the fifo wife

Falling asleep alone…I’m not sure what that is I vaguely remember sleeping alone back in 2004 somewhere but what I do remember is I loved it. Loved it. Singing that to the rafters. Once upon a time I had complete ownership of our king size bed for three months at a time. Which for someone who is 5ft1 that is a lot of personal space to have to oneself for 12 hours at a time because again once upon a far off time I slept for that long – all at once. I could or did have a little yoga stretch routine, sighed and then nodded off to sleep. If I did snore, spit drool than that was all okay because well I was alone. Alone. However three kids four dogs later. It doesn’t exist. Not at all in fact never do I get to sleep alone anymore.

I will admit that when husband is away I usually get the bed to myself for around two hours before the trickle of arriving kids start and I don’t usually have trouble falling asleep alone without my husband. So whilst I’m alone it’s not the same. I stick to the right side of the bed knowing and preparing ownership of that side of the bed so as not to lose it at some ungodly hour because I have to make room for one or all of my kids and dogs.

In that time the two hours before the flood of human beings arriving into my bed however I don’t have any problems usually (unless of coarse I have watched American Horror story previous to bedtime- stupid) going to sleep without my husband there, I just don’t. I’m not scared of things that go bump in the night…in fact security what security I’m more frightened of eating a bug in my sleep than someone attempting to absconded with me away to a deserted island because that’s what they would do right? Take pity on the women in her pink poodle pyjamas with her head jammed up against the head board of the bed because of her five year old in the star fish position and the senile old poodle growling at her feet. They would do that rather than bound and gag me and ask me for the nonexistent family jewels?

However if you have trouble sleeping alone as many seem to be or getting to sleep alone…here is my how to….on how to get some sleep..Alone…meaning without your partner…this doesn’t include your children, dogs, cats and chickens.

Your husband or partner I’m guessing like for me is often or is your safety blanket, what makes your house and family home sometimes we miss them..sigh..yes for what ever secuirty, bad day issue or just love them its true and falling asleep without them can sometimes be complicated..

1. Wear your partners shirt…you had a favourite Teddy as a child…it soothed you calmed you…your partners shirt will do the same. Ahem on the occasional tough day I have been known to wear my husband’s deliberately left unwashed worn shirt to bed for the night many times.

2. Become and OCD about checking the house before bed time. Tick it off an actual list so you aren’t waking several times a night worried about whether you locked the back door.

3. An hour before bed turn off the…TV radio and internet. Read or write to help relax. Dont watch American Horror story or read Stephen King..otherwise you could be called your own worst enemy.

4. Keep a light on. I have two going in the lounge room every night. Serves two purposes it makes the house less lonely and its not so dark…I’m afraid of the dark especially in winter…don’t ask why it’s a quirk.

5. Get a dog…don’t go overboard and get four like me but a dog…so they will bark at someone and keep one side of the bed warm until they like you are fighting for room when your children arrive. My dog(s) has a tendency to snore and go into a dead sleep…so really it’s like husband is there…however commonsense disclaimer if you can’t look after a dog meaning care for it more than the common law states (becuase that is the worst law of care in the world)  then don’t get one..get an alarm instead an infra red one..

6. Keep a torch in your bedside draw. I’m not sure of the point but I have one so thought you should too…it’s safer than a gun. Freeze or I will blind you with my torch light…scary stuff right?

7. Turn the ceiling fan on it’s a comfort noise or so the goodness of Google says…don’t ask me how…a mother’s heart beat?

8. Have the house blessed…I’m not kidding…if you’re afraid of things going bump in the night of the ‘supernatural kind’ do it. Personally I take comfort knowing the ghost of Mrs Dellaforce sits in the middle of the hallway by my telephone table most nights. Why there I can’t tell you perhaps she is waiting for a call she has I have been told been waiting since 1954. I don’t mind it’s comforting know ‘a good one’ inhabits my hall way; I could get a ticked off solider from world war two trooping up and down my hall way that would present a noise issue. What I do object to is how cold she makes that hallway all year round.

9.  Get a body pillow. They are easily bent, don’t snore (don’t care if you do either) and when you have tired of them you simply replace them…cover them in your husbands tshirt..yes its lame know I dont care what you think about that..

10. Come to realise that this is all temporary and take comfort in that. Relish the freedom that is all the bed. Nothing last forever because at some point your husband will return from work having worked for you and the kids and be the one who deals with all things that go bump in the night (or am I getting carried away?) , the kids will creep in as will the four dogs and the one cat you may have…

What about you are you frightened of things that go bump in the night or do have trouble going to sleep when your husband is away from home?