I don’t reckon they are all that into us I said to him.
What do you mean he said a little indignant whats not to like?
I laughed and said to him you’re not exactly known for your ability to read social cues.
He smiled his crooked smile so what makes you say that he said.
Having friendships is so important, but more importantly, those bonds have to match your energy and add value you to your life rather than the opposite. Not every friendship will do that and whilst that’s okay knowing when it’s not adding value but the opposite is important too.
In a study, researchers from Brigham Young University and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill analyzed data from 148 studies that measured the frequency of human interaction and tracked health outcomes for a period of seven and a half years on average. Time reports that researchers found:
“Those with poor social connections had on average 50 percent higher odds of death … That boost in longevity is about as large as the mortality difference observed between smokers and nonsmokers, the study’s authors say. And it’s larger than differences in the risk of death associated with many other well-known lifestyle factors, including lack of exercise and obesity … The friend effect did not appear to vary by sex or by age, with men and women of all ages and health statuses showing roughly equal benefit. Nor were lonely people unusually susceptible to any one disease in particular.”
So for the socially in ept a few clues on weeding out the poor social connections to make way to having room for more quality friendships.
- They only call on you when they need to make up numbers..let, not sugar coat it. Oh, Deb, I am having a little get together, and it’s a candle party, but you don’t have to buy anything- of course not. Never mind the intimate gathering they had the last week that they assumed you were too busy to come too.
- They have their phone on them 24/7 but don’t call or text you back- ever. However, on that rare coffee occasion, they will answer every single text in front of you and at length. They will have made a coffee date with you but are having a full conversation with their friend down the road via text. Leaving you sitting there awkwardly wondering if the exchange of pictures is about you or ugly cat.
- They don’t ask about you or only the polite ‘how are you’ before launching into their latest drama. Its never a one off it’s every time, never mind you, however, you know the last flu they had right down to the date and timing of the last sneeze.
- You always have to defend your words and actions. You think about your conversation for days ensuring nothing could be taken in the wrong context. Everything is your fault, or someone else’s but then you will find they are always right, know everything and everyone.
- You leave them feeling tired, not energized. You know the friendships that leave you feeling so rejuvenated and excited. I have a few like that especially my friend Ruth. We don’t see each other often, but when we do it’s amazing, and I always feel better for her visit.
- They clock watch all the time. I understand that people have places to go, but you know when someone is in your company and they are clock watching all the time rather than paying attention to your news it’s embarrassing.
- Your gut tells you that they aren’t into you. Always go with the gut.
Now what to do about it is a whole other post.