The Every Day

a fifo wife {fifo life: real life fifo: Matt four weeks on four weeks off}

Posted on by debbie
The real life FIFO stories where so popular that I wanted to make them a regular series but to keep a little balance because we all need balance, this time its from the working away partners perspective.
First up is Matt is a four week on four week off offshore worker based in Victoria. This is his (and his partners) story.
Was there a reason you started FIFO? I.e. deposit for a house, lifestyle. Or where you single what was your reaction when telling women about your roster? Did you talk about it before starting FIFO (as a couple) or the relationship? How long has FIFO been part of your relationship? Was there a time limit? Has that happened?

We tried FIFO early on in our relationship and it did not work for us at that time.

Having then a normal job in town seemed to work fine for us and time apart seemed to long.

A tree change for us meant a long wished for dream had come true and city work and the daily commute went on for three more years and as I moved up the ladder to the boss [ironicly in FIFO catering management] the more time I lost.

The eventual decision was made at operational level for the benefit of the company’s contract and now 8 years on we both agree its the best move we made.

Giving a greater amount of time together without continual work interruptions.

What do you like best about FIFO?

The money and rostered time off

What do you find so-so/tricky/hilariously bad about FIFO? What would change if you had a magic wand?

 

As casual you cant plan any long term activites or holidays.

How do you and your wife fit marriage into the balance? Do you think FIFO makes you be more romantic? Do you put more of an effort into your marriage? What do you do to maintain your marriage to keep it healthy? (ie communication, date nights)

We are not married but have been together for 12 years now, along with FIFO work we have a succsessfull farm business that sees the usual husbands list on the fridge a tad bit longer than the norm.

Date nights? What’s that! We don’t even get a night away from our son with no family to look after him etc and being some distance out of town we live pretty simple and don’t go out that much.

I do get the usual dig from my partner about romance being dead etc and we do talk a fair bit about what we should do to make an effort , then a cow has a difficult calf or some other issue comes up , like work needing me to go back early and its on hold until next time we discuss it.

Do you find you have trouble balancing your time off ie. You, wife and kids

No not really, probable biggest issue is that 28 days of 12 hr shifts at my young age of 45 and through in night shift and it takes me a week to rest up and get back to normality.

The family often does not understand being at work 28 days 12 hrs a day and living in cramped often noisy accommodation does not actually constitute ‘going on a holiday’!

How do you handle fitting back into routine? Dealing with discipline?

This is the main issue we deal with, I am a soft touch , after being away and often find myself not supporting my better half’s decisions and I think she over compensates for me being away by being too hard on our boy.

But im not the one who has to bring him up on my own for 50% of the year.

How do you stay connected to your family when you’re away? Do you think the kids are okay with you going to work?

We try to have morning and night calls and if not emails when we can. I know my lad understands that i have to go to make money. And that I am coming back.

In the early days he did say ‘your the boss out there’ cant you sack your self so you can stay home?

Do you get lonely on the rig? What’s the toughest time for you? (If there is one)

The night in the hotel before I fly out!

How do you manage life away do you have a routine sleep, eating, exercise and personal space issues on the rig?

I just shut my self down, I have a routine I always stick to that includes enjoying my own personal company and space.

Its the best way to deal with close contact with ship mates.

What’s the most surprising thing your partner has managed whilst you’re away? ( This question is very much optional but public bragging about your partner is such a nice thing..)

My missus runs a farm!! Enough said! She’s a legend.

What advice would you give to newbie’s about coping with FIFO.

If it is impacting on your relationship then get out, it’s not for everyone and not worth the money to lose your family.

As told by Matt, 

Thanks

xx Deb

The Every Day

a fifo wife {fifo life: real life fifo: over thinking}

Posted on by debbie / 6 Comments

My husband called this morning and I retold the amazing tantrum my B1 threw last night. The tantrum was over some punishment I had dished out and he B1 thought it was unfair. Husband listened intently and when our time had come husband finished with a quip that perhaps wasn’t meant to be mean or taken out of context but it left me with ah come on really and then with the exchange of I love you, talk later and he was gone. What he said for the record was not aimed at me. It was not meant to be hurtful and perhaps his remark was an attempt at humour but at 5.10 am in the morning even the love of my life is not funny..sorry husband. But that (the quip) is not the moral of the post. Its the after the fact matter that is.

Now there are three problems associated with this ‘quip’ one its left a heavy feeling in my heart that it was said because I am not sure it is true or even necessary, two it has put a cloud on the day because it’s all of what I will be thinking about possibly blowing the whole issue out of proportion for the next few hours as I get the kids ready for school and the third problem which is completely out of my hands is I can’t call him and say what the hell was that about to lift this heavy feeling and stop what essentially will turn into over thinking about really something I know is very insignificant but at this point of sleep deprivation it’s not you know?

That’s the real trouble with FIFO and over thinking. We can’t just call and say what the hell was that about. There is hours sometimes days between contact. Then there is bad reception to add to the already growing mountain of frustration and probably the most problematic is often we or they are tired . So too much time to think, a cloudy mind and bad reception can turn a simple quip or remark into divorce proceedings.  A remark about how clean you keep the car is turned into your a terrible housewife or being told your time poor is turned into your a time wasting terrible housewife who can’t keep her house or car clean. See?

Over thinking and dwelling on insignificant issues I did a lot of when I was younger. I over thought a lot which then turned into such negativity in my head it was terrible now that I am almost all grown up it’s much less so in fact never now with the exception of now; Murphy’s Law. Over thinking which I must tell you affects mostly women around 52% of the population and typically it can have devastating effects for yourself and your relationships if you allow it. Thinking too much over such insignificant issues as remark someone made or a comment that you made I think comes down to age and confidence in yourself and your decisions and even though I’m thirty five on the rare occasion’s I still have issues of self confidence. Moments of self doubt that I am doing the right thing and it does not help when there is a ‘quip’ thrown into the mix.

What I have learnt though is that at thirty five I have the control over what I think about it is in my absolute power and so now I give myself time (if it’s that necessary) to think about it worry about it for five minutes and move on I don’t want to end up in a early grave over a quip some one has made. If I’m really concerned I will get a second opinion after all two heads are better than one, I will play the distraction game; taking myself completely out of the environment I was in or even better playing some music really loud and dancing really badly. Ultimately I will do something about it planning a solution; a next step and if it’s at night that the comment is made I go to bed and try; try being the optimum word and sleep. Everything is better after a good night sleep.

However it’s not night time right now and I have all day to think so I am off to the library to do craft (B3 not me. I am still no crafter) but in the mean time I am putting on a little Jay Lo and Rhiannon and going to run the crap out of the nonsense going on in my head.

How do you handle over thinking? Or you don’t.. 

xx D

.

The Every Day

a fifo wife {fifo life: relationships: life is not a Hollywood romance}

Posted on by debbie / 2 Comments

I had a friend recently break off a relationship with the most beautiful man. They had only been dating a few weeks when they broke up because he in her words he was too nice and she wanted that electric spark she had heard about.

She wanted when she met ‘the one’ to feel like she had been hit by a bolt of lightening. She wanted flowers, dinners, romance, sweet words; she wanted that every day or week at least she wanted his complete and utter attention. She wanted to know he was smitten with her.

We were in the backyard when she was reiterating their break up story.

What I said on hearing her repeat it back to me. Slightly annoyed given that I had introduced them, and I now felt responsible for his now crushed pulsating heart.

I want that she said rather coolly. So coolly that she had broken my dearest friends heart I wanted to slap her.

I want to be swept off my feet and why should I settle?

Yes, I agree no one should settle. But you like this man I said to her.

You told me that you liked him a lot, and you have only been dating a few weeks, intense but a few. You haven’t even slept together because he was such a gentleman.

He was devastated when she told him. He couldn’t understand. He couldn’t get what he had done wrong because all she said to him was he was too nice.

And in reality he had done all the sweeping off his feet he could think of and manage. He is FIFO and at 35 with no luggage to speak of with the exception of a few eyebrow-raising activities of his youth he is terrified that his time is running out.

He doesn’t want to be a bachelor all his life, so he was careful. He was respectful and yes he is and was nice. Any women that get this man will be lucky and I don’t believe in luck, so that’s lucky.

I want what you have she said to me.

Ah, what? I said

I want that thing you have with your husband she said chasing something in the air with her finger.

For starters, I said to her hands on my hips. There was no bolt of lightening for us. I didn’t adore him straight away. I liked him. Then loved him. Now I can’t get enough him. That’s taken thirteen years.

But he swept you off your feet she said to me he continues to sweep you off your feet.

I couldn’t grasp this being swept off her feet business.

Surely in my thirteen years of being out of the dating loop surely not to much has changed?  Sure she was six years younger not a remarkable age difference. Then suddenly it dawned on me because it was the only realistic thing I could think of because what she was talking about only happened in fairytale’s rarely real life.

She wanted was what she saw on the TV and in the movies all that perfect tear jerking happy ending romance. And knowing she had only had two relationships in her entire 29-year-old life it had to be that. And also knowing she was an ultimate Twilight fan the revelation hit me like a ‘bolt of lightening’.

I tried to approach it delicately, trying my best to not to hit her with the hose I was holding in my hand.

Life isn’t like that I said to her. Its impossible I said. Sure in the beginning it’s nice but to have that but every day it’s impossible and it would get old I said.

I continued trying to make her 29-year-old self-understand, And that feeling of being hit by a bolt of lightening rarely happens. And if it does it doesn’t last because well even that chemistry has to be maintained, and that takes work, and well often it’s not all romance.

But your husband buys you flowers and chocolates and writes you notes she said trying to fathom what I was saying.

Yes, he does but it’s months between those. It’s unrealistic to expect them every day or even every week. It just is. And it works both ways I said.

She reeled at me what like I had shoved my babies bottom in her face and told her to change it.

Oh, come on I said why should he do all the sweeping? It takes effort I said to her. Why should it be all one sided?

Because the I’m the girl it’s his job she said to me and I’m old fashioned she finished off.

Not that old fashioned that her skirts could be mistaken for napkins and most weekends I had seen him carrying her home because she has obliterated herself with Johnny. Where was the old fashioned then?

For goodness, sake is not what I said but well it was at this point. At this point, I was pleased they had broken up that she had broken his heart because she was too far gone. Hollywood and all its fairytale romance had taken her to far. She couldn’t see for the fiction of Hollywood that romance was a two-way street, and occasionally the bloke wants a little sweeping; it’s what makes it fun. It’s what builds the romance, the trust, the chemistry and the love.

She also couldn’t see that being swept off your feet every day of the week was just not possible. Where would work, exercise, eating breathing, and human ablutions fit in?

I then breathed a sigh of relief because I then realised that most likely she would also want what Hollywood deemed happy families. And if it went any further she would want the big wedding, the big car, the big house, the big family, the big holidays, and all that sweeping too while she just sat.

My dearest friend would be a wreck.

We agreed to disagree. She doesn’t understand, and I don’t care. Life and relationships don’t work that way if it did Hollywood, and all its romantic movies wouldn’t be as successful as they are, its just that simple.

xx Deb

 

 

The Every Day

a fifo wife {fifo life: orgainisation: my life savers}

Posted on by debbie / 0 Comment

The trickiest thing I find when going out without husband doing all the errands with this kids is keeping them in order when Im distracted and I’m trying to concentrate. You cant lug all their stuff about to keep them entertained and well I don’t trust my kids with my i-phone yet and I don’t see why I should give them more ‘screen time’ they get enough as it is. So these four little things are kept in a makeup bag in my hand bag at all times. They are my game savers for when I’m cued at the bank, in the post office and at the doctors when the kids have tired of the surgery’s toys. The trick is when your somewhere like the bank..see how long they (the kids) can remain patient entertaining themselves and as soon as the signs of a whinge or a whine appears (My boys start a twisting motion it must help in propelling that horrible whiny sound that comes out of their mouth) hand them the bag viola they are quite for another ten minutes.

The number of times people have commented I must have a carpet bag as I pull out my game/life savers is amazing. Nope I just watched ‘One fine day’ too often as a teenager. Remember Michelle Phifer pulling out all that stuff out of her hand bag. I thought so cool to be that prepared and I guess you never know when you will get caught out with George Clooney’s kid. Needless to say I’m fully prepared and as you can see they have been used a lot.

So these little lifesavers I imagine would work equally well with girls (although you can get those little mini dolls from the two dollar shop; perfect) and usually I have a note pad and a pack of Crayola’s there but I will be honest they didn’t look so picture perfect but they all fit neatly into the makeup bag.

So what life savers do you have in your bag for those tight spots with the kid’s,

Xx Deb