the fifo wife

Wow, we are in the second week of school and the first week of February before I have even got something scribbled down here. Time is going as fast as the wrinkles are forming. We had such a great break over summer; a reward for the chaos that was not a Christmas. We went to Nz and I hope to write about it soon but that’s a bit like our Singapore trip way back in May last year. It is coming- I promise. I will get it down because like that trip it was gold.

I’m pretty much the same with New Year’s resolutions {there coming- I promise I would say} and its why I have never created them. In the past I knew that I would let myself down which previously would have added to the already massive self-loathing issues I had- yes its true and so I thought why should I bother. I have in the past created mini goals but nothing like “today on the first of January I’m going to lose 10kilos”. Instead, I have always been “meh I will give it a go and see what happens”. I’m also a firm believer that every minute you are alive it provides you with the opportunity to create change in yourself and ultimately your circumstances; which was but now is my ultimate line.

Self-loathing now gone I still don’t do resolutions, but I still believe every moment is an opportunity to do stuff for yourself and for me now ultimately my family. Since becoming “well” my family and its functioning have become huge to me; even more so now things are clear. I want so much good stuff for me, them and us this year but resolutions again still go against my grain but then I saw Julia Rothman’s idea for new years resolutions after it went viral. And I loved the idea. Its what I want for me and for us as a family- it achievable.

So I asked the boys what they want more and less of for themselves and as a family this year. I gave them a few days to think on it and this is what they came back with.

More of :
*game nights
*walking together
*movies nights
*to see their nana and poppa more
*more treasure hunting
*compete in more triathlons
*bake more
*compete in swim meets

Less of:
*less takeaway perhaps every second week.
*less electronic time

I wasn’t really surprised at their list with the exception for less take away- that’s my night off but I get it.

As for myself, I want to reduce my cholesterol further which is, in a nutshell, is a healthier me? It irks me it is so high and now that I have heart issues I need to fix that. I need to know that my heart is as healthy as I can have it be. I want more family time where I’m not cranky because I’m thinking of everything I need to do. Which I guess when you rationalise is being more present and I want that more often. I want more individual time with my husband where again I’m present and ‘myself’. I also want more education {and variety of} in my life. Different music, television, and reading. I also want my kids exposed to that too. When I was younger I loved learning but with life, and the loss of confidence it slipped away but now that I’m very aware that I’m not ‘secretly stupid’ I can’t get enough of opinions, ideas and facts. I also want more honesty in my life. I want to see more of my family in all forms because family is not always a blood tie and last year we saw so little of them. As for less of I want to be surrounded by less stuff; so I’m still on the decluttering path and I want less overthinking because it still happens. Its not an overly ambitious list I think.

When I asked my husband he couldn’t tell me what he wants more or less of but its an evolutionary and fluid list which is what I like about it and I’m hoping he comes up with something because he is the part of the epicentre that makes us up.

So if you were to create a more and less of wish -what would it look like.

xx Deb

I’m pumping this out this morning, hence the additional errors, because its dawned on me its the 5th of December and for the first time I am done this year and I have managed to keep to budget this year. Now I did save up but because of lots of ‘bugger its’ such as the rental house being infested with termites, unforeseen vet bills, braces, and now the houses stumps need replacing, the husband’s contract was pushed out twice which means no paydays for a month. Also, add to that I want to see my family in New Zealand this year because well time is a ticking for some, the budget was and is tight this year. I couldn’t go over by one cent it. I also didn’t want to dip into the ‘other savings’ account and I don’t believe in credit care debt or personal loans for these things.

So this year I saved money because well I had to..

1. Set a budget. Our entire Christmas budget was $500 this year. Food and gifts for family and friends. I even did a spreadsheet on google sheets which means I could also access it on my phone.
2. Talk to your partner about your budget, what you want out Christmas et. Husband and I aren’t gifting each other this year preferring to spend it on a trip to NZ but the kids will get a toy from Santa, a toy from us and then we get them everything they will need for the next coming year and that includes school lunch boxes, clothes and sporting equipment. Talk to family about gifting. Our family has a rule once the kids turn 18 no gifts.
3. Embrace online shopping if you’re quick you can still make it for the delivery service especially if you live city side. We live regionally so the cut off dates are now cutting it fine. Make the most of free shipping by one stop shopping.
4. If your shopping online you need to install two things onto your laptop or PC both which are free.. Honey and Shopback. Honey will find you vouchers or coupons and automatically apply them at checkout Shop back will give you cash back for shopping at selected retailers and with over $500 including Woolies, Cotton On and ASOS there is a shop for everyone. Yesterday I shopped at best and less going via Shop back (they redirect you to the store’s site) and then Honey applied my coupon and viola I saved $15.00. I then got another $5.00 from Shopback. There are alternatives I’m sure but these are the two I have used and yes I get a referral from sending you there.
5. Talk to your family about quality over quantity. If I got a handmade pink diamond ring I wouldn’t expect anything else..you see my meaning? Be reasonable.
6. Give an experience. This is my favourite way to save and gift. Part of my boy’s gifts this year is the Deadly Sixty show and a trip to NZ. The boys are well aware now that we would rather invest in experiences than things and as they rack up their travel miles they feel the same way.
7. Give kindness and you will never go broke.

Perhaps my biggest advice is don’t forget the big picture. Its one day and Christmas is about the spirit of love, family and giving but that giving isn’t about the latest Xbox. The Christmas spirit of giving is time, love and kindness. It really is that simple. It’s corny but true; you can’t appreciate how many people ache for those things.

xxDeb

It’s our last trip to the city for B2s basketball game this weekend, last week it was a truly seat gripping game and so I can’t wait for this one. None of his brothers want to make the trip down the hill. The hill has just 265 turns as an 800ft elevation rise in just 19kilometeres (really can’t see the problem – can you?) but we are enforcing that brotherly love, as currently, it’s lacking somewhat; and it’s driving me slightly crackers. So bundling everyone up into taking a car ride that ultimately no one really wants to take is exactly the right fix for that right?

Anyway, these are a few things from around the web that I booked marked to read that I thought you might like also.

1. A really interesting interview with the American Chief of Disguise (yes there is such a title) about how spies use disguises.
2. Have you read this piece by Design Mom; I have read it a number of times now and would love to know what you think after reading it.
3. I have heard such mixed reviews about this book- have you read it?
4. Is our lifestyle responsible for our hormones?
5. The amazing world of the Japanese kit kat obsession

Have a great weekend my friends, I would love to know what you are up to.

xDeb

Image is from here with thanks

I worry that your not happy and that’s because of me he said to me this morning.

Why? I said looking up at him.

Because I should make you happy he replied.

I’m not happy when it happens because of me. You have no control of the circumstances behind my happiness or not- I am, I said to him.

My husband thinks about my mental health a lot- I’m guessing. In truth, I have never asked but it became apparent he did when I was struggling one year and he asked if I wanted to kill myself. Despite the depths, my mental health has been I have never been in that much pain. I have wanted to leave, stop being a burden, an embarrassment, a weight to my family- yes- but not kill myself.

When he asked me that one morning; whilst we lay in bed, I cried that I would cause someone I love, that much worry. In the past seven years’s I have had two bouts of depression both brought on by exhaustion. My anxiety battles have tittered me back to the edge numerous times, however, I have been in control of my anxiety for almost 18months now. After finally understanding where it stemmed from and what to do with it. I still get anxiety but after much work, I am in control of it now and I’m not afraid to admit I struggle every now and then.

Regardless of my husband has been amazing since I told him I was struggling all those years ago. He was like Superman the day I crashed and the best thing was he never tried to fix it. That wasn’t what I wanted either, I was sick not broken. In the beginning, he took charge for my own safety as best he could in the middle of the Indian Ocean, he asked for the help I should have yet he never treated me like I was fragile.

Despite my fears that he wouldn’t understand, that he would be disappointed in that I wasn’t able to care for our children, he did understand and he encouraged me to seek help; knowing only I could do that. He gave me the space to get well. He helped me get better. He listened, only gave advice when I asked or he really thought it was necessary because the chemicals in my brain were way out of wack {or I was overreacting to something so very small}. He never got impatient with me because I was unwell and he got that. He didn’t judge my decision to take medication or judge when I came off. He just made sure I knew he was there, that he had my back. He probably wanted to scream and shout at me a thousand times but he didn’t and honestly as I sit here I wonder where he got his patience because this is the man who can’t deal with a scattered pantry let alone a scattered wife but he did.

He did it all again when I become unwell the second time because as a slow learner of not asking for help I hadn’t really learnt my lesson the first time. Then my leftover anxiety from an unresolved problem would rob me of myself. During the past seven years, he never told me to get over it, or that I was being stupid, over-reactive or unreasonable he just didn’t. I can only guess that he knew that it wasn’t who I was.

He made me feel safe to be crazy and I can call myself that because I was so far removed from myself because I was tired, exhausted, irritable and scared that I was crazy. Yet he loved me still and he made me know and feel that.

He did exactly what and all he could for my happiness. He lived up to his in sickness and health vow as promised and that couldn’t make me happier.

xx Deb

We had a student free day yesterday, the husband was due home Sunday but got delayed with the storms in Brisbane not arriving until Monday completely throwing my winging it into disarray.

So my weekly meal planning is somewhat behind but its now done never the less.

Monday night I did up a red noodle curry. It was sensational. I used a store bought red curry paste and some more wining it I teamed it with some asparagus, carrot and cabbage. Yum. Even B3 who insisted that we have a breakfast dinner loved it. The same, but different, inspiration recipe is here.

Tuesday is Korean beef stirfry I am giving it a go after trying some on Sunday night. I know I won’t be able to achieve the same grill intensity for the meat, but we will give it a shot. I’m not using the cellophane noodles that is in this recipe however just a bit of rice.

It’s just a three meat and vegetables for Wednesday. It’s our free day and so I don’t mind ‘slaving’ over the stove. Its crumbed steak from the local butchers and a Gado Gado salad. Its set to be super hot and we are almost in a drought I think. My house is shrinking like it hasn’t in such a long time; I’m going to be truthful though – I make this salad purely for the peanut sauce.

Thursday is an old favourite Chilli Concarne but I’m adding some shredded beef just to mix it up a bit. Sour cream and some lime perfect.

And Friday is the toasted sandwich night. My husband says he is tired of them but seriously how can one ever tire of a toasted sanga? The only advice I have is butter (with a little oil to stop the butter burning in the pan) plus butter of the bread and fry in a pan. I don’t believe the toasted sandwich maker can achieve the same perfection.

What’s on at your place for the week?

xxDeb