When husband I decided to do this FIFO thing we declared that there was no secrets and communication, communication and more communication. After all FIFO life is hard on a marriage with no communication. We talk about EVERYTHING. We decide and discuss everything together well mostly.
The big things are discussed kids, education, dreams, death and divorce. Divorce. Its one of the biggest things we talk about. What will happen if we separate and eventually divorce. We discuss it a lot. We have it nailed out right down to the issue of dating others. We talk about it because of the kids. It’s not the kid’s fault that we have decided to divorce it’s ours and we need to ensure that they are all okay from beginning to end.
Besides every business agreement should have an exit strategy and essentially that’s what a marriage is, a business arrangement. We are partners. I know that sounds cold but that is how we run our home and our marriage and so far it’s worked for us.
When we have told people that we have talked about this they look at us like we are naive and crazy but let’s face it as much as I love him and he loves me and we work hard to keep our marriage a priority sometimes people fall out of being in love. It’s simple. Good separations. Rare; I think , but I have seen it work. A very dear friend of mine and her ex husband has made it work. My cousin and her husband. A couple over the road separated and made it work. It’s only natural that should your marriage not be your priority then your kids should be.
So we have discussed what will happen, who will go where, what will happen to the kids and what will happen if we meet someone new. It’s not ideal and I would love that after all the discussions that it would happen should the dreaded occur but it’s been discussed none the less when we are rational and hopefully it would work out. We have worked so hard for what we have and for it all to be swallowed up by hurt emotions would be a sadder than the divorce its self I think.
So far we have agreed that the kids will stay with me and he will continue to work away if that is what he wants. He will move into the property that we own next door and we will allow the kids to travel to and from each house as they please. Property and assets will be sold and spilt equally. Or a trust maybe required depending on the nature of the spilt. What I do know is that I want nothing from him and he nothing from me.
As far as dating goes there will be no sleep over’s until we have meet each other’s respective new partners and its understood that it’s a long term commitment. Then maybe if it’s okay with the boys and they are happy with them then and only then is it okay. I don’t want my boys seeing a revolving door of new men and women.
We have discussed what will happen if he or I don’t like the new partner and we are hoping all emotions aside we can work it out. We have discussed that our new partners are not the parent and therefore no discipline is to be dealt by them.
We talk about this topic a lot. Yet to be honest should FIFO husband and I separate I don’t think I will ever marry again. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I just don’t think that I would.
So have you talked about this with your partner? What would you do? Do you think it’s a good idea having an exit strategy?
Xx Deb
