The Every Day

a fifo wife {fifo life: divorce and exit stratergies}

Posted on by debbie / 2 Comments

When husband I decided to do this FIFO thing we declared that there was no secrets and communication, communication and more communication. After all FIFO life is hard on a marriage with no communication. We talk about EVERYTHING. We decide and discuss everything together well mostly.

The big things are discussed kids, education, dreams, death and divorce. Divorce. Its one of the biggest things we talk about. What will happen if we separate and eventually divorce. We discuss it a lot. We have it nailed out right down to the issue of dating others. We talk about it because of the kids. It’s not the kid’s fault that we have decided to divorce it’s ours and we need to ensure that they are all okay from beginning to end.

Besides every business agreement should have an exit strategy and essentially that’s what a marriage is, a business arrangement. We are partners. I know that sounds cold but that is how we run our home and our marriage and so far it’s worked for us.

When we have told people that we have talked about this they look at us like we are naive and crazy but let’s face it as much as I love him and he loves me and we work hard to keep our marriage a priority sometimes people fall out of being in love. It’s simple. Good separations. Rare; I think , but I have seen it work. A very dear friend of mine and her ex husband has made it work. My cousin and her husband. A couple over the road separated and made it work. It’s only natural that should your marriage not be your priority then your kids should be.

So we have discussed what will happen, who will go where, what will happen to the kids and what will happen if we meet someone new. It’s not ideal and I would love that after all the discussions that it would happen should the dreaded occur but it’s been discussed none the less when we are rational and hopefully it would work out. We have worked so hard for what we have and for it all to be swallowed up by hurt emotions would be a sadder than the divorce its self I think.

So far we have agreed that the kids will stay with me and he will continue to work away if that is what he wants. He will move into the property that we own next door and we will allow the kids to travel to and from each house as they please. Property and assets will be sold and spilt equally. Or a trust maybe required depending on the nature of the spilt. What I do know is that I want nothing from him and he nothing from me.

As far as dating goes there will be no sleep over’s until we have meet each other’s respective new partners and its understood that it’s a long term commitment. Then maybe if it’s okay with the boys and they are happy with them then and only then is it okay.  I don’t want my boys seeing a revolving door of new men and women.

We have discussed what will happen if he or I don’t like the new partner and we are hoping all emotions aside we can work it out. We have discussed that our new partners are not the parent and therefore no discipline is to be dealt by them.

We talk about this topic a lot. Yet to be honest should FIFO husband and I separate I don’t think I will ever marry again. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I just don’t think that I would.

So have you talked about this with your partner? What would you do? Do you think it’s a good idea having an exit strategy?

Xx Deb

The Every Day

a fifo wife {what I wore: lunch date}

Posted on by debbie / 0 Comment

Husband took me on a unexpected lunch date to the city.  He is trying to get back into my good books after accepting a job without talking to me BEFORE his four weeks off are up so he is off Sunday despite being home just two weeks for a five week swing. Anyway enough of the complaining. This is what I wore for our lunch date.

Im still getting use to the whole fashion thing again. I feel like I have been in maternity wear for the last seven years. I’m starting to remember what looks good on me and what doesn’t. I’m remembering my style. What I like what I don’t. Its fun. I like it a lot.

Birkenstock? Yes well I always hated the look of them. I still think they are the ugliest shoe in the planet barr croc’s but they; birkenstocks, are so damn comfy. Just be a bit choosy what you wear them with.

Our lunch date was great…movie was not it was a shocker..anyway lunch turned into dinner (thanks nana) and here I am wishing you all a lovely good night.

Talk soon,

xx Deb.

 

The Every Day

a fifo wife {interiors: Hoffman style}

Posted on by debbie / 0 Comment

Loving this 100 year old home of vintage store owner Angelique Hoffman. She, her husband and three girls have restored and stayed true to architectural heritage all the while adding their own personal style. Yum.

Images courtesy of Apartment therapy..

xxD

Food/The Every Day

{a fifo wife} recipe: pasta bolognese

Posted on by debbie / 0 Comment

74386e75dc5ffb865c0e2c0d11e71b24

We drove seven hours yesterday. We road tripped it to see a family memeber’s first new house. Needless to say that I was shattered by the time we got home and cooking was the last thing on my mind, so I pulled out a freezer meal, perfect for this occasion.

The ever faithful bolognese sauce.

I learnt this recipe after my husbands grandmother gaffed at the fact I used jar pasta sauce.

Its so easy that I have never ever used bottled sauce again.

These are all approximate as I never really take much notice of quantities. I go by taste.

Pasta Bolognese by Debbie

This sauce will keep for five days in the fridge or six months in the freezer, so divide it into handy portions and freeze for later use.

  • 600g minced beef
  • 3 rashers chopped bacon
  • 1 onion diced
  • 1 celery sticks diced
  • 1 small or 1/2 capsicum diced
  • 2 cloves of garlic
  • 1 bay leaf
  • 1 beef stock cube
  • 1 cup of water
  • splash of red wine, vodka or gin (if in the house)
  • 1 carrot grated
  • 150ml extra virgin olive oil
  • 2 tablespoons of tomato paste
  • 1 420g tinned chopped tomatoes
  • teaspoon of sugar
  • Pack of pasta

How to:

Put a large pan over a medium-high heat, add olive oil. Fry off capsicum and onion. Add the beef mince, fry until it has changed colour, then add the bacon, garlic, celery and carrot. Cook for 15 minutes, stirring frequently.

Add the chopped tomatoes, bay leaf, beef cube and the tomato paste. Add the red wine if you have it and cook for a few minutes. Season with salt, pepper and sugar. Simmer the sauce for 20minutes (longer if you have the time) or until the meat is very tender. Cook pasta according to the packet instructions and serve the pasta (traditionally tagliatelle) with a large spoonful of the sauce and a sprinkling of Parmesan cheese.
Enjoy!
{content Debbie Russo image with thanks to here}
The Every Day

A fifo wife {me: me and my mother}

Posted on by debbie / 0 Comment

My mother has come to visit. She of course lives in Darwin but visits often. Im talking every second month. When she isn’t here I call her almost everyday. She I guess has become my second best friend. I would be lost with out her. She comes so regularly because well I feel we have a lot of catching up to do. That and she adores my kids and I want them to know who she was and what a wonderful women she is.

Our relationship hasn’t and isn’t always good. We stopped having a relationship when I was 18 years old. It was just too hard. We started afresh without a spoken word of the past when B1 arrived. That’s almost ten years missed.

I upset her a lot. I never mean to I just do. She says its the look I give her or the tone in my voice. She says I say things when I dont. That was then and sometimes now. Yet since we started to have a new relationship I have tried hard to be careful of myself around her and sometimes I slip because well watching yourself around someone is tiring. In the first few years of our ‘new  relationship’ I think I was still angry with her and I upset her alot. Things are alot better now. I dont upset her as much now as I did then. Perhaps we have both relaxed a little.

When I was young she wasn’t the mother I imagined but she was the best one she could be I just didn’t realise that then. She was/is dealing with her own issues and demons in the best way she knew how. What those demons and issues are I don’t know. What I do know is alcohol was a big horrible part of my childhood that I don’t want my children to see. Alcohol creates monsters in people. Turns them into people you wouldn’t ordinarily talk to. However I understand now that perhaps the drink was to some degree her medication. Her father was an abusive alcoholic and my aunts and uncles tell me they think that perhaps my mother was taken advantage of by my grandfathers shearing crew but who knows she wont tell and without telling you don’t know. You cant fix.

Which has led me to being me. I’m always honest. I need to know everything. Got a problem lets fix it I recently read baby macs post on being a seeker and that’s me. I want to know whats up and if theres an issue I want to fix it. I hate lies and deceit it turns me into someone I don’t like. My mum however is closed, accussing and without knowing or perhaps knowingly is manipulative. She hurts easy never forgets and doesn’t let go easy. She lacks confidence and isn’t affectionate but I know she loves me. I remember her saying to me when I was a teenager. I don’t cuddle deb that’s just not me but I know that she will do anything for me. I know she doubts the love I have for her but that’s okay I love her just the same.

Does what I say make me sound nasty and unforgiving? Its not its honest. I love her. I love her. I love her. I understand her its taken me a long time to accept her for who she is and she. A very long time. Perhaps to long. Lot’s has been missed. Sometimes I see myself in her and I scare myself. I don’t want to be that way scared and constantly on guard yet I do because she still is the most amazing women. Brave and without fear. Hard working and accepting of others. She can laugh at herself. She taught me that women can do anything. That there is nothing we cant do. Oh and she loves me. She would walk on broken glass for me.  I just wish sometimes she would let me help fix her. She has missed so so much. Not just of us but the world.

I love her for her. I just want her to know that.

xxDeb