the fifo wife

This morning I am tired again; but then introduce me to a mother that isn’t, I am because my four year old likes to sleep like an epileptic star fish. I never imagined that despite the fact he does not stop moving for twelve hours during the day he would continue moving during the night when his body is supposedly meant to be resting and healing.

No one told me that- that they never stop moving.

They also never told me that despite being tired because my kids are kicking the cheese and whiskers out of me during the night that I don’t or won’t move out of the bed they into another bed where I will sleep; soundly all night or at least until one of them comes looking for me. No one told me I would do unthinkable things just because I am now a mum and even though I am having the cheese and whiskers kicked out of me I just want to be next to them. That behaviour doesn’t make sense but then there is often not much about being a mum that does. I do wish however someone would have tried harder to tell me something’s. It would have made the ride less bumpy perhaps? No; I doubt it also.

1. I wish someone had tried to tell me just a little bit harder: that I would never sleep deeply again. For the past eight years (I’m including pregnancy- a whole other ‘some things’) I lay between that awake and asleep state listening to every cough, murmur and footstep.  I thought once baby slept through that was it; sleeping long hours away would return. No it doesn’t. It just moves to a different stage; baby, toddler, tween, teenager, young adult and married. No one told me that I would dream of good sleep and now will often pay for a good night sleep. It’s called a hotel and I will fake appointments interstate to get one.

2. I wish someone had told me that I would become a climbing gym- I would have worked out more. We have a the best fandangle climbing gym for my children in the backyard but my 5ft1 frame is apparently better because it makes noises when you put a foot into that foot hold called my ribs.

3. I wish some one had told be that I would become a hypocrite. That little white lies would be perfectly okay and is what my whole relationship with my children is based on. They are what get me through the day. You don’t need an example of when I use them its bad enough I’m admitting I’m not perfect because after 565 posts you thought that right?

4. I wish someone had told me that handling vomit, pee and poo would be something I did on a daily basis and that smelling and wiping someone’s else bottom  other than my own is as normal as putting on a pair of knickers.

5. I wish someone had told me that shopping would no longer bring me a joy it’s merely a hunt and gather to cloth and feed my clan.

6. I wish someone had told me that despite being surround by people being a mother is sometimes so damn lonely.

7. I wish someone had told me that hide and seek would have to become part of my game plan to get five minutes on my own because a lock on the toilet door means nothing to them.

8. I wish someone had told me how many times I will sit in my car and cry. Cry the ugly cry because I would on occasion doubt my ability to be a ‘good parent’ but to have faith that I am doing the best I can. I often wonder where did that young and arrogant person go? The one who thought they could do everything. No one told me that person would disappear. Perhaps she was vomited out during my first nine months of morning sickness again a whole another ‘something’s’.

9. I wish someone had told me how resourceful I would become especially at 3am when husband is at work and I need to take B1 to the ER with another two children in tow. I wish some one had told me that there is no need to worry; I will manage and its all going to be okay in the end.

10. I wish someone had told me how much love I would have for them, it at times is all consuming. I wish someone had told me how much joy they would bring me. I am still often in disbelief that these gifts are mine and I’m so proud of them however sometimes I pretend that they aren’t mine especially when it involves a tantrum in the aisle of Big W.

What are your something’s you wish someone had tried to tell you harder about being a mum?

Xx Deb 

Last weekend I attended the Village Voices Master Class event which was then followed by a wee cocktail party. It was wonderful truly wonderful but for one shy person doing it on her own it was almost a nightmare event however with a deep breath a glass of champa’s I managed a little mingle with a few amazing women. Attendance of that event and how to get through it consumed me. I rehearsed conversation lines in my head, occasionally out loud and so my few things are really a few things as rehearsed lines and ensuring my home was in order in case I was hit by a bus on my little soiree was all that I really thought about last week about so here are my few things this third week of May.

1. I went to Kitchen by Mike  …love, love, love if you are in Sydney go there. Just go.
2. I met my husband in Sydney for a quick rendezvous. It was wonderful.  I forgot how wonderful, kind and funny he was. We stayed at the Sebel Surry Hills. I recommend it and no that’s not a paid sponsorship; it was good, quite and gorgeously furnished.
3. We walked miles and miles and then when we couldn’t walk anymore took public transport. It’s the only way to see a city only way or is it? What’s your preferred way?
4. I was amazed at the number of men who took their kids out on Saturday morning…I was impressed seriously.
5. I’m dealing with a bully I have dealt with her before but they are back. They are part of the family. A family member makes it harder than dealing with someone in the play ground because they have a sense of entitlement and that because your ‘family’ it’s okay. It isn’t. Ever.
6. Marriage and blood doesn’t mean that you’re family. It means you have something in common. My family are the people I choose to have in my life because they love me. They are not those who happen to have something in common with me.
7. I have never ever thought of Angelina Jolie as sexy…I couldn’t see what men and some women see…now knowing she has been so brave as to have a double mastectomy..She is sexy and so very fine…read more here
8. I briefly met Christina from Hair Romance over the weekend…yes I know name dropping but she is beautiful and sweet and so bloody clever…seriously some women have it all…sigh damn it..Head on over to her site if you don’t already and see exactly how clever she is…she will show you how to  make yourself feel just a little more beautiful than I know you already are.
9. So your husband has gone to work…you have the first day blues and that is okay (please don’t dwell to long…it’s not healthy) but you can almost ( I say almost) guarantee he will come home cranky and tired but will come home all the same…have a look at this from the ABC about the men and women that go to war and how they have changed when they come home and that not a guarantee..
10. I couldn’t make up my mind about which of these three stories I wanted to share. They all did a little something for me funny, entertainment and inspirational…so you decide a Brooklyn bar is having the smallest penis competition, a girl that lost her hands gets new bionic ones and Eva Longoria’s wardrobe malfunction.

 

That is it my friends wishing you a glorious day,

Xx Deb

These are one of the nicest mixes I have found..so bad for you though..so much sugar..but everything in moderation. This is a small mix of just 12 but double if you want more.

Chocolate Chip Biscuits

What you will need: 

2/3 cup of plain flour

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/8 tsp salt

1/4 cup butter softend

1/4 cup brown sugar packed

3 tbs white sugar castor if you have it

1 large egg yolk

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tbs water

1/3 cup of chocolate bits

1/4 cup of nuts I used uncooked quick oats to make it school box friendly or use some chopped dried fruit this is opitional

 

How to:

Pre heat oven to 180 degrees C.

Line trays with baking paper

Sift flour baking powder and salt and mix

Cream the butter, brown sugar and white sugar. Add the egg yolk, vanilla and water. Mix well

Combine flour and butter mixes. Stir in chocolate chips and quick oats and mix.

Drop teaspoons of the mix onto baking tray.

Bake 10 to 12 minutes or until the edges of the cookies begin to brown. Remove from the oven and let the cookies cool on the baking tray until they and firm but still warm.

Enjoy.

My friend announced she was having a baby with a party and a cake. They had tried so for long to have a baby that when it did happen I expected the massive announcement. Often I wish when I see these new visual announcements that when I fell pregnant the first time that I did something more amazing like a flash mob, poem, video, or a photo of a pair of booties to announce to my husband we were pregnant. Something other than what I did which was gift wrap the pregnancy stick and give it to my husband mid argument about him going to go back to the mines to work so we didn’t lose our home. Yes in hindsight it seems a little gross; gifting a stick with my own urine on it and the timing was terrible but I was terrified. At the time I saw that stick like a wand; it had predicted our  future at least to some degree. That stick and all the meaning it held was a massive gift of love from me to him and I wasn’t able to think much beyond that. I was so happy, excited and so very scared at the same time. So despite being mid argument my husband opened it; the gift wrapped pee stick, happily swore, then smiled and well the rest is history.

For my second pregnancy I was a little more imaginative because honestly I wasn’t so scared. Happily nervous. So I booked mark a baby name book again with the stick. Me and my piddled on sticks. I wrapped it and the book and gave it to my husband just before he went back to work offshore. I figured he had four weeks to find a name we might agree on and four weeks to work out why I had given him a book in the first place.

Our third baby I was back to being scared out of my wits. I wanted this baby so badly but wasn’t so sure I could handle him or her at the time but knew they were destined to be. I was only a couple of weeks pregnant probably too early for a test but I knew. So alone together husband and I, on a weekend away without the kids, I pee-ed on that magic stick the one that changes your life forever and waited. We waited together on the hotel bed on a cold Melbourne day waiting for that stick to change nervously chatting about what if. He looked first he smiled and again the rest was history. That finding out and announcing was ultimately my favourite.

How we told our family? It was simple…we are having a baby…they didn’t believe us until I started to show…our resolve to not have children was that strong they didn’t believe us and the reaction (with the exception of my parents who we announced with do you prefer Nanna/ Grandma or Poppa/Grandad was priceless I wish we had recorded it- thanks mum and dad) wasn’t exactly what we expected so we didn’t even bother the second nor third time we were with child. And all our children were planned not an accident after that one time in Venice but still we kept it private and it was beautiful.

Now like with my friends pregnancy announcement that they are finally with child its all so visual. Announcing pregnancies like marriage proposals have gone to new heights and when I see these photos, videos, cakes and effort I think damn perhaps I could have done something a bit more imaginative to mark something so life changing. Hindsight is wonderful and perhaps but probably not I was too scared to think straight and now for me there will never be a next time but here are some very sweet announcement ideas here, here, and you must watch this video here it will make your day its like watching pure joy- as the announcement of every baby should be.

So how did you announce to your partner that you were pregnant? Flash mob? Card? Or just a simple we are having a baby? Did you video it And did you do something special for your family? 

xx Deb

Warning this post has links to erotica and photographic pornography all reading is at your discretion however if its not your thing please close this post and come back tomorrow.

Please ensure your children are out of the room and your partner is in (or fly solo your choice)  just in case you are among the 90% that only take 2 minutes to become aroused when watching or looking at pornography or erotica as I now preferre to call it. Erotica sounds so much more classy don’t you think?

The last time I saw pornography it was when we were visiting my best friends cousin and it made me just a little prudishly uncomfortable. He and a bunch of mates were watching it together and had paused it rather than turn the television off when they realised they had a female visitor. I walked in and looked at the TV screen and the paused image of a woman mid orgasm which immediately brought to mind a couple of questions self-consciously my first was do we really look like that mid come? My second question that I immediately threw to the boys who sat sheepishly huddled on the couch like a bunch of teenagers caught with their first stash of porn. Why and really?  Whilst

Why and really?  Whilst it’s nothing to be embarrassed about the boys looked everywhere but me when I asked how is it that men can watch something so intimate together that’s meant to ‘turn you on’; if they aren’t into each other so to speak? I have always thought porn was a ‘toy’ to get you in the mood not just something to watch and pass the time with but you know different strokes for different folks; literally. Typically I never got an answer.

Typically I never got an answer.

Whether you watch it, read it or shop it pornography or erotica has its place in the world and it has been around since I couldn’t find out when but like it or not it always will be so why not embrace it?·Even just a little and what comes from erotica is good for you.

Even just a little and what comes from erotica is good for you.

It when used correctly (think Tiger Woods not so correctly) is helpful to any romantic relationship which in its self-has a mired of health benefits.  Good sex is good for you and your relationship. Erotica is just another way to have a little fun with something that can become a little routine. According to a survey of over 77,000 people by MSNBC, 34% of couples in long-term relationships have used porn to spice up their sex life. The French love it and they know about love· In 2012, a poll of over 500 French women found that 84% had watched porn, 50% of them on their own.

And given the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey us Australian ladies are getting into too. In 2009, Theresa Flynt, vice president of marketing for Hustler video, said that women accounted for 56% of business at her company’s video stores. We are finding our groove so to speak and with the internet we are making part of the everyday Neilsen Net ratings found that one in three Australian Porn viewers are women and they surfed the net on average for eleven hours a week with 13% of those women accessing at work..Ahem discretion ladies discretion.

So without further ado here is a little guide to erotica…

Books

This genre of books is also called “one-handed reading” I’m sure you can understand why. Gone are the days of just mills and boons publishers are now publishing countless titles Ellora’s Cave, Nexus, and Black Lace are among them. Storylines range from fantastical, some paranormal, some focused on S&M but all of them have one thing in common: lots and lots of very explicit sex. Romance publishers have now brought out specific series for erotic fiction. Look out for titles under Blaze, Avon Red Romance and for writers such as Joanna Lindsey and Emma Holly. Buy them online here, here , here or head to the shopping links below.

Web Erotica

I warn you this is pornography in a photo graphical form…children should exit the room. There are obviously lots and lots of sites but here are some of the ‘nicer’ ones..Romance Pornography., Girls love Sex too

If you don’t want to go buy the books and want to access online written erotica Sensual Scribblings is short story erotica.

For the girls  is a mix of video, photography, writing and shopping. The content of the site ranges from ‘soft focus’ to ‘hard core’. Whilst their home page offers a glimpse of what’s on offer any further viewing requires a membership.

Bright Desires This site offers a new and different kind of porn – new wave, smart porn. The aim is to move beyond the old cliche’s, boundaries and negativity of standard, old-style pornography and to offer something fresh, inclusive and intelligent..

Shopping:

The Sweet Spot I went on to their site when I was researching this post and loved them. I called them up and asked them if the knew any others and instantly I loved them. A woman answered the phone and was helpful just like their website said. They started the sweetspot because they wanted a shopping experience that was about fun to be fun and classy not feel crass and dirty. They sell beautiful lingerie. , toys, books and accessories. Have a look here and see what you think

www.loverouge.com.au is an online store and has a boutique located in Sydney’s Darlinghurst offering a ranging of fantastic services. There website is beautiful as I imagine their store would be (I have not the opportunity to visit) and the services they offer are burlesque classes and pleasure parties. Who wouldn’t like to earn a little bit of the art of burlesque even just for themselves? More details here.

www.honeybirdette.com is an online and a boutique store with outlets across Australia. The website is beautiful and they offer and range of lingerie, toys, accessories and books. Or if you are in a location where there is a store then why not pop on in.

Here is to happy endings.

What’s your take on erotica? Do you have a favourite book, shop or site?

xxDeb

All research quotes from here.