the fifo wife

What’s the matter? he said.

I was on the couch talking to the husband on our morning phone all.

I don’t know I replied and with that my throat started to burn as I helped back a sob. Pulling in a deep breath I said I have to go and we hung up. I then proceeded to get the boys off to school went back inside turned on the shower and took my position on the floor underneath the warm of the water. The shower is my go to place for days like that and it was in less than a second did the flood gates of what was and wasn’t good emerged in the form of the ugly cry.

Yesterday morning I sobbed the ugliest of cries for what felt like hours and yet I couldn’t tell you what was wrong. It was just wrong and I knew from management of past bad days that a shower and a good cry would fix what ever the problem was and I suspect my husband knew that because he never called back until this morning.

I don’t cry a lot but when I do I go all out sobbing heaving shaking. I liken myself to being possessed except it’s not the devil its usually my overthinking that’s taken over my soul ie brain. My nose goes red my eyes swell I’m ugly. There is no other way to describe it. It’s the ugly of the ugly cries which is why I do it alone in the shower with no one watching Kym Kardashian has nothing on me except I have the good sense not to let anyone see it.

So Five reasons why every one including the blokes should have a good sob.

1. Crying Relieves Stress
Because unalleviated stress can increase our risk for heart attack and damage certain areas of our brain.
2. Crying Lowers Blood Pressure
Crying has been found to lower blood pressure, pulse rate, and body immediately following therapy sessions during which they cried and raged.
3. Tears Remove Toxins
A study performed by Dr. William H. Frey II at the St Paul-Ramsey Medical Centre found that stress-related tears and tears caused by physical irritants (think chopping an onion) are not one and the same. Tears that are provoked by stress help your body rid itself of nasty chemicals that raise cortisol (the stress hormone).
4. Crying Reduces “Manganese”
The simple act of crying also reduces the body’s manganese level, a mineral which affects mood and is found in up to 30 times greater concentration in tears than in blood serum.
5. Crying is good for your mental health. A study performed at the University of Florida found that crying is more effective than any anti-depressant on the market. A good cry improved the mood of 88.8% of weepers with only 8.4% reporting that crying made them feel worse.

Having solved my first world problems be what they may {because seriously I still don’t know}  I got out of the shower downloaded all my favourite showers and took position on the couch for a few hours because lets be honest the ugly cry whilst in all its goodness listed here leaves you emotionally and physically exhausted. It also takes a few hours for the redness and swelling to disappear so you’re not so ‘ugly’. It’s your body telling you sit the frick down so I did.

When was the last time you did the ugly cry.

xxD

The weekend went so fast so quickly it’s the first of June today, and I didn’t know and I am not happy about that because it’s all down here from here. Soon it will be August and then Christmas and another year gone.

I carry on a bit about time going by so fast, but seriously I can’t cope with it whizzing by like it does my kids will be gone before I know it.

Anyway, the weekend it was good a little non-productive for me but every day doesn’t have to be productive does it? The kids had a good one although potato chips being able to stay up past their bedtime and some iPad with always make it a good weekend in their eyes.

I am heading to Darwin on Wednesday to watch a reunion happen between my father and sister. It’s been 22 years between catch ups. It’s a surprise will keep you posted.

So with that said its Monday brand new week and these are the few things that caught my attention and have stuck with me.

1. I am watching a divorce play out. It’s not so much the couple and how that plays but the taking of sides. Oh my gosh, it’s a real thing, and it’s sad. Having said that I’m on the kids side whatever it takes to make them okay I’m there.

2. I keep running into a woman with three kids. She is everywhere I go except she doesn’t see me I see her- so stalkerish I know. Does that happen to you? Do you think it means something or its just a coincidence.

3. My husband sounded so happy today that it made the start to my day so awesome. My heart literally filled with warm fuzzy stuff.

4. Then my children then dropped two bowls of cereal on the floor but it didnt matter the warm and fuzzy sucked it right up.

5. 73 Questions with Victoria Beckham here.

6. There is now a new personality type in the mix here.

7. Sex positions here.

8. Duck lanes in London. I do love London. Here.

9. This is me and my dog{s} here.

10. 20 new ways – yes new way to wear your pony tail here.

xxDeb

 

 

Last week I had my french friends over for dinner. I was so nervous about what to cook because when we entertain at home its husband that does the cooking whilst I just fluff around so I was super nervous.

Not only did this introvert brain of mine have to make conversation but it had to cook to; to a couple of Frenchies.

Melt down.

So after downing the last of the two-week old red wine that subsequently tasted like vinegar; but it was all I could lay my hands on. I perused my cook book library like a woman looking for the left shoe in the marked down shoe bin sale at Myers {because we have all done that}

Found I never intended to make something French I resorted to my Rachel Khoo’s ‘Little Paris Kitchen Cook Book’ because her stuff is simple.

So I decided on a potato bake, steak and a green salad. Easy.

Laying the potato bake or Gratin dauphinoise on the table they smiled and ate everything on the plate.

Is it okay I asked Ms P as she mulled over her meal she was taking so long to eat that I started to panic that the steak was to rare, the potato not cooked or the salad to simple, instead she said in her sweet french accent. This she said waving her knife across her plate taste exactly like my mother make me. The sauce. This. Exactly.

I never asked again because I took that as I sign I did good.

So simplest potato bake as commented on by a true french girl.

Cream Potato Bake 

Gratin dauphinois.

{I doubled the recipe}

1kg of waxy potatos

300mls of milk

300 mls of cream

teaspoon of mustard

1 teaspoon of salt

clove of garlic

Knob of butter.

How to: 

Peel the potatoes and cut into 3mm thick slices. Place in the pot with milk cream nutmeg mustard crushed garlic and salt and simmer for ten minutes.

Whilst this is simmering preheat the oven to 200 degrees. Rub the knob of butter around the dish.

Pour the potato and cream mix into the dish spreading out the potatoes evenly. Bake for 35-40 until golden.

Serve with a green salad and steak. Yum.

I would rather be broke than be away from my family is often what I hear.

Ah no, you wouldn’t is what I say back because folk are ignorant. Most have never been broke and most never will. Going without Foxtel or internet isn’t broke.

Not being able to pay your bills, strategically planning how to make the 500 grams of mince and $1.79 frozen vegetables last the week is close. Or working out which piece of furniture should be sold next is on the road to being broke. Having someone tell you that you have 30 days to respond to their letter before actions will be taken to take your home to recoup outstanding funds is a big flag to say yep your almost broke.

Not being able to put food in your bellies is broke.

Before B1 was born, we were between jobs waiting for the next one. It had been weeks; months even I don’t remember because it was a hellish period that ran together. We were doing what we could, but it wasn’t quiet enough to pay the big bills. The rates, insurance and registration they all kept coming. Back then it was a matter of trying to delegate the most important food, electricity and fuel so we could get to the mowing jobs to earn the money. So I stopped paying the rates except council can take your house to pay the rates and sell it to recoup the $1200 you owe them without an issue.

Being on the road to being broke didnt happen because we were living an extravagant lifestyle it’s never been our style. The husband was working mowing lawns were he could. Then working in marble mines when he could while I was working five months pregnant on a hydroponic farm because I could no longer drive the mountain range, so we were making money; just not enough. So through circumstance we were on the road to being broke.
I have never been so scared in my life of losing what we had worked for, and it set us on the path of never being again. The enormity of being able to live day to day relationship strangling.

This is my story and I can only tell you what we have done..and this relates to FIFO or not..you don’t need FIFO to get out of a hole or get in one. Anyone can be broke in any industry it takes mind set and sacrifices to get out regardless of what you do.

Anything can be gone in an instant and so I like to think is applicable to anyone that earns a wage regardless. So determine what you can live on and do with the rest as you must. Pay off loans or place it straight on the mortgage. Make the hard work worth it. Don’t allow it down the Johnsons or Bakers competition sink hole because you will never get anywhere else.

This is how we live to ensure we are never there are again..its what we did and still do….

• We don’t buy crap we don’t need. We don’t keep up with the Jones, the Bakers or the Johnson’s. We have a simple home, a ten-year-old car, and we don’t buy the latest gadgets. If we do, the husband has a rule of waiting till the second release comes out so all the tweaks are made and we know if we need it. Don’t buy a house that’s too big to manage or a car to large for you to own. Consider your needs over your wants and the cost of running of it.
• Don’t get trapped into investment competition. This is so common for higher income earners i.e., I just brought my fifth rental property, or I just brought the 100k worth of shares. I hear it all the time from not only my miner and offshore friends but defense and civvy too. If that’s the case good for them, I get the whole telling of success and applaud it I do it also but often what gets forgotten is their circumstances are completely different to yours. Sometimes they never should have brought their investment in the first place but they aren’t going to tell you that.
• Don’t fall for the ‘tax deduction’ theory. Check with your account before buying purely to get some of your tax back. The money spent may not be worth the additional 2K you receive.
• Set up a budget. Know where every single cent is.
• Get in advance on all your bills. Add up the totals of all your bills rounding the amount up in each case and dived by the number of pays you receive in the year. That divided then goes directly on to the bill or into an account especially for that. Set up a direct debit from your account, so it happens automatically every pay either onto the bill or into the account. Then don’t touch it.
• Meal plan. Buy in bulk anyone with an ABN can. Consider your food intake limit processed food and where you buy it from. Online shop for supplements, food, and personal items if you can and if it works out cheaper.
• Get in advance on your home loan especially now that the rate is so low and get rid of bad debt as soon as you can. Avoid combining bad debt into a home loan {perhaps?}. It means that 14 thousand dollar quad bike that you have used twice in six months will be worth a fortune in 30 years when you don’t have it selling it for just 6 thousand. Consider combining it into one big low-interest rate loan instead of credit card charging 21%. Talk to your bank or advisor.
• Put away a portion of what you earn for savings even if its 5% of your wage. Ideally it should be 10% but let’s be realistic here sometimes your bad debt outweighs the good, and the other 5% needs to go to the bad debt first.
• Don’t be afraid to sell off toys, clothes you don’t need. Downsize even. If you haven’t used in six month’s consider selling it. There is something freeing about getting rid of stuff and making a few dollars at the same time. It drives me insane when I say downsize and they say I can’t. Seriously everyone has crap they don’t need they don’t use that someone else wants it’s about a matter of emotionally letting go of it.
• Don’t have a credit card unless you can use it properly and pay the entire balance off in the free days limit. If your after something that gives you points to go towards your reward consider the Qantas and Virgin cash cards for your bill account {we use the Qantas cash card – awesome}.
• Having said all of that hard work needs to be rewarded so consider sensibly what yours is given your budget. Ours is family holidays away and even then it’s always on a budget, but that’s a whole other post but put some money aside for that.
• Money can’t buy happiness and making money is hard work but being broke is even harder never be naive about that and for those that tell you different may their fairy tale have a happy ending.

xxDeb

*I am not a finance planner, please seek professional advice always.

I was scrolling through facebook yesterday when I came across a thank you from a self-help guru. He was thanking his wife and children for supporting him for none of his dreams would be coming true without them. He thanked his wife for the looking after him and his children while he was gone. That he was doing this all for them so the could have the legacy his parents did not. He continued that without them he is nothing and coming home to them was the best thing in the world.

Now having followed this man for a while and his postings from various aircraft arm chairs in India, Melbourne, London and Dubai he has been either away a long time or often. Which I’m not sure. So it was interesting that whilst not surprising the comments left were awesome, so glad you have made it, well done. The congratulations of this man’s achievements was whilst well deserved it took all my might not to comment: now if FIFO husband had said that the comments would be different. I know they would be and yet the two dreams they are living are exactly the same. The dreams of creating a better life for his family exactly the same but the environment in which he is working to get them altogether different.

In my fifteen years with the exception of my family, I don’t think I have ever been told that my husband being ‘away’ from his family to earn a better income to create a better life is awesome. That pursuing the dream to leave a legacy is honourable, or that the dedication to pursue any of our dreams has resulted in congratulations.

Instead, I have had heard that we are all about the money. That my family and marriage are not real, that we are clueless and selfish. Yes, I do believe I have had them all including the most recent windfall comment and yet him chasing his dreams and the self-help guru chasing his dreams are exactly the same.

So why do we get perceived different? Is it because what we do is attainable to everyone and we are the ones that chose to take the path that is hardest to work and are rewarded the earliest and so its tall poppy? Or is it because there are those that go off course that get lost in the money and forget their plan and so become the beacon of what this is not about. Do we forget to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions? Or is it perhaps it seems that we are a bunch of bogans not working towards something? That we are bumbling fools without a plan. Perhaps?

Yet this is what I know – what you know. We are anything but a bunch of aimless bogans. We are go-getters, achievers, intelligent men and women and entrepreneurs. We work hard for our families and understand the concept of what’s precious and what is not  But incase you have veered from the plan be it for what ever reason personal, family, marriage to gain health build wealth or ‘find happiness’ here a few tips to help you get back on track because everyone even a self-help guru needs a plan.

What is your ultimate goal? What do you want from life? Be it FIFO or not. For us, it’s the choice of retirement in our 40’s but for now its about the RNR. We worked hard to find work that paid well and had an equal time roster. For a friend of ours its so he can not only have a house but pays his child maintenance; sad but true.

Write your goals down, put the on a board, Pinterest, share them on an iPad via Evernote, so your partners at home or work can see them. So your goals are at the forefront of your mind so on a bad day when its all to hard you can see it that nothing in life comes easy, but it will eventually come.

How long are you doing it? What is your timeline to achieve the goal ? If you need break it down into smaller steps do so. If your only going to FIFO for as long as you have paid off your house or created a decent hole in the mortgage then do it until then. Don’t pay off the house then say I will just work three months for a pool. You will never leave FIFO you will never reach your goal of paying the mortgage to be with your family. Don’t be deterred by extra toys you don’t need a quad bike to be part of the dream if you never go camping.

Who are your support people? Who will help you get there?  Find your group the ones that will help you when you and your family need it most. Personally this might be your neighbours, friends and often its not your family. Know who you can count on but then through the course of pursuing your dreams you will find out who they are anyway. Outsource if  you need it. If you need a trainer to lose 10 kilos or

Outsource support and advice if  you need it. If you need a trainer to lose 10 kilos or finacle planner to help you manage the money and show you the best way to get your goal done do it but always know where and what your money is doing. None one can do it on their own. Richard Branson, Donald Trump Seth Gooden never made it on their own they all had the support of someone else.

None one can do it on their own. Richard Branson, Donald Trump Seth Gooden never made it on their own they all had the support of someone else.

And reassess and always communicate with your partner and with your children. Remembering what the goal is what you want and the way you are achieving. Ensuring it is the right way for your family. What’s working and what’s not. Remembering no one has it better or worse in the completing of a dream. You are in this together a team and if you’re not you’re in trouble, and you need to fix it fast. Your family is part of the plan they are the plan and loosing them as part goal isn’t the plan nor the goal.

xDeb