Over the weekend I was asked countless times what does FIFO stand for and what do you write about? I shot off like a well rehearsed disclosure statement exactly what FIFO stood for and when they took a step back I continued with ‘and we love it’. The what do you write about question well I stammered..I don’t really know just stuff..well that’s not going to get me any extra readers but by the end of the day I was saying..I write about keeping you your family and your relationship healthy by telling you my story and what I have learnt.. Ah huh. I’m not a psychologist nor a councillor I’m just some one who has been married a little bit and been so close to the edge of not having anything at all that I have learnt a thing or too about clawing my way back from it all.. So without further a do here is my seventh marriage tip however head here if you want to read six, five, four, three, two and the very first one.
Have your own interests, do your own thing and having a little life of your own. Doing your own thing doesn’t mean your marriage is in trouble having a life of your own and then one together is healthy. Having two separate ones all the time is not healthy and quintessentially you are room mates possibly with sexual benefits but I doubt it. There is a fine line and it all comes down to that word balance. So being a FIFO couple its natural my husband and I we have two separate lives so we can have one together. That separate life is for the awesome life together, the most important one. To say anything else would be a big fat lie. However even if we worked a regular job we would have two separate lives we are both very independent it’s what he likes about me and I about him.
I never see marriage as a reason that we must camouflage into each other. When I was younger I would morph into the guy I was dating, what I liked generally went out the window. He liked blood pudding so did I ..he liked pig hunting of course I liked pig hunting – what’s not to like about pig hunting? (yes that was sarcasm) If he didn’t want to see that chick flick of course we wouldn’t see it; what was I thinking. It didn’t last long. I grew up and realised that morphing into someone was not a good idea it was tiring and confusing.
In a relationship without your own interests you lose a little bit of yourself; lose too much and the person they fell in love with morphs away; sometimes into them and later into that person called mum and then sometimes you are lost forever..morphing a little is okay new experience and all but its all about balance.. but having your own interests and a life of your own to me is a good thing for your marriage and mental health in the long run.
Just because we are married just because we are FIFO does not mean we have to do everything together; even when he gets home from work we carry on doing our own thing. He likes movies. Fixing things. Thinking (too much) about buying houses, building houses and planning what he can do to houses. I can’t sit and watch movies like he does. I don’t fix things unless I have to and I’m too scared to buy houses and I’m usually to tired to think about the planning of one. He likes to work so do I but not in my sleep. I like to read, write, go to art galleries and drink coffee. He doesn’t drink coffee, alcohol or eat cheese nor does he reads unless its my blog and the only painting he likes is when he is renovating a wall or *sigh* putting up a new one.
When he is home some days I don’t see him all day unless it’s for an appointment or its dinner and I couldn’t care less because he is still the most awe-inspiring man I know.Doing your own thing, having your own friends, being completely insanely passionate about something that your partner has no idea about is a good thing. It means your partner can be your backer, your sounding board, he can be your friend. And it means you’ll always have things to talk about and be excited about other than the kids. I love hearing about my husbands latest visionary about the shed; just not at 10 pm at night which is why I brought him an ideas book to tell me about his ideas in the morning. Husband and I don’t even have the same friends and I’m cool with that it’s not something to be concerned or be jealous over. My husband has friends of his own I don’t know and vice versa then we have friends together.
Of course we do do lots of stuff together to balance all that out it is essential; otherwise all of this is pointless. We love going out for dinner, going on Sunday drives, treasure hunting, travel, playing with our kids and making plans for our family. It’s over these Sunday drives, on our date nights that I hear about his newest find for the truck, how his mates Steve, Matt, James and Stewie are (all of whom I have never met and more than likely wont) or he hears about my latest blog idea and next post.
The best part? Is I get to be me the girl he met not some confused morphed version of him (and in fairness vice versa) and what could be better than that him being with the girl he fell in love with be it 14 years and three kids later. xx Deb
{image source with thanks}
What do you think of having your own interests..good or bad?
