the fifo wife

Originally I was posting this for the recipe…I have a ton of pumpkin at the moment but then I turned my attention to the hand written note. I always find peoples hand writing interesting I think its a reflection of them especially now as we barely see it these days. Email and computers means we hardly ever use pen and paper. It all looks so perfect all the same so peoples style of hand writing always surprise me. It will often surprise me the messy scrawl I see on paper belongs to the perfectly coiffed women in front of me or that beautiful cursive loop belongs to someone who looks like he is living out of a card board box.

The hand written note its now the new novelty. Its often scrawled. It often looks imperfect and messy. Its intriguing and almost romantic. And truth is when I write a note and I have a tendency to write a lot (slightly old fashioned at 35..its the romance and surprise of it) I can write it a dozen times before I’m happy with the way my hand writing looks on the paper. I waste a lot of trees..I’m not proud of that. So as I’m always self analysing I looked it up once- what my hand writing said about me. I know to much time on my hands but anyway here is what some generic website said about my open and closed loops; I generally like to work alone or behind the scenes. I’m right-handed and my handwriting slants a little to the left, so I may be expressing rebellion. Overall Iam well-adjusted and adaptable. Hmm perhaps..

So along with a recipe here is Rebecca Minkoff’s hand writing in case you like me were unaware she is a designer. Famous. She designs luxury handbags and accessories you can find her stuff and her story here. Her writing (if it is hers..perhaps her assistant?) says You tend to be logical and practical. You are guarded with your emotions. You are well-adjusted and adaptable. You tend to be skeptical and are unswayed by emotional arguments. Wonder if she would agree.

So when was the last thing you wrote something down for someone? and what does your handwriting do you think say about you, head here and let me know..

xx Deb

My dad’s here!! So there will be a slight delay with posts as I soak up every moment I can with him. Love my dad. Treasure every minute with him. I wouldnt call myself a daddys girl but I just adore him. He has been a wonderful parent, my role model for life and I miss him when he is not here.

How about you lovelies are you a daddys girl or boy?

xxDeb

My B1 I think gets a little picked on at school. And until last Thursday I have never seen it. I don’t think he knows whats happening and given that he struggles with making friends he just puts up with it like its a normal part of the day but perhaps that’s a good thing? As a parent I have been so confused about what to do. Sometimes I think he brings it on himself..can one say that? I don’t know. I only say that because often the kids will include him, run up to him as he walks into school and he wont want to join in. He wont say hello. He ignores them. I never know what he is thinking he struggles with communicating so I don’t know really whats going on. Truth is he has always been picked on and what I have found is the parents don’t seem to care. Dont care that there child is hurting someone else. B1 has suffered bullying since play group he has had trouble with his speech because of his delayed hearing. His first instance of bullying came at play group. Play group; when another boy pushed him over and threw sand in his face, the mother didn’t care. I then changed play groups where another little boy kicked him in the face as he climbed the stairs to the slide. The mother sat watched and did nothing. Ironically that little boy is now in his grade still the little delight he was back then.

So I have never known what to do given the lack of response from parents. Am I over reacting? I don’t know when to intervene when he tells me that his supposed best friend doesn’t want to be his friend anymore. Or the boys pushed him over into the garden bed and told him to go away at lunch. When does it stop just being child’s play and start being bullying? How long do you wait and see how it handles it? When do you step in? When? At what age do you tell him to fight back? But then is fighting, physically fighting what you really want him to do? Not my first answer but when is ignoring saying no enough. And thats sending the wrong message in the end it will be him in the wrong. It always works this way. He is six and in the first grade should I really be having to think about this?

So Thursday I went to B1’s reading group. A parent attends takes five kids listens to them read, checks off their books and sends them on their way. I took my B1’s group. Its a mixed group of reading levels RR20-RR10 my B1 sits at RR10. Its the lowest in the group but not in the class. We have had struggles this year despite our thriving start to the year but I am so proud of my B1 for having got where he is today. So my B1 left me his book box and headed off to a speech therapy lesson whilst the rest of the group sat with me. I messed around a little nervous (kids make me nervous..I know crazy right) and whilst I was messing around this tall lanky kid who we will call Bill started reading and sorting through my B1’s books. He grabbed out of my B1’s book box a book it was a RR10 Bill sits at RR22. He is in grade one and reading mini encyclopedia’s. He is naturally gifted and well his parents should be proud of that. So he grabbed a book out my B1’s box and commenced reading it. Clearly this book was below him by a long shot.

Whilst I was messing about a little green nosed freckly boy sat down. We shall call him ‘Rocco’ and asked ‘Bill’ what are you reading? Its one of B1’s book’s he answered. My baby brother read this one last night Bill said laughing. Rocco laughed. Now Rocco is a RR12 so not much better than my B1 but still he laughed at the fun being made of my B1. Rocco said it louder and repeated it ‘your baby brother read that book and its the same as B1’s? Yes said Bill looking straight at me. My four year old baby brother can read B1’s books. They both knew what they were doing. Trying to humiliate my baby and in front of me. They were going through my B1’s books laughing and giggle while the green snot ran out of Rocco’s nose. They continued laughing at my B1 feeding off each other. It was sneaky it was hurtful it was cunning and my B1 wasn’t even there to defend himself, not that he would. I doubt he would’ve even known what was going on.

My hand has never been so itchy. Never in my life have I wanted to reach across the table and throttle someone else child. Instead I gathered up B1’s books that they had scattered up all over the table. Come on Bill I said lets get done so you can go. I was doing my best to be the adult. He read to me like he had been reading inside the womb. He finished up and I took on ‘Rocco’ all the while staring at him wishing I could just wipe his nose and smack his backside; horrible but true. So I listened as he read he didn’t even read well I might add and on the last page there was truck with tigers in it.

Have you seen a real tiger I asked No he said. Really? Not even at the zoo I asked? No he replied. Well I said. B1 has seen a tiger and a lion. Has he been to the circus? Rocco asked No I said he saw them at the zoo and then he saw them at Dream World. Has he been to Dream World? asked Rocco? Yes I said. Have you been to Dream World Rocco? No I haven’t and this is where I faltered I become the parent who wanted to retaliate the only legal way I knew how. Well I said B1 has been to Movie World, Dream World, Sea World and Wet and Wild. He has been to New Zealand and Sydney and I’m guessing you haven’t been there either? No he said oh well I said perhaps you will go sometime. Yeah he said then he turned and said to Bill. Hey Bill B1 has been to Dream World. Cool huh? Dreamworld. Bill looked at me. Yes I said have you?

He never answered me and I don’t care. My behaviour was that day perhaps on par with them. I don’t care. I have approached his teacher who says she hasn’t seen anything or heard anything but perhaps this style of bullying is different to what teachers are looking out for. Perhaps its not considered bullying perhaps Im over reacting. Perhaps its nothing just kids being kids after all its not physical. After all I copped abit at school and I turned out okay. Kids are different now though. Perhaps though this is the new type of bullying. Its the bullying that can be said in your ear when the teachers back is turned. Its the bullying that can be said in a group out loud, be heard and laughed at and repeated a thousand times over and all the teacher can say is be quite. The effect of that is long lasting.

What I do know is my presence at that school, in that class will be like I have part shares in it. Like I own it. I’m not going to make a scene. I’m just going to be there as much as I legally can. Its as the saying goes keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Its the best I can do for now.

So tell me friends..when do you intervene and what do you do?

xx Deb

Just thought I would give you an update on B3 and his monster behaviour. He is still a monster but he has shifted from the god fearing Godzilla that I desperately wanted to drop with anyone that would take him and run to something more like fraggle rock and I’m rather partial to Gobo from the Fraggles. Yes I am showing my age there. It took some work. Lots of tantrums following the NO’s but lots of laughing and loving too.

His behaviour now is that of a wonderful, moody, funny, wistful cranky three year old. He is yummy. He is wonderful and Im so glad that he had become that little monster because I may have missed this. I may have just put up with it put it in the too hard basket and missed this. Missed this wonderful boy that I had.

These last two weeks have been funny and frustrating all in one. He is such a different boy to his brothers. He is so different. He needs different handling. Different teachings. He is wonderful and he has taught me a thing or two. He is a boy of boundries and routine. So I put boundaries back in place. I said no instead of yes. I spoke to him instead of yell at him. I got down to his level when he was upset and when I was cranky. I ignored his tantrums and told him when he had finished I would speak with him. I told him he needed to listen to me for me to help him. I have played with him. Invested time in him. Negotiated my work time with him. I have though cheated along the way. Twice a week I have started going to the public libarays reading mornings. They read a book and then do craft. Exactly what he is after. Craft and kids. Thank goodness because I am not a crafter. Happy to pull out the play dough and have whack but craft ahh leave that to the purple rinsed expert. Yes thank you.

So its been a week or so since we put a stop to the monster boys behaviour and our first test came Thursday when we walked in to the supermarket. He walked in and walked out without asking for a thing. Nothing. No chips. No milk. No chocolates. For the first time in weeks no tantrums. No apologising to other shoppers for the screaming banshee that insisted belonged to me. Our second test came Saturday. We had a specialist appointment at the public hospital. So yes you know what that means. Waiting. In a hospital. Our appointment 1030am typically we still hadn’t been seen at 1130. No tantrum no whinging no whinging. He and his brothers played happily with their cars in the corridors whilst we waited. Finally an hour and half later we were seen. Seven minutes we where out of there, I always wonder how does that work? Through out the appointment they sat on the floor watching while the doctor looked into their brothers eyes. Asking questions. Being quite when asked. Answering questions. Being restless. Being as good as they could after being restrained for an hour and half.

Being yummy little boys and yes Im proud to call those boys mine. Mine. Yes lady who wished me luck nodding her head at my beautiful babies as I sat down; those gorgeous yummy boys were mine.

Mine. All mine.

xx Deb

I heard this one years ago I think I read it on a magazine or maybe even Doctor Phil. I won’t deny it, I use to watch Doctor Phil when I was feeding B3 often I was ‘stuck’ in front of the TV for HOURS so it was either Doctor Phil or Days of my lives both being as bad as each other some days.

So happy marriage tip three: If you need to whinge and complain to someone other than your partner. If you need to vent. Let off a little steam. And the only person in ear reach is your family then complain and whinge to his mother, not yours. The theory is his mother will forgive him yours never will the indiscretions will just build and build. If you’re a man whinge to your mates they expect it from you. If you’re a man and you whinge to your mother chances are they will develop a grudge against your wife, whinge to her mother and well you will be the ass of the world. No matter how much toe licking you do after the fact.

And whilst I don’t have any real reason to complain about my husband I have never whinged to my parents about my husband and as a result they still think he is the bee’s knees. If the house was to burn down I’m sure that they would grab him over me. So I get it. It me it makes sense. However my girlfriend she complains to her parents about her husband and well they don’t really like him as result. They accommodate him. Nothing worse than being accommodated. Her complaining to her parents just fuels things when life is difficult for them already and when life is difficult that additional fuel from your in laws it’s just not necessary. And yet she could vent to her mother in law and it would be okay. His mother she understands, she gets him and mostly all is forgiven.

I know because despite my funny relationship with my mother in law during my husband adjustment phase to offshore life she once thought my husband was too hard on me. He at that point of our life was just being a dumb ass. I took a punt that she wouldn’t slap me down like I know she has done to others less fortunate before me also taking the same punt. I vented, I complained. She listened to my plight and whilst she agreed he wasn’t behaving so wonderfully she kept listening so I kept venting. She asked if I needed help. I told her no this is my problem, my marriage, no one fights my battles for me. She never thought of him any different she didn’t judge him and I had vented all that off my chest.

So basically fella’s your stuck but ladies think it over next time you need to have a vent but my theory..If it’s bad enough I whinge to my husband. If it’s just a whinge because he won’t ever shut the toilet door keep it to yourself, have a giggle and let it go…

Have great day lovelies,

xx Deb

PS Once again all thoughts, opions and tips are my own and gained from my own experience. Please use this advice at your own risk..I know its commonsense but apparently common sense doesn’t stand up in a court of law so I’m covering my proverbial backside..this is my official disclaimer..use it at your own risk xx Deb