We were in the supermarket over the weekend and two older ladies were discussing in the aisle that holds the flour eggs and sugar how they refused to have their grandchildren because they were so rude. Lacked manners and respect they said. I don’t answer my phone most times to my daughter the tall thin one said to the shorter more rounded one. Yes I know what you mean responded the short one all awhile both of them getting louder and louder as if wanting the parents and children that surround them on a busy Saturday morning to hear them and what they really thought of the children of today’s behaviour and manners.
I had been in the frozen food section and had sent B1 to look for brown sugar. I told him where it was and yet he returned empty handed. Are you blind I said grabbing his hand a little more roughly than I should have. So instructing B2 and B3 to stay planted B1 and I marched back to the baking aisle.
Ah huh is what I said when we arrived.
I looked at my B1 who stood beside me. Turns out he wasn’t blind it’s just the two ladies the tall thin one and the short rounder one had planted themselves firmly in front of the brown sugar.
I bent down and said to him in his ear ask these ladies to move or get it for you I said. He looked at me and whispered back. I did but they didn’t hear me and so there lay the reason for his 10-minute treasure hunt for the brown sugar.
Now given their possible age of mid 50 or 60’s it was possible that they may have not heard my sweet and sometimes shy B1 that could have been the reason but I suspected it was more than that. Possibly it was because they failed to acknowledge or allow my B1 one to be heard. Perhaps because he was a child and perhaps ‘one’ of those ones they were discussing.
I stood there listening waiting for a polite space in their conversation to interrupt them which I can guarantee my B1 would have done and I can guarantee that because my boys have beautiful manners. I can’t give them much genetically…I’m short…not incredibly clever I got the smarts to get by and in the words of my mother plain. Yet if there is one thing I can give them is good manners and how to use them. I can do that. I have taught them it’s not hard to say thank you, hello or how you are and how to be nice people. They understand respect and courtesy. They know when to hold a door open or give up a seat. I pride myself on the fact they have good manners and understand their importance in the civil world.
So it is always much to my disappointment that most often my boys will go out of their way to say hello, thank you, hold open a door for an adult, for someone older than them and they are met with a stare. It infuriates me that I am doing my part of the bargain what they are expecting teaching my children to be respectful, to be mindful and know when to use their manners and they use what they have been taught in particular with adults they are met with nothing.
Not a thank you. Not a hello. Nothing. In fact it’s met with indigence. It drives me insane and sometimes I have short smart quip at them because I can’t help myself.
These are people who are adults who should know how courtesy works. They have been here long enough and they expect it yet when it is received from a child big or small quite often there is nothing in return for their efforts. Imagine the courage it takes for a four-year-old to say hello or excuse me to a complete stranger. Imagine the courage it takes to talk to a stranger something they have confusingly been taught not to but to do in a ‘social setting’ it’s okay. It’s not easy especially children that are shy introverted and for them a towering adult is and even for an adult can be overwhelming. An adult is often a giant. So in knowing that; how hard is it to smile and say hello to a child to return the courtesy and respect a child has exhibited? To acknowledge a child’s patience and courtesy for waiting, offering a seat, saying hello or holding open a door for someone who hold seniority to them?
Too not is rudeness in its self.
So I stood waiting still for that gap in their conversation to politely reach into their personal space to grab a packet of brown sugar and I waited. They looked at me and saw me waiting and I went to say excuse me but was looked through possibly like B1 was. So I then waited some more listening to their thoughts on what a terrible parent the short round ones daughter was.
Eaves dropping? No they spoke too loudly for that.
The short rounded one smirked again to the tall thin one “it’s the fashion” she said ever so loudly. “Yes it is “the tall thin one said responding even louder whilst shifting the weight of her bandaged foot and moving the crutch to hold the short round ones trolley.
At that moment, I could wait no more in patience or in time.
Now given that obviously they didn’t mind the rest of Woolworths knowing their views on fashion and children’s behaviour I stepped forward towards them reached through their personal space for the brown sugar without so much as an excuse me and took the opportunity to say to the both of them “ it’s not the fashion to have rude naughty children….it’s lazy parents and you know what” I said looking directly in front of me at…lazy parents have to come from somewhere”.
They looked at me and went quiet. Perhaps I had over stepped the mark perhaps I was out of line but the look on their humble faces perhaps told me different.
I stepped back gave the brown sugar to B1 grabbed his hand and as I said thank you ladies so did he. I looked at him proud as punch we moved on as did they in separate directions ever so quietly.
{image source from here with thanks}
