the fifo wife

I’m watching Martha Stewart as you do and she is offering laundry tips 101. Martha washes not only according to colour and whites but too the wash required i.e. hot, cold or delicate and then by material so towels, fleece and blankets. Clearly this woman doesn’t have small children at home and clearly she does this stuff for a living because who else has the time to do that? Apologies to anyone who may in fact have the time to do that and has small children; which if that’s the case clearly you have stumbled on to the wrong blog. My advice would be to click the back button and go back to what you were looking for as I don’t have an environmentally safe method for removing pen from a pair of white cargo pants. I just don’t.

So as I sit here I am actually thinking is this what I am resorting to? Writing about the bloody laundry? No offence to those who love being a domestic goddess and as you can tell from the sarcasm clearly I am not but however I do aspire to be one; one day when I am all grown up and the kids have left home. So as I am not yet a domestic goddess I have been there where my laundry was out of control. Where it was depressing and it was ahem one of the things that what would set the crazy switch on; amongst many including sleep deprivation, running out of milk and my children calling my name. My husband calls these things so bravely under his breath switches crazy I like to call them quirks but for me if the washing is out of control then everything else feels out of control. At my most tiredness which when husband is away there is usually not enough cupboards to stash the dirty and baskets to hold the clean. These are the days and weeks that it would feel like we would be consumed by the dirty laundry and like the sink holes of inner city Perth it would be me the house and all.

So today’s How to: is the exciting topic of keeping your laundry under control to avoid that sinking feeling. I thought I would share my not so secret secrets but tips of perhaps verging on laziness that has finally seen me get on top of it all. Mostly, usually, sometimes… well I now have enough baskets and cupboards to appear that way.

1. When you buy your clothes take note of the fabric. For my boys shorts I will only buy quick dry non wrinkle material i.e. board shorts and for school it’s a poly mix. For myself I don’t buy whites. Ever. It’s not worth the pain as cool as it makes you look but it’s too hard to take care of. If I can get wrinkle free I will pay the extra money for it. It saves on ironing and dry cleaning.

2. Avoid colours that bleed; yep a confession of a truly lazy house wife. If you don’t have darks that bleed onto lights, then you can throw everything into the same load. Reds, oranges, blacks, purples, and navy blues are often bleeders, so avoid them for convenience. You want to do the least amount of laundry loads as possible how else will you fit everything else you must do into your day. That includes watching Ellen.

3. Socks. I only buy grey or navy blue socks that way if one goes missing it still has a pair. Again seriously lazy but seriously it works.

4. Make your laundry room pretty. That way you won’t mind working in there. It’s the same as any other space. If it is clean, organised and utilitarian pretty you are going to want to work in there and keep it clean, organised and pretty.

5. Dirty clothing goes in to the basket; not on the bathroom, bedroom floor or to be thrown on to the fan. It goes into the basket or it goes in to the bin and if stick to that threat eventually you, your kids and your husband may use the basket or be naked. The lesson may be learnt or that dream you keep having of being naked is a premonition take your pick. So train your kids early. Your husband? Blame his mother; I have not the solution for you for on that one but as for your kid’s think of the generation after you. Think of the person taking care of your child once you manage to find someone so blinded by love that their laziness is just a cute quirk of theirs.

6. Reduce the size of your laundry basket and wash more often i.e. every day and adjust the cycle according to the size of the load of the washing. It may mean pressing more buttons which yes in turns means one more thing to do but there is no need to be wasteful i.e. spend more money on water heating etc..

7.  Have a routine. Put a wash on before bed so it’s ready to hang in the morning after you have had breakfast or put a load on as soon as you get up to hang after your have gone for a run(?) yes I said run. You know you want to.

8. Now here is a complete contradiction to point 6. I run my dryer for the boys shorts and ‘smalls’ they dry in next to no time (less than 10minutes) and it means I’m saving time hanging out 65 pairs of jocks and socks which would take me (25 minutes and no that’s no an exaggeration any one with three boys will tell you that).

9. Fold non iron items straight from the line. Hang wrinkle free items straight on to hangers. Which when dry hang in the cupboards straight away. When the shorts and smalls are dry from the dryer fold and put them away straight away or tell your children to do it. Surly you have done enough for them up to this point. Towels, sheets are the same.

10. Be realistic about what needs to be ironed. My aunt irons her underwear. Why is all I ask? She also irons her sheets again why? T-shirts yes, singlets no and all work attire without question. Unless of course you are attempting to tick your boss off and loose all creditability that since your attempt at personal grooming has a care factor of zero then your care factor about your employment is the same. It’s your choice.

So there is my laundry 101. I’m hoping you are impressed by my tips and tricks as much as you are with Mrs Mac’s perfect bed making skills (truly beautiful. Head over there now for a true domestic goddess with a sense of humour~ yes my current blog crush *sigh*). Now it should be noted that these tips are purely designed until my children can do their own laundry (and mine) from start to finish. And these tips are for the interim training period only; in which when they do come of age I shall not care for non wrinkle products and shall someday wear white. Gasp I hear you say they are but children of 3, 5, 7 however they also may be the young men that marry your sons or daughters and one day you will thank me for it.

All complaints, recommendations and judgements regarding any statement can be sent to the following possibly real or fictional web address www.thankyouforyourjudgement.com.au they will be replied according to your claim but I bet your bottom dollar you will be doing point 3, 4, and 8 from now on but if you want the real Martha Stewart advice head here.

Tell me do you have any tricks up your sleeve for staying on top?

xxDeb

Currently husband and I are having a few cross words. He is telling me I am annoying. I am telling him he is just like his mother; by saying that I win every time. Its not saying anything I will regret but it gets my strategic point across. We don’t fight often, never in front of the kids and they never last long. Its some rules we have silently established and when they get broken there is hell to pay. We fight clean in this house or not at all. We get our frustrations out and so be it. Today is such a day. Currently he is a jack ass and I’m a silly girl he used something different but I’m trying to keep it clean.

I’m not sure what we argued over. I think it was because I yelled at him because I wasn’t able to run to his beck and call for something he was looking for because I was in the toilet doing what needs to be done in the toilet. He may or may not have cracked it because of the tone in my voice but seriously I was exasperated because I cant even go to the toilet with out the someone hunting me down to find a pair of socks; which if they had thought about it and where actually looking for it would have found where they have always been.

Its been like this for a week. Ho hum. Its part of life. Am I worried? Nope. My sister in law called over the weekend and I mentioned we were arguing. I am so sorry that you are having trouble. She said it like I had told her we were on the verge of divorce.  No no I said its all good we are all good. But you two never fight she said cautiously. Oh god everybody fights I said.  If we all got along, all the time life would be boring and how would we know what’s ticking each other off? Were would the make up stuff be?

It all comes down to what your fighting over and how you fight that determines how ‘good’ you are. We are good. More than good; even when he is a jack ass and I’m a silly girl. They say happy couples will fight over 300 times a year..I would like to find the couple that counted their arguments and know if they really are together because if an argument is worth counting then you are in trouble but its true ‘good’ couples fight. We are fighting over stuff. Unimportant stuff and our fights well they have more entertainment value than anything else. There is a difference. A bit more relations and we would be better but you know we will in the mean time sort the frustrations out with me calling him an ass who resembles his mother and I am the annoying wife with an inability to do as she is told because the last time I looked I didn’t have oil rig lackey written on my forehead.

You get it? Come the end of the day he will smile. I will smile. We will do this shy dance that nerds do when passing each other in the computer lab and we will know doubt do it all again several times over until he sails for Sri Lanka in four weeks time. Some months are good other months there is a lot of dancing.

So with another month to go there is I think going to be a lot of dancing between now and then but then its all fun and games  in love and war.

xx Deb

I have woken this morning truly feeling sore and slightly battered. We went tubing/skiing yesterday at the local dam. Deciding to make the most of the dwindling summer days. Ordinarily I sit on the side lines and watch. Enjoying the day of being by the water something I have truly come to miss since moving to the country. I read, watch and clap at the tricks performed and falls of the boys as they have fun on the water although if I’m truthful I have just always been too scared to go tubing. The speed in which they travel behind the boat, flip and fall into the water terrified me. Yet yesterday my soon to be sister in law said to me…come on with me? Our relationship has had a rocky past but we have with age and understanding of each other have turned a corner and to show her that we were united in this family and that I like her so much that I was willing to put my neck on the line for her. So in the spirit of wanting to try new things and all that stuff; I swallowed my fear and with my own advice went with the flow.

So what can I say? Pelting along behind the back of the boat on the water at 45 kilometres an hour riding the waves on a piece of blown up rubber…was so much fun. Yet like all most things that are fun (one too many red wines: hang over, dancing until 3 am: tiredness, chocolate: weight gain..you get the picture) there is a throwback; I have muscles I never knew I had that god intended me to never no about. I have skin off my elbows from trying to grip the biscuit with every inch of my body; although given the raised eyebrows at school drop off today I don’t think they really believe me. I look like a mess but the falling off part was the just as much fun..Why I was frightened I have no idea but isn’t that always the way?

So whilst I whinge and complain about how sore I am here are my few things for the week:

1. My teenage girl leaves this week. I shall miss her; well she only lives next door but it’s been excruciating and fun all at the same time. I now know what I have to look forward to and I can’t wait seriously..

2. My mother arrives this evening after we discovered we had enough frequent fliers for her to fly down from Darwin. I can’t wait to see her.

3. My husband’s cousin the one I signed up to E-Harmony has started a ‘conversation’ with a young lady named Yasmine. She is 33 and happens to live in my small town..freaky but despite there only being 600 people here I don’t know her. I have with his permission hacked his account to have a squiz. She is cute and her profile is great and I am resisting the urge to face book her..That maybe crossing the line…

4. My B3 has started talking about the Defa Dog we put to sleep the day after B3 was born; we had too. Defa was suffering from dog dementia (yes true) and had bitten us many times and we finally come to terms he was sick not getting better and couldn’t risk him biting the kids. It was the hardest thing we have ever had to do and I had asked my husband to do it when I was away. Defa was an amazing animal when he was well and too when he was sick. A border collie he was so smart often too smart for his own good. So for B3 to be talking about Defa almost four years later like he knows him, its freaky but I believe in those sorts of things. I know many don’t believe and feel free to call me crazy but it makes me feel better that Defa Dog knew we were doing what was best for our family which of course included him. I know he knows that because B3 told me yesterday as I buckled him into the car that Defa was barking all the time and was happy.

5. Do you decorate the house for Easter? I don’t but it seems thanks to pintrest it could be an emerging trend..Is spot light pintrest major backer I wonder?

6. Stay at home mum is my newest website to stalk head here for some GREAT money saving recipes.

7. Due to my dating of many dubious men *sigh* yes what can I say I was young and stupid I have seen my fair share of blue movies, porn , movies with adult content whatever you want to call them. It’s not my thing at all I don’t have an opinion at all but having said that do think they give men a unrealistic idea of women and sex; so when I came across Melissa Murphy ‘the makeup artist to the porn star’s’ before and after images I couldn’t help but look. And ladies you will be pleasantly surprised that they really do look like you and me. Gentlemen the fantasy is just about to end..thank god. Images here.

8. Ten years ago I went to Amsterdam and took a wonder through the red light district and even went to a sex show (it was part of the contiki tour don’t judge me it was not what I thought it was) it was the most surreal thing I have ever been to in my life. I thought it would be a little strip, slap and tickle. No it was not. It was sex on stage in front of me. I had paid to watch people have sex. OMG. I have never laughed so much in my life. These sex shows, sex shops and prostitutes are common place in Amsterdam, they are so comfortable with it and more so with themselves. It was normal to see young children wonder around the red light district with their parents like it was a family outing. So reading that Louise and Martine Fokkens two  70-year-old twins who are believed to be Amsterdam’s oldest prostitutes and after more than 50 years on the job — and approximately 355,000 men between them — have decided to retire does not surprise me. Apparently some sexual positions were causing their arthritis’s to much pain. Yep that’s when I would give it up. Read more about here.

9. Fourteen patients have had their HIV go into remission. How exciting is that? Read more about it here.

10. I don’t know what’s more important to post… Kym Kardashians vampire facial (she can’t Botox while pregnant so why wouldn’t you cover your face in your own blood?) or the fact that Katie Price is pregnant again…

And just because it’s important and I did consider putting it up as Support Sunday but for those who are having trouble dealing with the fact that the twilight series is over there is now a UK hotline..Phone number is here.

Do you believe in the after life? Ever been to a sex show? or when was the last time you tried something new? Tell me in the comments would love to know.

So that’s it my friends. Have a fantastic Monday,

xxDeb

Every one needs a hand to get where they need to go in life and there is no shame in having some support, some guidance its …how we learn grow and get places.

Cancer seems to be everywhere I look. Its impact not only on those being treated but those caring for those affected.

This weeks Support Sunday is for the Cancer Council of Australia.

The Cancer Council is Australia’s peak national non-government cancer control¹ organisation, Cancer Council Australia advises the Australian Government and other bodies on practices and policies to help prevent, detect and treat cancer. We also advocate for the rights of cancer patients for best treatment and supportive care.

The Cancer Council aims to lead a cohesive approach to reduce the impact of cancer.

Cancer Council Australia works with its members the eight state and territory cancer organisations to:

• undertake and fund cancer research
• prevent and control cancer
• provide information and support for people affected by cancer.

Cancer Council Australia was formerly called the Australian Cancer Society.

Not only do the Cancer Council have a hot online 13 11 20 but a page dedicated to connecting and supporting those affected and survived by cancer with event details, blogs, and online forums. Its fantastic organisation.

So head here for their face book page  or for their website.

So if you know or are caring for someone affected by cancer then please head on over for a little bit of support.

Have a great Sunday lovelies,

xx Deb