the fifo wife

Over the weekend I was asked countless times what does FIFO stand for and what do you write about? I shot off like a well rehearsed disclosure statement exactly what FIFO stood for and when they took a step back I continued with ‘and we love it’. The what do you write about question well I stammered..I don’t really know just stuff..well that’s not going to get me any extra readers but by the end of the day I was saying..I write about keeping you your family and your relationship healthy by telling you my story and what I have learnt.. Ah huh. I’m not a psychologist nor a councillor I’m just some one who has been married a little bit and been so close to the edge of not having anything at all that I have learnt a thing or too about clawing my way back from it all.. So without further a do here is my seventh marriage tip however head here if you want to read six,  five, four, three, two and the very first one.

Have your own interests, do your own thing and having a little life of your own. Doing your own thing doesn’t mean your marriage is in trouble having a life of your own and then one together is healthy. Having two separate ones all the time is not healthy and quintessentially you are room mates possibly with sexual benefits but I doubt it. There is a fine line and it all comes down to that word balance. So being a FIFO couple its natural my husband and I we have two separate lives so we can have one together. That separate life is for the awesome life together, the most important one. To say anything else would be a big fat lie. However even if we worked a regular job we would have two separate lives we are both very independent it’s what he likes about me and I about him.

I never see marriage as a reason that we must camouflage into each other. When I was younger I would morph into the guy I was dating, what I liked generally went out the window. He liked blood pudding so did I ..he liked pig hunting of course I liked pig hunting – what’s not to like about pig hunting? (yes that was sarcasm) If he didn’t want to see that chick flick of course we wouldn’t see it; what was I thinking. It didn’t last long. I grew up and realised that morphing into someone was not a good idea it was tiring and confusing.

In a relationship without your own interests you lose a little bit of yourself; lose too much and the person they fell in love with morphs away; sometimes into them and later into that person called mum and then sometimes you are lost forever..morphing a little is okay new experience and all but its all about balance.. but having your own interests and a life of your own to me is a good thing for your marriage and mental health in the long run.

Just because we are married just because we are FIFO does not mean we have to do everything together; even when he gets home from work we carry on doing our own thing. He likes movies. Fixing things. Thinking (too much) about buying houses, building houses and planning what he can do to houses. I can’t sit and watch movies like he does. I don’t fix things unless I have to and I’m too scared to buy houses and I’m usually to tired to think about the planning of one. He likes to work so do I but not in my sleep. I like to read, write, go to art galleries and drink coffee. He doesn’t drink coffee, alcohol or eat cheese nor does he reads unless its my blog and the only painting he likes is when he is renovating a wall or *sigh* putting up a new one.

When he is home some days I don’t see him all day unless it’s for an appointment or its dinner and I couldn’t care less because he is still the most awe-inspiring man I know.Doing your own thing, having your own friends, being completely insanely passionate about something that your partner has no idea about is a good thing. It means your partner can be your backer, your sounding board, he can be your friend. And it means you’ll always have things to talk about and be excited about other than the kids. I love hearing about my husbands latest visionary about the shed; just not at 10 pm at night which is why I brought him an ideas book to tell me about his ideas in the morning. Husband and I don’t even have the same friends and I’m cool with that it’s not something to be concerned or be jealous over. My husband has friends of his own I don’t know and vice versa then we have friends together.

Of course we do do lots of stuff together to balance all that out it is essential; otherwise all of this is pointless. We love going out for dinner, going on Sunday drives, treasure hunting, travel, playing with our kids and making plans for our family. It’s over these Sunday drives, on our date nights that I hear about his newest find for the truck, how his mates Steve, Matt, James and Stewie are (all of whom I have never met and more than likely wont) or he hears about my latest blog idea and next post.

The best part? Is I get to be me the girl he met not some confused morphed version of him (and in fairness vice versa) and what could be better than that him being with the girl he fell in love with be it 14 years and three kids later. xx Deb

{image source with thanks}

What do you think of having your own interests..good or bad?

We were driving home from basketball last Tuesday it had been a tough day for husband and I as it had been rooster culling day. I had the migraine from hell and husband was getting back into work mode so we were driving in silence staring at the road ahead.

Then out of the blue he said it. From the quiet of the back seat came ‘The Chinese are trying to squash into Australia’. Husband and I both got whip-lash trying to turn to face him although with husband driving that was hard instead husband just looked at me with the same shock I had.

What I said to him. The tone in my voice probably indicated to him that what he had said I didn’t like and he naturally went silent.

He didn’t repeat it.

So instead I said where did you hear that baby? Trying to lower my voice and sound calm wanting to know its source. Not wanting to make a big deal but the damage was done.

I just thought of it he said. He didn’t just think of it these were not his words, nor was it ours. The words they sounded nasty and we have never ever imparted our migration views on our children what we have imparted was that no race, no culture no person despite their wealth sexuality or creed is better or less than us.

We have however done our best to protect our children from such ideas that someone is better than another. We watch who they interact with when we can but with school that is something out of our control and they must reach their own conclusions at some point. So we are trying to build their confiedence, to have high self esteem, empathy and recognise bad behaviour. We are trying our best to teach that bad behaviour whether theirs or someone else’s has a consequence and we are doing our best most importantly to know their own mind have their own opinions so when confronted with such ideas and actions they can have the confidence to voice their opinions above their peers.

So knowing he wasn’t going to tell me its source I tried to open a conversation because I figured it was a question rather than a statement. So I said what do you think of the chinese I said. He shrugged I don’t know. He wasn’t understanding what I was getting at or if he did he was playing coy on purpose becuase I had blown it with my What?. He continued to play coy. Baby I said saying that the Chinese are trying to squish into Australia that’s a big statement and I don’t think you know what you are talking about because that’s a really big thing to say and until you understand what you just said. Saying things like that can make you look silly and perhaps not very nice and that’s not the boy I know.

He looked at me. You are such a clever boy who makes such good choices and he does make such good choices so I went on now if you said that to George (a Chinese Australian boy we met during our stay at the hotel this Summer) what do you think he would say. Do you think he would like what you just said? I think he would be a bit sad by those words you just said and would you want that knowing that he is your friend?

He shook his head looking at me but not, not really understanding but I continued anyway.

I appreciate you said that you just thought of it yourself but I don’t really believe you because those don’t really sound like the words you would use. Mummy and daddy have taught you different and you know different but I understand that one of your friends may have said this and that’s fine baby but unless this is your idea that you have reached on your own by your own experience and working it out yourself you perhaps need to really consider what you’re saying because even though you don’t know it what you said is not very nice.

Yeah he said wanting to end the conversation.

I turned around in my seat wondering if I had done it right. I knew I hadn’t perhaps handled it well initially but hoped I had redeemed myself at some point. I want him to have opinions but of his own but made by his own conclusion but I also want them to be the right ones what ever that might be.

How have you handled influences from the outside?

xx

Deb

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{image source with thanks}

 

 

The weather is cooler. Its Autumn. Its the first week of March!! Its my 37 th birthday tomorrow I think I know its my birthday but I can’t be bothered working it out if I am 37 or 38 years old..I’m pretty sure its 37. My mother was 45 for many years because of the same deal or denial but mine is pure laziness..1977 you do the math.

Anyway. The weekend was awesome spent some time with some awesome  people and as I am discovering that includes my children. This having the kids at school for six hours a day is a deal worth waiting for. We mutually like each other more and I want to spend time with them..they even think I am funny and nice…and when I am cranky now my eight year old draws broken hearts which is passed on via the six year old..cant be sunshine and roses every day.

I like school.

So these are the few things running through my head this first week of March the week of my 37 or 38 th birthday.

1. Before I had children I brought investment pieces of clothing..I can do that again without the fear that I will get a red dirty hand print on a pair of good quality pants..I’m looking forward to shopping again where its no longer just a task to feed and clothe my young..

2. I am watching the Oscars because I have done all my chores..even though  I have six hours I still get up at 430 am..I like the quiet.

3. Our dog big boy is having his second round of cancer treatment to clear up some loose cells. Its still blows my mind that this cancer treatment which will be available for human trials for melanoma’s BLOWS my mind..seriously this is awesome stuff.

4. To the lady who said to me as we waited in line ..I could never leave my children especially for that long…it was your tone rather than the statement that threw me into a flurry of but but but. Your statement wasn’t necessary but my mother guilt will take what you had to say on board with the same enthusiasm the firies do when you complain about the siren’s being rung at 3am because some ones home and world is one fire..

5. Karma might bite me for number 4..I will however wear it because it made me mad and no names were mentioned in the telling of that story..

6. Ellen D’s house . Ellen D because I cant spell her name not because we are close like that- like you thought that.

7. Your hor0scope for the week..

8. Kate Bosworths’ wedding..sigh..beautiful I need say no more.

9.  The Rolling Stone magazine asks the big question: Bad Boy Justine why wont he behave? The answer it is simple because nobody is telling him to pull his head in..you cant say that to someone who is paying for all the fun..

10. Six foods that get rid of head aches. I am eating more spinach than popeye..

xx Deb

The first of my Paris post’s.

We travelled all over Paris from one side to the other and then flipped it over and did it again. Like any city its full of little India’s, little China’s, little Africa, then Paris where it’s still very much little France. I loved little France as I did all the other little’s but little France I loved her the most. I will forever remember walking her narrow cobbled streets, cold with sore feet being blissfully happy as I followed the love of my life with the Eiffel Tower in our sights.

So Paris what I loved and what I didn’t.

1. They love their city and are proud of their country. Patriotically proud I wish Australia could be more so. France is solely concerned for its people not about keeping everyone else happy. They are arrogant about it and so they should be. They get mighty pissed off when you dont attempt the language and rightly so- but the language was my biggest problem. I knew what I wanted to say however as soon as they spoke I went to jelly and lost all confidence of my question and ability to converse. Husband however was a gun but thats the man he has become. I did however learn to read it without an issue. So with husband being able to speak my meek greetings and my being able to read we were rather a good team. Most French know English its taught in schools but if you cant attempt the language they wont help you- at all. Its part of their culture of being French or european. The buildings are beautiful and I loved everything about it. With its large greens scapes, wide avenues and boulevards she is beautiful. As a city she is stunning and no city or country will compare.

2. They have the life balance thing right. Most start work at 10am finish at 6pm.   They get five weeks a year of holidays with a 35 hour week. They have 90 minutes for lunch and yet their work productivity is amongst the highest in the world. When we travelled to the outskirts shops and offices closed for lunch. They have a four-day school system. School hours run from 845am-430pm with a 90 minute lunch break. School lunches are provided and sound better than what I eat at home. They outsource rather than run themselves ragged. Child care whether it be a nanny or a crèche is government-funded and if you aren’t able to get a nanny and need to go private almost always the expenses are tax-deductible.

3. The idea of food. Was it the best? I’m not sure but it was the whole lifestyle and thought associated with food and so what we had we enjoyed even more. They do believe in fresh is best. Pop markets are everywhere and supermarkets don’t fit right and are vaguely filled. If you want make up you got to a pharmacies, if you want bread a Boulanger,a piece of steak a butcher. Supermarkets are small and seemed awkward.

We saw just a two KFC and three Mc Donalds in our time in Paris and when we went in the restaurants promoted the baguette and salad over the burger and fries. The preferred franchise where places such as Nude which sold soups, salads and sandwiches. And sandwich shops are as plentiful as pastry shops. I didn’t see any ‘fat’ people in France- its true and if they where larger it was men. Cafes were and are everywhere because they make time to sit and eat. Its true when they say they enjoy their food and coffee because they do they have the time to. Portion size is also something we noticed. Husband and I went to the market ordered a kilo of handmade pasta husband is a big man in sense of height and energy levels. The marketeers asked how many we were feeding we said two..none none he said..and handed us 400 grams. That is plenty for you he said. Which meant we could then go buy two mille-feuille .

4. They take pride in their appearance. Clothing is high-end. I saw no Ali or Valley girl equivalent. Monoprix was the only thing close to Target but even then the quality was really good. They buy to last which why being a boot maker or tailor is still a profitable business as is being a shoe shiner.

5. They have manners use them its part of keeping up their appearances. Children held open doors, stood for the elderly on trains. Men stood for women on trains. They helped those with pram’s, luggage and children.They said pardon (excuse me) when needing to get by, bon-jour when ever you entered a store and au revoir when you left-every single time.

6. The people accept themselves for who they are but I will write more about that later because it AMAZED me and excited me.

However.

What I didn’t like about France.

1. They smoke. This is the part that blew me out of the water. They live so well eat well, have their balance right and yet they smoke like chimneys.Husband and I don’t smoke never have. We avoided the cafe experience because they were little smoke houses.  The only place we didn’t encounter the smoke was the metro.

2. The amount of professional beggars. They have their dogs, cats’s and sometimes kids. I don’t doubt some of them are genuine but for those that aren’t it makes it harder for the ones who are. I don’t give money on any occasion. On our last night we came across a soup kitchen. The line of men stretched for miles and these men were the homeless and mentally ill of Paris. Meanwhile we watched as a women who had been sitting across the road with her three children begging on a suitcase was collected by her husband. He helped her fold up the blankets put them in the suitcase, hugged the children and waddled their way home I assume. I am however not naive their home could have been down the next sewer cap which we saw lots of men coming and going from.

3. The city smells of pee. It’s not as bad as what I remember of Rome when we went but its close to. Paris wasn’t built with public toilets in mind. Business owners do their best.

4. The scammers. They are everywhere and range from finding lost rings and wanting a token of appreciation for finding it, to collecting for the deaf dumb and mute. They target tourists and whilst they are skill full they are also a pain in the arse because they can be rather insistent. Stand your ground.

5. And if I am to be honest as a tourist I didn’t feel safe there but the language barrier had a lot to do with that. Many a night I watched sole women walk home at 2 in the morning passing large groups of men as they went. So I think it was the language barrier mixed with feeling that a scammer or  pickpocketter (which would occur in any city) is just around spying me because the police and military presence is everywhere. The French aren’t afraid of showing a machine gun or two on their cobbled streets I just wish some of the boys holding these weapons didn’t looks as prepubescent as my eight year old but then anyone under twenty-five is a child to me these days.

So Paris is just like any other big city but it’s not. There is something captivating about it. Romantic? For me no beautiful yes. Over whelming in its beauty, that and they have this living thing down pact. Oh and they also have the best butter in the world big statement but true. 

xx Deb 

Men’s infertility is often not talked about and whilst I am not a doctor nor a health professional I have read a couple of articles that might help anyone who is hoping to fall pregnant and this one is for the blokes on how help get better swimmers.

It should be mentioned there are many underlying medical conditions that can affect men’s sperm health and levels including diabetes, Chrones, Retrograde ejaculation and many others that can affect men’s reproductive health; so if after six months despite lots of baby making practise see a medical professional. Actually I highly recommend a medical check anyway but in the mean time consider these tips.

1. Eat less processed meats. A Havard study found hat those had more than three serving of processed meats a week had a lower sperm count than those that did.

2. Eat more fish. Those that ate more fish had better sperm counts and quality than those that didn’t.

3. Lift some weights and exercise but not to excess. Those that exercised including weight training or resistance training had better sperm counts due to an increase testosterone levels and improved insulin sensitivity,” study co-author Audrey Gaskins, a doctoral student in the HSPH Department of Nutrition than those that didn’t. The only exercise that decreased sperm count is riding a bike..

4. Keeping things cool down there. Avoid hot baths, wear boxers (although not proven but you never know huh) and if you work a desk job get up and move around.

5. Have sex everyday (or ahem ejaculate in the case of the FIFO worker) everyday to keep sperm healthy and to improve chances of conception. Dr David Greening, from the Sydney IVF clinic in Wollongong, said: “Keeping the river flowing means the sperm doesn’t hang around so long and become damaged. There’s less time for vandalism. We advise couples to try to work out when the woman’s ovulating and have lots of sex.”

Happy baby making.

xx Deb

{image source from here with many thanks}