I write this with the risk that I am going to sound like a nut job.
But if you have not grasped that I am somewhat a screw loose by now here is the post to do it.
This particular moment in time was a few months ago. During that period where life had been hard inside my little head not ‘crazy’ hard, but frustrated hard- I think. It’s hard to describe I was not ‘depressed’ I wasn’t ‘anxious’ I was perturbed but not. See ‘crazy’ hard.
Life is good for me. I seriously have nothing to complain or worry about. Describing this feeling in my head, my heart, my soul is hard but it was like something was in my soul was sad, and I was worried because I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Are you still reading because it gets better.
This particular morning I was walking my dying dog, my blind poodle in the sling and as easy as it sounds doing the two together is hard and I was on the verge of tears. I was crazy frustrated stuck tired.
It happened when we were walking past this house. The house itself nothing special. Nothing magical mystical nor architecturally inspiring its garden, however, is beautiful. Its garden is full of flowers of the cottage kind. A sea of Monet’s colours.
Except I wasn’t looking at the house nor the garden. I was in fact just trying to get the dying dog up the hill. Head down looking at my feet I was feeling so damn sad and frustrated at the world. I then looked up momentarily to initially say to God, Allah, Budda, Karma what the frick is this about when I right glanced into the garden, and I sensed something. Not seen but sensed.
Now this is the ‘nut job’ part.
It was weird, but it was like someone was with me, and I didn’t see anyone I just ‘sensed’ her and it was a her. I could tell. I did not see her I didn’t hear her but its was the way it ‘felt’ the light, the smell and it was just for a mini second literally. Someone was there she knew me.
Are you still here?
Now this is the nut job part it was in that second that I felt okay with everything going on in my head, my heart and my ‘soul’. Like all the things that I was angry, frustrated, scared worried about was going to be okay, and there was no point in worrying and that feeling in my chest my ‘soul’ was gone.
See? Nut Job.
Now I have told this to my husband, and he greeted it with an ‘ah ha’ and I have tried to rationalize it with perhaps it was one if not all of the following possible things.
1. A minute chemical imbalance in my brain.
2. The sudden altitude change as I climbed a hill.
3. Delirium of a delicious cool morning.
4. A detox from my radical but stupid idea of reducing my coffee and sugar intake
5. Or the steep and very descent into my current state of acute Anemia.
6. A paranormal experience of a guardian angel
All very possible reasons for this sudden feeling of okayness lightness surety like someone had restored me and my soul- yes?
Since then I have walked past there again and again looking for her. Waiting for that feeling of surety to come back because it was such a reassuring one but nothing.
Now since then the dog has died, and I was okay he was okay, the blind dog can now partially see and I feel like my old self the one I was missing so badly.
So tell me what rational answer could it be other than someone came to me in that minute and ‘saved’ my sanity..
xxD
{image with thanks to here original content by Debbie}
