the fifo wife

Second week of school holidays and last week of swing rnr and if I’m honest I kind of I can’t wait for routine to return. I like routine when it comes to the kids I like knowing that they will be in bed by 730pm and that I can have the TV all to myself or can go to bed what ever the mood strikes me. Selfish I know but as I heard once selfish people live longer although I’m trying to find research to work out if that’s true so I can use it as a catch cry when asked by the kids why I am watching TV ‘I’m trying to live longer; longer so I can serve you longer’.

So this week is as busy as last week and the next month busier still. I like being busy though keeps your mind occupied works a treat when husband is on swing. Typically I’m busy today. I’m taking my ‘borrowed’ teenage girl to the hair dressers to ‘relax’ her PNG fro. Im a bit ho hum; about the idea but am doing it all the same. I don’t see why she needs to but I understand it all the same. So its off to the city today.

However are the few things running through my head this last week of September yep that’s right last week.

1. The shop has new titles and I am so excited.

2. A male friend of mine told me he had a break down three months ago after being the attending officer on three fatalities and suicides why didn’t you tell me I asked because it’s not the manly thing to do. Seriously this crap has to stop.

3. Big Boy the cancer trial dog is on his last trial..we find out Wednesday as to whether the drug has worked. He has the highest grade cancer the drug trial has dealt with so far. He and another silky terrier have been the only grade four mast cell cancer dogs to be involved in the trial. Unfortunately the silky terrier has been removed from the trial as the drug is not working for her; my hopes are high but realistic for Big Boy..all the positive vibes taken for Wednesday.

4. My boys attended a church camp last week. Personally I don’t have a religious persuasion and as a household we don’t follow a belief however we believe in allowing our boys to choose whether they want to follow a belief or not Christian or otherwise. Typically I have a Christian and an atheist and so it was with great delight that I watched the ‘discuss’ whether Jesus was a sinner or not..it wasn’t the topic but the fact they were respectful of each others beliefs it was a proud mummy moment.

5. A very sweet WA wedding here.

6. A step towards diagnosing Autism here.

7. An article on conceiving when FIFO here.

8. How to be happier in one minute and it’s not cracking open a bottle of wine here.

9. Want to work from home? Check this out here.

10. A how to on giving yourself a Japanese facial massage here.

x Deb

{Image with thanks to here}

I am no expert on fitness but I wanted to start a series because being healthy is ESSENTIAL on being a good you, wife, partner, lover, mumma and because I’m no expert I asked my friend Kathy who is. Kathy is a little pocket rocket who runs, owns Gx fitness and is a registered personal trainer. She has a Face books page here that you must visit and a fitness studio should you live in the area {as a few of you do} must also visit..

Impact is an inevitable part of life so it makes sense to do some form of impact training in order to have a body that is prepared for life’s little surprises eg. tripping over the kids shoes that were left in the middle of the walkway.

Our bodies are built for impact.  Consider kids playing on a playground.  They jump up onto the monkey bars and fling themselves off platforms, their joints and muscles absorb the shock naturally.  In fact playing on the playground is good for them, making them stronger and great for their development.  As adults our bodies should be able to handle this impact just as well, if not better.  So what happened??  Most adults are deconditioned by inactivity and sedentary lifestyles.  We worry that impact is bad for us and so avoid it as much as possible.  Too much time behind a desk and on the couch and our bodies deteriorate, muscles get weaker and joints degenerate to the point that we are unprepared for impact.

It is a very common misconception that if someone has a problem with high impact then they should avoid impact altogether.  Ironically it’s when we avoid it altogether that it becomes most dangerous.  Avoiding it altogether is precisely what makes us physically incapable of handling it.

In order to maintain a body that is ready for impact we need to include some form of impact training in our exercise routine.  Muscle development, power and strength, as well as bone density are greatly increased through this type of training.  Impact training also improves your balance and dynamic stability which is the body’s ability to stabilise itself against a changing weight load eg catching a potential slip or fall.

Several of our classes include this type of training (Power, Active, Blast) and provide safe progressive options in order to prepare the body for the impact and so that you can choose how far you go and how high or low you take it.  It might just be a tiny heel hop off the floor but it is still impact training.

A couple of execution tips are to always roll through the foot as you take off and land and always keep knees soft.  For any other queries you may have please ask your instructor as they can help you to find your best, and most importantly safest, workout every time you train.

To finish I’d like to mention that there are certain circumstances in which you should avoid impact. For example, if you have issues with your pelvic floor or if your doctor, physio or other medical professional has advised you not to.  You should always follow their advice but remember to ask them when it’s okay for you to return to this type of training as it can be so beneficial.

Kathy Fitzgerald is a qualified and registered personal trainer with over 6 years of experience in the fitness industry.  She currently owns and operates her own fitness studio ‘GX Fitness’ specializing in a wide variety of group exercise classes.  Check out the website at www.gxfitness.com.au or on Facebook here.

Day one of school holidays and I’m done for today. Ordinarily I love the school holidays especially as they are all at school and especially as dad is home. However as much as I love them bedtime can’t come soon enough tonight seriously. I’m shattered just by the constant noise that they make yet the alternative of silence is outweighed by the possible mischief they would be up to.

Anyway.

This weekend I was sick as a dog I had the man vomits it was seriously that bad. Best form of detox however I am sure. So being sick as a dog my weekend shenanigans were somewhat limited to the toilet bowl. I will leave it there and spare you the details.

As a result these are the delirious thoughts that ran through my  head this weekend.

1. Sunday the day I was sick and it was the closest I have ever come  to hell.. the Lego movie on constant reply whilst my head was down the toilet bowl..and everything was not awesome…

2. Can I tell you what’s frustrating? People treating you like your fragile because you admit that you have had your struggles with Anxiety. I am stronger than most after all I had the courage to seek help, admit it, decided I want to be the best I want to be and still deal with the chaos of life. Tell me where is the fragile in that?

3. And so Saturday I went shopping with my PNG teenage girl. She is dark with tight curls. She looks different from me and I’m hoping that she didn’t notice the young girls staring and pointing at her as much I noticed their mother not doing a thing about it.

4. I put on my first pair of shorts today. I couldn’t do the 32 degree heat in jeans one more day. My husband just looked my mother said your bum looks big in that and for once I just thought I can do this…

5. I just watched some ‘big brother’ and it was almost my second arriving at the gates of hell.

6. A blood test to diagnose depression..science is awesome here.

7. How to dig yourself out of sleep debt here.

8. Why men don’t remember anything..its true they did a study here.

9. As someone who loves useless information I totally can’t get enough of this here.

10. Celebrities without make up on..looking rather normal here

{image with thanks to here}

My husband and I have been a bit neh to each other these past few days. Complete misunderstanding it seems but done all the same. Now because it’s my blog I can say what the problem was he was an arse and I was a coward. Despite being the most awesome man alive apart from my father and the three boys I am raising he can be an arse sometimes as much as I can be a bitch and when he is an arse I am a coward because sometimes it’s easier but then its not always right.

A brief non accusatory story he barked at me one too many times this past week for reasons he feels are justified and perhaps he is right I’m not sure because I can’t remember any good reason to bark at the person you love.

{he throws his hands up as I type this and I run my blog past him .. he says he is the fall guy for a story that should be told..and so I will state despite being an arse he is totally awesome..every body fights}

{Anyway……}

So how did I react? Initially I bit and it was good fighting. Its good for the soul but then the barking it continued and I get he has crap to deal with but so do I. My life isn’t long lunches and Ellen. So after a bit of confrontation where dummies were spat and paper was thrown I stopped biting because it started to hurt.

Now I’m normally a runner when in trouble and not being able to run I decide the best thing usually to do is hold things in. Become meek subservient. Non confrontational because currently I have a wee bit on my mind and he being an arse and his crap was the last thing I wanted to think about. So I stopped talking for a while, not affectionate and just plain polite; room-mates if you like.

So this is what I found using this polite non confrontational strategy. I guess with drawing is a term some would use.

It sucked and come this morning I was crawling into bed next to him saying we got to talk because I can’t do this crap. I can’t take the politeness being a roommate.

Laying into his chest trying to create connection between us hoping that the chasm that politeness had created would become smaller a conversation was started.

However if I had left it any longer we would have started on that hard path where the bread crumbs start getting taken by ant’s and finding your way back becomes hard and perhaps that’s an exaggeration for now but its how its starts the withdrawing the avoiding because the polietness is easier than the hurt or the work thats involved with the fixing of a problem I am not sure which. And whilst it ticks me off that it was me that crawled into bed and say hey this crap isn’t working someone has to do it. And I can’t live in that environment. It’s not healthy for anyone. I eat too much crap when living in that environment and yes I will blame him should the scales say I have gained that 2kgs that I lost last month.

Whilst the environment was very civil it was horrible. Not being able to speak your mind is numbing and unproductive. It sucks the love from you at least with an argument and one that is argued well ignites the passion and respect. Now my marriage has been to some low and high places and this is what I have learnt when needing to talk to someone about a problem.

So after some space and emotions are calm….

1. Talk to them when they are relaxed for me there are two places my husband is relaxed driving the range and when is lying in bed of a morning. If you walk up to them and say we need to talk chances are the heckles will go up before you have time to sit.
2. Touch them while you’re talking hold their hand. Touch their arm. Sit adjacent to them or just to the side.
3. Lower the tone in your voice and understand that there is a right and a wrong way to fight. You know the wrong way. It’s full of venom and that will not fix something it will make it worse so just walk away.
4. Don’t exaggerate and watch the words that you use. Words have power and you can’t take them back.
5. Explain how you feel and ask what the problem is or what you want. Be open to the response.
6. Don’t bring up past problems.
7. Smile and lighten the mood with a joke somehow.
8. Don’t have too much pride to say sorry if it dawns on you that perhaps you were wrong or misunderstood.
9. There is no winner. That is not the object talking to someone…
10. Understand all relationships have there ups and downs.

However there should always be a draw when it comes to the kissing and making up…both should be satisfied with the ending…

Xx D

{image source with thanks here}

They are taking advantage of you he said.

We were coming through the gate having started a conversation in the car after grocery shopping. I dropped the plastic bags at my feet in exhaustion of both attempting to carry all the shopping in one hit and exhaustion that I was explaining my actions yet again.

They are not taking advantage of me I said exasperated. I know when I am being taken advantage of and this is not one of them I said but if you want to know what taking advantage of is let’s talk about those mates who come sit drink your beer and yet when you need a hand they suddenly have a pressing matter they need to attend to. That’s being taken advantage of I said my voice rising slightly.

He looked at me.

I am on my own for six months of the year I said. I have no family around me and after numerous bouts of exhaustion I have finally learnt that I must create my own family a community because the saying blood is thicker than water is bull. And so having learnt this the hard way more than once I have done what I need to do and that is I must create a community a family in order for me to survive for my kids to survive and thrive I said. And I have done that.

How I live is; I like to think is how the world use to be before we all become so self obsessed with making it on our own and keeping secrets and lies to ourselves. Once upon a time we could send our kids out and not see them until dark; we knew that our friends and neighbours would watch our kids rouse them if necessary. Once upon a time your neighbours would step in and baby sit, cook dinners and care for each other like family. Family would be just around the corner and it was just a given that auntie Jo could help out with kids six while dad was at work ploughing fields with a team of bullocks. It was simple and it was good. I want that I for kids and so because I don’t have family I have done the next best thing.

They return the favours of helping me out as much as I do them. We have balance. They are in the same position I am and so we have created community and family and I like that; we like that. I said with a sigh.

I picked up the groceries and kept walking. He stood there at the gate watching me not knowing if we were arguing or just sharing a difference of opinion.

Community is important to me perhaps it’s because you live in the city perhaps it’s a country thing but it’s become essential to my survival. And whilst I skirt on my larger community I have created a smaller one around me with my neighbours and my friends. It’s made my life what it is. I feel safe here. I have people who keep an eye on me and my children. If there is a problem they look for me and I them. I feel a part of something bigger than myself but none of it came by accident. It’s all too easy to shut yourself in and but where is the benefit in that? What will that teach my children? Nothing. Being part of a community creates tolerance, understanding and wellness. It’s good for you for everyone. Families are spread far and wide I said finally you are my parent and yet I see you three times a year because we live 3000 kilometres apart.

He shrugged his shoulders and shut the gate behind him and instead of following me to the house he went to the shed so as to avoid the conversation all together.

So my top five tips on creating community.

1. Just say hello. Start talking taking an interest in those around you. Chat over the fence say hello. Dont gossip and be welcoming to new ideas and opinions. You may not agree but thats how the world turns. Communities are about tolerance.
2. Have a neighbourhood party or a party of like minded people. My street has a Christmas party each year it’s the only time we all get together but we know each other. We know whose children belong to whom, whose dog comes from which house and who goes on holidays and when.
3. Help each other out. Help and ask for help. When I first arrived my neighbours eight year daughter was walking up the street and offered to help with the groceries. That was my first introduction to community and the goodness it can offer. Sometimes you will get the help straight away sometimes its when you least expected. If you’re helping someone for something in return you don’t understand the concept of community.
4. Have play dates with your kids and vice versa. It teaches your children the difference in family values, culture and experience. It also means if you ever need a break you can have one. My children run between the houses in the street and vice versa and if one house finds I’m unwell…I don’t see my children until dinner time.
5. Go to neighbourhood meetings. Get to know your neighbours by name at least. I know all my neighbours even those that own the two holiday homes across the street who come up a few times a year.

Being part of a community has untold benefits, it doesn’t have to be your neighbourhood it can be a group of friends with similar views or be in a similar situation to you. Humans were not meant to be sole creatures it’s as simple as that. Community has become my family and without it I couldn’t survive.

Do you belong to a community? Do you think it valuable?  Was it something you created on purpose?