a fifo wife {fifo life: real life fifo: FIFO wife life in Canada}

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I have spent the best part of 20 years in the Mining and Mining support industries, being based in mining towns in Aus (Roxby Downs and Cobar) and various places overseas as an Expat (Laos, China, Mongolia and Canada).  Wow where did 20 years go, I remember the first time I left, my friends thought I was nuts, as I was going to leave my comfortable life in Australia and live in a third world country and my family thought I would be back in a couple of months.  Coming from having lots of travel experiences I fell in love with the travelling/working lifestyle, seeing the world and getting paid to do it. As I’m writing to you I feel like I have come 360 degrees and ready to go home and settle my roots back in Aus. I’m surrounded by passports, visa applications, removalist quotes, selling a house and household items and juggling travel itineraries.

In summing up this life, its been adventurous, stressful at times, hectic, culturally challenging, “remotely” challenging, rewarding and super for building true resilience and making outstanding memories.

My hubby and I have lived in Canada for the past 4 years as expats and played tag so to speak as being the FIFO.  My hubby is Mongolian and me Aussie. We met in Mongolia when I was sent there to work 7 years ago when we were given the opportunity by our employer to move to Canada, which has been a great opportunity to live and work here but unfortunately I became victim to the mining downturn in March and was laid off. Even though my hubby still has his FIFO job we really only moved here for me to accept a transfer so we have decided to move back to Aus.

Life in Canada is truly awesome, Canadians share lots of the same interests as Aussies do, mainly in the summer lots of socializing and BBQ’s etc, winter is a true hibernation and you don’t see much of your friends, unless your big into being caught in a blizzard or doing outdoor snow type activities.

I have found here that it’s the same as everywhere you go as and EXPAT with a FIFO, initially you’re a complete outsider and it takes a lot of work to make friends. I’m a firm believer when you’re in these circumstances that friends need to become your absent family.  I find most people are very set in their lifestyles particularly in a place like where I am now as it’s not a mining town, generally most of the people here have grown up here.  But I believe wherever you go you need to hunt, gather, and nurture good friends, it’s like speed dating to the extreme (I’m inserting some laughs in here hope this doesn’t all sound weird), I have spent a good two decades now making friends in the locations I end up in and usually end up with a super network which is what I have done in Canada.

Most people I have been friends with here don’t have other partners doing FIFO so it’s a little hard for them to get their heads around at first but I must say I have built and amazing network of very supportive and helpful friends.  My neighbours all around are my emergency network, and I think this is one of the critical things especially when you have kids, there is always someone on hand in a crisis.

Its been significantly important that my hubby and I support each other in our resolve and make sure our family has really good balance, we spend a lot of time together as family when we are all home or each independently doing things with them when we are just a single parent, and also making sure we get some time to ourselves sharing things we love to do together like movie or date nights.

I find my kids are really independent helpful beings because we are a FIFO family, its hard on the 5-year-old most of the time but she copes.  I also raise an 18-year-old, have had her since she was 14 so she is a significant helper too. We run a tight ship especially when only one parent is home. We are super reliant on Skype and face time for keeping in touch with whichever parent is away.

As a side note to Deb and people of her page I’m truly grateful there are people like you out there sharing other people’s FIFO highs and lows, it’s not a circumstance or lifestyle that everybody understands only people who are on the inside of it.

a fifo wife {my morning ritual to help start my day right}

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Its not often I wake up in a bad mood even after a terrible night sleep filled with little sleep. Sometimes I’m slow off the mark my ‘roar is more a banshee yell’  but given Im usually the only one listening to myself even I find it hard to take so I pretty much get myself out of any bad mood quick smart. Nothing worse than hanging out with someone you don’t like especially when it’s  yourself.

I believe how you handle the morning will affect the rest of the day. Don’t get the morning right and it has a flow on a effect to everything else and before you know it your on a down hill run chasing your own arse; all day not which is not fun when it’s as big as mine.

So I actually have a morning ritual that I follow every morning along with getting up at the unearthly hour of 5am. I get up so early so I can have this ritual because it’s important to me. It’s my me time and I do these things every morning without fail. It keeps me in my roaring good mood. I always start with tip number one first and with tip number five some mornings being a struggle. It can turn my really bad mood into something more bearable.

1. Drink some lemon water before anything else. Packed with antioxidants and other health benefits, a glass of water with the juice of half a lemon revitalises the body and mind. It also acts as a natural diuretic which makes me happy. Because the extra five kilos I shouldn’t be carrying is water and this is good right?

2. Listen to some music to move your groove. I listen along with my morning walk or on the wireless in the kitchen. It breaks the silence of the morning. Makes the house less lonely and reminds me That there is a whole world outside.  According to a 2011 study published in the journal Nature Neuroscience, certain classical tunes caused folks to get the chills, which in turn led to the release of dopamine, a chemical in the brain that can help you feel jollier. To reap this mood-boosting benefit, download “Clair de Lune,” by Claude Debussy, “New World Symphony—Movement 4,” by Antonin Dvorak, and “First Breath After Coma” by Alexander Keats—they have all been scientifically proven to keep you in good cheer.

3. Do some exercise perhaps not at the ungodly hour I do but do it. Team this with tip two and it’s win win. It not only gets the endorphins flowing but exercising increases your productivity. You will be more awake and ready to tackle your day by giving yourself that extra energy boost. Working out can increase your mental clarity for four to 10 hours post-exercise.

4. Grab some sunlight. It’s not only good for the bones, for your mood but getting the right amount of sun will help you wake up and fall asleep easier. Have breakfast sitting in the sun instead of watching the gloom and doom of the news.  Instead sit in the sun soak up the vitamin D and dream of that summer holiday it will get you in the right mood.

5. Turn that negative thought like the one I have so often after no sleep into a positive one.. I sit and reflect on what I have. I tried doing a gratitude journal but it didn’t work for me instead I do it all ‘internally’. Most mornings my grateful mantra is my children snored, kicked and punched all night. I. Grateful for this because it means they are alive, breathing and I’m awake to whinge about it.

Do you have a morning ritual?

xxDeb

{image with thanks to here}

a fifo wife {me: the crap that kept me awake at 2am}

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I had a crap night sleep. My brain just would not shut off and yet none of it was important or possibly real. Just over thought stuff in the middle of the night exacerbated because I was tired. I wanted to sleep, but couldn’t so naturally frustration made it all worse.

Now I pride myself on being a level headed well thought out women who can function independently and coherently during the day but occasionally like a were wolf howling at the moon I become this over-thinker and sudden underachiever of a night. It generally happens like last night after being woken because I got whacked in the head by my second darling child who shared my bed. It can start for no reason but its symptoms are long and drawn out and yet the cure seems to be the light of day.

So the shit that kept me awake last night until I got up and shifted beds because I have this theory a change of space a change of energy in a room stops the overthinking and induces sleep. Energy is everything to me. So fifteen minutes of shifting rooms I was away with the fairies.They tell me writing things down helps and I have tried that, to just stop thinking and start concentrating on your breath, getting up and going back to bed and yes they all work but it’s not an till I have tossed and turned for an hour or so that I ‘remember’ these things.

So this is the crap that kept me awake questioning my whole existence in the dark and yet in the light of day nothing. Feel free to tell me if it all sounds familiar and how you fix the noises in your head to..

1. I’m angry about something yes I am that’s why I have a literal ache in my heart. So is that making me age more? I’m so angry about it. Am I at fault. No its not my fault. It is what it is. I’m killing myself over this.
2. Soooo that funny thing that’s happening to my left eye. Could that be retinal detachment..that would require a needle in the eye I can’t handle the needle in the eye idea but do I really want to be blind.
3. I should go to the pool today but are my googles why my left eye is doing weird things?
4. Hmmmm. Should I respond to that message, I got on FB now or later. No, they might be asleep with their phone by their bed I don’t want to wake them. They might think I’m crazy, and I’m not crazy. I’m tired angry, have a bung left eye but not crazy. No, it can wait.
5. What are we having for dinner tonight? Chicken. Should I do it on sticks- the boys like chicken on sticks or should I just do it in sauce? Either way it needs to be ready for after basketball I should get up and get it out now otherwise it will never defrost.
6. Must not forget B2 has an eye appointment.
7. Should I get up? It’s 2 am I could just have breakfast and do stuff. I could walk the dog but then my dogs will make other dogs bark at 2 am, and I don’t want to wake the neighbours beside yesterday morning there was a dingo in town. I know it was a dingo because of its walk. Well, I’m assuming it was a dingo I have seen Dingos in town before maybe it wasn’t.
8. Oh, it must be three o’clock I can hear the school cleaners driving past. Does anyone know how good they keep that school?
9. Is it normal for B2 to snore so loud at eight years old; I should google that.
10. I wish I could stop thinking of stuff. I should google how to fall asleep in a minute or less but if I google looking at the computer screen will make my eyes wake up and that will be worse.
11. I wonder if Steph knows how much I appreciated her friendship when our kids were little? Those playdates saved me. I want to tell her no I will look like an idiot. I hope she does know.
12. Why don’t people say thank you? If you give them a hand, a free plug why don’t they say thank you? How hard is it to say THANK YOU. Does it admit that you required help? That someone had to help you does that make success less sweet. Fuck I don’t know but annoys the shit out of me.
13. I should have shifted beds two hours ago. Why didn’t I? Because I’m an idiot.

How do you shut yourself down?

Stop the voices in your head at 2 am?

xxDeb

{image and complete credit is with thanks to here}

The FIFO wife {a fifo life: fifo family: a Bali FIFO story Kat and Matt}

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As most things do, it started with an idea. It was late in the afternoon and we were sitting at the Echo Beach, making the most of 2 for 1 cocktails.  Just enjoying the last few days of our holiday and we thought, well what are the reasons we couldn’t base ourselves here and have an endless holiday, well for at least 6 months?

We had met about 10 years earlier at Mt Buller, both working and ‘living the dream’ on the mountain, so it was in our blood to live/work in beautiful places, we were never ones to live in the burbs. So this felt like the right thing for us to do, and the timing was great too. Matt was now full time with Rio Tinto, working a 2/1 roster, he was sick of spending half his RnR mowing lawns and generally working around the house and not feeling like his time was spent creating memories with his family. I was on maternity leave with our 2nd child and able to extend my leave to ensure I still had a job to come back to. So why not?

The next 5 months were spent, booking flights, applying for visas, finding temporary accommodation, joining every Bali facebook page I could find, stalking every Bali Instagram account, redirecting mail, packing up ½ the house, finding a house sitter and getting our heads around the fact that we are about to leave our fur babies behind and take our other babies far far away.  Then before we knew it, we were boarding a plane to Denpasar.

We landed and in typical Bali style, our taxi driver tried to convince us that our 5 large bags/suitcases, 4 carry-on bags, porta cot, pram and the 4 of us were going to fit in his tiny taxi. We disagreed and insisted on a bigger car. Once squished into the bigger car we drove to where the driver thought our villa was, he was wrong, so we drove up and down for about 25min trying to find the right street. Once we had the right street we found #9 as directed, but no one was there. The reason there was no one there is because we needed to be at the other #9, down the street. Seriously, this street had three #9’s!

Living at #9 was the pits. Hot, no breeze, uncomfortable beds, swarms of mosquitos, barking dogs at all hours, a kitchen that I wouldn’t dare cook in, you get the picture. So when we waved goodbuy to hubby for the first time from our new ‘home’ I really had to put on a brave face, smile and wave saying, ‘we’ll be fine, I got this’. After watching him go we went back inside and I padlocked the gate. That night both the kids and I all slept in the same room, despite having 3 bedrooms.

We survived #9 and moved to our new villa during his first swing and oh what a change. My attitude changed, my outlook changed all because my view changed. Nothing beats the breeze that comes over the rice fields, it was bliss compared to #9 and I could actually cook for my kids. Don’t get me wrong I love being able to eat at all the wonderful places in Bali, but sometimes I just want to make something healthy and delicious that I know everyone will eat. On top of all that is the cost of eating out all the time, most places we can get a decent meal and a few drinks for around $30, but you add that up over 3 meals a day, 7 days a week and it is a fair bit to fork out.

While we are on money, let me tell you now, we are not here to save it. Yes a Nasi Goreng will cost you under $2 and a litre of fuel is about 80c but the money you save on that goes elsewhere. Our situation doesn’t help either, as we are still paying our mortgage without gaining rental income, but that is the price we pay to know our fur kids are safe and happy. If you plan to move to Bali, come with a pocket full of cash because everything is pay up front. Expect to pay at least 6 months rent up front, same goes with school/kinda/daycare fees. There are some wonderful education options here, The Garden, The Green School, Canggu School, Sunrise school, but you will pay for the privilege and you pay in advance. The same goes for power, water, mobile phone, internet, the list goes on. However, once you get these costs out of the way you feel like you’re rolling in it when pay day comes around, but don’t forget to put some of that aside for the next onslaught.

So while we are not saving much, we certainly are not slumming it either. Our villa comes with a maid twice a week and a pool guy, we also employ a nanny full time (38hr/week) who’s name is Yanti. But that’s why we are here, to enjoy! I don’t want to be cooking and cleaning all day when I don’t have to and Yanti is just wonderful, our 15 month old, Delaney, still has 2 sleeps during the day so instead of me sitting at home waiting for her to wake up, Yanti can do that while our son Murphy and I, can go to the beach together or do some jumping at the trampoline park. Then in the evening Yanti often comes out for dinner with us (or just me) and helps entertain the kids while we all enjoy a meal. It also saves me putting both kids on the motorbike for kindergarten drop off and I can do some grocery shopping in peace and somehow drag it all home on the motorbike. Like another FIFO mum said, it’s a bit like having a husband who comes home at night.

The kids are loving it here. Delaney especially, she gets so much attention, everybody smiles and waves at her and wants to carry her around. Murphy took a little while to get into the swing of things. He is a very energetic 4 year old who has a lot of friends and a busy social life in Australia so coming here was a shock to his daily routine. He is slowly making friends and getting used to his new kindergarten. I guess I’m similar to Murphy in that way, I am really enjoying it here and relishing the new experiences and challenges. But I really miss my friends and family.

Coming from a little town with a close knit community, where I am blessed with many wonderful friends, I’m missing people just dropping in or bumping into friends down the street and going for coffee. But I think what I miss most of all is play dates at the park, whether they are planned or impromptu, play dates at the park are always good. Murphy would play on the equipment or run around with the other kids while Delaney and I would chill in the shade, I’d have a take away coffee (goes without saying) and chat to the other mums and dads, most of which I’d known long before having children. That just doesn’t happen here, for starters there are no parks or playgrounds. So play dates are generally on the beach, at someone’s house or in a restaurant. It’s just not the same really now I’m on guard the whole time making sure Delaney doesn’t drown herself in the ocean or an unfenced pool and Murphy doesn’t run in to the tiled house dripping with water and slip over.

But I am slowly finding some friends and lovely people to spend time with. There are some other gorgeous FIFO wives here who I have caught up with, as well as many other expat ladies. There are plenty here and with the help of the kids and social media I am finding them, slowly but surely. Most are really welcoming, willing to share stories and experiences which is exactly what you need when you’re in a new place. But the nature of an expat lifestyle is that people don’t stay, they move on or move back. In our two months of being here we have already waved farewell to some top people.

Before we left Australia, most people were excited for us and our new adventure, even a little envious, but there were others who were the opposite. I heard things like ‘how can you put your children in that sort of situation’ and ‘I just don’t trust those people’. But the situation I have put my children in is one of adventure and new discoveries, and ‘those people’ are unbelievably kind and caring, yes most Balinese that you come across are trying to make a living, usually from the tourist trade, but in Australia, that’s how I make my living too, in Tourism, the only difference is circumstance.

Not long after arriving in Bali, we met Marrlin. Now Marrlin was showing us some potential long term villa rentals none of which we ended up renting. But that’s not the only trick Marrlin has up his sleeve. He’s an entrepreneur, you need a motorbike? No problem. A lift/pickup from the airport? He’ll be there. A pool fence built? Sure, what time tomorrow can I start? And if he can’t do it, ‘It’s ok, I talk to my friend’. So when Murphy slipped over and split his head open on a tile step, I didn’t know what else to do but call Marrlin. He answered, but didn’t have his car that day so couldn’t take us to the hospital. But he told me not to worry, he would send his nephew, Pam. Before Pam arrived, Marrlin did, on his motorbike, he knew Matt was at work so wanted to make sure everything was under control. Murphy as you can imagine was in a bit of a state, so Marrlin was trying to take his mind off things my by pointing out all the kites in the sky, and saying he can come kite flying with his son Romeo one day.

Pam arrived soon after and we went off to a medical centre close by, avoiding the need to go to the big hospital. Murphy was seen very quickly by a sweet English speaking female doctor who did an amazing job keeping him calm enough to stitch him up. He had five stitches all up and felt much better after an ice-cream, I on the other hand needed something a little stronger, I ordered a Daiquiri.

Two days after the stitches incident, I had picked up Murphy from Kindergarten and arrived home to a brand new kite sitting under our gate. I hadn’t taken much notice of all the kite talk, but he was serious. Murphy was wrapped with his gift and of course we had to fly it straight away.

So far our Bali adventure has had ups and downs, but many more ups than downs. I like FIFO from here for the lifestyle, our friends can visit and our time as a family is better than ever before. So how long can we do this for? Who knows, at this stage until Christmas, but things are changing every week and when it’s time to go we’ll know. For now, just watch this space.

You can follow our Bali adventure on Instagram, @buttercup2bali. Lots of photos of what we get up to as a Bali FIFO family.

 

 

the fifo wife {fifo life: parenting: the importance of one on one time}

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The biggest struggle I have as a mother? Its not the fact its been ten years since I had a shower uninterrupted, its not the fact that I still wake at least twice a night to mum I need to go to the toilet, its not the fact I will joyfully buy my boys a new pair of shoes but will wait until Big W has discounted their flats to the $10 aisle because I can’t reason with myself anything else. It’s not the fact I cook to fuel not for pleasure and its not the fact that my teaching of how to pee into a hole the size a football seems is unachievable it’s none of these things.

What it is  spending that quality one on one time with my boys. Each day I manage short quality time but the longers stuff the longer time I struggle with.

Each day I manage what I consider a short amount of quality time just before bed its an ingrained part of bedtime and even on holidays it’s part of our day without fail. We call it lying. We lie together and talk of their day, what was their favourite part and what was their worst. They talk we listen. There are other times we get one on one cooking dinner and certain chores, watching a movie, playing lego, drawing and occasionally we manage doing an activity they like but that uninterrupted time without their siblings is hard to achieve.

So these past months husband and I started something and teachers plug your ears or divert your eyes because I don’t have the luxury of support to do this outside school hours. Once a month we pull the boys from school two hours early and take them to a cafe or alike and hang out. Today we pulled B2 from school early and learnt things that ten minutes couldn’t give us. I should mention we don’t always pull from school because we do stuff in between equally important like draw, build lego and cook together but ‘dates’ just take it to whole new level but of if I could do it outside school hours I would but suffice to say I can’t.

When the school office girls ask why is he leaving school I tell them it’s family time and that’s just as important as learning Algeraba {which I never used in my entire life just saying}. In fact research conducted by at Pennsylvania State University studied two hundred families across the US as well as various European cities and towns found it to turn the idea of bratty and broody tween and teenagers on its head.

The study found that kids who spend more one on one time with their families, experience fewer delinquent behaviours and less likelihood of giving in to peer pressure. The study says that the feeling of self-worth that is experienced by kids whose fathers spend one-on-one time with them may be due to the fact that their fathers go beyond social expectations to devote undivided attention to them. It also says that time with dad often involves “joking, teasing, and other playful interactions,” that does not occur with mum. Greater “peer-like interaction” with children, is “crucial for youth social development”. Another study found that children who spend more one-on-one time with their mothers had lower levels of depression – something that was not correlated with extra time with fathers. Another study completed in March of 2015 by the University of Toronto also found that its quality over quantity especially for 3-11 years but as they move into adolescence its even more so giving those working mums and dads worried about not having enough time something to ease the guilt with. 

So its with that knowledge I am more than happy to do what is required to get a little one on one.

How do you manage one on one time?

How do you hang out?

xx Deb