A lovely lovely emailed me over the weekend and asked me if I was okay? I am well thank you lovely that little email, it made my day. There is nothing wrong. Well there is but there isn’t. It’s really nothing a good night sleep won’t fix; you see typically I’m sleep deprived. Now my kids are 7, 5, and 3 years old so them sleeping through is not the problem. Most months my sleep deprivation levels are good, most months are great it’s just this month well it’s getting a little crappy.
Getting the kids to sleep is not the problem. They are not babies. Me getting to sleep is not the problem. It’s the other stuff you know at 12 am and it can happen once through the month; which is okay or it can be a run; a marathon of interrupted sleep. This month it’s been a marathon of mummy I need to go to the toilet well go to the toilet then you know where it is. Mummy my leg hurts its growing pains having had them as a child there is nothing I can say but sympathise rub his stick thin leg until the Panadol kicks in. Mummy are you here? Bad dream yes Im here and yes you are okay. For future reference you’re not watching postman pat before bed any more. And my favourite all month Mummy I just vomited all over the bed; Jesus Christ what? They wake go back to sleep and worse wake up bouncing. BOUNCING. Me? I’m left bleary eyed and not so bushy tailed at 2 am then still at 4 am. Occasionally I get back to sleep but then this glorious thing happens’ my body clock sounds an alarm at 430 am. I get up because the only other option is to be cold nosed nuzzled by the dog who knows I’m a wake and just lying there trying to gain the strength to face the day; but that cold nose is as annoying as being poked in the back.
Karmic ally all this it happens in the one week and karmic ally because I’m the only one here I have no option but to get up and get the kids ready for school. I can’t sleep in. I don’t have anyone here to give me a hand and there is no one I can drop my kids too while I play sleep catch up (yeah right). Yet knowing full well this is the life I choose I suck it up and hope that my absolute belief in karma will take care of me and a good sleep is around the corner. So I spend most days being good and nice to people hoping that it will pay off and I will get that sleep. Selfish huh? Me being nice to the man who I know trapped and killed my cat is all part of the bigger plan to get a good night sleep that and I have no proof that he did it but the word of his frightened ex wife. Yes; see I’m becoming that desperate.
The other part of being this sleep deprived; the real trouble of surviving on just a few hours sleep every night I get a little bipolar and forgetful. I cry at Telstra ads, I put milk in the pantry. I forget to take the tags off my new shirt and walk around town all day. I allow myself to get a mullet cut when the alarm bells where well and truly ringing and I lose my temper over the kids peeing in the bushes instead of walking five metres to the toilet (what the hell is that about? It’s a boy thing right?) My kids are taking absolute advantage of me and tell me I said they could have tuck shop and watch that movie on a week night. Remember mum? With them knowing full well I’m lucky I remember to turn off the car after a trip to town. My husband I’m sure when he calls thinks I’m losing the absolute plot and it’s these sorts of months yes perhaps I am.
So my desires for a good night sleep. I dream about it. I dream about dreaming. Think about it during the day like a man does sex. I fantasies about bedding and what it feels like. I reminiscent about the drunk sleeps of my youth. I never thought I would see myself dreaming about getting a ‘good night sleep its so Mother Hubbard and I am so far from where I thought I would be right now. My town is so far from the cobbled streets of Paris and Egyptian cotton sheets. Never did I think the temptation to get rotten drunk was not to have a good time but to have a sleep so comatosed that nothing would wake me not even my kid who is slapping me to take him to the toilet because I forgot in my sleep deprived state forgot to leave the hall light on.
Yes alcohol that’s off limits. I don’t dare to drink when husband is away one I may just get rotten drunk and enjoy it but two karmic ally despite being nice to every Tom Dick and Harry that insults, questions and bullies their way into my life, I would get rotten drunk have that dreamed of comatose sleep and the house would burn down around me. Instead I work. I run. I clean. And again it’s not in the name of cleanliness (well yes it is) but it is all part of the bigger picture that may be if I’m exhausted come the end of each day I will collapse into a dead sleep like I read about in books.
So; too tonight my friends!
Have a fantastic Monday. I’m off to a new gym. It’s all part of the bigger sleep plan.
Xx Deb
