the fifo wife

I was sitting in the vet surgery waiting for Big Boy the wonder dog to see his doctor when she walked into the waiting room. I was sitting down on the bench Big Boys head on my lap when she turned on her heel and looked at me. I knew her but couldn’t think of her name. I knew where I knew her from. We had worked to together at the hydroponic farm near on nine years ago. I was five months pregnant and was working there to pay off my credit card that had accrued after a last hurrah trip to Europe before B1 was born. She had just started as I was finishing. Farm work is not easy work when your five months pregnant and in my short time of being there I had accrued a build up of chemicals in my blood that was significant enough for my doctor to say enough. And so she was my replacement.

So we knew each other- sort of.

I smiled and said ‘hello’.

She responded with ‘I know you?’. Stating a fact rather than asking a  question.

‘Yes’ I said the hydro-farm.

‘That’s right’ she said her head nodding.

She would have been about fifty now and still as gorgeous as she was then. I still I couldn’t remember her name but offered mine. She hadn’t changed.

‘You were pregnant’ she said.

‘Yes’ I said ‘he will be nine this year.’

‘Nine’ she said probably thinking the same thing I was that time flies. I smiled and continued with ‘I went on to have another two’ I said ‘all boys. I love it.’

It was quiet for a second as we both searched for something to say.

‘What are you up to now’ I said.

‘I run a mobile dog grooming business’ she said.

‘Your own or a franchise’ I asked just to continue the conversation.

‘My own started from scratch my husband just finished making me a new trailer’ she pointed outside smiling. ‘Yeah after my kids left home’ she said ‘I was lost, it was depressing. I was depressed. I had no purpose. I expected them to leave home but to leave town leave the state I didn’t expect that. I had no life of my own. Dont get me wrong they call, love me and visit, in fact my daughters coming next week but it’s not the same you know’ she said folding her arms across her blue polo shirt. ‘I am so proud of them’ she finished with.

I smiled listening to her talk surprised at her openness towards me. Someone she hadn’t seen in nine years and even then our friendship was no more than a smile and nod and yet I felt like I knew her and so I listened.

‘My husband coped just fine when they left. He had a life of his own. But then men generally do’ she said.

I laughed a little ‘yes they do’ I said. I patted Big Boys head as he nudged my hand wanting some more loving as he sat patiently at my feet.

‘Yes I said men generally have that ‘other’ life and interests outside the family it just seems to be how it works. And they seem to manage the emotions of parenthood differently. I searched for the right words its ‘Like they are more realistic in knowing that their job as a hands on parent is short and so they prepare both physically and emotionally better than us mum’s.’

‘Yes’ she said looking at me ‘and I don’t regret a minute of my time as a mother. It was the best job I have ever had but I wish I had developed just a little life of my own outside of my girls. Then perhaps it would have made the inevitable transition easier. It was a terribly tough and horrible time for me’ she said.  She took a deep breath in and said ‘My husband he was amazing. He encouraged me to start my dog washing business and well it has grown to this size and well here we are’ she said still smiling, the pride evident in the way she held herself tall. And I looking at her amazing figure dressed in lcyra pants with her beautiful tanned face.

“It was a scary time’ she said ‘but that’s okay”.

“I bet it was “I said not really knowing what to say because I was still taken back with her honesty but so pleased all the same. I looked at her again. Her eyes were smiling and you could see yes she was happy.

Our conversation was interrupted by the vet calling for Big Boy and as we pulled him into the consultation room because no human or animal wants to voluntarily get a needle in the head I turned to say good-bye but she was already out the door and in her car. Reversing the trailer like a trucker all the while smiling.

And she is right we all need little lives of our own.

xx Deb

{image with thanks to here}

 

I am confused as to whether we are week two or week three of swing; I’m betting its week two because I’m starting to go into that normal spiral that occurs between week two and three. So I’m betting that’s week two is where we are.The weekend came and went and was unusually eventful. Meaning we had lots on this weekend so it flew by. It’s not often that the weekend is chockers so it was nice not to have to think about that for once. Being the entertainment officer is the one thing that people forget that we are and that is probably the toughest gig of all. Providing something for all those different personalities.

My mum arrived on Sunday however she is unwell and I’m scared. I have seen her unwell but yesterday when I picked her up from the airport she looked like death. She has pleurisy  her third bout this year and today I’m off to get her checked over by my doctor. Darwin has some great things great sunsets, great winters but its medical system is not one that its known for.

This week also sees me going south for work and then a quick jump across the ditch to Nz for a week to visit my aunt so now that mum is sick I’m super nervous and trying to determine whether to cancel. My Aunts husband passed away two years ago but still the pain hasn’t eased. i should have gone long before this. I should have I regret little and I regret this.

However these are the few things running through my head this third week of August ..

1. Life is good.

2. We are coming to our first month of trading for the shop and the support has been overwhelming. In fact I just added a third title to the shelves whilst the donation wont be huge we will be able to make a donation this month to Life Line {131114 24/7 support} and I am super excited.

3. My boys can’t stop saying they love me ..in the past week B1 has said it every single day and has even said it to his brothers..I am lapping it up..I cant get enough. I hope they stay this vocal and communicative forever.

4. I love having my mum so close by. Love it.

5. My boys have started doing Abc Reading eggs and its awesome. I highly recommend it.

6. If we all thought like this what would the world be like? here.

I’ve been a FIFO husband / dad for nearly 10 years now, all those 10 years I have been over weight and deep down inside unhappy with my physical image. My journey to becoming healthy started nearly 12 months ago when I started on my latest project, a long term LNG construction job in WA.  Now people that know me well (and there are not many) will all say that im a pretty happy guy who doesn’t seem to have many worries in his life.  Truth is I have been unhappy for a very very long time, unhappy with myself and my physical image.  So I decided to do something about it, I decided to get fit, I flicked the switch inside my brain that said just do it.

You know,  all the holidays I have been on with my wife (childhood sweetheart), there we are in the photo, my wife stunning as usual, and me with the big gut, more chins than a Chinese phonebook, baggy clothes to hide the body shape etc.  I hate these photos because I know I can look better, it was just pure laziness that got me there, no exercise, binge eating, take away food, soft drinks and alcohol all contributed to me looking how I was.  Always up for a beer and chips, over eating, loading up my plate with rubbish, eating until I couldn’t eat anymore.

My wedding photos I hate (and that’s a strong word) but I do hate them, one of the three most happiest days of my life, and im not proud of my personal presentation. Likewise with my professional photos we have of me with our two children – but I will never dispose of them, as they are the precious pics that highlight wonderful parts of life, however I would prefer they stay in the cupboard.  We have a 30” x 20” framed professional pic of our wedding day in our entrance to our house – later this year it’s coming down and being replaced  with something that represents the new me, I don’t want what I perceive to be a horrible pic of me in the entrance to my house.

I have tried for many years and promised for many years that this time im getting fit only to not see much progress and give up and feel sorry for myself and remain unhappy – but then cover it up and act all happy around friends / family etc…..I was fake, I would never have admitted that in the past, im proud of myself for being able to admit this now.

I was a huge social media user, mainly FB, I would have it on all day, when I decided to finally get fit, I also felt as though social media was becoming a problem for me, I would wake up, check FB, would have it on all day, would be interacting with my wife and kids but only halfheartedly as I was on FB, at night I would be sitting on the couch on FB etc.. I trimmed my FB page down to approximately 15-25 friends (people who I actually care about), I now am hardly on it when at home, I needed to refocus my time and energy on my wife and kids – it’s been the best thing I have done.  How many households in Australia sound exactly like what I have just described?  To many I presume

Yeah I’ve tried the meal replacement shakes, I’ve tried all these fabulously touted weight loss programs, I’ve been there and done that and failed, and failed in epic proportions, weight would balloon etc.

When that switch flicked  in my brain last year, I told myself that this is it, this time you must get fit and not give up – im not stupid, being overweight is not cool, it brings unwanted health concerns, It makes me struggle to keep up with  my kids, it makes my wife not find me physically attractive (though she has never once told me that), it makes your sex life suffer because I didn’t love myself.  I owe this to not only myself but to my wife and kids, I want to be a family who is fit and healthy and I need to lead by example.  My wife is tall and lean and will never have physical body image concerns, my kids are both lean and looking as though they will be tall, I want to be lean and short (im not tall sadly).

So im proud to say that this morning I hopped on the scales at the gym at work and it read 98.4Kg. that’s a whole 10.6kg I’ve gotten rid of since about June last year.  I have no intention of getting it back.  Despite all the fads about quick weight loss etc which I have tried and failed at I decided to do it through nothing but hard work and pure grit & determination.  I was being brutally honest with myself, I could see one day that it could end up affecting my marriage, people have commented my whole marriage (10 yrs. this year, 16 yrs. together) to my wife, I don’t know why your with him, you could do so much better, and you know what? She no doubt could, but we have this union together, we love each other, we have a wonderful partnership, one that I never want to end.  But I need to keep my end of the bargain so to speak, I need to look after myself.

I go to the gym every day when on site, I wake up and just get out of bed, I don’t find it tough, sure I get tired, but I have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to exercise. I spend a good hour to hour and a half doing weights in the mornings, different parts of my body each day, then at night I do cardio, this consists of spin classes ( yes we have spin classes here at work), time on the x trainer or running.  Im going through a whole body transformation and im loving it, im so motivated, my FB wall is covered in motivational quotes etc.  when home I have joined a gym, and go to the gym 3-4 time s a week on my week off ( I do 3/1 roster), last time home I even joined in a group class called step, I was the only bloke in there amongst all these mums who had their coordination spot on and here I was having a crack, not quite in time, but hey I did it.

Healthy eating, no soft drink, no alcohol & no take away and plenty of exercise are what is working for me, I only drink water now, I don’t have meal replacement shakes etc, just good healthy foods, im finally making the right choices.  Yes I take a couple of supplements as they seem to be all the rage these days, I take a pre workout supplement and during my weights workouts I sip on a protein formula that helps to build and repair muscles and I have the same protein formula directly after the workout – none of this is food replacement. I still eat and I eat a lot these days. A lot of the right stuff.  I allow myself one cheat day a week, generally Sunday where I might get myself something form the desert menu, but even now days im finding that I don’t do it often, because im not craving it, I don’t feel like it, my habits have changed.

I have no weight goal because im doing a lot of weights and I know muscle is heavier than fat (unfair hey).  As long as im seeing a positive change in my physical shape I’ll be happy.  I have a way to go yet but today was a milestone and I feel ever so proud.

As part of my new leaf I’ve turned, im becoming a runner ( strangely Im enjoying becoming a runner) my first run event is in two weeks’ time.  Im running 6km and raising money for our local children’s hospital – something im very passionate about.

Lastly Im looking forward to a long and healthy life with my beautiful wife and two kids & not being called “big fella” anymore.

Thanks Kieran as always  

xxD

I was in a baking rut {sounds so *first world* when said out loud- sigh} a bit like other things of late it’s all a bit same, same. I like to bake its kind of repetitive but its a good repetitive and they say a repetitive motion like cleaning up after a good bake is healthy and stress relieving. However baking of late has become a chore, expected and with the added comments from B2 who is my main baker boy telling me that my efforts last week were less than ‘okay’ I was trying to break out of the same same of chocolate or vanilla muffins or cake.

So whilst flipping through Rachel Khoo’s Little Paris Kitchen {my current favourite} I came across a recipe for Chouqettes..or Sugar Puffs in english. Essentially its just Choux pastry done as balls rather than the eclairs that most people know the pastry for. I had attempted these once when I was 10 years old because as an only child with two working parents one being FIFO I spent a lot of time on my own hence I did a lot of cooking. I remember making these and them tasting ‘eggy’ and so I never made them again scared off and from memory they seemed hard but with time comes patience and so I tried them again on Monday.

My first attempt however took me right back to my parents kitchen with the mustard yellow cupboards and the shiny laminate floor that got waxed and stripped every month. I always thought my mum crazy for stripping and waxing those floors so often but I get it now. Now. Then I thought she was just crazy. Those laminate floors had come with the house. They were housing commision solid infact every house {named grollo house just built in mass production} built after cyclone Tracey until the late 80’s had that laminate floor. The point was {that as a kid I could not see then} we couldn’t afford different flooring what with interest rates of 19% we were lucky we could eat so if you can’t replace them you make the look like new and my mother did every weekend before my dad came home from which ever job he was on for the weekend.

So those Chouquettes like my first attempt all those years ago again tasted eggy but just like then I rushed the recipe didn’t let it cool enough and added all the eggs at once; to save time, of course. However unlike all those years ago I wasn’t scared off by my first failure instead I was determined and so with understanding, patience and the need for why becoming part of me I researched and the second lot was better infact moreish and B2 the baker boy has asked for more.

So if you decided if you are keen to try the recipe my tips to avoid it seeming hard {because its French people think its hard not being able to say the name alone makes it seem hard}  have all your ingredients ready to go and have all your equipment ready to go ie everything measured out and trays lined and a bag organised. For the piping bag I used a plastic zip lock bag with the corner cut off perfect~ don’t do my trick of filling a bag then run around finding scissors; find the scissors first. And I know it says so but don’t skip it.. when adding the egg make sure the dough is cool to touch but not cold and add the egg one at a time and is fully incorporated before adding the next.

Needless to say it just took one experiment and I’m out of my baking rut {and others} and since then have made other little fancy that I will post over the coming weeks. And yes these should you like can be filled with whipped cream just a little hole at the base and fill -yum!!

Chouquettes.

What you will need:

1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup water
3 1/2 tbsp butter, room temperature
1  tsp sugar
1  tsp salt
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
4  eggs
icing sugar for dusting
chocolate chips and or nibbed sugar

How to:

Preheat oven to 180c. Line a baking tray with grease proof paper.
Combine milk, water, butter, sugar and salt in a small saucepan over a medium heat until butter has melted. Then and add the flour all at once, stirring vigorously with a wooden spoon until dough comes together in a ball. Continue to cook, stirring continuously, for one additional minute.
Transfer dough to mixer or clean bowl and let mix at a low-speed for 2-3 minutes until slightly cooled. Beat eggs in eggs one at a time, waiting until each egg is fully incorporated to add the next one. Increase mixer speed to medium-high for 1 minute to ensure that batter is very smooth. Pour mixture into a piping bag and pipe a walnut sized with a gap of 2cm between each {if they get a tip with a wet finger tap down other wise the tip will burn}. Dust with icing sugar leave for a minute before dusting again and sprinkling with chocolate chips or nibbed sugar.

Bake for 20 minutes or until light golden brown.

Eat the same day.

xxD

{image with thanks to here and Rachel Khoo}

We were lying in bed the night before he flew out to work.

“What was the favourite part of your day” I asked.

“Today when you came into the shower…” he replied.

I don’t need to go into the details but there was a bit of wink, wink nudge, nudge that happened in that shower that day.

I flipped on to my side to face him as he lay facing the ceiling.

“Really” I said.

Now many would say typical man response. Sex; of course it was the favourite part of his day but my (our) sex life is not lacking. Despite the ribbing my husband gets from his work mates about his prudish wife; he and I do really well for a couple with three in your face never a spare minute boys or so I thought.

“Yeah” he said “it was spontaneous we have kind of become the same, same now”

I lay there in the dark pondering what to do with that comment. Now I should have reached across and “taken” him but typically I was tired and so I take most of the blame for the lack of spontaneity of late; for when he is ready I am not I am being mum or wife and not a lover and so he leaves me because he is a good husband, good father and even better lover.  And so during the day there is usually a cue; wink, wink, nudge and off we go. And the wink wink nudge nudge it’s really, really great and when there are hours between school drop off and pick up its bloody awesome or so I thought.

So that night as we lay there instead of picking up on that cue and “taking him muttering in his ear come here then lover” I didn’t I flipped back over went hmmm and went to sleep. Yet that conversation and how I ended it’s been in the back of my mind since. Then last week I posted this and that comment of same same has been at the fore front since I read Mikes story. You can read it here but the gist of his story was he was an awesome husband and father. He thought their love life the same yet his wife wanted spontaneity she wanted excitement so instead of turning to her husband and saying hey it’s a bit same, same she had an affair. She should have told her husband what she wanted. There is no excuse for an affair.

Now my husband would never ever in his wildest dreams have an affair BUT I am taking that comment of same same and running with it out the door to my treadmill (for me feeling well means feeling sexy) and adult store. Because truth is this is a two way street it cant be one person doing all the work and our sex life whilst great use to be very spontaneous it was fun. Sex was a game that we both liked to play a lot and wasn’t something ‘we’ had to do and so this morning as we discussed the fact tomorrow is our anniversary of another crazy awesome year passed together I told my husband I am looking at having an affair and taking on a lover because thinking back these past couple of months our love life was routine and is a bit same same and I want that fun back with him.

Now the seven minute phone call in which I tried to blurt all this out was probably not ideal because it as a sat phone and I am hoping as we broke in and out that he heard right but I wanted him to know that I want something different with him. He is the only one I would have an affair with. I love routine in fact I thrive on routine but sometimes routines need to be changed up. It keeps things fresh and I value my marriage more than anything else. I value my husband more than anything else. So Im plotting planning getting excited because good sex as I know is so important to a healthy person and relationship and nothing comes without effort.

So I’m taking back my lover (him) having an affair (again him) because sex and routine are the only things that don’t and shouldn’t be mixed.

Slap and tickle well that’s optional.

xD

Ps. Will keep you posted about how I get on with my new lover…