the fifo wife

How do you know I am tired B2 said to me why do I have to go to bed earlier that B1? I was sending B2 (and B3) to bed after he his behaviour at the pool was revolting and had sent me into a tailspin of panic that I was losing control. But it wasn’t just the pool this night it was several events this month. All out of character for my sweet boy. Sending him to bed early this night would allow me to think about what I need to do and to down a couple of freddo frog’s in the process. I sighed because I just do I said brushing the hair from his eyes just like I know that you being silly and making bad choices this month is because you miss daddy. It’s my job to know you and know you well. It’s my job to help fix you and make you the best person you can be. Annnnnd sometimes you aren’t going to like it but I am doing my job to make you the best person you can be.

He looked at me. The purple rings under his eyes eveidence that he was infact tired.

And I said to him I would send B1 to bed early if he had done what you done tonight or I may have done something different because of that very reason I know you all so well. I know what your favourite colours are, types of music and how you like your lunch made. I know when you are missing daddy because you make silly decisions you get all crazy and end up hurting someone like the other night when you put B3’s head through the glass door and again tonight. I know when B1 is missing daddy because he cries all lot and when B3 is missing daddy because he cries lots too and but gets extra cranky.

This month B2 was missing Dad terribly but it was to be expected with our trip to Paris the boys had seen Dad just 5 days in eight weeks a big ask of them. A big ask, one that be wouldn’t be happening again anytime soon.

He squirmed his way down the bed accepting his punishment knowing what he had done was wrong and knowing him as I did I knew it wouldn’t happen again. He understood and knew what had happened and why if he was to get further punishment that it was carefully considered.

And that’s what I have learnt about this parenting gig there is no hard and fast rule for discipline and loving your child. What fits one of your children won’t necessarily fit the other. And what I have learnt if you can’t accept that, if you cant be even just a little flexible that your kids are different it will make you job a little difficult. Kids like adults are different. They are different as babies with their own personalities and quirks. It’s my job as a parent to know them as individuals and when there is a problem try and work out what’s going. Work out the best fix or help them find the best fix for them. And often that won’t be the same as discipline as I have given to B1 or B3 whose personalities and learning capacities are completely different.

So I won’t be going to Beverly’s? He asked tentatively. No I said to him I don’t believe you need to go to Beverly’s because you are a different person to B1 and I know that it won’t come to that. I know that this chat and you being with Daddy when he gets home from work is going to help get you back to you but I said don’t take advantage of that because I will do what I need to too make you the best person you need to be and that may just be Beverly’s.

xx Deb

Oh the list is endless on how to keep in contact these..endless and its only getting bigger and better the world is no longer a little place and we are a far cry from when my father was FIFOand it was a phone call in the afternoon if you were lucky.

Now there are just so many app’s and programs avaiable for keeping in touch. So just a reminder of whats avaiable both modern and the old fashion way and a little giveaway too..

• Skype
• Face time 
• Path
• Msn messenger
• Viber.
• Face book.– private.
• Insta gram– private.
• Tumblr– private account.

Then there is some of the old fashioned stuff. The stuff that can be kept, held and placed close to your heart.

• Writting letters the old fashioned way and getting them in the post.
• Lunch mail notes in their school lunches.
• Dad leaves little notes around for them to find and vice versa
• A journal exchange. Each swing they take it in turns to fill out pictures.
• A treasure box and even though my kids are getting older we still use this box to hold all the treasures made while dad is away. We then open the box and go through it when he is home. Its still a favourite of ours.

Then there is Dear Little Letter Box..

DearLittle Letterbox attaches to your childs wall and allows them to be creative with drawing, colouring, and decorating all awhile the  teaching them about writing and the value of words.

And Holly from Dear Little Letter Box has allowed me to give one away.

The giveaway includes the letter box with a notepad, coloured pencils, sharpener, little envelopes, sticker set and wall mounting supplies.

And in her words ‘Dear Little Letter box is a fun & Inspiring way to engage your child to write and be creative. Encourage your child to write letters to grandparents, Santa, the Tooth fairy, Easter bunny, or whoever their heart desires’. And being a FIFO wife herself that includes dad’s too!!

So to enter the giveaway all you need to do is comment on the blog or facebook page and answer what when was the last time you wrote a letter on a piece of paper and popped it into the mail box.

But if you cant wait to enter then head to her website and buy direct in store or pop on over to her facebook page.

The give away will close 11pm WA time Sunday the 30th of March. You can only enter once and will be drawn randomly via the random picker thing. My apologies but it is only open to Australian residents. 

Good Luck.

xx Deb

 

 

Had a wee bit of writers block and spent the  morning reminicing over my sooo long a go trip to Paris..I know me with out something to say..but if I was to go again this would be my top five things I would recommend ..

1.When travelling to Paris if you are going for more than five days consider renting an apartment. The top images was ours and it made our stay even more intimate and delightful. Our neighbours we were French we were surrounded by Frenchness {so not a word} from the time we w.oke to the time we slept. This apartment was fully self-contained and the best part free international phone calls home. There are so many companies to use but we used special apartments.

2. Buy a book of ten rail pass for the metro. It works out cheaper especially for when you get sore feet from all that street wondering and upward gazing.  Oh and when using the metro and needing to get to the door and its packed..Parisians say pardon (“pahr-DOAN” . . . barely pronounce the n) rather than excusez-moi that is what will get people moving

3. Learn the language basics. We used heaps of app’s our favourites were Duolingo and Babbel and iTransalte all from the app store.

4. Do take a free walk well they aren’t free you pay for what you think they are worth. They are locals that take tourist on foot tours of Paris. We used Discover Walks and really enjoyed it. We paid our guide 10 euro’s each so worth it.

5. Take it slow. Enjoy Paris. It’s not a city to be raced around.

xx Deb

It’s a real quickie today. Me and my big are having a date day well actually he is having a dentist appointment and I am using that as an excuse to have him all to myself.

And we are running late so as the boys chomp on some random frozen dinner which turned out to be lasagna I am typing the few things whilst feeling muscles growing as B3 its each spoonful of Bolognese.

So we are on count down for husband home from work..its the second week of March and almost end of term…time flying?

Yep to fast so here are the few things running through my head.

1. I hate adventure time. Hate it and after tonight it will be banned TV show.

2. Got a mattress topper cant wait to use it. Hotel sleep here we come.

3. Game of Thrones count down is almost on..but in the mean time Bates Motel and Vikings is suffusing. Just.

4. It’s just occurred to me all my favourite shows currently involve some sort of blood guts and slaying..wonder if that says something about me but then again once upon a time I was going to be a forensic psychologist got three years in and well hoopla..here we are.

5. I have no number five…that’s a good thing..actually no I do..The lead actor for vikings he is Australian Fimmel. Never heard of him..anyone else?

6. Your horoscope for the week. Here.

7. Four ingredients? No try three. Yes three. Here.

8. How gorgeous will this baby be? Like Angelina and Brad were not enough. Here.

9. Lazy girl hairstyles? Hmm we will see we will try let me know if you do to. Here.

10. Awkward. Here.

xx Deb

{image source from here with thanks}

 

I looked at the sad faced icon after the words I have to have a C-section and I wondered.

I stood there reading it again remembering the guilt I felt when people asked about when we were due which generally led to yes I am having a scheduled C-section; yes it was my own choice. I remember how the staff of my small town hospital treated me after I chose to have a C-section’s after my first child’s labour was horrifying and more importantly unnecessary.

Whilst I understand now I had empowered those people, doctors and professionals to make me feel that way- guilty. They had no right. It was simply none of their business but age teaches you things. Yes I chose to have a c-section but it was my choice. It didn’t make me less of a parent, less of a mother, less of a person and I wasn’t too posh to push but it is how we are I guess.  I remember Kate Winslet lying to the public on how one of her children was birthed because she felt guilt that she had whether by choice or not a C-section. She lied and kept it like a dirty secret instead of rejoicing in the fact she had a beautiful healthy baby I felt sad for her but understood completly.

How we birth our children how we come to have them in the first place makes us no lesser parents. No better or no less.

Sometimes things go to plan other times they don’t. Some times its guilt from others sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

For my first birth I had planned to birth ‘naturally’ and that was where my planning stopped. I didn’t want to be disappointed. I had no expectations of the birth I didn’t want to. I did however do all the exercises to help me get through the birth. I spent hours on my knees rocking back and forth in the shower in preparation to open my hips; so I guess I planned sort of.

What I did plan for was rarely anything goes to plan and so I planned that it was going to hurt and I would get a baby at the end. I was asked do you plan on drugs, have music, gas? At the time I said I would avoid that epidural like the plague but inducement as B1 would have it means being strapped to a bed. If I had a planned on squatting rolling and mediating through whilst my husband held my hand it wasn’t going to plan. With B1 being 11 days late, me strapped to a bed, the taste of the gas making me vomit and not wanting anyone touching me and my low blood pressure which was due to unidentified heart murmur and we will make you labour for ten hours at least nothing would’ve have gone to plan anyway.

The emergency c-section after all that non planning? Was as scary and as empowering as the ‘natural birth’ may have been.

So

My choice of a sub sequential c-section’s was based on several determining factors. It wasn’t something I woke up and said yes I think I may drain the public health system despite having made contributions all my working life, have several weeks of pain, guilt and feeling of isolation with those who chose to compare our ‘labours and sub sequential births’ and deem me less of a mother. It instead was considered and informed as everything medical should be natural or otherwise. Sometimes people would ask after asking about the C-section but what about the labour? Didn’t you miss that? No I laboured for 38 weeks. I was sick. I was uncomfortable. I was tired. I was in pain. Why people are so complacent about pregnancy I don’t know. It’s nothing to blasé about.

And whilst the birth and that’s what every C-section is; is to an extent clinical it was also very empowering to me and no less special. I was scared crapless and I made it through just as I would have been with a ‘natural’ birth. It brought me and my husband together. He cared for me loved me like I have never known him to. And the bond with my babies? Unsurmountable despite not seeing  my first baby for several  hours due to my body failing me after a that forced 10 hour labour and my second baby sent to an incubator because the liquid wasn’t expelled from his lungs quick enough. My third it was a dream run and yet I love my babies equally and just as much as any mother. But the after pain? It was there I wont deny that but I was up after 12 hours of my C-section walking nursing by babies yet the girl who delivered naturally next to me lay in bed for days because her stitching was equally as bad.

We all have our horror stories.

But how you deliver your baby ‘naturally’ or via ‘C-section’ it doesn’t matter in the end the health of you and your baby is what matters. That’s the important thing and it’s the only thing any parent should focus on; birthing your baby in the safest possible fashion.

But because I will get someone who will email me with statistics or a horror story I don’t care…I’m not endorsing or promoting C-sections any more than the use of mediation or epidurals. There are great stories, horrible stories deaths and injuries in both styles of births and each carry their own risks. Child birth is risky business.

What I am doing is telling you; that how you birth whether it’s to have a C-section either by necessity or by choice is nobody’s business. As it is to birth with or without drugs, with or without music and with or without anyone being by your side. It. Is. No. Ones. Business. No ones. Don’t allow someone else opinion or sometimes your own expectation of what a birth should be take away from the end result- an incredible beautiful marvellous baby. Your baby.

And so wondered was it disappointment or guilt that that icon was there? I do hope neither.

Xx D