes me uncomfortable its not very lady like and note to self pedicure before the next class. Ogre feet are never a good look.
5. Read this letter here and tell me what you think..I would want to too but fear I would only make things worse would stop me.
6. Huggies is now making nappies that tweet your mobile when they detect dampness. Seriously I have nothing to say except if you need a tweet to remind you to check your babies nappy or even change it perhaps you something a little more than coffee perhaps a quick hard slap to the forehead.
7. Dark chocolate acts as a mild sunscreen..like I needed another excuse.
8. I’m on my third coffee and I contemplated doing this? Butter in my coffee..have you tried it?
9. Ever wondered how to do the donut bun..the hair style not the sweet..have a look here..I’m going to do it as my ‘doo’ for the wedding.
10. Hows this for a good news story..two children aged 6 & 7 raise $200 000.00 for a rare disease researchers.
That’s it my sweets I have to get my backside wall side and start washing..
xx Deb
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How beautiful is ELLIS HOUSE?
Ellis House is now a beautiful guest house owned by Tracie Ellis founder of Aura Home.
Ellis House is the culmination of a lifetime’s quest of owners Tracie Ellis. It started with the beautiful bare bones of a classic 1860’s building, a key part of Kyneton’s (Victoria, Australia) rich architectural history. Lovingly renewed the house from door sill to chimney cap, carefully balancing respect for the building’s original features with contemporary needs. Inspired by Belgium modern interiors and the desire for luxurious simplicity, they have harmonised the old and the new through light and colour.
Ellis House is now the perfect country retreat for a discerning traveller, Ellis House offers three-quarters of an acre of beguiling gardens, space to comfortably sleep eight adults, relaxed linens, elegant lighting and a modern, relaxed aesthetic.
Allow the country air to restore your soul, and leave indelible memories of comfort and tranquility.
More details on availability and rates here.
info@ellishouse.com.au | Photography / Sharyn Cairns
xx Deb
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Did you know that this week was Men’s Health week? No neither did I until this morning and I finally paid attention to the this very funny ad campaign.
Getting my husband to the doctors is like bathing a cat its often necessary but painful and whilst he doesn’t scratch the crap out my arms he does do it to my ears with his incessant whinging that he doesn’t need to go but the truth is and you know it as well as I do men need to take care of themselves both physically and mentally so they can continue being the awesome role models to our kids that we know they are.
So where to start? Given that I am little late in making you aware it’s Men’s health week lets get the ball rolling right now.
Get your husband, partner, father, brother to have a full health check up. For those of us in the resources industry this is often part of employment conditions and done by the employers medic- usually. However its also usually once every two years or only on commencement of employment so make an appointment today for a full health check including a dental appointment for their next swing home and make it yearly.
I make my husband go every year in July – its the month he was born easily remembered to make every year and I make it regardless of work related medicals. Along with that health check make sure that they get all age appropriate exams done, skin check and a full set of blood works; to check for any indicators of problems or symptoms they haven’t acknowledged yet. Don’t leave it up to them to make the appointment because often they need us to do it and well they wont admit but they like it when we fuss just a little.
Please be aware to make sure you tell the receptionist that you want a full check up so it will be a longer than normal consultation so the appropriate time can be made otherwise you may meet someone in the waiting room who has lost all elements of decorum as your unexpected lengthy appointment has put everyone an hour and half behind. By telling the receptionist it also gives you the opportunity to ask about cost because unless bulk billed it will be more than your average consultation.
Then once you have made that appointment I want you to consider their mental health. Are they okay is their behaviour what you would consider normal? If once upon a time they didn’t drink and they now do alarm bells should be ringing. If they have lost intrest in sex you can either wipe your brow or you can be concerned. If they are more cranky than normal are they themselves? Ask them if they are okay? Have a heart felt conversation about how they are. Just ask them straight out if they are happy? Simple. Sometimes its best especially if they are often cranky to pick your time when they are most relaxed and ‘happy’ they have a tendency to open up more. The best time to talk to my husband its driving up the range in the car or just as I am about to go to sleep notice I say I am about to go to sleep- don’t ask me why that is.
Asking how they are is a conversation you should have regularly not just when you are concerned but some men are more reserved than others. Some men because what ever reason believe men no matter what they are feeling should just suck it up and get on with it. Some men drink (excessivly not just the regular tote after work) or dabble in drugs to help medicate what ever the problem is. Problem is and most women know (I hope) that self medication doesn’t fix something just prolongs the issues and creates a whole other set of problems.
Being able to suck it up or self medicate doesn’t make them more or less of a man..it can often make them look like dicks which most often they aren’t unless of course they are and then there is nothing you can do about that. You can try but you can’t make a leopard changes his spots and then all you have left to do is wonder what the hell you did there when you said I do. Each person responds to things differently to stress, depression, anger and anxiety. No one person is the same but head here to have a look at a set of symptoms that may help you know what to look for. It’s important to note that having a issue with any of these is anything to be embarrassed about.
Ask them to be honest because if they are not honest we or anybody if not themselves can help them.
Need some help call Beyond Blue 1300 22 2638 or go to the Men’s Health week web site here.
Then I want you to do one more thing for me…promise me please..I’m begging..make a second lot of doctors appointments and a second lot of times for conversations about life, happiness and truth..make them for you because without you and without them none of this is possible.
Big love my sweets
xx Deb
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Last week I read a post by Katrina Chambers she commented that she was waiting for her good run to end…I went ah ha..yep I get you. She isn’t unhappy in fact its that exact opposite as am I but when it happens its like a heaviness over your shoulder, a cloud sitting out the corner of your eye. Know that feeling? she said hell yes but whenever I have said that out loud in my community I get that what kind of crazy talk are you going on about? Followed by the look of do you need a little more Lovan or sun shine?
And not to ‘copy’ Katrina’s post I just wanted to write about that ‘feeling’ the one I can a kin too. That dark cloud just over your shoulder is like a tentative, a waiting. You don’t want to go over board with the happy just in the case the happy it gets ripped away from you just as fast and you are left crying in the street like a two year old who has dropped their ice cream.
My life is so blessed. Its perfect in my eyes. Completely perfect. I am. So. Very. Happy. We have worked so hard for this life its earnt not given but some things are out of my control and that is what I struggle with most. My boys are healthy. I am happy and in love with my husband and I would like to think vice verse for him. Life is good for me, for us. We have our ups and downs but the even the downs are good- in hindsight. Whilst I’m not pessimistic I feel the exact opposite its that thing, that waiting that had gripped me for years. It has never stopped me from doing things. Its just there. Just over my shoulder every now and then. Reminding of how good I have it and not to get to happy.
My reaction to this feeling can sometimes see me go over board with kisses and love; which is never a bad thing although my boys have tendency to go what the? My husband however get it. My boys will go driving with their father my whole world in the big red truck and I will smother them with kisses because just in case because that ‘waiting’ is on my shoulder. I insist my husband calls me before and after the chopper flight off his vessel because ‘it’ will stalk me until he is through the door. I make everyone have full medical check up’s every year just because I am so damn blessed its mind blowing that Im ‘waiting’ and I’m a control freak trying to control something I have no control over.
Is it anxiousness..is it FIFO, too much time spent on my own or has mother hood has finally started taking its toll on me? I don’t believe so its just the knowledge that most if not all good things come to an end don’t they? My good run soon has to end? That feeling is that waiting will some day take over, come true and so I remember feeling like Katrina wondering if anyone else did. Then while visiting my father a couple of years ago sitting at the traffic lights in his little go go mobile Bravo I told him my cup full of crazy theory of all good things ending. Tears welling up as I told him how happy I was and how this ‘waiting’ feeling of my world having to end sometime not literally but some time and I remember he looking at me not really knowing what to do.
Deb he said not all good things come to an end well they do but they don’t. Right Dad I said. No he said when you feel that way not really saying how but hoping by throwing his hands in the air it was the right description and it was almost because even I cant describe ‘it’ right. When you get that feeling; that is just the world, the universe if you like he said telling you to slow down and take stock of what you have. When that ‘waiting’ grips you its the world saying slow down your taking me for granted and just a wait a minute. Stop breathe and appreciate what you have. That’s what is keeping you grounded because the reality is you could fly off with the fairies. I looked at him with a little wonder all awhile trying to work out weather taking off with the fairies is something I should be offended about. All this from a man who said little about anything if not fairies. Appreciating what you have and the work it has taken to get it ‘that feeling’ its reminding you that none of that comes easily. Then with last breath he said you cant control everything Deb for that I don’t have any advice but you cant and there is no point fretting over what hasn’t happened and may never happen. No point. It will do your head in its like controlling the weather it cant be done and if you go on trying to you will end up like your mother.
At that point he went silent.
I sat looking at the blue Mazada car mat I had brought him for Christmas. I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing because I knew he was right. He knew he had made his point and he had succeed in getting it across because who wants to end up going off with the fairies and resembling their mother?
So do you get the ‘waiting’ feeling? Does it keep you from going off with the fairies? Or should I just increase my dose of sunshine?
xx Deb
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I have lived a cup full of crazy this weekend. Crazy. Emotional. Sad. Happy. It was have the office call husband crazy. Never do we call the office to call the husband but we needed the leveller to stop the crazy that was starting in my head as a result of of the crazy. Got that it was crazy? and wouldn’t you agree that speaking with the husband can make the world just better?
It’s the only time I curse no phone reception in the middle of the ocean and curse the fact he is on a vessel with three hundred men and four phone lines. It’s the only time I go curse you Norwegian vessel for allowing a seven minute calling card. Damn you. Damn you. Damn you.
He called. I cried. I crouched in the locked bathroom so the boys were unaware mummy was having trouble dealing with the cup full of crazy that was going on. He said its okay. Your okay and so are the boys. I love you and right there and then I was okay. I got up from my crouched position. Straightened myself put on my big girl pants and got on with what was a long weekend.
So here we are now in the silence of the house all the crazy has gone home now there are just a few things on my mind.
- It’s been raining for weeks. I am over the rain. Hear that rain maker person give me some sun shine and I will give you some happy.
- My oven is broken. I’m lost. There will be no cake this week.
- If the only part of my world that is broken is my oven I am one very fortunate girl.
- Finally learnt the art of separation and just being there for someone. That sometimes the best thing to do is say nothing and just be present. Hold no judgement just their hand and say nothing because nothing I say will change what they have in their mind to do.
- Tell me do you think is feminine? and tell me why?
- Apparently one million children grow up without fathers? I’m wondering if someone is going to blame that on FIFO too.
- Bradley Coopers still lives with his mother…I wonder if that’s why he is no longer the sexiest man alive…he may be the sweetest however.
- Shakira…my hips don’t lie songstress…says she finds mother hood relaxing…I have nothing to say but yes I may be a wee bit jealous that I don’t find mother hood relaxing and wonder is she just kidding herself just a little.
- Brad Pitt says that Australia is even better than on TV…I’m sure I could say the same about him.
- I have a new tumbler (blog)…to dedicate my love of pretty stuff too…because I need another excuse to be online rather than cleaning my house…its here if you would like to look at her.
Well that’s it sweets…its countdown week…well almost. Have a great Tuesday but Monday start to the week.
xxDeb
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1800 Respect National counselling helpline, information and support 24/ for sexual and domestic violence.
While living free from violence is everyone’s right, reducing violence is everyone’s responsibility. Reducing all violence in our community is a priority. All forms of violence are unacceptable, in any community and in any culture.
Domestic or family violence and sexual assault are the more pervasive forms of violence experienced by women; they can also happen to men. These forms of violence cause significant personal, social and economic costs for all in our community.
The 1800RESPECT National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service commenced on 1 October 2010 in the form of a phone counselling service. In June 2011, the website www.1800RESPECT.org.au was launched which enabled consumers to access online counselling; information and resources about sexual assault and family or domestic violence (SA/FDV).
The Commonwealth Government funds 1800RESPECT through the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs, www.fahcsia.gov.au. Medibank Health Solutions Telehealth Pty Ltd are contracted to provide the 1800RESPECT service and Medibank Health Solutions subcontracts the NSW Rape Crisis Centre to provide the counselling service.
The 1800RESPECT online and telephone counselling service is part of the Australian Government’s commitment to reduce violence under the National Plan.
Domestic violence is never acceptable. Ever. 1800respect will chat via the net, phone and will direct you your nearest out reach centre.
Need some help head to the web site here or call them on ph. 1800 737 732
xx Deb
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I stood in the aisle of Woolies hoping she wouldn’t see me. How I don’t know we were the only ones there, her and me and as you would know there is not much to hide behind in the spices aisle but I hoped anyway. It had been five years between seeing each other and still her presence didn’t bring me much joy even after all this time. She was Claudia and we had run a resort together. I left the resort because I didn’t like my employers ethics and working with her hadn’t brought me enough joy to stay.
Hi she said as she looked at my trolley full of children. Hello Claudia I responded how are you; its been a long time. I’m great she said. She had a cute little curly haired girl with her sitting quietly in the trolley child restraint, unlike my three boys jibber jabbing away. Yours I asked looking at her? Yes just the one she said looking at my boys and not offering up a name ‘I couldn’t have any more’. Oh I started but she cut me off. She hadn’t changed but then leopards don’t change their spots often. ‘I need to work’ she continued ‘you cant do that with too many kids and well I never could just sit at home.’ Ouch that stung a little and it wasn’t really called for but that was okay I didn’t expect anything else. I shifted on my feet not really knowing how to respond. She followed it up with so what do you do now? I’m a stay at home mum I said. Oh she said feeling obviously uncomfortable and not know where to go after that. Why I don’t know but then perhaps she remembered how much I hungered for career and success. How I said I never wanted children and here I had a trolley full. Perhaps she then at that point felt sorry for me. Perhaps she felt she was looking at three accidents and I was a stay at home mum to boot. Where was a success story in that?
Sooo I said where are you working? Trying to break the silence so we could both move on. Still managing the resort she said flicking her hair and Dean (her husband) is now working at a mine south. We have just brought our second home and we are about to head to Melbourne for a family ski-ing holiday. I listened as she spilled her news to me. She was clearly very proud of her success; as she should be. I didn’t share what I had been up to she could clearly see what and she didn’t ask- so I didn’t share. Claudia left the conversation finishing with I might see you around. I said great okay and smiled happily that it was over. Me and the boys then sat in the aisle for five minutes looking at the floor so as to avoid that continual at the end of the aisle meeting scenario that can often end up awkward.
In that five minutes as we waited I looked at my boys chatting to (screaming) each other in the trolley and smiled. Seeing Claudia had prompted me to think how my life had turned out so different to what I had wanted and I couldn’t be happier. Who would have thought? Not me. Ten years ago this was not my version of success- being a stay at home mum to three kids. No way. And for a little while after B1′s birth I resented the world little because I couldn’t let go of what I thought success was. I soon learnt that that once you let go of what you wanted to happen and accept what has you will move forward at least I think that what happened. Sound right- it does in my head. Back then when I was ‘young, arrogant and ignorant’ I thought travelling, money, career, lots of homes, shoes and designer clothes meant success. That ‘stuff’ was success. Being a stay at home mum was definitely none of that.
Looking down at my feet, my unpolished toes sticking out of my Woolworth’s purchased thongs which ten years would have been unheard of I sighed. How one mindly arrogant I was then; no wonder I had trouble after B1′s birth. Giving my self a pedicure was now a success. I smiled and laughed at myself as I realised how my boys being toilet trained was now my version of success, not which position I held at a hotel that I had to travel an hour too. Raising good boys, getting through the day wearing white was and is a success. Keeping my house clean the one we own for half a day is success. I smiled again. I looked up watching Claudia walk on. In her own mind she was a success and that was fantastic.
Success is defined as attainment of wealth, honours or position. It is also defined as attainment of ones goals. Its different things to all of us. I still have goals but they are different now. They involve four other people, their happiness and their success what ever they want that to be. Success now I went on too think now was picking my husband up from work safely. Conquering my depression, having my family together being strong and still being in love with my very fine husband. That is now my version of success not just stuff or attainment of wealth and position.
What’s you version of success? Did it change as you got older? Once you had children? Did it ever even matter?
xx Deb
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Last week I had to take my kids to a dentist appointment- for me and *sigh* husband is at work. So its just me, to wrangle three little boys while being a scaredy cat grown up sitting in the dentist chair. I knew it would take up to an hour but I now know my kids well enough that they can do an hour of waiting for mum. Any longer and it becomes stressful for me and boring for them.
The receptionist when we walked in reiterated how long the appointment would take and then asked if my husband was in tow? Ah no its just us I said. You could see her thinking to herself that being a baby sitter was not part of her job description. My kids however knew the drill took their allocated corner after I had ‘set up’, I took the chair and an hour later all I heard from them was the sound of them packing away their toys.
Easy.
She smiled as I paid and if I hadn’t looked ridiculously all lopsided I would have been a smart arse but there is not point being a smart arse if you cant pull it off perfectly and drooling doesn’t come off perfectly. So we left with a smile a shhhhank you and went for ice cream.
As you know the reality is for a lot of us and myself included we don’t have the luxury of a sitter when husband is at work. I don’t have family I can ask and I don’t like to wear out my friendship with my friends. So I have with practise learnt how to take all my three kids to almost all my appointments; truth is I also want to take them its because its easier sometimes. I have been taking my kids to appointments since they were babies; cant very well leave them at home that’s considered illegal, unsafe and I’m a safety kind of girl. So we go all together; occasionally its been a nightmare but we learnt out of necessity what’s required of each of us and did so all before ipad, and iphones. So as result I can now take my kids with confidence to bank appointments, dentist appointments and waiting for hours in the emergency department. I learnt also not all places have a kiddies sections to keep them entertained for long enough to get through the appointment so we literally have an appointment bag its what replaces the nappy bag once they are toliet trained and can access your purse without asking.
So here are a couple of tips..in no particular order and I’m talking about my kids who are 4,5 and 7 years old. Any older than seven and if they can’t occupy themselves for awhile for their mum then you are all ready in a whole lot of trouble never mind them being teenagers.
1. Go early..if you are like me I will scope it out days before and see what facilities they have for kids especially if its a long appointment and you haven’t been before. Go early so you can set up; don’t look anyone in the eye..that will throw your confidence a little as the wonder if you are setting up for a sit in. So go early I live in a country town and so the facilities for kids are often..a plastic box with headless dolls and building blocks that have seen better days..the town is built for adults not little people.
2. Do a toilet run for everyone before you leave the house and then again when you get there.
3. Take them small nibbles and a water in a non spill bottle. Don’t take things that will stain or create to much mess; even though that’s what they are good at. Dry crackers, grapes, pieces of apple are perfect. Nibbles that a fairly easy for you to clean up – your kid your mess. Don’t pack lollies they don’t need a surge of sugar when your get your legs in a set stirrups.
4. Pack three small toys per child- match box cars or barbies. Don’t pack things that will take for ever to pack up Lego is a no no, drums would be cruel and would most likely have you banished or referred on to someone else far far away. If you have an ipad go for it..we don’t but I will surrender my $600 piece of i-phone technology for my 3 year old when desperate..
5. Allocate them a corner (if a waiting room is the only option) so they stay out of they way of other people attending appointments. Consider others and ask them to do the same.
6. Take a small blanket tell them that this is their space and not to allow their toys or food off of it. Its stops them spreading out them out. Its not their home after all.
7. You will need to invest in a Mary Poppin’s Carpet Bag. If you didn’t get one at the birth refer to your manual of parent hood it should have it in the things you need section.
8. Speak with them in the car and remind them of the rules of behaviour whilst your busy being a grown up. Threatening them with their life often works wonders but not always necessary. Tell them inside voices and how you know they are good kids and mummy needs them to behave especially so here. Tell them why you are there and why its so important for them to be good. Ask them nicely to behave as you know they will. Truth is they want to impress the hell out of their superhero’s (secretly that’s you..if its not and you know it isn’t turn off your iPhone and laptop and start paying attention your missing out. BIG TIME.)
9. Be realistic about what you are asking of them. Most kids attention span is 20 minutes don’t ask the world of them. I have slowly built my kids up from 30 minutes to an hour out of necessity. No longer. That’s just cruel to all involved.
10. Reward everyone verablly always and treat them every other time not all the time. Treat you for your strategic actions and them for doing as they are told. Don’t make it a big deal just give them something out of the ordinary for us its ice cream and if what was a massive deal its a movie after dinner. I know stingy I know but its the simple things so you be the judge but don’t treat them every time otherwise they will expect, its like training a puppy (yes I said that- complaints can be sent here jumpoffalongpier@thanks.com.au) but always praise good behaviour. Always and as Dr Phil says especially when they think you aren’t looking.
Oh and don’t feed them a Mars Bar on the way to the appointment..it never ends well.
What’s your tips and tricks for taking your kids to appointments ?
xx Deb
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