the fifo wife

In a 2015 New York Times article, data analysis revealed that ‘sexless marriage’ was the most Googled phrase for spouses, with 21,000 searches every month, even beating ‘unhappy marriage’.

For those curious what the averages ‘is’ because if we are all honest, I’m sure there have been some of us {myself included} wondering what’s ‘normal’ is in the sex department. Talking and telling the truth about sex isn’t something people are honest about very often.

The Kinsey Institute, however, compiled a research paper based on psychological studies and surveys completed in Europe and the US. They concluded that 18 to 29-year-olds have sex an average of 112 times a year, 30 to 39-year-olds an average of 86 times and 40 to 49 olds an average of 69 times a year. In Japan, however, a study revealed that up to 50% of marriages are considered sexless with couples having no intention of changing the situation.

Marriage is thought to be regarded as sexless when you have sex less than four times a year which currently to my ears is a great relief because currently what with three kids working full-time and running a household the husband and I we are in the midst of a drought.

So what do you do when you’re going through a dry spell, and the reality is everyone does. It’s the ups and downs of a partnership and parenthood. Because if kids don’t turn you off sex for months on and off through life I don’t know what will and sometimes it makes things tricky. Creates tension be sexual or not, however, a couple of steps to making it through.

Keep talking to each other. There is more to a partnership than sex although it does make it more fun. Talk about everything. I can’t stress that enough. I recall my ugly tired period with such exhaustion well.

Understand that sex is more than just penetration. It’s the whole flirting, dating, masturbating, foreplay shebang.

Work out why you stopped having sex and make steps to fix it. Make sure its, not a medical issue. Hormones, tiredness, iron, vitamin and mineral levels play such an understated role in our sexual function.

Appreciate and be kind to each other. I know when my husband has done something kind for me he develops a sex appeal that’s hard to resist.

The best advice, however, is just to have fun together because all droughts end eventually, usually in floods.

xx Deb.

{image with thanks to here content Debbie Russo}

It has been a long time between ‘just because’ post. Life here is crazy busy. I actually thought life would calm down once the boys were older more independent but it doesn’t slow down it gets busier more hectic. The time flies by- too fast.

Mummies of babies. Take your breath now because life just gets better. Impossible to think that it does but it does.

So where are we at? At this very the moment it’s Good Friday, my mother is here down from Darwin for a visit, the husband is home and the kids are watching TV blaring at full ball. It’s ten o’clock. I did tell them to turn the television off at ten but that’s not going to happen and I’m not going chase them because I’m writing. I love to write and don’t do enough of what I love and so at the cost of consistency, I’m keeping my mouth shut.

However what else is new?

The husband’s contract start date got pushed back to June; slightly devastated was the word. We are trying to relish the whole 9-5 thing but truth is we are struggling to see the value in it given that it’s more 6-7. We never see him. The kids never see him. We and I mean all of us want our old life back and yet are trying to embrace the new. We want our life where its a hard slog for four weeks but the reward as far as we are concerned is great. The reward is that solid amount of time where he is ours. Ours. Work is work, home is home. We all miss it, especially the kids, it feels like we are treading water and we are starting to get weary. Its only been three months but it feels longer and so I wonder does that even make my blog relevant anymore? Should I change the name?

Me, I’m working the school, the avocado farm and helping the husband with his wee lawn mowing business he started. We started because he couldn’t find work locally and well it’s flourished. He intends to keep his regulars when he goes back so he has something to do when he gets back for his rnr and the boys will help him. Hopefully, the boys and I will be able to maintain them when he is gone. I was actually thinking last week that 12 months ago I was still getting better from a bad bout of anxiety and grief and how much better I am now.  Getting better takes time just like everything.

The boys are thriving. B1 got his first c+ this past term and is on top of the world. We also decided on a high school which has boosted his confidence and mine. The high school we have chosen is small, however, is rated the top high school in the Far North region. My favourite part is the have a  waiting list for teachers wanting to join them and they have the highest rate of suspensions around. I’m taking that as a good thing as it means the principal doesn’t put up with rubbish meaning the other students have an optimal chance of learning, bingo sign us up. So we have started B1’s merger already despite the fact it’s not for another eight months as that’s the key to these quirky autistic types, familiarity and understanding that things are going to be different.

B2. My sweet B2. For those that don’t follow the facebook page, insta or have missed it B2 had some mental health issues. A psychiatrist was brought in. We talked, we nurtured and decisions were made and now three months on he is almost back to himself. It’s something I will write about when I’m ready and he but it was incredibly scarey to watch our baby struggle with such a hard to understand illness.

As for B3 oh my goodness. I’m trying to recall how the others were at this age but at the moment it feels like he has hit puberty and yet he is only eight. I’m trying to fathom what I did differently because the tantrums and lip dropping when he can’t get his own way is driving all of us insane. He tells me {and it’s back up by his teachers and peers} that he doesn’t behave this way at school or in public only at home, lucky us I suppose that he can be so ‘free ‘ with us however it’s also becoming harder to take. I’m hoping its a growth spurt because he has grown almost half a foot in three months that’s a whole lot of energy to be used even before asking him to ‘behave’. Can someone shed some light could it be a growth spurt or it’s the whole last child thing?

Anyway, thats what’s happening around here just the everyday stuff called life but its good stuff dont you think? But tell me what about at your place? What everyday stuff is happening at your place.

xx Deb.

Someone typed into the blogs search engine today “positives about being a wife of a FIFO husband” and whilst some will argue there are any, there is always a positive to a negative. Its how the world works and the sooner you can find see it and live it the better your world will be.The world runs on the positive.

So here are a few of the positives I have come to learn from my FIFO life because FIFO has made me who I am its been part of my whole life. I am I guess second generation FIFOer if there is such a word. These however I think apply to any tricky life because life is always at some point going to be tricky.

1. You will come to see that absence does make the heart grow fonder. If not fonder then certainly it will make you appreciate them more and hopefully, in turn, you. You may even fall even deeper in love for the sacrifices each of you are making. If you are like me however, I don’t miss my husband I don’t have time unless of course there is a in-between moment and then a tear will fall and an ugly cry will ensue in the shower.
2. You will come to appreciate the value of time and how precious it is and not just with your partner but everyone valuable in your life. Don’t waste it. It is more valuable than gold.
3. You will come to develop communication skills that only the UN negotiators could dream of. FIFO will test your relationship but life will test your relationship. Communication is the key to anything. It’s like magic. Emotionally you will grow and your relationships will flourish.
4. You will find a strength in yourself that you never knew existed. On days that are tough will learn to ride it out and see making it through the other side as a blessing. Making you so much stronger.
5. You will learn you new tricks that you didn’t know before like changing tyres, using drills and mowing learns. If you want to. Some choose not and that’s their choice and it’s okay.
6. You will come to understand yourself better. You will develop a faith and confidence in yourself that only riding solo can only teach you.
7. You come to understand who your friends are, who your family is and who is there to help you out on a bad day. The loss will either leave you saddened or somewhat lighter. Lighter is always better if you think about; you rise faster that way.
8. You will come to understand that attitude is everything and there is no one else in control of that but you.You are in control of every action and decision you make. Call it mumbo jumbo but positive attracts the positive,  its the way life works.

Life is tricky and nothing is easy you just get much better at it. See the positive over the negative and FIFO can give you much more than a monetary or lifestyle gain but a whole new way of thinking.

xxDeb

{image with thanks to here. Words by Debbie Russo}