the fifo wife

Do you believe in signs? I never use to but you know getting older brings out the quirks in you that you feel more comfortable in allowing people to see.

So I believe in signs of the universe but at the same time I must tell you I do shave my underarms and, don’t wear patchouli. {Not that there is anything wrong with any of that} I believe in dreams telling me what my subconscious is telling me, that repetitive things happening i.e. breaking glasses is a symbol for disappointment coming, that your actions = learning’s and silver linings you just can’t see it at the time. I could tell you what you need to be a good universe listener however I do feel I am going to have strips ripped off me and my character severely judged but neh it takes confidence and quiet like all good listening. Given that I am now the woman who believes there is a reason you missed that flight and there is no point being pissed about it. Never mind that it was almost $2000 worth your still here right? It was the workings of the universe to keep you safe somehow.

It was last week I went to post up a post went into my drafts folder and all 179 drafts- GONE. I stood at my kitchen bench pondering what to do. Had I been hacked? Possibly but I doubt it who would want my drafts really? If they were going to hold them to ransom they picked the wrong website. No the more likely the reason was on my simplifying mission I cleaned up my blog ‘dashboard’ and deleted them by accident. Well I knew what I had done because I pondered whether I should press that button said  ‘delete drafts’ I just didn’t realise it was ‘those’ drafts {I am not always the smartest one in the bunch} So without even a curse {very unlike me} I logged out a little hmmm and then proceeded to have the rest of my week implode with a kid retaken down with swine flu and then the same kid taking himself down yet again into a concrete scooter bowl spending a further hour and half in the ER.

Now naturally I took that deleting of my drafts as a sign; as a good listener of the universe would.

How? Because a few weeks ago I wanted to start another blog keeping this one also and had the name worked out and everything but didn’t for whatever reason.

So.

Whilst I am not starting a new blog I am changing it up a little. Im not sure how but I am going with my gut more. Getting a little more honest. Is that possible? Oh my poor husband.

Oh and I’m writing my drafts in word and saving them to cloud because that’s also what the universe wanted to teach me..

Do you believe in signs? The universe teaching you a lesson? Silver clouds and all that?

Much love

Deb

Its Saturday and we have ‘the few things’ today instead of Monday but I thought I would sas things up a little you know a little change in routine does wonders.

So how was your week? You know how mine was but yours was it good?

Did you cross anything off your list add anything shift anything? I got two of the things off my list between that was between sobs’ and school lunches. I did okay I’m starting to make headway through the mess that is my office and the spare room. We all have one of those rooms a junk room. Well I have two and I fully claim them as my messes but slowly but surely no more. By next week a shovel will not be required on entry.

Now the weekend is here the hate day of the on swing weekend {Saturday} is coming to a close and I am preparing a game plan for tomorrow and getting ready for Support Sunday {its held on the Facebook page each Sunday} if you haven’t popped on over on a Sunday before please consider it however please remember it’s not a replacement for professional help and the Facebook page is an open one.

So the sun is setting B1 has his head back in the toilet bowl while chasing his nose down the street and my gorgeous neighbours have taken my other two boys to a festival in the village. Despite feeling blargh right at this minute this time of day always makes me reflective of being blessed and knowing that even though not all days go to plan they are always a good day at the end of it.

But these are the few things running through my head.

1. Pasta diet friendly food? I didn’t realise it wasn’t. Here.
2. Denmark has decided to ban sex with animals. Yes seriously I wonder what changed their mind? Here.
3. She is eleven years old watch her move. Here. Me trying to do that would just look like I was having a fit.
4. The new family friendly way to fly. Here. Just need to solve the crying baby problem ..mine involves getting rid of the other passengers but that may not be profitable to the airline in question.
5. 14 Green foods healthier than Kale. Here. Thank god I can hear you say I know.

and last week but this weeks posts on saving a farmer here, five tips for a sobbing wife here, and how to deliver bad news here.

Have a great day.

Deb

{image with thanks to here}

I threw myself against the wall this morning slid down it and sat on the floor of my boy’s room and sobbed and I mean sobbed. My husband and I had a very short phone call this morning because sometimes there is nothing to say between morning and night. He said I love you and hung up- that was literally it. Literally. No argument however in my tired state of mind {and I know I am always saying I’m tired but I am} because of course I am back to an insomniac state with thanks to my three cherubs not including the sleep debt of last week I  have hit what I can only call delirium. You know that state ? It’s when you get confused like your drunk so that look from the woman across the road means she hates you, your husband and you only speaking for a few minutes means he is angry at you. So verging on delirium I took that short phone call the only way a tired almost to the end of her tether wife could.

I took it as I had done something wrong and not being able to call the ship back; the beauty of an offshore wife I managed to make the next four hours hell for myself in fact I was already planning what I was going to take in the divorce. Now I don’t know if it’s getting older taking on a new out look or what but I did something I don’t normally do I called the office.

Sucking up the ugly cry so as to disguise the imagined panic, imagined argument and impending divorce I said Can you get him to give me a call. It’s not urgent I said I just need to talk to him is all. She dragged out the ooookkkkkay like she didn’t believe me and sent off an email to the captain which I hope said something like this: can you please have fifo husband call home when he has time rather than what I am thinking it said..Please have FIFO husband call his wife because that woman is loosing her crap faster than a rabbit having kittens. This is URGENT.

I never call the office in fact I have five times in fourteen years but this morning I went Fuck it I can’t do this to myself  by the time he comes home he will be divorcing me and have a new girlfriend.

And then he called and well everything became all okay again.

So this is for the blokes five tips a little gift from me to you..

1. When she tells you why she is crying do not say are you kidding me? And don’t ask how long she has been crying for. That will result in more hysterical crying because we can lose our crap over not being able to open the Vegemite jar.Be open minded and answer with a hmmmm okay five hours is a long time baby. Don’t say darl or dear its condescending and we will cry some more.

2. Listen and say ah huh at the right sobbing intervals. It comes with the some practise but like a mother knowing the difference between a baby’s hungry crying and hurt cry you will learn the difference and fast. But listen it’s important.

3. When she says are you laughing at me because you have heard the reason why she is in hysterics. . Answer no Common sense and your manhood when you get home prevails.

4. Ask her is she is okay more than a dozen times. It seems excessive but we take it as you care. Ask if you need to come home but more than likely we just want to sob in a non judgemental ear and the answer will be no.

5. Tell her that you love her that without doing her part of this bargain none of this can happen. It makes us stronger some how instantly.

And I know its only five tips but don’t hang up the phone until she is ready and your sure that she is okay. Your boss will understand especially if she has only called five times in fourteen years. Make sure that she just needed that cry to hear the voice of someone who loves her unconditionally, of someone who knows how strong she is and so to be bawling like a neurotic fool she has hit rock bottom but will be okay.

Dont hang up unless you can be sure she is fine and if you don’t think she is have someone sent around to ‘drop’ in on her that knows her as well as you do. I can not stress that enough. If your gut says don’t hang up don’t have a work mate call while your on the phone to her to her mother, her best friend, your neighbour any body that can get to her. Until you can make sure that she is okay that some is with her because if we are not okay and we do need someone and I have been there once before we will love you more for recognising it in us knowing, caring and loving us well. In fact you will become our hero’s for ever after.

Sending flowers are optional but that would make it tip seven when it was only meant to be five.

xxDeb

You can do it they said to me.

I looked at them mouth open. Really? Me someone who balks at public affection, being asked to address a group of people more than me myself and I left me in worse wear than the fat Scots man on a night out with a bike and they wanted me to tell her the bad news.

Me.

Was this candid camera I thought as I looked at my feet trying to come up with a answer that would get me out of this because we had all seen it we had all been there however nothing came to mind but that this had to be a joke but we agreed she should know but me?

‘Think of it as character building my husband’ said patting my bum all affectionate like. Like he was doing me a favour. I swatted him as hard as I could all whilst my step sister stood there grinning in unison with his ‘idea’.

‘Its best that it comes from you’ he said ‘she likes you best’.

She likes you best is what I sneered along with numerous other names including the less offensive and louder gutless wonders as I hopped into the car.

So as I drove to the ‘delivery’ that I learnt a lot about how to deal with a somewhat awkward situation and have a somewhat awkward conversation that if handled wrong could possibly become awkward forever.

Which in a large Italian family is the last thing you wan.t I value my fingers and toes.

So if you need to tell your hairdresser that you no longer want her services because you are tired of looking like you have wrestled a lawn mower. That your girlfriend isn’t getting any love because everyone is confused as to whether on a night out she is George or Georgina or that your best friends husband is less than honest then here is the how to of delivering of bad news.

1. Don’t think of it as a negative thing. You are merely delivery information. That afternoon I knew once we had chatted the cards would be on the table she would do with the information as she liked and we could move on. Well that’s how it played out in my mind. So whilst it was ‘strained’ for an eternity while I like to think that whilst things have changed it’s not necessarily a bad thing.
2. Don’t delay the conversation just get it over with. Like ripping off a literal band aid on your husband’s hairy chest as fun as it is to see them squirm it’s not fair and it makes you look nasty. So I walked in I sat down and said we need to talk. The delivery was over in 20 minutes.
3. Have a general idea of what you want to say. Rehearse what you need to say rather than ramble. Arrange delivery and logical sequence of your sentences and words. I must have looked like an absolute lunatic as I drove to the delivery. Repeating what I wanted to say so as not to get flustered so that it would be what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. Getting my facts straight literally.
4. Get to the point. There was nothing else but to say George and the woman next door….at the bar last night…no mistaking it she is not a man. The facts and only the facts.
5. Watch your tone of voice don’t raise it nor lower it. You are giving news not starting an argument but nor are you in trouble you are the essentially the bearer of bad news. Sometimes it hurts to hear that your need to go back to hairdressing school or that you need to hit the gym or find a new husband but not all news is good news.

Good luck

Deb

Next Friday is the 31st of October can you believe it? I can’t rather but here I am writing about Halloween. Now I know it’s an American holiday {although technically a Celtic origin symbolising the end of harvest} and each year I speak of how it is so and how I don’t actually like the custom of trick or treat I don’t like it at all.

However.

This is what I have found. Halloween and the other commercialised holidays think St Patrick’s Day, Thanks Giving, World Laugh day they provide the perfect little distraction to this FIFO life of mine and whilst I don’t allow the boys to trick or treat not now {and hopefully never} we do a Halloween party after dinner.

They look forward to it as do I. It mixes up the swing a little. It provides a welcome distraction for the swing.

For us how it works is like this after dinner I shoo them out to get dressed for bed to shower and I get to work like a mad woman decorating our little dining room with store and home-made decorations and laying the table with Halloween inspired desserts. As it happens this year I’m more organised  and so I’m already thinking of what new decorations can be placed out and what food can be done. This new lease on life it should be mentioned  has come about from having more time thanks to our wonderful education system lets be honest here so don’t feel like this is something I have done every year and nor is it done on a grand scale.

So these are the ‘crafts’ and I say that lightly because I am not a crafter. The glue gun and I will not be friends as you will see in the simplicity of the ones I have chosen and if you are keen to go beyond jelly snakes in the ice cream and fake spiders on the cakes consider some of these great little ideas here again we have slowly progressed from blood drinks {Ribeena} to brain shakes {milk shakes with eyeballs} as I have more energy and inspiration. I am no Martha Stewart or Donna Hay.

Ghost’s milk bottles ..a texta some scissors and some fairy lights placed up through the base {or tea lights or glow sticks} with some sand to keep it stable. Original instructions I am unable to find but this was sourced from Pintrest with no further details of where it came from.

Foam Bats or paper bats {I made paper}.. paper scissors and plain glue. Original instructions from here. This year I am going to do a wall of bats.

Spider egg sacks. A white stocking with some plastic spiders from the $2.00 shop original source here. This year I am going to cover the windows.

I am doing this to the entry to the kitchen..I have some black tarp {from the water slide last year} masking tape, paper plates done. Original source here.

Last year husband was home and well we went all out with costumes because obviously costumes are his thing..but this was last years efforts nothing crazy after all I have to clean it up .

Oh and Im slowly getting into this Pintrest thing here.

xxDeb