the fifo wife

LET’S TALK GETTING FIT & HEALTHY AND WHAT I DID ABOUT IT

I’ll start off by saying “anything is possible” – That’s a catch cry from the sport I’ve come to love- Ironman racing where I swim bike and run long distances, it’s the endurance form of a triathlon.

As some of The FIFO Wife’s followers will know I have been a FIFO worker for the majority of my working life and have been in the resources sector all my career, this has meant being in camps for long periods of time, camp life was something I enjoyed in my younger days, spending a lot of nights at the wet mess, eating all the desserts, over filling my plates with battered fish and chips every Friday, you get my drift, it led to me putting on weight year after year, I’m embarrassed to say it took me the best part of 10 years to get my act together and start getting healthy.

I sat around one day at home thinking that I need to get active but I really had no idea what I wanted to do, I grew up playing team sports but never felt like I fitted in too well and I wouldn’t say that I enjoyed it that much.  Being a FIFO worker I couldn’t commit myself to doing anything team related, I couldn’t commit to training and wouldn’t want to let my teammates down by not being there every week ( I believe this is a major contributing factor to FIFO workers not being active), so I thought long and hard about it, and then one day I read an article on a local Facebook page that promotes an active lifestyle and has lots of articles on things to try, there had recently been a new triathlon club formed in town that promoted very heavily about just having a go, you didn’t need to be a pro athlete to come and play.  So I thought why not.

I had absolutely no idea about triathlon, like seriously no idea at all, I had no idea how to run properly, couldn’t swim 100m freestyle without it being a massive struggle, and didn’t even own a road bike.  Once I had made my mind up that I wanted to have a go at triathlon I spent a lot of time researching triathlon, which led to youtube videos, which led to Ironman triathlon videos on youtube, and from that first Ironman video I decided that if I was going to race triathlon then I wanted to go long distance and really push the absolute limits of my body and race all day long, the videos of everyday people out there battling the conditions, battling their hurting bodies, battling the mental side of things and still managing to finish was inspiring to me, everyone has a story to tell and I just can’t get enough of the stories about why people like you and me race ironman, it’s mental, its physical, its emotional stuff.

So I guess I had to start training and getting fit, If I wanted to race, and let’s be honest I’m never going to win so maybe race is the wrong word, so let’s say participate instead. I should declare I have no interest in winning, I just want to live a fulfilling healthy lifestyle.  If I’m going to participate in endurance sport I needed to get fit.  I used to go the gym and all that stuff but I got bored with just lifting weights all the time.  Now at this time, I was pushing 110kg, a gut measurement over 1 meter which put me at risk of heart disease / Heart attack, not something a 33yr old should be facing.

So I started swimming riding and running, probably best described as floundering, wobbling on the bike and shuffling instead of running and boy oh boy did I struggle and I thought what have I got myself into, but if I could just manage to keep going and remember the mantra of “Anything is possible” then I would be ok.  I won’t bore you with the details of all my training but I will say this, when you decide to race long distance triathlon you will spend a lot of time out training (I’m currently averaging 14hrs a week training with my next race in 6 weeks).  Training can vary depending on what you are racing, for half ironman which is 1.9km swim, 90km ride and 21.1km run I train approx. 7-10hrs a week, for Ironman 3.8km, swim 180km ride and 42.2 km run my training is averaging between 11-14.5hrs a week, it is 4 am or earlier starts almost every day of the week, 4 days a week is 2 training sessions a day so before and after work.

I’m now employed in a residential role which has given me the opportunity to train to my full potential and not be restricted to facilities in camps etc., but you train to the best of your ability with the facilities you have.  Nobody wants to hear my excuses, I made enough of them when I was unhealthy and overweight.  Other positive aspects of leading my active lifestyle are you change your eating habits, you automatically make better choices and your body loves it.  Remember I said I was pushing 110kg, well now I’m 90kg, I still have a little way to go but I feel so much better about myself and life in general, Im a better husband and father too.

My kids get involved in Ironman now too, they do the fun runs, my daughter is about to compete in her first Ironkids event in Cairns in 6 weeks’ time and we can’t wait to support her, I love that she comes and does swim training with me, she rides her bike while I run and she comes and does some running drills with me.  You do need an understanding partner and a very patient one as well, I’m very lucky I have that and I know I drive her crazy with my constant ironman talk and discussing nutrition, eating special meals, the smell of sweaty lycra in the laundry, my bikes being inside in my pain cave (formally the kids toy room), so a huge thank you to her and my kids for embracing the triathlon lifestyle with me.

Being that im only interested in doing long distance stuff I actually rarely “participate” as it takes a long time to prepare yourself for the race and spend so much more time training.  But you can’t just turn up and do well – it would be foolish to do so, but weirdly enough I get great enjoyment and satisfaction from doing all my training and seeing my constant improvement, same days are hard and you think you have gone backwards, and other days you feel amazing and just want to keep going.  Race day is the reward for all the hard work you have done and should be an enjoyable day…do not get me wrong it will hurt on race day, it will hurt bad but it’s so worth it.

I’ll leave you with my thoughts on the atmosphere of ironman weekends – the atmosphere is absolutely amazing, the towns are alive, everyone’s excited, friendly, the supporters line the streets and cheer you on, the Ironman volunteers are just awesome.  It really is an amazing experience.

So if you’re ever wondering what you can do to get fit and healthy as a FIFO worker and can’t do a team sport, give triathlon a go, it’s been life altering for me and I’m so happy I found it.

Remember you don’t have to go the long distances like I like do, triathlon has so many variations and distances you can do as a solo competitor or in team’s events.  If you are thinking about having a go, get in touch with your local club, most clubs have a tri before you buy option so you can have a go and not be required to be a member at that stage.

My next race is on June the 11^th this year for Cairns Ironman and I’m so excited to finally race again after my last race was in Taupo, New Zealand for the half Ironman in December 2016.

You can follow me for all my triathlon adventures @iron_kezza on Instagram

Thanks Kieran, 

Deb 

If you read the 2017/2018 Budget – or any news reports about the Budget once it was released – you may have noticed that “single-parent households will be subjected to closer scrutiny [by Centrelink] to verify their relationship status”.

In conversations I have had since Tuesday night, both on and off social media, this is, understandably, causing some concern, particularly amongst parents who consider themselves “single parents” even though they have re-partnered.

One of the most common questions I am asked is “am I in a de facto relationship, or are we still just ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’”?

The answer to this question will vary depending on who is asking.

For example, if Centrelink is asking – there is no minimum time by which you may be considered to be in a de facto relationship but a range of other factors will be considered; and if the Department of Immigration (& Border Protection) – a de facto relationship may be established after 12 months and a range of factors will also be considered.

However, for the purposes of the Family Law Act, the answer is very different and there are many factors considered.

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS AND THE LAW IN AUSTRALIA

Generally speaking in Australia, in family law, there are two types of relationships – marriages and de facto relationships.

The Family Law Act applies to relationships between married or de facto couples in almost the same way – once the existence of the relationship is established.

A marriage is easy to define, recognize and prove.

A marriage starts with a ceremony signifying the occasion (usually celebrated with your closest friends and family), and a certificate that provides evidence of the relationship and the date that relationship “officially” started, being the date of marriage.

It’s rather black and white, isn’t it? You are married – or not. (The question of separation may be a different story!)

A de facto relationship on the other-hand is not always so easy to identify or define. Disputes can, and do, arise about the date the de facto relationship started or whether a de facto relationship existed at all.

THE LEGAL TEST

The general legal test applied by the Family Law Courts to establish if you are in a de facto relationship or not is whether you lived together on a “genuine domestic basis” for two or more years.

That sounds kind of simple, doesn’t it?

But what does “genuine domestic basis” actually mean in the context of de facto relationships and the Family Law Act?

If you aren’t sure whether or not you were in a de facto relationship, the following factors (which are considered by the Courts) may help you determine whether you were living together on a genuine domestic basis. They include:

• how long you were in a relationship
• whether you lived together
• if a sexual relationship existed
• the financial arrangements in place
• the way the you owned, shared and used property
• the degree of commitment you both had to a shared life together
• if your relationship was registered in your State or Territory
• the financial and physical care arrangements for your children
• the reputation and public aspects of your relationship.

If some or all of these factors can be established, you then need to show you lived together for two years or more before you are able to make a claim for a property settlement.

No one factor is given more weight than the others.

WHO DOES THE TEST APPLY TO?

The test applies:

• if you are a same-sex or different-sex couple;
• if one of you is married to someone else; or
• even if one of you is in a de facto relationship with someone else (it also doesn’t matter whether or not they have officially separated from that spouse).

WHAT IF ONE OF US WORKS AWAY?

If one of you works in defence, or is a FIFO, DIDO or other work-away-from-home employee; the roster you or they work – whether it is an even time roster or not – does not reduce the length or nature of your relationship if other factors can be established.

Remember, no one factor is given more weight than the others.

 

ARE THERE EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE?

Of course, as with many aspects of the law, there are two main exceptions to this rule and a de facto relationship will be established even if you break up before two years passes if:

• you have a child together; or
• one of you makes a significant contribution of a financial or non-financial nature to the assets of the relationship and it would be unjust if orders for a property settlement were not made.

WHAT IS A SIGNIFICANT FINANCIAL CONTRIBUTION?

An example of this might be where one of you owns property and the other pays a significant lump sum – say $100,000 – to reduce the mortgage over that property in the first 18 months of living together.

In those circumstances, the court will likely consider it unfair if it didn’t make orders for a property settlement.

WHAT IF ONE OF YOU SAYS THERE WAS A DE FACTO RELATIONSHIP, AND THE OTHER SAYS THERE ISN’T?

It is not always a simple process to identify a de facto relationship if there is a dispute, even if one party says the relationship lasted longer than two years. The Family Law Courts will consider the evidence that can be produced to prove or disprove a relationship existed.

If a de facto relationship can’t be established, the Family Law Act won’t apply and the court may not make orders for a property settlement.

If you find yourself in this situation, I really encourage you to ask for advice about your unique circumstances from a lawyer who specializes in Family Law because the process involved in proving or disproving a de facto relationship can be very expensive and difficult, not to mention distressing!

 

“How do you handle fly-out day?” I get asked that question a lot.
Followed by when do you tell the kids and what do you tell the kids? And what do you on fly out day?

Telling them the truth is a good one I say, and I also don’t think making a fuss of fly out day is a good idea. It’s just mum or dad going back to work. They aren’t leaving to go on a holiday or going because they want to. They are leaving to work, make a better life, to make some money, to pay the bills like every other tom, dick and harry. I do think however making a couple of preparations to make moving back into swing easier as well as just allowing everyone to routine easier.

As soon as we know when my husband is flying out, we tell the kids. There is no need to explain that he is going to work because they know. The sea is my husband’s place of work. We don’t do a countdown to fly out we just tell them that dad is going back to work next week, this Friday, tomorrow and then this morning.

Once upon a time, they would travel down to the airport, and we would drop off and drive off. Goodbyes were short and sweet to save me on tears and pulled heart strings. I notice that as soon as the husband gets in the car, he is in work mode, and as soon as I kiss him goodbye, I am. Our switches are flipped, and we are in work mode. We don’t dwell on the goodbye- too much. Now the kids are in school they say goodbye in the morning, and off they go to school.

Whether it be that we travel down together as a family or solo to the airport before we leave home, I turn the lights on, have the radio going, and have dinner in the slow cooker. It makes the house less lonely when we get home. The husband takes his extra noise and animation with him when he goes, and so those preparations at home combat the stark reality that the weekend is over and we are back at work.

If the kids are with me when heading to the airport, we stop at a park, shopping centre or Mc Donald’s for a short time. I found it’s just another way for them to transition to me being the main parent and that dad is at work, although he never stops parenting even from 4000 kilometres away. (It’s amazing what a stern talking to on the phone will do)

Its 90 minutes from the airport so there is that added time to adjust and so when we get home we just hang out, watch TV and plan out our goals for the month. Someone called it grieving once and lots of others the fly out day blues and when the kids were little I did too but to do everything better I have come to call it, “adjusting”. Dad takes with his “noise” with him and grieving, or the blues doesn’t sound right to me. Transition and adjusting can sometimes be emotionally tiring and so TV, comfort food and couch time is just what we need before starting the working month, and it gets us ready for the month of growth ahead of us.

We tackle each working swing with some strategy because work is always about moving forward making life better.

{image taken from my husband’s book. Available for purchase here}