the fifo wife

Your distant these past few days he said. Whats up? He called me this morning on the way to the city.

I don’t  know I said. I’m just off. Sleep I said. It was a tough month I finished with.

Do you need those meds he said. We never talk about those med’s. Its been a long time since those ‘meds’. But when I needed those meds I scared people. Myself included.

No I don’t need those meds I said. I don’t need them I am just off. I’m not sure what it is. I’m just off. Give me a couple of days.

Okay a couple of days then we check again.

Okay.

Okay.

Love you husband for taking such good care of me. For noticing I’m off, giving time and space to work it out myself but wanting to help me fix it all the same. Yet I know myself well enough now that I know I am just off every one has an off day or two. Everyone. Its how long those ‘off’ days continue that make the difference.

So for anyone that’s having a whole lot of consecutive off days days; off days that are going on for more than a week more than a couple of weeks please see you GP to help you find out the cause of your ‘offness’ it could be as simple as an iron difficency, a need for sleep or perhaps a little chemical imbalance in the brain called depression or exhaustion sometimes they are confused for each other. Both however can happen to anyone who looses too much sleep and doesn’t get enough rest most timesits  brought on by being a parent. And if its Depression its nothing to be afraid or embarrassed of its just another illness that requires medical treatment sometimes short term sometimes long term. Depression is nothing more than a chemical imbalance in the brain which is why it changes you but its nothing to take lightly depression can be terminal.

So if you’re a little ‘off’ and have been for a little longer than a couple of days and you cant pin point why please see a doctor because we all want you to be yourself and not a little off.

Big love

x Deb

Dont just wait to crash she said we are here all the time just a phone call away. I loved her appreciated her for saying that but here is the thing we are a indpendent strong breed us FIFO wives. Most of us think we have ‘bought’ into this life style all of its ups and downs and so must do it alone but as I have learnt these ups and downs can happen for any one parent at any time not just us FIFO wives.

Often however through our own way of thinking that we have ‘brought’ this on ourselves and that we have ‘brought’ this lifestyle we cant see that it happens to us all but our way of thinking is a major reason for why sometimes we are on the slow burn.

So for our family and friends looking out for us FIFO wives, single mums and dad’s, stay at home mum and stay at home dad’s and working parents here are five tips to giving us and them a hand.

1. Dont say to us ‘if you ever need a hand with kids just call’. We will never call we just wont. We are stubborn that way the best thing you can do is just say Im coming for the kids have them ready by ten you will often be recieved with tears but they are tears of love and gratitude.

2. Just come and visit around epsecially on a weekend. Sometimes its to much effort for us to get the kids out and about and sometimes we get unitentionally forgottenabout  during the weekend and on holidays. We know we arent someone elses responsibilty and people get busy and they lives of their own but as FIFO wives and mums we usually hate weekends; they drag. Weekends are the two days of the week when we usually dont have anything planned and yet we dont want to impose on your family time because we know how prescious that time is. However the weekend {especially in winter} is when lonieness sets in so drop by; just come on around. Just ten minutes will make a difference to our weekend; our a whole swing.

3. Call us. Im not saying everyday but every couple of days most of us are stubborn we isolate ourselves by accident and some of us including myself have this fear that something will happen to us and no one will notice. I can go a whole swing with no one but my husband and mother calling me both of them are over a thousand of kilometres away.

4. Dont let us go to events on our own; well not often. Sometimes we hate going to school, work and friends parties alone. Sometimes we hate being wall flowers, sometimes we hate being ‘alone’ so instead often we wont go. We feel guilty that our partners aren’t there or we are having a good time but ultimatly we need to go out to keep from being isolated and for our kids its essential. So rally with us it will bring to us a sense of coummuinty and family and that sense of both is essential for everyones well being.

5. Tell us we are doing a good job because FIFO or not as parents we are all doing a good job and we all need to hear it and not just when we are sinking and you think a buoy needs to be thrown. Just throw out there; it reassures us we are just like it would you.

xx Deb

{image source with thanks from here}

How was your weekend sweet things? Ours was super busy. Dad is home from work, B3 had his birthday and then there was chill out time with Nana..What more could we ask for? Well more family loving but we will take what we can get.

Its Monday and I have just got back from dropping Nana at the airport..330 start and at 130 and Im just setting down to write this.. I am ao looking forward to bed tonight..but Game of Thrones starts tonight so there will be match sticks keeping these little beu peeps open I have been counting down for that baby.

So here are the few things running through my head this second week of fricking April.

1. There is a cyclone heading our way. Ita is her name. She is a few 1000 kilometres off but she sounds mean dont you think?

2. My last baby turned five years old last week..I swear he grew over night..next week Im sure he will be turning 18 and moving out of home. Still I wont be ready.

3. B1 came 20 ish in the fun run last week. Some how he thought he came third? Why didn’t I win the fun run mum? Because you walked and stopped to go to the toliet baby thats why.

4. You know when you have found home because leaving it is an effort and seeing your front door brings you smile and a sense of peace.

5. Before the boys were born husabnd and I were always having BBQ’s a Dinners with our favourite friends. The people we count as family and so Saturday night saw me spend time with some of my favourite people and it got me thinking I miss that and want to do that more often; so I will. Remeber sweet things the best family is the one you create.

6. This made me laugh out loud. Here.

7. I love emma watson so of course I read this. Here.

8. Incase you need to catch up on Game of Thrones before tonights airing. Here.

9. Your weekly horoscope. Here.

10. Im making this for dinner. Here.

xx Deb

It’s too expensive to eat well she said. I looked at the TV a rare occasion I promise. She was being interviewed in her car I didn’t understand why in her car as much as I don’t understand how could it be expensive to eat well?

Which then had me thinking we eat well and I spend on average $160 a week on the entire grocery bill; cleaners included. It’s perhaps a little more when husband is home but generally not by much. Some weeks it’s not that much. I feed a family of five plus four dogs and one cat and yet I do hear of families that spend $200 plus a week. Now I’m not naive and I’m sure when the boys are older this will increase but as for now this is how I keep my grocery bill low and ‘eat well’.

Look at your portion size are you throwing food away? The ideal portion of food is side plates consider that next time you are serving up dinner.

Grow your own herbs veg and fruit not only do you know where it comes from it’s at the tip of your fingers.

Bulk up meals with vegetables for soups and stews I use Home brand’s mixed veg perfect.

Freeze left over’s. If left-over’s not eaten with- in two days label what it is and place in the freezer.

Have a night were you eat the left over’s for dinner, give them to the kids for lunch. Don’t be afraid of the left over’s.

Make pasta sauces with vegetables that are not fresh enough to use as is. Use those sauces straight away or freeze them and add to soups, stews or gravy.

Buy in bulk from wholesalers all you need is a ABN…just compare your prices however as some items are not always cheaper unless your buying in the pallet or full carton. Food that we buy whole sale are grave ox, Milo, rice, sugar, flours, cling wraps, foils, and soy sauce.

Shop by the unit price that is listed on the price ticket rather than the whole price and remember look down.

Buy vegetables according to season and if not don’t be afraid of frozen.

Don’t be afraid to buy home brand for certain items especially when they are exactly the same and for a labelled item. When food is purely fuel to growing kids they won’t notice the difference in the home brand tinned tomato or tomato paste in their dinner. However having said that buy Australian made whenever possible- a complete contradiction but as someone who lives in a farm growing region it’s a hard act to balance.

Don’t buy so much processed food. It’s simple. It’s not good for anyone. We don’t buy a lot of processed food the main process food we buy is the breakfast cereal but I am not arguing at breakfast. We don’t buy soft drinks or chips at all unless it’s a special occasion like Christmas.

Always have fruit on hand for snacks.

Do your own baking of cakes and biscuits from scratch…if you have the time and inclination…I’m not Martha Stewart and if I can’t be bothered I will spend $2.50 on a home brand cake mix to save time and my sanity.

Meal plan for the major night time dinners…then you know what you’re doing every night…often meal planning means you can cook ahead.

Do lots of budget friendly dinner’s chilli, curries, soups, stews and rice dishes.

Take a list and go on your own I will always buy more when I have the kids – and the husband.

Don’t be afraid to buy discounted meat as long as it’s okay just make sure it’s used straight away frozen or buy your meat in bulk from your butcher.

Stock up on items when they are on sale. I have clear boxes full of breakfast cereal, pasta’s and far too much toilet paper.

Buy your personal products in the bulk size or from discount stores.

Buy straight from the farm- easy say’s she who is surrounded by them.

Get yourself a couple of hens; but don’t impulse buy they require care, food and shelter.

Buy your cleaners in bulk from a wholesale cleaners or look at natural alternatives like vinegar and bi-carb sodas.

Nappies- experiment with the cheaper brands- I loved the Woolworths brand over all of the Huggies but it’s a personal choice.

Baby food I made my own invest in a stick blender and teach others how to make it for when you to tired.

Make your own dog food. Head to your butcher ask if they have any met mince. Stew that up with rice and a pack of home brand mixed vegetables. Every now and then I throw in a couple of eggs or alternate with some pasta and a pack of soup or gravy mix for taste. I get a bag of brisket bones to. A pot of homemade dog food last feeding four dogs three days. I only feed them once a day with a cup of dry food or bone for dinner. They are not working dogs. They are steal the couch and bed space dogs. The benefit of making your dog food is there is less mess in the yard and no ahem smell. And it’s better for them. Just watch your portion size for them – unless they are working dogs- and the fat content in the pet meat.

So do you have any tips for saving at the check out?

xx Deb

{image souce from here with thanks}

I was making the bed when he called. His name was George.We had exchanged a couple of emails regarding mining work. I wasnt expecting his call however this as I found out he was calling for comment. 

Your doing a piece I said. I didn’t think he was a journalist. I don’t like talking to journalist without prior warning. Yeah he replied casually.

Have you ever lived, worked FIFO I asked him not that it mattered.

No he said then in the same breath he said so what do you think of the industries image. I wasnt prepared to do an interview let alone be quoted.

What image was that I said throwing the last of my pillows on the bed. I knew exactly what he was going to say but held out for something different.

That FIFO workers are heavy drinkers drug users have too much money and…he didnt get to finish.

To my fault I didn’t let him finish..treat their families badly I said cutting him off. Act like a bunch of red necks.

Yes he said what do you think of that? Is it true?

I was mad.

First of all I said every industry has a dick in it that will stereo type the entire industry. Every single one. Excessive drinking, drug use and ill treating of women is not a FIFO related industry that’s just all over. Football, defence, truckers, advertising executives and journalist it’s not just a FIFO issue however that’s not to say there isn’t any. There is always a small minority just like any industry. “The worst wheel on the cart makes the most noise” (Abraham Franklin) I said. It’s just that FIFO is an easy target for excuses and us FIFO’ers are big money right now. People are making money off us left right and centre because they can.

And your Support Sunday he said I didn’t even allow him to clarify. My Support Sunday  is free just like my blog and is to Support men and women with any issue not just ‘FIFO’ issues. If you care to look last Sunday someone asked about frozen dinners another was FIFO but they can be any issues. Many of these questions could happen to anyone. Support Sunday is for those that don’t have someone to talk to. Our families are all over the joint. Many of us are to proud and frightened that we will be laughed at I said. Many people judge a FIFO’ers lifestyle choice.

Uh huh he said you could hear him scribbling furiously away.

I was so mad that my heart was racing. I took a breath.

And you know I said trying to calm myself. I can honestly say I have never ever personally met a man who work’s FIFO and is this ‘stereo type’ FIFO man. Sure some have their faults but the majority and I’m talking the 99.9% are out there in the middle of fricking no where doing it for their families.  Most men that I know and including my husband who I shall have  you know is a non drinker, a non smoker and will only take Panadol only if he has to- most are that way most drink with in reason some not at all. And many like my husband have their wives so high on a pedestal that sometimes we as wives are afraid of falling. I’m terrified of falling. I know the love my husband has for me and I’m terrified of disappointing him because he just does so much for me and our family. Most men like most wives are putting themselves at the very bottom of the ladder for their family. We they, he, are doing it for their family. These men are amazing people. Who work hard and make every day sacrifice for their family. They are honest, caring and loving to point of excess I said. As are there wives I said. Lets not forget the wives. This is a joint effort.

I rattled on because I could and because I was cranky.

I know more ‘civilian’ men who have cheated and taken advantage of their wives than I have those doing FIFO and I have been doing this a long time. I have seen more alcohol drunk by my dad’s builder mates than I have ever of my husband and his friends. And drug use? I don’t move in those circles but I’m sure its there just like it is in those of a rock stars. Every industry has its dirty secrets. Its personal choice how they handle their money and their recreational time. Their choice. It’s not a FIFO issue its a personal choice issue.

These men are awesome men. They are family men. They are husbands. They are fathers and they are friends who will give you not only the shirt but the skin off their backs if they have to. Give me a FIFO man any day because these men know and have learnt the true value of family and time. They have learnt to work a relationship not only with their wives but all their family members. And I guarantee they will put all of this over the value of a dollar.

I waited; flattening the top cover on my bed. An interview and a bed made I thought.

So does that answer your question about the FIFO stereo type? I asked him.

Right good is all he said.

I haven’t heard back from him yet.

xx D

 {Image source here with thanks}