the fifo wife

My kids have grown up with FIFO life. Daddy going to work for four weeks at a time is normal for them. Its also normal for them to have daddy home for four weeks at a time and they often ask why other daddy’s are not attending swimming lessons or not at the school carnivals. They understand why we work this way however that is not to say that they don’t miss him. They do at some point usually on week three start to miss him and in saying that its really verbal it is to this point never behavioural which if it was its time to give this FIFO gig away but when the misses set on week three we start the count down and that is a welcome distraction for everyone.

Currently husband has been gone just two days and already B2 is saying he misses Daddy and whilst I think he does I also think its way of saying I’m thinking of daddy and I love him because when I say would you like daddy to work like other dad’s and come home he will ask the same thing: will daddy play with us as much? When I say no probably not but he will indeed play with you as much as he can his answer is always the same no thanks; I just miss him is all. B2 is the one who misses daddy the most. He is daddy’s right hand man..always..B2 is most like me so husband jokes its only natural given how much I love him..perhaps he has a point.

Along with the kids having the odd bout of missing him so do I. I would worry if I did not however when I do its fleeting. I don’t spend hours,days weeping or mopping around the house for him. I never allow it go on for to long especially on long days. Its not helpful for me, husband or more importantly the kids. The kids ask often if I miss daddy and I always say of course but daddy is at work not on a holiday juant somewhere and we have a job to do to.

Yet on the swings that are long. Where we have had sickness, Murphy’s Law or just a rough month I try to create welcome distractions. Not massive events but little changes to the daily routine every now and then. Usually they are picnics out at the dam, lake or having breakfast and dinners at the boys favourite park. When the kids were all at home most days we picnicked outside under our favourite grapefruit tree and ate at the dam every Tuesday it was part of the routine but now with school and homework I do it when I can. I have a picnic kit always ready to go and it never takes much to throw some sausages and bread in the basket. Its usually impromptu and a little exciting for the boys. Its also an escape out of the house. Which is vital for escaping a case of the ‘misses’

I also take the opportunity when their is ‘seasonal holidays’ like St Patrick’s, Halloween, Easter, valentines etc to have a little party. I appreciate that they are often American holidays and until had children I didn’t celebrate them but again it provides a welcome distraction for them and some planning for me that’s a little different to the normal. For these ‘parties’ we have our normal dinner but I decorate the kitchen a little and bake some appropriately themed cup cakes or biscuits. We don’t have dessert often so having cake after dinner is an event in its self.

Something else I have found helpful is to have a calender in the boys room that they can do a count down on and work out for themselves how many sleeps are left. We have the calender where its a month to a page and the dates are big enough to write something in. The boys will often assign themselves a job each day to prepare for daddy coming home or they use it organise their own outing with daddy such as fishing and getting everything they need ready for that. Its something they can plan and think about; creating another welcome distraction and something to look forward to.

So today after a rather revolting start to the swing we are starting it again with a welcome distraction by having sausages and bread for dinner at our local park.

What do you do as distractions when the ‘misses’ set in..

xx Deb

 

 

Mummmmm…I can hear being called from the other room. I roll over its 1130pm I get up and shuffle my way into the boys room like an old woman. B1 is the only one left the other two left and arrived half an  hour ago into my bed before B1 started calling my name. I sigh yes bubba. My feet are itchy he says. Okay I say and go get the cream the doctor had prescribed the previous afternoon. I rub it in and give him a shot of my old friend Phenergan . Can I sleep in your bed he asks? I sigh there is little room already I think to myself I want to say no but say yes because I know I will be up again in a little while and it will be easier than creating a permanent path in the floor boards.

We move to my bed. He sleeps but scratches at his feet all awhile talking to me in his sleep about a cat. He wakes again at 1230 am after the itch spreads to his hands. The cream and Phenergan is not working. I take him for a shower. My feet and hands are burning he tells me. I give him some more Phenergan and more cream. He looks at me crying. He cuddles me I hold him and tell him I’m sorry I can fix it quicker. He wakes again at 230 am and I call the hospital what else can I do for him? 10 more mls of Phenergan they say its all we could do so that’s what you should try. I do and he falls asleep scratching but he sleeps. I wake again at 4am.

I wish I could say I did all this with care and compassion but this was my third night of broken sleep and I was and I am getting tired. The last two nights was vomiting and sore throats and so last night or this morning I was starting to think that the doctor had got it wrong. That this is something other than his body having an allergic reaction to the virus he just had and so in me being scared last night I didn’t always say to him try not to scratch in my nicest mummy voice. In between the highs and lows of tiredness and fear I snapped stop scratching for Christ sake. I got cranky. I got scared. Then I got pissed off that I couldn’t fix it and that I was getting pissed off to begin with. WTF.

All while this happens he is holding my hand wanting me to fix him. He needs to be next to me; like my presence eases it the uncomfortableness. I should be whispering to him. Making sure he is okay.  Yet he is keeping me awake again with his tossing, turning and damn scratching at something I can’t see or fix. And I’m so tired I just want to sleep but I cant. I’m aware that it’s only me he wants, only ever me and I start to question what is the go with that.

Then he stops for a minute. Stops moving for just a minute. Stops scratching. Stops talking and is still long enough for me to remember; its me his mum, his only mum that he wants right now and I should feel lucky about that. I am lucky. Damn it. I start to stroke his hair and whisper in his ear that I am sorry I snapped at him. That I am tired, scared and I’m angry I can’t fix it this thing that is attacking his body. He crawls closer to me so he is now lying with his head on my chest he murmurs like he hears my apology deep in the drug induced sleep and accepts it with a cuddle.

I am uncomfortable. He at seven years old is almost bigger than me and there will be no sleeping for me now as he becomes heavier as he slips into a deeper sleep but the fact is its at that still moment I remember I become acutely aware that he won’t need me soon. Soon that this taking care of him business will be someone else’s job and that he; they will only be mine for a short time longer.

I think of the face book friend who wrote she was desperate for her little boy to sleep in his own bed and at the time I wanted to write to her enjoy him crawling into bed with you and ignore those people giving you advice as I ignore the cousin who tells me my boys sleeping with me is wrong. Over thinking I think of the disappointment of the little girl last week in Big W as her mother says no to her reading the story because she is in a hurry. At the time I was one of those mothers who judged. Who thought to myself come on read her the story it will take five minutes however I get it we can’t live in the moment all the time it’s impossible. Its not feasible. Not humanly possible. Not every single moment in life has to be savoured and enjoyed or that everything has a lesson to be learnt from and anyone that tells you any different isn’t living in the real world or if they are currently prescribed Lovan, have a nanny and an entourage that Jo Lo would be jealous of. Sometimes its just about riding it out seeing it for what it is and letting it be.

Still my face book friend I want to say to you as tired as you are as tired as I am, enjoy it sometimes almost all the time. Between the tiredness, the cranky, enjoy at least some of the moments when they crawl in to bed or with you on the couch when they bring you a book with you because they won’t be yours for ever. Right now only you can fix their sore belly, itchy feet, settle a bad dream and scare away the monsters. One day it will be someone else job and as tired as I am right now that day can take as long as it likes to get here.

The Upside Down Braid Bun..say that ten times over..with a couple of coffees under your belt.

I found this little style a few weeks ago via www.youqueen.com and with much patience and practise I am passing it on to you because once you have mastered the art of working upside down it really is simple hairstyle that will keep your hair in place, and make you look equally swish.

Its a combination of my two favourites. The braid and bun; ballet, French, or top knot what ever you would like to call it.

For the styling of the Upside Down French Braid Bun you might want to enlist a help of a friend who’s proficient in French braiding, because its just a little tricky do it on your own upside down however if I can manage so could you it just takes a little practise.

Just follow these simple steps or or watch a you tube tutorial here.

Tools:

• a brush
• elastic bands
• bobby pins
• bun roll, mousse and hairspray (optionally)

Tip: Keep in mind that your hair will be easier to work with if it’s not freshly washed.

Step 1

Start by gently brushing your hair to remove any knots. As you are probably already well familiar with what your hair needs, this is the best time to apply your usual hairstyling products (like mousse). Also, if you want to, you can gently tease the hair on top of your head to add volume.

Step 2

At this point you should divide your hair by making a part from your left ear across the crown of your head, to the right ear. Secure the top part of your hair with a clip and this should make braiding the lower half easier.

Step 3

Flip your head upside down, and then gently brush the hair again. Start the French braid at the nape of your neck, and braid all the way to the crown of your head. Then secure the hair with an elastic band, and leave the ponytail free.

Step 4

Remove the clip from the top part of your hair. Tie the hair and the ponytail left from the braid together in a high ponytail.

Step 5

Now you make a bun. For this you can use a bun roll. Slide it over your ponytail, arrange your hair around it, and then gently tuck it under the roll, and secure with bobby pins.

Or, you can do it without the bun roll. Just tease your hair a little, then twist it (you can also braid it if you want), and then wrap it around the elastic band. In the end secure it with bobby pins. You can leave a few strands out, if you want, for a messier look.

Step 6

In the end you can spray some hairspray on the brush, and smooth out any frizz.

Viola.

xx Deb

 

Tomorrow is a brand new start my mother would always say about Mondays and so last week after a week of bad moods, PMS (yes I am using that one), dealing with difficult, ignorant people and just having to deal with ‘stuff’ here we are on Monday rip roaring and ready to go. Because the reality is being in a cranky mood gets you nowhere. Just more arguments and you end up being like those difficult people that you’re dealing with.

So this morning when I got up despite my brand new start vow I woke up tired and somewhat cranky. A night of little sleep; with a sick baby, I had breakfast and went back to lay in bed with my sick B1. I listened to him sleep, he woke a little; he reached for my hand and I held it. I slept more soundly than I had all night his hand in mine just as I did when he was a baby and I have woke in a much better mood.

So here are the few things running through my head this Monday morning.

1. I made a statement last night that when B1 started vomiting I was gleefully happy that daddy was finally home from work to see what work goes into taking care of someone who manages to makes his vomit projectile every single time. Joke was on me because serving in the Australian defence force and working on a drilling rig means you learn to sleep through anything. And even if it does wake them, they look pat and roll. God bless.
2. Today is day one of the school term I’m delighted it has started just at the right time. The boys are the best of friends again. And me and the boys well even though we aren’t friends we still are; make sense?
3. I flew out of Brisbane last Wednesday and the number of men and women who were inconsiderate to the airline staff and fellow travellers was obnoxious. Some FIFO (the hi visy shirts and monogrammed shirts are usually a dead give away you think?) others obviously not. I don’t understand how they felt it was okay to be behave that way. The amount of money you earn doesn’t determine your importance in the world or your acceptation to the rules- it just doesn’t. It does however make you look like a jack ass. A jack ass with too much money and not enough class.
4. A boy I went to school with died before Easter Friday even though he was seemingly well. He went to bed for an afternoon nap before dinner with his sister and never woke up. He was 35 years old. The message? Live every single day as your last and tell everyone that means something to you you love them because you just never ever know when it’s your time.
5. A friend of mine over the weekend recounted how her ten year old boy was approached in the public toliet at a major shopping complex in the city last week. I felt fear and anger for her and then for myself and for everyone that has children. However it allowed us to engage in positive stranger danger, how to go with their gut (not all strangers are bad) and what defence tatic’s the boys can use just incase. Have you talked to your kids about stranger danger? Its a hard one to balance.
6. Scariest thing your child can say to you in the dead of night when he crawls into bed with you and your husband is away for the night on a training course? Is that daddy there mum. Who is that man standing there? Is it daddy. No matter how much you look and tell yourself its just shadows there is no sleeping soundly that night.
7. PSY has realised a new song and dance. Yes it’s true are we not lucky. Sigh and if you are like me you are bracing yourself for it. Head here if you need to see it ahead of time for what ever reason.
8. An Iranian scientist has invented a time machine. It can’t take you into the future but it brings the future to you in the form of a device as a big as a laptop computer. It has 98% accuracy. You can go here for more details however I’m struggling living day to day let alone worry about what is happening five years down the track.
9. When my husband asked me to marry him it was beautiful, simple and something I will always remember but the pressure men have these days to make something so special and personal an event is mind blowing. Just have a look here at the lengths these grooms to-be went to. I wonder if they considered how high the bar is set for now..for everything forever.. I’m sure that’s what my husband was thinking when he chose the simplicity of Kings Park on a bended knee a week before being sent off to a war zone. I will however have that night as disastrous as it seemed at the time (a series of misadventures from the wrong restaurant to getting lost and arguing over directions to nervous laughing on my behalf) over and over again.
10. Back in ancient Greece you threw apples at your chosen bride..how easy would that have been and you have a snack for later…the brides catching the apple was her acceptance her dropping it well there is nothing recorded on what happened there but one will assume she was fed to the lions..read more here for useless information

So that’s it my friends..in the words of my four year old you need to go to the gym mum so with that I’m off to drag my apparently over sized behind to the gym..

Have a great day,

Deb

Just a quick post to say thank you for the emails and phone call to make sure I was okay. I am truly humbled that you ladies took the time from your day to check in on me.

For those who haven’t missed me its okay you have not missed much as I haven’t posted since last week.

I write each morning at 430 am and very rarely do I schedule something in fact never – I did once and it was a disaster however that can be it was .

This week saw me in Brisbane until Wednesday night and on my return I just felt a little blah. You know that feeling when the big bad worlds reality getting to you? Do you know that feeling?

I do have drafts ready to go but they have to feel right on the day. I usually rewrite them and post but nothing has felt right to post and so with honesty as my guide ‘a fifo wife’ went empty because that’s how I have felt just a little out of sync. A little spent. Frustrated with the world and simply wasn’t in the right frame of mind to post so I didn’t.

I did try but like a stunned mullet nothing came out but this morning I awoke to a couple of emails ( your an intuitive lot)  and then a phone call from my Miss Mez a beautiful woman I have met through ‘a fifo wife’ checking I was okay. I have never have I felt so loved well perhaps there has been others but you get the drift.

So thank you ladies your simple act of an email. You taking the time to sit and type you have pulled me from my self indulgent mood. Thank you I am so very thankful. Consider it your random act of kindness for the week.

We will be back to normal Monday I have missed you.

Have a wonderful weekend.

xx Deb