On my attitude this month..

I had a pretty piss poor attitude this month.

I was sick mind you. The kids were sick too. There were trips to the ER, hospital stays and terrible phone lines to the husband some 3000 miles away. I’m giving myself some excuse because it was trickier than usual, but, doesn’t allow for the venom that shot from my mouth on an almost daily basis. Pissed off was my go to mood. I did try to smile my way through; however I grumbled a lot, and I venom whined a lot- mostly to my boys and to myself.

I had a severe case of poor bugger me attitude that didn’t really have a lot to do with being sick or tired.

I cursed I was busy and overwhelmed. I had so many places to be and was having trouble managing. I resented every time my husband texted me with a request to do a new lawn. I was annoyed when we mowed them. Cranky, my constant state because nothing for me was getting done, because I was busy doing something else for someone else. I was running one child from one thing to another. I ran them from lawn to lawn so they could earn pocket money. I was trying to balance everything, and it was getting done but I was shitty about it, and I let all of my boys know it.

Yes, another great failed parenting moment is to be marked down for Debbie Russo. In years to come, I will be the reason that B3 can’t mow his own lawn because I yelled at him those fifteen times about not overlapping right. Scared. For. Life. I’m, sure he will be. My anxiety will churn that over forever. 

So my aha moment came a little late, but it came perhaps just in time.

I was speaking with another mother, who seemed to, manage everything so beautifully. Given she has her husband here on a daily basis. As well as her parents living two doors down (I’m giving myself some grace) so it was the same but different. But it was something she said something that made me go ah that’s the problem here.

How do you manage everything I said to her?

Well, she said the kids want to do it.

Yeah, I said waiting for a whinge; the opportunity to spread my infectious evil but then she said I want them to do it too so I do it. I manage.

And there it was- the attitude tuner I needed.

I didn’t have to do these things. no one was making me run them around. It was just as easy to say “no I don’t have anything else to do, but no you’re not doing it. You are not bettering yourself because it will make me too busy, too stressed.”

But.

Much like our offshore life, I’m not being made to do any of this. We want it as a whole, and so we make it work. It’s the same principle in my eyes.

I want my kids to do all these things. I want them to have pocket money; learn the value of hard work. I want them to attend an art class, dance class, basketball, swimming, tutoring and tennis. Sure it’s hard when the husband is at work, but that’s the story of millions of single super parents around the world, and they don’t cop a break ever. They manage because they want this for their kids and ultimately their families’ success.

Instantly my attitude adjusted, despite my tired lagging butt, and everything became easier to handle. I even asked for help- a massive deal for me, and it felt good.

With the poor me attitude gone- everything was much more doable. I got this; even more importantly I want this. I want this for them, and for our family.

It doesn’t change the amount of ‘stuff’ I have to do, but as I understand ‘victims’ of poor bugger me syndrome rarely succeed in the long run and I ain’t having any of that.

xxDeb