the fifo wife

What are these Deb?

She turned to me from making her coffee with my ‘meds’ in her hand.

I stopped and thought for a minute. I hadn’t told her or my family that I was on any ‘meds’ because there are a lot of thoughts around ‘med’s’ in my family.

They I said with a slight raising of my voice are my crazy woman tablets she looked at me confused.

I take them for my periods I said. My moods make me nervous and scared. I don’t want my kids to be scared of me like I was you around that time.

She looked at me and I waited for something anything.

Instead I got; okay and she put them back next to the toaster.

I turned back to my toast with a slight ‘wtf’ eye brow raise and a silent thought that was that went so different to how I expected it would and continued eating.

Truth is for a long time I was embarrassed and angry I had to take them these ‘meds’. I tried so many alternatives to avoid the taking of them fish oil, magnesium, meditation all of that and then I finally realised I need that 10mg of Lovan that my doctor and I worked out via trial and error. I didn’t want to take them because {or tell anyone not that it was anyone business} because I was embarrassed because people would think I was ‘crazy’ like the Jack Nicholson type, that I wasn’t coping was fragile and had to rely on a medication to seem ‘normal’. And I was angry because my body wasn’t taking care of its self the way it should and that I had to get something into help it.

Six months on and I’m still angry at my body which may or may not help but I have come to this conclusion my kids are not scared of me..I am not scared of me…the relationship I have with my husband is better and I feel like I am slowly waking out of a sleep and that 10mg that I take with my morning coffee has made a difference to my life in such a positive way that I shouldn’t feel embarrassed or angry.

And it shouldn’t come with a stigma…if I forget to take it I don’t go into a blithering mess and I don’t turn into a crazy lady things just becoming foggy and hard for me for awhile which in-turn becomes hard for others. Taking that 10mg makes me want to be the best parent, person, wife, I can be. It makes me want to exercise, take care of myself and others. How can that be a bad thing?

Do I think I will stop taking them? I hope so but I won’t not until I have worked out how I stop fearing myself how I stop that feeling in my chest and so I have looked into other options to deal with that all awhile still doing the meditation, the fish oil the magnesium and generally taking care of me.

Yet my meds for my head the chemicals in my brain which get thrown out of whack by my hormones a complete theorised condition and therefore a medical illness are just like taking an aspirin for my heart there is no difference and yet I’m not angry or embarrassed about the aspirin I take every morning and further more people don’t bat an eyelid at that.

So I still have a long way to go in that regard but I will not be part of the stigma that comes with taking ‘meds’ and truth is whilst I am angry with myself I’m not ashamed anymore that I need that half little pill. Not that it’s anyone’s business in the first place how I got to be the healthiest I can be.

Deb

In case you want  to know the why for the ‘meds’ here.

Can she sit with you Deb, John asked.

Of course I replied.

She sat sinking back hard into the chair, looked at me and smiled.

John darted off back through the crowd leaving his mother with me whilst he drove the car closer to pick her up.

I am Vera she said.

How are you Vera I said are you enjoying the move?

Vera had moved here on the request of her son, despite as she protested being perfectly okay in sunny Tassie.

No not really she said. I didn’t want to move but my son wanted me closer. I was happy where I was. I fell out of bed and had trouble getting back up and well here I am she smiled her eyes twinkling.

I smiled at her. Being a child of parents who live away from me I understand his position but also being fiercely independent I understand yours I said to her.

I am 81 she said with a heavy sigh.

So she said slapping her hands on her thighs what you do apart from this she said sweeping her hands in front of her at my market stall.

Hmmm I said I have three boys and I guess I said I write.

And what do you write? She asked raising her brows so they arched above her glasses.

I have a blog I said and I was just about to explain the theory behind the blog when she said “I see, I follow a few of those tell me more.”

“It’s not much really I just write about my life what I have learnt being me a mum and the wife of someone whose husband works at sea.”

She smiled again ‘tell me more’ she said and so I did because she had a face that said I’m listening.

It was on finding out my husband was defence and then asking about FIFO she started her story with a hmmm and her blue eyes beaming.

Turns out Vera was a nurse and a naval officer’s wife for the Royal Navy from 1941 to 1969 in the UK and then longer once immigrating to Australia.

In those days she said they would do what they call showing the flag and he would be gone for 2 years at a time travelling all over the world.

Would you see him at all in that time I asked. She looked at me smiled and said no.

How would you keep in contact I asked her?

He would call every six weeks or when he ever he got to port and no letters. And usually they didn’t arrive for weeks the news old so often there was no point and often they got lost.

How did you cope I asked? I worked she said as a nurse as soon as I could after the boys were born. I went back to work. Had a house to run boys to raise. If you are going to live that life you need something of your own.

And did you know that was how life would be when you married? I asked.  Of course she said we spoke at length him and I and he spoke with my parents, you don’t into marriage blindly she said. I knew his job would always come first.

And you were okay with that I said? Of course I loved him it was part of him she replied I knew it would always be the case and even when we got to Australian he was retired but the Australian Navy approached him and well it started all over again.

I couldn’t get enough of Vera and so asked how did the kids cope and being raised by a sole woman.

Good, she said they have gone onto be well independent men and they had a good relationship with their father. They would talk often as teenagers she said it was good.

She smiled widely as she told me about when her son John was two years old and her husband was in bed having arrived during the night. John walked in saw him in their bed and told Vera to get that man out. John didn’t know who the man was because he had left just days after John was born. She laughed at the memory while I smiled at her blase of the awkwardness that must have brung.

And can I ask how was your marriage was I asked after all that time apart because that’s a long time. We just got on with it she said. We loved each other and were happy. Took the good with the bad. Bad with the good. It helped I was independent and had my work you need that she said again.

The subjects changed after that to her nursing career and how her son John had gone on to be a nurse before changing careers. John arrived soon after that helping Vera to the car and her slapping his hands as he reached for her elbow.

Independent I think until the end.

xx Deb

How was your week? Mine ho hum..I just cant get the writing thing down these past weeks..I have so much to say {yes I doo} but stuff is getting in the way. Life is getting messier despite my simplicity vow. I am missing it though its part of me but my kids, husband, mother and father they need me and so I must try to do both with unfortunately something or someone losing out.

Yet husband went back to work this week and so I am determined to get sorted for once and for all. I have even written a list and well when you write a list it makes it more accountable yes? Well I hope so..

We had Christmas last weekend and it was the best ever..the cousins and brothers came from in and around for our day and it was amazing we are all so different and yet for just a few days we get along. We do it for the kids. Country kids mixed with station kids makes for messy fun.The house as normal was bursting at the seams with kids, adults and dogs and it was perfect. The noise, the mess the chaos I live for it..this old house was made for it…its what Christmas and family is all about..

Now it was a crazy week a crazy month and I thank you for sticking around..

In the mean time here are a few things running through my head

1. One of my children has been formally diagnosed with high functioning autism..you can’t imagine how much I hate that label but without that label he wont get full benefit of what the educational system can offer {or so I am told}. We have known for ages he has quirks and never wanted to go down this path he is just he however he is falling behind educationally at speed. Now before you say anything re his behaviour his behaviour has never been an issue its his learning capacity as he has an immature nervous system, audio processing disorder and speech dyspraxia the education department has been made aware and yet all they want to do is talk about is his behavior which has never been an issue before now rather than the audio processing or anything else which I would rather talk about ..and they keep calling him ‘Autistic’..he is the same kid who walked into that doctor’s office as he was when he came out.. I’m distraught truely..my heart literally aches because I fear I have done wrong..someone tell please this will all be okay..

2. You can’t imagine how smug I feel about Christmas being over for us. It’s like a weight lifted off our shoulders. I seriously am already buying school supplies.

3. My mum is living close by after breaking her ankle..its the first time I have had her so close for so long..I could seriously get use to it. It’s not having her as a baby sitter it’s just knowing she is close by..its knowing my kids can see her every day. Its knowing that when I get sick like i did last night I can send them there without worry. Its been awesome and when she goes I {we} will miss her. Our relationship has come so far in five years and you can not imagine how happy that makes me feel.

4. There is a young man in a little red ute who drives around my town like a wanker. Last week after a concert in the park he came so close to hitting my son and husband I was in hysterics then Thursday evening he became airborne in his little red ute after hitting the curb of my mothers front yard at the time I tried to hunt him down and whilst I didn’t find him then I found him today.  I just don’t know what to do with my new-found knowledge. The one thing I can not stand is hoon behaviour in the suburbs especially now I am a parent and especially as someone who has hit a child because if we are to be honest I was going to fast in a suburban street yet I knew better but thought I was way to clever.

5. I’m a free range parent I said to them…I will let all three of my children go to the park without me..sadly we don’t get many play dates any more..for my children I am sorry.

6. A new font to help dyslexic read here.

7. The new names headed to be popular for the next generation here.

8.Mick O Rourke proves you’re never to old here.

9. A naked man on top of building here.

10. Some candid hollywood snaps here.

Much love
Deb

 

‘I love your hair-cut ‘ is what I use to hear a lot which now always makes me smile because back then I cut my own hair at one stage with a pair of poultry shears {not recommend however I was tired delirious and hormonal} because I was that desperate to get rid of some of my hair. Now however that I pay someone I don’t hear a thing about how good my hair is which makes think I should possibly change hairdressers but the girl I see;  well she gives a good massage and nothing beats a good head rub; well maybe there are but we are talking about hair today.

Anyway I have fine but thick hair and far too much and mine grows fast which is I’m told not normal but then I’m not sure there is much about me that is. I also don’t have a lot of time for myself {that whole guilt thing} and when I was cutting my own hair I was going through that stage of I can’t ask anyone for help that would signal to the whole world I am not coping when the fact is that’s just stupid and why I stopped being able to say my own name hence the use of poultry shears. Now I have seemingly less time but no more guilt.

Now back then naturally not having enough time, not wanting to ask for help for an hour so the kids could be watched, being so independent it was crippling and slowly falling into that exhaustive episode I now call the exhaustive episode I learnt to cut my own hair via you tube, online and goodness knows where else.

Now whilst I can’t teach you how to cut your own hair I can give you a couple of tips on how to trim your fringe between salon visits but I always recommend the use of a professional and I am by no means an expert just a mum with little time and too much hair.

So..

1. Should you be going to cut in your fringe {which I don’t recommend unless you have lots of time for it to be cut and to grow back as well as lots of confidence } determine your face shape before you start cutting away with loose abandon. It will help determine your fringe style. I am a diamond shape incase you were wondering so I have the off centre part thing happening and its wispy but you can work it out through here or here.

2. Do not use poultry shears ever unless you’re hoping for admittance somewhere based on your hair cut where the jackets are white and the walls are padded. Invest in a good pair of pointed hairdressing scissors. Craft scissors will also not do. And do it in front of the mirror and clean one without toothpaste spits all over it.

3. Your hair should be dry. Your hair is longer when wet so naturally when cut wet will dry shorter. Should you cut it wet you will end up with a mullet and there is no fun in that and your husbands work mates will never let you live it down.

4. Take your time. Do not rush trimming or cutting your fringe whatever you have the brazenness to do. You may not have time to get to the salon but make sure you have plenty of time up your sleeve to cut your fringe. Your fringe takes forever to grow out so go slow on the cutting…using the term ‘it will grow back’ will only reassure you for so long.

5. Do not cut a straight line unless of course that is your look. Hold your scissors at a slight angle lightly cutting small sections at a time slowly use the tip hence the good quality scissors. It creates a better looking fringe and is softer on the face.

Yet having said all of that a good salon {the one you attend regularly and who does cut your hair not just any old salon; commonsense please} should do a free fringe trim for free and as I have found don’t usually require an appointment unless of course its Christmas time, a Saturday afternoon or clearly their salon is full to the brim but most salons are more than happy to give a quick trim {again commonsense in your expectations} between your cuts.

Now combine that with this handy guide to a 30 minute beauty routine and a bathroom clean and you have a new you in just under an hour without even leaving home.

xx Deb

 

Come summer time I don’t like to spend to much time in the kitchen in fact I don’t really enjoy cooking baking or even eating in summer which is why I can usually fit back into my shorts come November. Its to hot to move let alone cook a meal in my already sauna of a kitchen. Yet when I do cook dinner its in the morning before my kitchen hits 35 degrees its still cool and I can think straight without a hot head. Then come 5pm I and can cook some meat on the BBQ reheat if need be or dont reheat in the case of a salad.

And so I love salads and would eat them over vegetables however in my family I am alone there but one thing we all like is potato salad..

We loooooove it its a summer staple but I have never found a really good at home recipe until yesterday when I found this one.

So yummy my husband ate the remainders which was good because it meant I couldn’t have a third helping and as I dont keep secrets here it is with my tweaks because I can never leave anything alone.

A really really good Potato Salad

What you will need: 

• 1.5 kg potatos
• 4o0g whole egg mayonnaise
• 3 generous tablespoons of sour cream
• 6 eggs
• bunch spring onions
• 8 rashers short cut rindless bacon
• 1 1/2 teaspoons onion salt
• 1 tablespoon garlic powder

How to:

1. Hard boil the eggs by placing in a pot, cover with salted tap water and bring to boiling. Turn off the heat, cover and let sit for 17 minutes. Cool under running water, crack all over and leave in fridge covered with cold water for an hour to cool. They should be easy to peel now. Cut into quarters.
2. Meanwhile peel potatoes if you wish but the salad works just as well un-peeled. Dice potatoes into 3cm cubes and place in large pot and cover with salted tap water. Bring to boil and cook for approximately 10 mins, check regularly, the potatoes should be just cooked, not falling apart. Drain and refrigerate for 2 hours. This helps to stop the potatoes from falling apart when mixing in the rest of the ingredients.
3. Chop spring onions into 5mm pieces, do not use the dark green part of the onion.
4. Fry bacon quickly over high heat so it is browned but not too crispy. Drain on paper towel and slice into thin strips.
5. Mix together the mayonnaise, sour cream, onion salt and garlic powder and mix through with the potatoes, eggs, spring onions and bacon.
6. Lasts for a few days in the fridge so you can prepare the salad in advance and tastes even better once all the flavours are infused together!

Enjoy with a good steak.

xDeb

{Image with thanks to here because I am not a photographer}