the fifo wife

So your husband and father is away for Christmas? A disappointment yes but hopefully withs some careful planning you have like me and many others in your situation have had your faux Christmas and it was sensational or if haven’t had it yet it will be sensational. And who is to say that December 25th is the real Christmas day? The Russian Orthodox Church celebrate on the 7th January, the French spread it over the 25th December – 26th, the Belgium’s are completely confused and celebrate on the 6th of December, 31st of December and January 1st. So when you celebrate Christmas is the real Christmas day, its your day, your family day and ‘the traditional day’ as dictated my unknown rules is just something to aim for to guide you by.

However the real deal the 25th of December what to do? Without being a bit brusque may I perhaps reminded you that those who work FIFO and whose rosters happen to fall Christmas day are not the only ones missing out on what tradition deems as Christmas Day. Deployed defence personnel, police, emergency services and doctors all work Christmas day too, as well as so many others trying to put food on the table in less life threatening situations.

And let me take this opportunity thank you Australia’s defence personnel currently serving in Afghanistan, Iraq, East Timor, Solomon Islands, Egypt, Middle East, South Sudan and those on Border Protection for your service its greatly appreciated. Thank you to you and your families. Thank you also to our Police men and women and all those in Emergency services thank you.

So yes you have had your Christmas day as deemed by you but what do you do about the real day and yes its a little tricky especially with kids but how you and the kids choose to spend it is up to you. It can either be alone in front of the telly but where is the fun in that, with a bottle (a little sad don’t you agree) or why not try these ideas on how and where and how to spend Christmas day across the land..

Perth.

A seriously magnificent city, with wonderful beaches and who doesn’t love Kings Park? Why not head to the beach or the zoo. Or if you need a little company head to the Christmas Lunch in the Park held a Wellington Square Park and join the spirit of Christmas with others who may be a little lost of Christmas. Who knows you may make a new friend and that’s never a bad thing.

Christmas Lunch in the Park 2012 A Community Christmas

This year marks the 37th annual Christmas Lunch in the Park – Perth’s biggest Christmas Day charity event.  On 25 December, Mission Australia will host lunch for over 2,000 people in need and volunteers at  Wellington Square Park. The fun-filled day will feature entertainment for all ages and a wonderful community atmosphere. Each of our guests will enjoy a delicious Christmas lunch and receive a gift from Santa. If you are from the Perth area and access local community services, please join us on Christmas Day. There’s no need to RSVP – just turn up and enjoy the good food and great company. If you don’t access community services but would like to help make Christmas Lunch in the Park a special occasion for people doing it tough, you can donate gifts, volunteer your time or donate money to help cover the cost of the event. Volunteer   Mission Australia has received a fabulous response to our plea for volunteers for Christmas Lunch in the Park 2012. Thank you to everyone who put their hand up to help out! All volunteering places have been filled. However, if you would like to put your name down for our 2013 lunch, please contact us: P: (08) 9225 0400   E: westernaustralia@missionaustralia.com.au Remember, everyone is more than welcome to join us on Christmas Day from noon for lunch, gifts and entertainment.

Sydney Why not visit Taronga zoo or do a bridge climb both are open? Go to the beach or contact the Ronald Mc Donald House they are always looking for volunteers as cancer doesn’t stop for Christmas.

Melbourne All three zoo’s are open  or take a wonder into the city to visit the ice carvings or attend the botanical gardens for a lovely concert by well known harpist Micheal Johnson. More details here.

Adelaide, Darwin, Hobart and Brisbane I’m sorry but as much as I could try all I could find was what restaurants where open however may I suggest a just make a picnic and just get out of the house and enjoy the sunshine or volunteer. I cant recommend something more humbling to volunteer, to make someone’s day by giving them a nice lunch something most of us take as a given. I have done this many a time and its often been the nicest way to spend the morning.

So my friends what ever you do embrace the day. Its another day of being here, alive and well. Rejoice in being able to spread the spirit of humility. Reflect on lessons learnt, mistakes made and achievements earned.

Christmas is when and what you make it but what ever you do and when ever you have it I hope what ever you do its a safe and happy one.

All my love and merry Christmas,

xxDeb and family.

We got this book as a gift recently and the boys love it and it was shortlisted for best children’s book 2012. Its super sweet and bound to become a classic staple.

No Bears written by Meg McKinlay..

Ruby is in charge of this book. And she’ll tell you something right now. There are NO BEARS in it. Not even one.

Ruby wants to tell you a story. A story with absolutely no bears. You don’t need bears for a book. You need pretty things like fairies and princesses and castles. And maybe funny things and exciting things – but definitely no bears!

About the author

Meg McKinlay grew up in Bendigo, Victoria, in a book-loving, TV- and car-free household. A poet as well as a children’s writer, Meg developed an affinity with the Japanese language after going on an exchange year in high school, and went on to complete a PhD in Japanese Literature. She lives with her family near the ocean in Fremantle, Western Australia, and is an Honorary Research Associate at the University of Western Australia, where she has taught Australian Literature, Japanese, and Creative Writing. Meg divides her time between teaching and writing, a balance that swings wildly between chaos and calm but she is always busy cooking up more books.

About the illustrator

Leila Rudge was born in England and grew up making mud pies with six siblings and Jeni from number 15. After completing an Illustration Degree at Bath Spa University, Leila headed to Australia to seek her fortune (and the sunshine). Creating tiny characters for books is her favourite part of illustrating.

Available to buy from here

Hope your having a cooler evening than me..

xx Deb

This tutorial is from the fantastic website the beauty department I have no affilation and I have totally just cut and paste because I wanted to share it with you but follow the links to the original page if you like. I found this whilst looking for some inspiration for date day on Thursday, I like to try and make myself look pretty and this is just so sweet looking. Fingers crossed I can pull it off, my hair and I have only just come to an understanding about how we each like to operate.

So here it is straight from their page.

There are a LOT of steps in this tutorial, but that’s only because we wanted to be as detailed as possible. Alright, here we go…

1. Start with clean dry hair. If your hair isn’t perfectly clean, give it a little shot of dry shampoo! You can do a side part or a center part– which ever you feel is more flattering to your face shape.
2. Make a diagonal section starting at your part and going down in front of your ear.
3. You can see exactly where we parted here…
4. and here. Now clip the hair from the front section up and save that for later.
5. Give the hair a nice tease on top in your “crown area”.
6. Smooth over the teased hair using the finer side of the comb so it doesn’t appear too ratty. At this point you can give the top a little spray if you want to!
7. Now, put all the hair in the back into a nice, high, secure ponytail. It’s okay if you end up flattening out the teased bump a little bit because…
8. You can use a tail comb to pull it back up. As long as there’s teased hair under there, you can get that volume back.
9. Next we take out the front section. Take one side and drape it over the ponytail holder. Use a little spray to hold it in place if you need to.
10. Use small bobby pins to secure the pieces you’re wrapping around the ponytail holder.
11. Repeat the same thing on the other side. If hair falls out of this section or doesn’t reach, you can just let it fall and/or tuck it behind your ear.
12. Curl all of the hair in the ponytail. I like to curl everything in the same direction on each side so that you get a pattern going, but you can definitely make a more messy curl if you’d rather.
13. It’s completely up to you whether you brush the ponytail curls out or not. I personally like t0 brush them because the ponytail gets fuller and more bouncy.
14. Check the back using a hand mirror and make sure it looks balanced. Give it a final veil of strong holding hairspray

xx Deb

Its Monday. Its day one of the school holidays. Need I say more? No really its blissful. Truly. Husband is home tonight; fingers crossed. I never do really believe he is on his way until his size 16’s (yes that’s right size 16) are firmly on terra-firmer so we are busy cleaning, pruning and getting the house ready for his impending arrival. As a result my mind is like a mine field bursting with lists of things to do and say. I have a serious nervous case of garrulous at his arrival (its a new word I learnt for chatty- impressed much?) as we wait for him so here is what is running through my mind this fine Monday morning.

1. Why did I not learn this tip about lifting your tongue to the roof of your mouth while taking a photo. It apparently to helps to smooth out a double chin. If I had learnt this years ago many a bad picture could have been avoided.

2. Telling me you don’t know why your 6 year old child is rude as they scream at you to get them a glass of coke ‘now’ and you get it with out so much as a flinch is bewildering to me seriously don’t ask me stupid questions you may not like the answer..

3. We had our street party yesterday afternoon its was wonderful. I couldn’t imagine living some where, where I did not know my neighbours let alone the whole town. I feel so very fortunate.

4. While googling stuff I came across an article that says men can increase their life span by up to five years by just looking at a women’s breast for ten minutes a day. Its said to increases their heart rate similar to that if they were doing an aerobic activity really if that research is legit and word gets out heaven help us all..

5. French even when spoken by a very dirty filthy half naked backpacker is sexy. How do I know? They walk around my local supermarket shirtless with their equally fully clothed good looking female companions after potato picking all day and no I’m not going to tell you where that supermarket is. That would be sharing and I just don’t want to do that today.

6. Who knew that giving away the last of my baby stuff would make things feel so final. Whilst I don’t want anymore babies. I cant have any more babies. Its officially over for me now and I feel sad. Who knew that would happen? Never me in a million years; never.

7. I have an excuse to buy more vodka. Its has multiple beauty uses..it can help reduce hair frizz, keep razor blades from rusting and it can be used as mouth wash.

8. Am I the only one who after the kids have gone to bed after decorating the tree, I will ‘fix it up’ a little just so it doesn’t look like Dame Edna Everage hasn’t vomited down all one side.

9. I hate tinsel but my house is covered in it…sigh..the kids love it..

10. I have one more thing I think I need to tell Santa about…so Santa that was a basket for my bike, a couple of slips for my dresses, a hotel dinner date with the husband, a weekend stay at the bouncy bouncy place with the kids and just in case you come across it Dior’s J’adore L’absolu perfume. Any one of those and Santa I will be one happy little mummy and wife…wink wink.

xxDeb

We stood at the fence talking her on one side me on the other. Talking about nothing in particular. Why are you so tired she said to me? B3 is playing up I said to her its becoming exhausting. They miss their father she assumed they need their dad to show them some discipline. Show them how to be boys she assumed again very gently. I looked at her dumb founded she had said that. A divorced mother who was raising her children alone the father seeing them just the weekends. It perplexed me she had said that without understanding her own situation. She didn’t seem to flinch at the fact that her words may have a slight sting to them like as a woman I wasn’t capable of raising boys yet peoples desire to give me their opinion sting or not is something I’m now use too.

I don’t think that’s right I said. He is just going through a stage of pushing his boundries. What I wanted to scream at her was that having dad working on a boat for four weeks at time providing for his family doesn’t mean they are missing out and that they  were being or becoming little boys any less.

Yet the reality is if she had said this to me three years ago when my B1 was 3 years old I would have freaked out that yes I was raising them on my own as a FIFO mum and wife every second month of the year or essentially six months of the year. Not freaked out because I was unable to handle that I could do hands down but freaked out because I was a woman raising a boy(s) and responsible for influencing him as a boy. Three years ago if my B1 had shown the slightest liking of pink or hobbling around in my shoes like my B3 does now I would have fallen into a panicked heap. Three years ago I was in a silent state of panic that as a woman I was raising three boys. I would worry I wasn’t showing them enough ‘boy’ stuff. Teaching them to be boys and behave like boys what ever that is. I don’t like football, rugby or trucks. I did and do my best with skate boards, power wings, racing and wresting on the trampoline but still I worried was it enough? Was it boyish enough. It kept me awake at night, seriously it did but its so very laughable now.

I wondered or worried more was the word was that the reason my B1 had trouble making friends? Why he was picked on? Why he was so shy and reserved? Did the other children sense he was being brought up different being brought up prodominetly by a woman? Was he too feminine perhaps? Was I brining up a sissy who chose not to fight the bullies back? Was all this because his father wasn’t physically present every single day? Was the constant phone calls and that solid month at home with just him and them together doing boy stuff enough to make him a boy?

I knew I was and am doing a good job. He was (they) polite, well mannered, thoughtful everything you would want but was that enough. I would say to people all the time I only have one shot at this I want to do it right in hope that they would tell me something anything. I brought almost every book parenting book aimed at raising boys known to man. Some were good but non offered me the comforting words I was looking for if anything it terrified me more.

Then typically one day I caught him at day care being a ‘boy’ he not knowing I was watching him play but like I did most afternoons. It was the reason I went so early to sit at the window to watch him play, it was one of my favourite things to do and still is watching them play them so unaware. This one afternoon I finally saw him playing and interacting with the other ‘boys’. Playing football something I had never played with him. Playing trucks another thing I had ever played with him. Then day care said to me do you relaise he doesn’t know your a girl he thinks you are a boy. My panic disappeared. Just because I cooked, cleaned, drew and took him shopping didn’t mean he was any less of a boy and as studies show now it doesn’t matter weather my boys were brought up by me and their father, just me or if I was in a lesbian couple situation being a boy is genetic. They are genetically different to us as females. No matter what I do or don’t do will make him any less of a boy or a man in later in life. It was at that point when I stopped the panicking did I realise my husband was brought up soley by women and he is an amazing manly man again what ever that is. His brother was brought up soley also by the same women and as a truck driver he couldn’t be any more of a blokes bloke if that’s what you call someone who drives a semi, drinks rum and reads dirty magazines. As men they can cook, they clean, the can dance, they are respectful to women, they are thoughtful and kind yet they are men. Blokes, raised by women.

In a study conducted by Research psychologist Peggy Drexler she showed that the reality is that it is how a family acts, not the way it’s made up, that determines whether children succeed or fail. The number of times parents eat dinner with their children is a better guide to how those children will turn out than the number or gender of parents at the dinner table. Good, loving, growth-encouraging parenting is what sons need. A good female parent will help to develop her son’s full potential as long as she values his manliness and encourages his growth, independence, and sense of adventure. Masculine and feminine qualities are in fact human qualities.

So like my husbands grandmother and aunt whom I’m sure never would have doubted their ability to raise good men it doesn’t matter that I don’t play ball, enjoy his love of car racing or Batman. Now I understand I could dress him up and have him play dolls and he would still be a boy and really if he did would it matter? No I think not. What does matter is encouraging him in all that he does. Just as his father does. Him becoming a good man depends on being a good family. Being together. Being supportive. Loving him. Nurturing him. Showing him how to be kind. How to be gentle. How to treat and respect people. To encourage him; them, and weather I teach him or his father does how to throw a ball, smash a truck or throw a left hook it doesn’t matter because that is not the measure of a boy or a man. I can do nothing more, husband and I can do nothing more being a good family and positive role models regardless of our gender in making him a good boy and man.

x Deb