Husband has been away for five weeks this swing, normally, it’s just four weeks. I like four-week swings it’s not too long, but five weeks is pushing the friendships all round and this month has been horrible. This month has seen us with chest infections, ear infections, vomiting, a head cold, ingrown toenails and more recently a nearly severed finger.
It’s been absolute without a word of a lie horrible.
Its also been the one and only time I have asked the husband to come home, and I have done three pregnancies and three newborns. One bout of depression and exhaustion I tell you this because I have always managed to hold on, but this time I just couldn’t. So after spending my second afternoon at the hospital with B2 and his near severed finger. The clever duck he put it in the chain of my exercise bike and spun the peddle. Blood ensued.
It was as I woke tired again that I lost it. I was tired both physically and emotionally. Not sure what reality I was living I asked the husband if he could come home. Now whether my husband knew I could suck it up and find that second bout to go on or whether he sucked up the fear and said without hesitation “I can’t”. He gave me the reason I’m sure but in between my reeling of those words and my general sobbing I couldn’t hear him.
(I should mention the reason was he was under tow somewhere between Singapore and Australia flying was simply impossible not just now but for days)
That was two weeks ago, and now we are on the seven-day countdown.
I have since learnt two things
1. I will never ask my husband to come home again..the disappointment was just too much. It was like having the wind punched out of me my independence feeling rejected and vulnerable and I guess the same for him. It can’t be easy saying no to a sobbing woman on the phone that you know is capable but tired and your unable to do a single thing. Add to that you miss her with all your soul.
2. it reminded me without being too modest I can do anything.
xx Deb
