the fifo wife

We are a road tripping today we are heading four hours south to help the cousin with a concrete slab so even though it’s just a four-hour trip and a three-day jaunt its like we are leaving the state for a month. 

I am someone who must come home to a clean home after being away so I go into a slight crazed state of cleaning because not only do I like to come home to a clean home I clean it because you  know buses and the unknown and all that stuff.

Anyway I can hear the husband getting restless..so we must go and incase you missed a thing last month..these were the top five posts of the month of MAY. Can you believe it sweet things May. No neither can I.

On being a single mum {real life} here.

How to survive a rainy day {money tips} here.

You dont care about me {real life} a conversation between me and my B1 here.

How to get better sex..perhaps {sexual health and realtionships} here.

Guest post about women and weights dipelling the myths {health} here.

xx Deb

I asked my doctor for my tubes to be tied when I was 25 years old. I didn’t want children. I was sure of that. She told me no I was to young and to come back when I was 28 years old when I had grown up some more. At the time I was pissed it was my body I should be able to do as I pleased but she said I was young and would change my mind go on the pill instead. I’m not sure I would have changed my mind but me being me back then never sought out someone who would do as I asked- thankfully.

How is it then we came to have children? After a ‘loss’ my husband  revealed he would like to have children and so we were in tears he and I except our reasons very different. I loved him and so its to him I have to thank for the life I have for the person I now am and unusually that statement that I have him to be thank for my children is not dripping with sarcasm.

The result? I’m not a natural mum I really struggle with it but I am a good one {I think; most days}. I work really hard at it and sometimes I go over board because I’m trying to compensate for that feeling that doesn’t come naturally but having said that I think I’m pretty awesome at faking it til I make it. I see being a mum as serious business and so I can be hard but I do believe fair. I’m not naturally affectionate and sometimes I miss the point but I’m doing my best each and everyday. I am doing my best to make my children the best they can be with the knowledge and experience I have which for the first son can be hard. With the help of others we are getting there.

I love my children more than I love myself and without them I wouldn’t be who I am now and where I am today. Sure the person I could have been may have travelled the world own an amazing collection of shoes but would I be this ‘well rounded and happy’ person who I am  today I don’t think so. I think that every day I am cleaning pee off the toilet wall how truly gifted I am to be experiencing this life of mine and yes sarcasm is drenching in that last statement. Mother hood, parent hood wife hood is not some romantic notion of easiness. It is far from some days you barely make it out alive. But everything and anything in life that is important worthwhile is ever easy.

However I have evolved with each child Im different to the person I was when I was single different to when I had B1, B2 and B3. When I first became a mum I was right in everything just as me and I would have told you that letting the TV baby sit your kids is wrong. That letting them snack on tiny teddies good lord someone call child protection services..your kids singlet not bright white..gasp how could you do that to your child. I would have told you as you stood there desperately tired and three kids at your feet. Instead of saying hey can I take those cherubs for you for a while. I was that parent. I was that type of mother the ones you have a name for. However three kids in two bouts of exhaustion later and many mistakes made I am now I am that parent who will stop and ask if you need a hand when your kids is throwing an all mighty tantrum in woolies rather than mutter under my breath your really need to show them some discipline.

And whilst I do have trouble remembering who Debbie was exactly I do remember at times she was arrogant, ignorant and devoid of black and white. She was staunch on her opinion and swayed little. She was popular but perhaps for the wrong reasons. I still hold opinions on certain things but they now come with experience not with what I read in a book or from someone else ignorance. Mistakes I didn’t own them was embarrassed by them. Lessons I should have learnt were others mistakes and I was wearing their consequences. I was selfish and rude.

I didn’t really like myself and had no clue what I stood for.

Do I like myself now. I am a work in progress but then who isn’t it? I am now however one of these people who sees a lesson in everything I wasnt always but mother hood taught me that. It taught me reflection, patience, mother guilt and how to let go. It taught me what is important. How to love and listen properly. It taught me all sorts of ‘stuff’ that Debbie pre children would have thumped her nose at; touching someone else poo being one of them. Being a mum as well as Debbie is now a part of me.

So it’s that reflection that I have learnt that I understand now how that doctor didn’t mean age as  numerical position life she meant as a person. Being a mother altered me as a person I could go to the extreme and say that at times it was the swift kick I needed on becoming me.

xDeb

My father got ‘stuck’ here for two extra days due to volcanic ash..I’m not complaining at all in fact I’m secretly rejoicing he however is anxious that he is going to miss his boys fishing trip. His stay here has been awesome and I always get extremely upset when he has to go. I will never get use to those good byes ever and as horrible as it sounds I feel like my time is running out which makes the good-bye for me worse.

However ash cleared flights resumed off he went today. He was happy to be going home to what was familiar and that camping trip with his mates. It’s in Kakadu; in an isolated billabong with crocodiles bigger than the boat and alot faster than he can swim. I grew up there in Kakadu at this billabong I spent a lot of my childhood there and I loved it and love it still. The crocodiles however love it too and so have flourished to what I think are epidemic proportions and are what I believe {my own opinion} are controversally getting out of hand and something needs to be done what I dont know.

So in the knowledge that certain danger is now faced when placing your foot in the boat I muttered as I hugged him at the gate take your running shoes and a pair of flippers dad and you might stand a chance. It was all I could say as I said good  bye but that quipe and his laugh was the only thing that stopped the sobs as I literally ran from the ugly cry.

So I am a day late making the few things on a Tuesday instead of a Monday but time spent with my dad is well you know..so its the first week of June almost tax time which means it’s almost the middle of the year. The years really do go faster as you get older dont they?  So these are a few things running through my head this first week of June.

1. My father insisted that I leave him at the airport today. Will I see you tomorrow dad I asked No he replied. Will I see you the next day? No he laughed.Then shut up and let me stay I said. If FIFO has taught me one thing..time and people are precious. 

2. My son has a cough he has coughed for three nights solid. We {meaning him and I – the one who hears him} have resorted to sleeping in the lounge room by the fire where the air is warmer so he doesn’t cough- so much. I feel like I have done ten rounds with Tyson sleeping on that floor and how exactly selective hearing works?

3. My children are having growth spurts and I can’t keep up with their food is fuel requirement.

4. My Dad couldn’t grasp that he could check in on-line with Jet Star this morning. It’s the same reaction my kids have when I tell them i-pads didn’t exist when I was a kid.

5. If I was to detox this is how I would do it here.

6. Advice from some younger women..here.

7. We are heading to my husbands cousins bachelor pad.. I gave him two weeks notice we were coming so he could clean the bathroom and toilet. He said he doesn’t own any bleach I told him to use the moonshine he drinks to clean it. Im taking Vodka and lots of it…it appears it has many uses. Here.

8. I rediscovered online shopping after a long hiatus ..well until the office calls we are still on hiatus but I have a wish list ..anyway hows this for getting a better idea of what you’re buying.

9. Huh?

10. I found this new blog just thought I would share here.

And incase you forgot what happened last week..I didn’t..my boy told me I didn’t care here, the time I made a dinner so good I was told it was good stuff here, guest poster Kathy dispelled the myths on women and weights here, and money tips for when that rainy day comes in here.

xx Deb

{Image sourced from here with thanks}

We were lying in his bed talking out about his day when silence fell. It was dark his head under the covers when he said it. “You don’t care about me” he was B1 and he is eight years old but I swear it was only last week I was smelling his baby skin.

I lay there calm trying to work out what prompted this out of the blue statement. I thought about everything that had happened today. He had had a friend over. I relived the day as quickly as I could. He had been a slight smart Alec and I had dealt with it then and there. I don’t have time for it but considered the way I had dealt with it. Had I humiliated him? No I hadn’t thought so but I had dealt with it in front of his friend. Not a raised voice but a simple no you may not do that and no you may not behave that way because friend A is here. I considered friend A’s behaviour and friend A’s parents. We are different very different. I felt I had worked out the cause of this random statement.

So I started.

What makes you think I don’t care about you I asked him? He stammered trying to think of an example.

Is it me asking about your day, allowing you to have your friend’s over, cook your favourite dinners I asked. Is it making sure that your happy, healthy and okay. Is it because when you can’t sleep I pat you slowly on the back. Is that why you think I don’t care I said knowing full well he wouldn’t understand the sarcasm.

I allowed him time to find an example of why I didn’t care. This was important and I wasnt mad I was ready and I was listening because I know I can be hard on him and I expect a lot from him. And I parent different from some of the other parents we know. No way of parenting is wrong or right and so I waited. The dark was offering him the confidence he needed to tell me and this is why we had this ten minutes before bed so he could tell me these things.

He couldn’t find the words nor the example and so I offered what I thought it was to him. Was it because I told you off in front of friend A today I asked. He was silent with the exception of the nod of a head I knew it was. Well I said I am sorry for doing that in front of your friend and I will be more careful however I am not sorry for doing it. I am your parent not your friend just yet. I cant wait to be both your friend and parent because you are such an awesome little man and one day we will be great friends the best even. But my job is to be your parent it is my job to teach you things. It is my job to make sure that you’re the best possible person you can be. That is my job and I care and love you deeply and if I didn’t I would do these things that make you think I don’t care.

I do these things because I care about you and sometimes I will tell you off because I am trying to teach you. That is my job as a parent. Now if you think I have been un fair you must tell me and we will like now will talk about it. Never be afraid of that because you are my first baby and just like you I am still learning. I do know though I am a tough mummy. I don’t know how to be any other way. Friend A’s mum might be different to me and I understand that might seem better but it doesn’t mean I care or love you any less or they care or love them any less. 

I am hard, I am tough but I think I’m fair and I’m doing the best I can to teach you to be the best you can be. After all if I didn’t teach you to tie your shoes, wash your dishes and use your manners do you think you would know how?

No he said and that’s how I know how to wash wipe and put it away and Mr R doesnt and he wont do it either mum he said the penny slowly dropping to him {I hoped}.

Thats right I said and if I didn’t care I would not be talking about this with you now.

Yeah mum can you pat me to sleep he said rolling over.

Of course I can.

xx Deb

{image with thanks to tumblr}

I am no expert on fitness but I wanted to start a series because being healthy is ESSENTIAL on being a good you, wife, partner, lover, mumma and because I’m no expert I asked my friend Kathy who is. Kathy is a little pocket rocket who runs, owns Gx fitness and is a registered personal trainer. She has a Face books page here that you must visit and a fitness studio should you live in the area {as a few of you do} must also visit..

First up women and lifting weights…dispelling a few of the myths.

There are many misconceptions about women and lifting weights and its effects on your body and as such I wanted to bust some of these myths.

MYTH: If I lift weights I’ll get too BIG AND bulky

TRUTH: When you lift weights your muscles get stronger and your body gets leaner

This is probably the most common myth that I’ve been hearing and I want you all to know that it is NOT TRUE!!! If anything the opposite will happen.  You will find your legs, hips, arms etc shrinking in size as fat starts to melt off your body.  Yes it is true that you will build muscle but you need to remember that the more muscle you have the faster your metabolism and the more calories you burn all the time, even when you are sleeping.  Your body will become a fat burning machine!!  It may come as a surprise to you but men and women are different (LOL).  Men have a hormone ‘testosterone’ which is needed to build those ‘bigger’ muscles.  Genetically women are not designed to need such big muscles as we only need to cook and clean (insert another LOL).  Yes, some women are genetically more ‘muscular’ than others but I swear to you that unless you are taking steroids, there is no way that you will get too ‘bulky’ from lifting weights.  If for example you have been attending Group Power class and parts of your body are getting bigger in size (eg legs) then I’m sorry to say but it’s not from attending Power class.  The cause of those bigger parts of you is that you have probably been enjoying too many cupcakes 😉

MYTH: You can burn off fat in certain areas.

TRUTH: You can not spot reduce fat.

Your body is genetically predisposed to storing fat in certain areas in a certain order.  When you start to lose weight, your body will lose the fat you currently have in a certain order as well – it might come off your arms first (although in my experience it generally comes off your boobs first damn it), then your legs, then your belly and so on.  Or it might come off in a different order, depending on your personal genetic makeup.  No amount of targeted exercise will change how that fat disappears. Want to make it disappear faster?  Eat better.  Your diet will be responsible for around 70% of that fat loss.  Strength train, not only with targeted exercises, but with plenty of big compound movements that recruit lots of muscle (and thus force your body to rebuild lots of muscle, which requires extra calories burned, even after the workout is done).

MYTH: my muscle has all turned to fat

TRUTH: muscle is muscle and fat is fat.

Your muscle is always muscle and your fat is always fat, it just depends how much you have of each.  If you don’t use your muscles they will get smaller or ‘atrophy’.  And I’m guessing that if you aren’t using your muscles you will probably be putting fat on, on top of those shrinking muscles which may give the impression that your muscle is turning into fat.

MYTH: You have to do cardio to lose weight

TRUTH: lifting weights gets you leaner faster

Cardio training absolutely has its place in any good exercise program, however its resistance training that will truly change your body shape.  After strength training your body re-builds your muscles over the next 24-48 hours thus keeping your metabolism working at a higher rate for longer (exercise ‘after-burn’).  It is also important to remember that the more muscle you have the more calories you will burn when you do your cardio training.

MYTH: Men and women need to train differently

TRUTH: There is no reason they should train differently

We both have arms, legs, backs, chests etc.  The way to strengthen them for a woman is the same as it is for a man.  Remember women don’t have the testosterone. So while a guy can lift a certain way to get ‘bigger’, a woman can lift in the same way, but instead build that dense, tight, athletic and lean look that most women are aiming for.

So the message I want you to get from this is don’t be afraid to lift weights!! If the whole idea still scares you and you have no idea where to start, consider attending a group exercise class that uses free weights such as Group Power. With its functional and integrated strength training and also ‘cardio’ effect it is a fantastic class to be doing 2-3 times a week.  I hope you now feel a little more educated about the truths in regards to strength training.

Kathy Fitzgerald is a qualified and registered personal trainer with over 6 years of experience in the fitness industry.  She currently owns and operates her own fitness studio ‘GX Fitness’ specializing in a wide variety of group exercise classes.  Check out the website at www.gxfitness.com.au or on Facebook here.

{images with thanks to here}