We are going to be fortunate this year almost lucky if I believed in luck but this year FIFO husband has spent two birthdays (on the actual day) at home with us and this year more excitedly at this stage we think he may be home for Christmas a first in three years. I’m not sure if I’m happy or sad about that as I love the non official Christmas that we have. There is never any stress at all and it’s always such a fun happy day. The day is spent how we want it not by family members we see hardly at all.
Anyway it got me thinking about the everyday moments and events with the kids that are missed and let’s face it with FIFO he is going to miss some with working away. And whilst I understand that’s tough but that is also life. I missed my B1’s first steps because I was in the toilet, I missed my B2 first sentence because he was at day care and I’m sure I missed lots of B3’s milestones because finally after four years of no sleep my body was starting the whole shut down; I was too tired to take notice or care. The only thing I remember of B3’s in all honesty is he started crawling on Christmas day I remember because we were at my mother’s hence I’d had some rest and I caught it on video. It promptly got sent to husband. Along with every other ‘snap’ taken by me that day.
Initially when my husband realised he may or may not miss these ‘big’ moments he was sad and disappointed and it stayed this way until he witnessed B1’s first steps and I didn’t. I was in the toilet as it happened. He almost kind of rubbed it in. Why don’t you care he asked. Am I disappointed? a little but the fact of the matter is he doesn’t know I have missed them. What I will remember is the absolute joy on his face as he kept trying and remember when he ‘crawled’ to you at the airport his face so determined and happy at the same time, didn’t that make up for missing that first crawl I asked him in return. And now as we have learnt B1 doesn’t remember who was there on those first steps, first crawls and first words and neither do I. What he does remember is FIFO husband screaming encouragement like some crazy man on the sidelines of the cross country field earlier this year. He remembers daddy taking him to the skate park. He remembers daddy going to class reading. He remembers daddy being at school parade as he was presented with his first school certificate. He remembers those things. Those things that matter to him. To me thats more important.
But FIFO husband has missed some moments it happens it’s going to happen. It will happen to me as a stay at home mum. It will happen to working fathers and working mothers. Its life. So I have made it my personal mission as a FIFO wife and just all round mum to keep the everyday as well documented as I can (when sleep deprivation has allowed) so here is what we have done to try and close the gap for when FIFO husband is being the FIFO husband.
1. Keep a camera handy at all times this wasn’t the case for us when B1 was born digital’s/ camera phones were just emerging on the market. We relied on the web cam to take stills and upload. Video camera everything school plays, sports days, swimming lessons (ask permission first…new rules and all). Take photos of everything. It may insignificant to you but not to them.
2. If they miss a school presentation, running race and you are there, capture it on video. When they get home make it a presentation like on movie night. Pop corn soft drinks make it a really ‘big’ deal. Your kids and FIFO will love it more than them being there. Even when you are there it’s often hard to give the star kid your full attention as you try to contain your other children all the while trying to watch them.
3. Take one random image of your babies’ everyday and send it to thier email. Either with a comment on how yours and their day went but send an image every day. EVERYDAY. Our photos range from a boring old passport type image, to an action shot to them sleeping. Send one and you will end up with an amazing timeline of their life. We have one image of all the boys for everyday of their life from the moment they were born.
4. There are lots of applications now that you can post things online in private. We use tumbler and I will snap things on my iPod and can send them off to tumbler from the McDonalds wireless cafe if that’s where we are. Only he and I can see it. We can write notes. Thoughts all that type of thing. The option with tumbler or most applications you can turn them into books later which is what we intend to do. Tumbler it’s operated with password, other family members can see if you let them but I’m greedy and just want it for us. Him me and the boys.
5. Write an email every day (even if you call) or at the end of the week send a newsletter of everything that you can remember that they have done that you may have forgotten to tell them. First words, new words my husband was always asking what their new words where and I would forget so I would write them down and he would get it most Sunday afternoons in a family newsletter. It was exhausting but it gave me a creative outlet at the time. Now we have tumblr but every now and then I still do a newsletter.
6. For when the boys are older…if something amazing has happened at school or in general (mummy often misses those) they will write or draw about it and it goes in a special draw that daddy opens when he gets home. We make a huge deal of that draw and its contents and its opening.
Dont make too big a deal of missed moments. Celebrate the ones you see. The ones you can. Its the best you can do.
Have a great Monday lovelies,
xx Deb
