What I learnt this month:
1. Husband values date day and date night more than I can imagine.
When I cancelled and shuffled date day around I never ever imagined that he would care. I didn’t realise the hurt and discontent it would cause. I just assumed that he wouldn’t care it’s no big deal; he after all is a man. What I didn’t realise that first of all he did care immensely and second of all he took it as rejection and that there was a shift going on that he couldn’t
see whilst he was away, but he knew happened to every second man that he worked with. Its a symptom of the industry broken relationship’s.
That simple act of trying to be more organised caused so much tension, that it turned the whole month into hard work. It wasn’t blissful; this month was damn hard work. I knew in the first week I had done something wrong and whilst I tried to work it out myself, it never occurred to me that he would be upset by not having that quality time with me. It’s amazing but despite it being twelve years I still find it unfathomable that someone would WANT to spend that sort of time with me it’s a self confidence thing I know but still I’mbaffled by it. However this was the key to his annoyance. Not being able to spend time with ME! He seriously felt rejected and he missed me on those days.
So knowing that something was wrong we went for a drive because that where we talk best, in the car. It’s crazy but whenever we need to have a serious conversation it’s in the car. The conversation about having a third baby happened in the car, who would be our children’s guardians should the unthinkable happen happened in the car. We can generally talk without interruption and
there is less intensity to it, the car just works for us. I always tell my friends if they need to have a serious talk to their partner to pick the right place the person they are having the ‘talk’ too. For my father it’s in his boat, for us it’s in the car, for my brother in-law it’s in my kitchen, where they feel most comfortable you’re more likely to get the answers you’re looking for when things aren’t hissing away. The car thing it is strange but true.
It then came out that all this horrible tension that we had was fixed with one little drive. He asked I explained. He explained and I listened. He said I’m an ass and I said yes you are. It ended with a planned date night and I love you.
