the fifo wife

We are the self-proclaimed kings and queens of garage sales in our area at least. It started off when we were asked to do sell the contents of a family friends estate and we have not been afraid to do it since. Since then we have been slowly dealing with our stuff issue; it comes when you combine several homes into one. I won’t lie a good garage sale take a little bit of work to organise one but often the benefits of additional cash and decluttering your home make it worthwhile.

1. 1. Gather your items. Go from room to room including your shed or garage putting things aside for it.  Ensure the items are clean, work or if they are missing a part make a note of it on the item. Don’t be dishonest about what you are selling that’s simply not nice. Turf it instead. If it just requires a coat of paint or a wipe down to make it sellable do so- you may just make a couple of bucks.
   2. Have something for everyone- you would be surprised what people are after. I find the biggest lover of garage sales are men looking for old tools, old bottles and car parts. Women that attend seem to love vintage crockery, bags and furniture. Kids love books and naturally, toys are winners.
   3. Ensure you price correctly (a five dollar top from Kmart will not sell for five dollars no matter how much you loved it or took care of it) and write it clearly. Have a few bargain items amongst your ‘ stock’, also, don’t be afraid to drop your price or do bundles. Write your prices on some stickers.
   4. If you don’t have a lot of stock but want to hold one anyway ask neighbours if they want to add to your sale. People will often do a drive by to see if its worth parking and coming in to look. Ensure they clearly mark the price of the item and don’t ever negotiate the price without discussing with them first.
   5. Tell your neighbours so they can prepare themselves in case someone parks across their drive or additional traffic is a problem such as shared driveways.
   6. Get the kids involved they might like to become entrepreneurial and make ice cups or sell soft drinks.<
   7. Make sure your ‘sale’ is in a clean and tidy location. Place things in groups such as furniture together, kitchen items together and garage sale stuff together.
   8. Advertise everywhere including on buy swap and sell sites. All social media and the old-fashioned poster never hurts. Make sure your times are clear but be prepared for those arriving well before opening time. I have seen people banging on doors at 6 am when the sign clearly said 8 am.
   9. Put signs up a few days before will help people to find your location easily.
   10. Have several people on hand to stop people from walking out without paying. Perhaps someone up the front and someone down the back with your kid’s eagle eyes also looking out.
   11. Cover, lock or corner off what is not for sale in your home. People are intentionally or unintentionally nosey. Keep doors locked.
   12. Have lots of change on hand. I know some people will say have lots of payment options but its a garage sale. Cash is part of the fun. Be sure to take any big notes out of your cash tin and put it securely away regularly.

1. Most importantly have fun. Play some music and get chatty {perhaps my favourite part} you never know the people you might meet and the friendly you are the more you sell. If you don’t sell alot you still had a great day just hanging out.

xx Deb

Did you know he said that the bikini evolved because during world war two? They were needing to save on fabric and so they cut the middle of the women’s bathing suit out?

Ah, I said so fashion took a hit for the war effort. I did not know that.

No, he said women were undervalued. They were considered less valuable so naturally, them losing a bit of fabric didn’t matter and so they took a hit but they had an excuse it was for the wartime effort. Fortunately, women know how to turn things around. Well, that’s how I see it he said but you better check the facts on that piece of knowledge.

He had called me especially to tell me that piece of trivia, not his opinion, that had just come out of the conversation. I know how much you like the useless information he said.

It was in that moment I thought I’m a pretty lousy feminist and followed through with the deepest of pride that my husband of the two of us clearly was.

It’s not, however, the first time my husband has addressed such issues it’s just what he does. Recently B2 declared he would leave all the nappy changing to his wife when they had children. It was before I had time to whip my head around and address B2 on his skewed view on child rearing that husband had pounced on it, doing it for me, and then allowing us to do it together.

He often addresses me and the boys on women issues and I say me because I think often we (as women) are just so used to our world that its the norm. If we were to be a feminist family he is certainly better at it than I am but I’m not a feminist (yet) because sometimes I don’t understand the issues, I get confused at what the ‘fuss’ is about or like I said its just the norm but I like to think I understand the core values of equality; which ultimately what feminism is about and I just get on with things; which is I guess my term for feminism. I just get on with things and if you tell me I can’t I will show you I can. I hope that by being honest I will not be ridiculed because like everything in my life I’m a work in progress and this view may change as I get older and wiser.

And so we have just created humanist (I actually coined that phrase for myself for raising good humans without realising its an actual movement and lifestyle? because naturally, we can’t just be good humans without putting it into a container to make sense)  with the silent unwritten rules we have created in our house that have evolved more of time and by the increasing amount of boys, we have had. Things such as there is no boys toys, no girls toys. No girls colours, no boys colours. There are no boy jobs and no girl jobs. There are no boys sports and girls sports. There is no sooking like girls or screaming like a girl because being a girl is not part an insult. There’s no boys being boys because that doesn’t make terrible behaviour okay. There are no girl clothes or boy clothes. In our house, there is just getting on with it. Being aware of others, their needs and how we can help regardless of their private parts.

So to me, my husband is a feminist and I’m proud of him for that but it’s me that calls him that. In his mind, as he raises our boys and addresses these issues he is just being fair and just two of his character traits I couldn’t be prouder of. He can’t see how he stands now for me and others will create change and equality at least for the women in our family to come which is a pretty good start.

Is this something that’s also in your house? Are you a feminist or nonfeminist family? Does it even matter?

xx

Deb

I recall to talking to my dearest friend one morning on the phone when she said to me I am surrounded by people and yet I am so lonely. How is that possible she said?

It’s something I shall never forget because everyone loved her. She was the most beautiful individual and so I found it amazing that she of all people could be lonely. I understand I said to her it’s the most horrible feeling.

Ten years on it profounds me now that people in a time of social media, the internet that society has never been so lonely. So much so it’s now considered a public health issue with real physical health effects. Loneliness is attributed to heart and mental health issues.

Personally, I have never more found myself lonelier than I did when the kids were little, and since then I have learnt ways to combat it when it creeps in. It is something that comes and goes as people come in and out of our lives. Our lifestyle, the way we chose to raise our children together with my ‘ideas’ on life have meant that we were always a little to the left of the circle. I come from a small family and struggle to make connections even when presented with them; perhaps my own worst enemy. Add to the fact the husband is at work for long periods of time loneliness whether you are surrounded by people big and small or not life can happen.

Loneliness, by definition, means sadness, because one has no friends or company, but it is more than that. It’s the feeling of sadness brought on by lack of connection with people or thing (my opinion); its why even when surrounded by other people you feel so alone. Loneliness I believe must be the most isolating feeling of all because it’s all encompassing and if loneliness is not treated then that isolation you feel starts to affect your mental and then perhaps your physical health.

Recently a study done by Cigna with over 20,000 in the United States revealed some interesting research on loneliness. The study found that the worst generation to be affected is Generation Z (adults aged 18 -22 years). Social Media use alone is not a predictor of loneliness. Those who used social media heavily to those that didn’t was not remarkably different. Only half of the participants had meaningful in personal social interactions such as with a friend or family member daily probably the saddest statistic of all. One in five people felt that they rarely feel close to people. One in four feel people don’t understand them. Two in five feel that their relationships with others are not meaningful. Almost half of the participants felt lonely 46% or left out 47% and those that live with others are less likely to feel alone, however, this doesn’t apply to single parents even if they live with their children are more likely to be lonely. There is also an inherent link between loneliness and the workplace.

I however for the sake of my own health have learnt how to deal with my loneliness because it’s a fact of life there are going to be periods where you feel ‘lonely’ it’s a matter of learning how to deal with something that can feel incredibly isolating.

1. Work out why you are lonely? Is it a lack of connection? Are you tired? Is it a self-confidence? Try and address the issue. For me, when the kids were little it was because I could go days without talking to another soul apart from my husband 4000kms away. I was too exhausted to do anything beyond what I was doing and then when I did speak to someone because I was so out of practice talking to other adults or so tired it was gibberish. I would then over analyse it, decide I was a nut job and go back to be a hermit for the next three weeks. I see now how it worked; hindsight and more sleep give you that clarity.
2. Learn to like your own company. I’m an only child so I learnt this long ago, so I don’t mind my own company. In fact, I often crave solitude and fortunately, my husband gets that but regardless of it’s knowing when to return to society, so I don’t become a hermit is the trick.
3. Talk to people, anyone, make a connection with another human. Chat with the person serving you coffee, the checkout chick, the receptionist at your kid’s school, not only does it give you a human connection, it keeps you in practice of how to talk to people and perhaps an opportunity to make a new ‘friend’
4. Go back to your family both extended and intermediate and if that’s a bit hit and miss consider researching your family and finding out who you are it may create new connections that have been lost due to ‘conflict’.
5. Accept that this could be part of who you are and get comfortable with it. Some people are introverts and that’s okay. Its who you are. Be proud of you. Having one or two friends is enough for anyone. Don’t view being an introvert as a bad thing it’s not.
6. Develop a hobby. The trickiest one of all – at what point do parents particulary parents on their own have time for a hobby and at what point do they recall what they like to do? But find something.  Start to study, craft, write, bake or cook for others. Create a connection with something you love and people inevitably come along the way into it as you develop it.
7. Physically take care of yourself. Those that took care of themselves in the study physically as well as doing their best to get sleep were less lonely.

Beating loneliness is about creating a connection be it with yourself, another human or something that you love; from there a community will evolve even if its just a little one.

Much love,

Deb

This past weekend the husband and I went to a rock n roll charity ball. I had wanted to do something different for our date night for ages and on reading that there was a charity ball happening in town I sent the husband in to buy tickets.

What I hadn’t planned for was that it was themed a Rock n Roll 50’s theme; commence googling the morning of for dance steps and outfits. I think however we pulled together okay and husband knows how to spin on the floor so it was follow, follow, follow from me.

Our date nights whilst always awesome because it just us not competing against others also known as the children were becoming a little routine if you know what I mean.

Date nights are so important and when talking to a friend the other day she said to me “do you really think they make a difference?”

I wanted to scream at her, yes for so many reasons, but instead, I said calmly no matter how separate your lives become and let’s face it, it happens to everyone at some point date nights help you refocus on the important stuff, like each other.

Now we like to have one at least once a month and I had been wanting to mix it up for a while because, whilst routine is good for most things sometimes its safety can do ordinary things for some relationships.

So here are a few ideas to book in for date night (or day) to shake things up just a little this year.

1. Have a games night or day whatever time of day you can fit it in. Competition is sexy.
2. Take a dance class. It’s seriously fun and you can show it off later.
3. Take part in a trivia night. We are heading down to our local next month to take part.
4. Go bowling. I always think its a bit kitschy but its seriously fun. I get all competitive despite the fact I am useless at the game.
5. Take a picnic with a view. When the kids were really little we would buy a box of $5.00 chips and head to the lake. The kids would finish and race off to swim. While we laid back, watched them play and ate the leftovers. Seriously good times.
6. Give some time to charity. Now we didn’t actually do this as a date and technically it was working in the high school canteen but it was good and we loved doing it together so I’m counting it as a date.
7. Go op shopping I swear its the adult’s version of treasure hunting.
8. Cook together. Now there is a difference between putting up a meal for the hordes and making one together for just the two of you. Where you don’t have to consider the amount of chilli or if your last child is going to whinge before or after the first mouthful. If you want to take a class and learn a new style.
9. See a new band. I’m not talking a headline act but a breakout band; perhaps one at your local.
10. Visit an Art gallery. This was our first date, the husband had never been to a ‘show’; and whilst I can’t say he loved it, I loved the conversations and debate that followed to it.
11. Hunt out a local play performance.
12. Do something active together go bike riding, rock climbing or paddling. Even better if its new for both of you or even just the one of you. Teaching is fun 😉

Good luck,

Deb

I’m not a royal fan, well I wasn’t and I’m still wondering if I am. I have dabbled in being a Republican in the past when under the influence of my best friends mother.

I recall when I was young touting “what exactly do we need them for. They are just are after our money- arent they?” The wisdom you have at eight but I got to tell you these young royals particularly Meghan and Harry have sucked me in and now I am {we} all set to watch the royal wedding.

So does that make me a royalist now? Not that it matters. Not right now.

I recall watching the wedding of Charles and Diana. My mother had set up a TV in her bedroom because my father gave less than two hoots about the couple; he wanted to watch Nightrider instead- fair call I thought at the time. I was five when it was broadcast and so the memory is brief. I remember hanging over the edge of the bed staring at the set, upside down as you do and watched as Diana’s long train trailed behind her as she walked up the aisle, and my mother saying her dress was beautiful.

As a kid of 80’s and 90’s I watched Diana a lot, reading about her through my godmothers New Idea and Woman’s Day magazines; magazines I actually detest as an adult. My interest first peaked with Diana because someone said once when my hair was short and blonde that I reminded them of her but as I grew it was not because she was a style icon but because she was a hot mess of a woman who still did good stuff. Her vulnerability and strength was something I admired.

I recall the death of Diana and thinking it was a prank. I didn’t watch or follow the family after that with the exception of the odd scandal that was plastered across the news. I stopped following or thinking of them as ‘our family’ I guess because their relatability had gone after Diana passed. Diana was a human I could relate to and I liked her. Since then obviously, there has been Will and Kate who as lovely as they are still they didn’t peak my interest in the Royal Family.

Up until the other day I had absolutely no interest in the family, as much as I am a complete history buff. I am not a gossip mag lover (such cruel things) and I don’t follow “celebrities” on social media. I do however love a good philanthropist, women’s activist, environmentalist and humans with real social conscious.

So it was by accident that I was watching file footage of Harry and Will consoling the crowd when their mother had died that got me. In the footage, you could see they were visibly upset- they all were. Harry was so tiny; a child dealing with his own grief yet he was expected by his ‘people’ to console them. True to myself I cried much like I’m crying now at the thought of a child having lost their parent.

Their grief was a public display and whilst some will say that was their role wasn’t it? That’s what they were born into but at 11, was it? As a world, we should have been embracing them with understanding. Perhaps its because I am a mum now, but it changed how I thought of him and his brother. How much Harry reminds me of youngest boy B3 and how would have my children have behaved. How remarkable they have done despite what the world asked from them.

Since then I have found myself watching random things on Meghan as if I need to know what Harry has got himself in for. What sort of addition she will make to their pack. Like my opinion on her matters; but I got to say, I knew nothing of her before; creepily now I know too much about her now. I have watched her talk on women’s rights, third world issues, feminism and I’m captivated with her. I am barracking for Meghan; this woman who I have become enraptured with; because not only of her values, normal upbringing, her self-madeness but her complete batshit crazy family trying to ruin her day. She has made the royals touchable and completely relatable again; well as much as they can.

Now I find myself barracking for them, just like it seems the rest of the world is. I’m planning my evening and for the next few hours, the world seems just a  little bit lovely despite the reality that exists.

I’m wishing them all the good stuff I can; thinking somehow that by watching the wedding they will feel that, the love and hope I’m feeling for them- its possible right? That we can give back to him; and them the same support they showed way back when their mother died. When the shoe should have been on the other foot. When the world should have embraced their grief and said when your ready son. It’s the right thing to do right. Show them some love?

Regardless of the world right now seems a just little bit more lovely.

x Deb