the fifo wife

Husband wants to get a family photo printed from a photo shoot we had last year. I hate it; the photo that is. The boys look fantastic my husband looks just a little bit divine but me I look terrible. Heidi Montague, plastic fantastic and hooker are the words that come to mind when I think of those images. I don’t even have a copy of them to which I should because they have in truth been printed. These images which husband loves and I don’t and the reason he loves them is because he is in truth smoking hot; naturally, but me I have too much make up on. I look like a drag queen and my smile I have know idea what’s going, its shameful. When I first saw the pictures I cried, hysterics is more the word to describe my reaction. To give you an idea of the vulgarness of the images when husband asked my friends what they thought of me in those pictures they changed the subject out politeness because there are no words to describe how I looked in those pictures yet despite my distress he wants me to get them enlarged, printed, framed and placed on the wall of our living room as a momento or so I can constantly be reminded that those pictures of me looking like a bad version of Heidi Montague went nation wide in a magazine and no I wont tell you which one.

Seriously though I should have learnt my lesson several years before when husband and I went and had some ahem glamour shots done of the two of us before we had kids. Yes I said it glamour shots. Oh the shame. He looked damn fine. Shirtless and sexy. Me? I had a teenager applying my make up who mistook me for a forty year old ( I was 26 at the time but cheers to her lets hope her sun baking doesn’t bite her in the ass) so perhaps she felt she was doing me the favour by painting my face like it was the entrance to Luna Park. She didn’t do me any favours and I looked like a hooker who had had a run in with a power pole after pulling an all nighter on a hot summer’s night. Unaware I looked that horrible was not only the worst part..the worst part..with no mirrors to look at whilst I was leaving and them wanting to close the ‘studio’ aka the back of a dingy old shop I didn’t get to wipe Luna Park off my face..I actually walked around the city like that. I went to the video store and order a pizza.

Its taken me this long to see the ‘humour’ in it.

However if I had just known a couple of these tips and tricks I think that all could have been avoided or no; I think karma had it in for me for that day but you know all the lessons learnt along the way..

So next month when we get our new family photo taken; after of course I remove the forty serve pavlova from my thigh’s I will be taking heed of the following:

1. If you think you have something on your face usually you do.

2. Stand tall and point your legs about 45 degrees to the camera, and then twist at the waist towards the photographer. It will help you look thinner and after all it’s what the stars do on red carpets, and they do it for a reason..just practise the pose first otherwise you may look constipated.

 3. Turning slightly to the right its makes you look thinner again..imagine how many eharmony dissappointment’s are from the simple trick of standing tall and looking slightly to the right..

4.If the camera is below eye level you will end up with a double chin..no matter how many times you lift your tongue to the roof of your mouth when you smile hence that’s tip number five..

6. Don’t allow someone who is younger than you and still in a training bra apply your make up for images you will have to $400 for. Take my advice there is nothing funny about parting with that amount of money.

7. Think happy thoughts it shows in the pictures no matter what your smile says. Perhap’s that was my problem..I was thinking lets get this crap over with..

8. For seated shots, extend your neck and then tilt your head down slightly to get rid of views up your sinuses.

9. Say cheese not monkees the ‘ees’ makes your face look weird. Simple.

10. Don’t get a new hair cut, your eyes brows waxed two weeks before a paid family portrait its not worth the risk..trust me..

Finally well I don’t have anymore but just have fun because the reality is when you look back on these everyone will have a giggle at someone’s expense it may as well be yours.

xx Deb

 

 

I wrote a post today. I spent a good couple of hours on it lots goes into a post each day. I call my mother and read it to her. What? she said. Is that how you viewed your childhood? Ah no mum you haven’t heard me right, didn’t you hear the part where I say I had a childhood most would envy? No of course not she wears two hearing aids and is deaf at the best of times let alone when she is listening to a post about what her marriage taught me. She cries. Read it to me later she said. I know she is unwell but still I’m disheartened. No mum I said I just wont post it; its okay; I never wrote it to be hurtful in fact husband who read it thought it was great. Never mind the two hours gone into it, the post is in the draft’s folder for later; maybe and so here I am wanting to write something other than ‘a few things’ because I wanted my first post of 2013 to be a little wow but it seems that really the way the week, the year is meant to start is with ‘a few things’.

Lesson learnt and the universe has told me this is how its meant to be.

So here is the few things that have been running since my head since we last spoke last Monday before I was surprised the crap out of with a trip to see my parents from my gorgeous yummy husband and boys.

Forgive me if its a little air travel orientated but given I have just jetted my way back from the back of beyond aka Darwin via air link not so glamorous but lets pretend shall we? The topic of air travel its all a little fresh in my mind and I love to fly. Love it. Its the one place when I don’t have the kids I have the excuse to just sit, listen to some music and read because there is nothing else I can do. Nothing.

Flying has changed so much since I started to fly (god I sound like my mother) but I started transiting the Tasman when I was just weeks old and never stopped and hopefully never will. Travel and the love of is the only thing my boys must have. Travel is the only true way to learn about this world of ours. Anyway flying still in the 80’s was still glamorous, people still got dressed up, full meals where served, being a hostie was more than a glorified waitress, it was job little girls aspired to be; be it with the chances of contracting lung cancer from the deathly smoked filled cabins but still the glamour of it. I loved it.

So here’s is the first ‘few things’ this Monday. The first post of 2013.

1. Why don’t people dress nicely for air travel anymore? At all? Where has the glamour gone? At what point did an aircraft become a yoga studio? How hard is it to brush your hair, your teeth and wear some deodorant when flying? Has common courtesy of smelling pleasant for your fellow passenger for the duration of a flight really gone out the literal window? Are those terribly small seats not discomfort enough; that someone has to add the sometimes offensive smell of bad body odour to it too?

2. I don’t deem myself a snob. Race, class, or creed mean nothing to me. Nothing. I pride myself on being able to talk to anyone however my Qantas club membership ran out and I seriously contemplated not flying. Having too sit in a public lounge at an airport despite my love of people watching will almost bring me to hyperventilation point its been a cleanliness issue in the past. Its been 12 years since I have had to sit in a airport public lounge fortunately I found a really clean corner of a Gloria Jeans where I sat and waited whilst breathing into a paper bag.

3.  Want to get up graded from economy to business when flying? Its really simple dress nice. Smart not like your heading to a gym class or are expressing yourself through fashion with a meat cleaver as a hat, just nice clean pressed clothes. Good shoes and be nice to the check in staff. Arrive early not late and unfortunately your more likely to get an upgrade if your traveling alone so you always just ask them nicely what’s the chances are of an upgrade. Its obviously not guaranteed but its worth a try.

4. If your travelling with kids and they start to cry on take off and landing. Please don’t make them stop. Don’t get embarrassed or frustrated. Crying is the best thing for them it helps equalise their little ears. Feeding them the breast or bottle, giving them a dummy to suck on or a lolly to chew will also help ease the pain. Don’t worry about the other passengers I’m sure they have been there and done that at some stage and if they shoot you ‘the look’ stick your tongue out its the only thing I can think of right now but they will get the message that their ‘look’ is not required its only making your job harder.

5. You can let your kids scream during take off  and landing. They can run up and down the aisle. They can laugh, giggle and play peek a boo just don’t kick the back of my chair all the way to Singapore, we will never be friends that way.

6. Don’t wear a short skirt on a flight its impractical and I don’t need to see what you had for breakfast. Its not a good look no matter how thin, pretty and flirty you may be. Jeans, shirt and a good knit will always be sexy especially if you smell good.

7. My husband is 6’5 and despite being a gold member and frequent flyer of a preferred airline he never gets the emergency exit, despite it being on his seat preference profile. He never gets it. Never. He sits with his knees between his ears for five to six hours at time twice a month. He leaves the aircraft like a pretzel. Me I’m 5’1 and I always get the exit row. Always. I’m not being smug well may be I am but it wouldn’t matter anyway I can curl up in one of those chairs like baby in a sling. I like to think its karma taking care of his wife.

8. Watch your diet for two days before you fly..no matter what you think..the smell of curry carries through the air conditioning vents and the smell will follow you, we will know who has made that smell in those very small toilets.

9. The three things I travel with because I have learnt how handy they are 1. a pashmina 2. a pair of socks 3. hand cream.

10. I’m 35 years old and still I’m frightened of air craft toilets. I hold my breath as they flush, lid down hoping they wont suck me down the system. Every single time.

And my final piece of pondering:

Check your boarding pass to ensure your travel agent has booked you to the right city. There is nothing more embarrassing than trying to explain to the hostie after you have been seated, bags stowed that you are not losing your mind but you are sure as not hell going to Timbuktu today.  This is despite checking in, heading to the gate, boarding the plane, sitting in your seat and only then to hear the pilots announcement about the flight plan. I’m not saying its happened to me but the look, the shame and evilness that your once fellow passengers are thinking of you is something hard to shake as you walk back down the gangway to the terminal as the aircraft is delayed for twenty minutes as the handlers try to find your luggage. Those people I can guarantee will never be your friends and you can forget about an upgrade.

So happy travels lovelies,

xx Deb

 

 

 

Every one needs a hand to get where they need to go in life and there is no shame in having some support, some guidance its …how we learn grow and get places.

So starting today each Support Sunday will be different some FIFO specific others not as I know many of you are not FIFO. Support groups can range from ADHD, RSPCA, Life line what ever it may be but it must make a positive difference to someone’s life.

So each will be posted to the blog under Resources also.

So if you know of any groups that will make a positive difference to someone’s life message me and I make post the details.

This Support Sunday is for a little known FIFO/DIDO support group in WA.

Kristian Italiano has been a FIFO wife for eight years and is the coordinator of a FIFO support group in south west WA.
They have created a FIFO/DIDO support group for the South-West area from Mandurah to Augusta. They are a Non-For Profit group and the group is not public for the security of families. They currently have 320 members on their page. They have taken a break over Christmas but will be meeting again early in the new year. They also have a FIFO/DIDO playgroup and catch up weekly for Sunday Sesh drinks;). You can private message Kristiana Italiano for more info or mobile 0419097596.

Have a great Sunday!

xxDeb

 

 

 

Why hello there my friends; I missed you! I know it just a week but it feels like a lifetime.

The family and I have just had the most wonderful week of long summer Christmas days, seriously blessed am I.

It was chaotic and still all at the same time and I savoured every little moment. There was eating, sleeping, water ski-ing, more eating, laughing tantrums, over tiredness, more laughing more sleeping, laughing and eating. It was just divine and never have I felt so happy and content with my life.

Never. And I don’t want it to end.

I hope your Christmas when ever or where ever it was spent was just as restful and magical

So as the last post of 2012 this is what has happened , what I learnt and what is going on in my head.

Ready? Lets go.

1. Santa was good to me, he got me almost everything that was on my list but what I loved the most was the long restful days spent with my children and husband. I want more of them so many more.

2. I learnt to take nothing personally this year and that someone’s words and behaviour is not a reflection of me and what I have done but of them and themselves. I am not responsible for their actions.

3. I love to write and I have missed sitting here with you. It makes me happy. I don’t like hair on a bathroom floor mine or someone else’s. Its random I know but I wanted to even it up.

4. Husband has taken the boys camping for the night. They have a long drive. I fear long drives. My life is so perfect to me that I wait for the bubble to burst. I hug, kissed and spoke to them like it was the last one for a long time. I’m not a pessimist but I only have two fears in this life the first is to have a dysfunctional family and the second not having one at all.

5. My name is Debbie and I am a control freak. I take care of all the household administration its a running joke between husband and I that he knows nothing and would be lost if I was to go which is why he has a black book with every bill, password, bank account and insurance policy number in it. We go to get a loan do the taxes its me they speak to, he is kind of an obliging mushroom, it works for us. So over the holidays I go to the Boost juice bar. I go to place our order something he has done since we met I have never done for what ever reason and I have no idea what I’m getting for him, the kids or myself. None. I nearly had a melt down at the not knowing; what I needed to order the family. It was horrible. The confusion. The what if I get the wrong one and I can hear you saying its just a juice but its not just the juice. This is a regular running order of almost ten years and I have no idea. I felt lost. It was freaking horrible. The control freak in me was freaking out. Cold sweats where happening. The girl behind the counter was one step from call 000; I was scaring her. I told my husband who smiles and say’s welcome to my world on a much smaller scale.

6. I signed my husbands cousin up to e harmony fingers crossed he meets someone a little more him this time, the last one well she was lovely just not the right fit. Anyone looking for 35 year old ex-ringer with a child whose list the most important things in life to him as his kid, his dogs, his Toyota, his hat and his BBQ need apply. Be prepared not to be swept off your feet, he may even call you girlie but he will love you unconditionally.

7. Wishes I hadn’t eaten so much pork crackle and pavlova. I can feel my skin stretching as I type.

8. Christmas is the best time for a throw out much better than any spring clean. For every new item give one away to someone who needs it more.

9. I don’t believe in New years resolutions but all I want from 2013 is a holiday with just me and the husband. That’s it. A couple of days. I don’t think that’s asking much.

10. Completely random but just heard it on Dr Oz. Having your tubes tied (fallopian tubes) reduces your risk of the deadly ovarian cancer by up to a third. That’s goods news right but still don’t ignore any changes in your body, ever.

So that’s it my friends. I have lots in store. I want to this blog to be more than a FIFO blog, more than a mummy blog. Its going to be a good year. Its not here yet and already its good after all its a great day today.

Have a great New Years eve everyone chat tomorrow.

Stay safe please. I want you here tomorrow,

much love

xx Deb.

10.

 

Christmas eve lovelies. Has the craziness of family, friends and Christmas descended into your house yet?  Well it has here my sweets and so have decided my lovelies that this will be the last post for a few day perhaps even 2012. Feels strange to write that I want to keep writing but the family is a calling and I don’t want to miss a moment of the Christmas cheer so we will be back in 2013 bright and early or maybe a little earlier; staying away from you is to hard but never fear I will be on face book so pop on over and say hello. Which again is strange because despite my ‘urgh’ of face book and my previous reservations, I have come to love how immediate and intimate face book can be. Strange but  its true and that connection with people, its lovely.

So until then my sweets here are a few things running through my head;

1. I have just had a moment of writers block. Can I call myself I writer? I write a lot now. I love it I’m not sure I’m really good but I love it but I always imagined writers as clever, quirky and sweet. I was called a delight last week and my B1 called me weird so two out of three ain’t bad, so does that qualify me as a writer?

2. I’m the only girl in the house of eight boys I have never wanted to wear a dress and perfume so much in my life.

3. Now this is a bit profound for a few things post but here is the big question. Why cant we; the human race, be this good to each other every day of every month? Why does it just have to be for December for the sake of the festive season? Why? Its so nice being good to each other. I think I just found a new way of thinking.

4. How hard is it to pee in a purpose built hole?

5. I am so excited about 2013 being around the corner just as excited as I am from what I have learnt from 2012.

6. I don’t think it will ever rain again.

7. Have a I got everyone a present? And have a cooked off enough bacon?

8. I’m an only child but I have a step sister whom lives in another country and if we are being honest I’m not actually sure if she uses the words ‘step sister’ when she thinks of me but its the only way I can describe someone who shares the same father and I have always wanted sibiling’s. So badly, but it appears she did not however I will call her step sister although it reminds me of Cinderella yet she is far from the ugly mean step sister rather the opposite in fact. Complex much; no not me? Oh where were we doctor? Anyway she included me in on a email its a first ever. I have never been so excited to be included in a junk mail list promoting a new business.

9. I’m tired but a good tired and we are now heading off to the Santa festival down town yet as much as I want to go I also want to just listen to some tunes, have a wine and watch the fairy lights twinkle with my husband by my side as the kids play till its dark.

10. Will be interested to see how one family merges with another tomorrow. One is from one side of the fence the other from a completely different paddock. It will be interesting, fun and hopefully nothing on Jerry Springer..

So having said that my lovelies I must go and I’m wishing you a merry and safe Christmas. I have loved getting to know everyone of you. I have loved receiving all your emails and comments. Each are cherished and I feel honoured that you have taken the time to write, post and comment. Thank you. I have made many a friend and despite not have met you I consider you as such. Thank you my sweets.

Enjoy the season. Enjoy the love, the tantrums, the late nights and early mornings. Enjoy.

Talk soon and please take care,

Love, love love,

xx Deb.