a fifo wife {fifo life: happy marriage tip 9: stop the gossip}

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I was sitting on the floor of the hall listening to them. I was a new mum trying to find my feet and I was at a mothers group meeting. It was the first of the mothers group that I tried {I tried a few – so another post there} and they were older and more experienced than me. I thought I would gain something valuable some insight on how to be a great mum being there. It was my second group meeting and it was my second time to sit in silence.

Both times I had sat listening on the floor. Listening and become more disheartened that this was what family life was about. I sat with another young mum looking at her trying to make conversation but it was obvious that whilst we shared some views not all because when she asked me about controlled crying and my thoughts our conversation seemed to cease; so I sat and listened silently not adding to any of the conversation.

Not adding because they were talking about things I didn’t understand and given that I simply had nothing to add because they were things I didn’t understand I sat. I didn’t understand not because it was about attachment parenting about the skunk do or wearing your uggs in public they were talking about their husbands and what they did and didn’t do right. And even though I had a husband I still didn’t get it.

Now I’m no saint and admittedly I will often say to my sister in-law why did I marry him again? Or I will throw my hands and say bloody husbands and I will have had the odd whine about my husband’s ability to contribute possibly half of the worlds methane gas contribution and he about me and my ability to stop listening.To not clean the car or leave my coffee cup every where but we are married. We are bound to annoy each other at some point it is why we got married to each other {surely?}. To annoy them as our favourite person for the rest of their {our} lives. Isn’t that what marriage is about? Riding the waves of annoyances and happiness together?

But this was different.

It wasn’t a whinge that their husbands were not putting away the dishes or taking the kids to school. It wasn’t telling a friend a problem and looking for answers because I wasn’t their friend I had just met them. It was gossip it was hurtful it was personal and it was mean but mostly it was sad because it was about their partners.

So Marriage tip nine. Stop the gossip and start the conversation.

It’s okay to have the odd rib, gripe and giggle over and about your partner. It’s healthy to an extent and if you must then gripe to the right person but if they aren’t doing their end of the deal in what ever is the deal is tell them. Dont tell your mates tell them. It’s a courtesy you owe them, your relationship and your children. Your mate won’t fix them not pulling their weight with the kids. How can they? Your mates won’t stop them from being a lousy unimaginative lover. Only you and they can together after a conversation you have had and a trip to Max Black.

But if you need a little help in starting a conversation then read this it may or may not be helpful.

But gossip generally comes from when you have nothing else to say so perhaps you need to start a conversation about that do a wee bit more self love and so given I didn’t have anything to add to their conversation I never went back and it was as simple as that.

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