the fifo wife

I had another brilliant night sleep last in fact it was at 1.15am that I thought how lucky I am that I am awake and breathing to be able to whinge at that fact. So despite the 1.4 kilometres I swam, the 3.1 kilometres I walked and the power class I did I wasn’t tired enough to shut off the mind. The first world problems of a thinker.

The weekend however, was great. FIFO husband came home, we did nothing. Relaxed, watched TV it was a great start to the week.

Our week ahead is super busy. How about you?

In the mean time here is some welcome distraction for this Tuesday morning.

1. A new Instagram account to follow especially of you like history. I love history it’s my thing. Here.

2. What happens 60 minutes after drinking a can of Coke. Here.

3. Getting grief right. Here.

4. Did you know Iceland was the most feminist country in the world? Here.

5. 100 years of beauty. Here.

6. What I’m reading: Teaching kids about money. Here.

xDeb

I broke all four of the men in my lives hearts over the course of yesterday because I have got caught up in myself. Caught up in the fact I haven’t slept, that the month has been hard, and I can’t shake the self-loathing that has come with it. I am exhausted, and I have revelled in the self-pity like a literal pig in mud.

So yesterday was or wasn’t the wake-up call I needed. I knew but didn’t know what I was doing when I crankily said to my husband yesterday when he rang ‘Your message upset the kids’. Me telling FIFO Husband wasn’t called for because it wasn’t his intention. No one upsets their kids on purpose except an arse and he wasn’t an arse he just wanted to talk to his kids, and I knew that. But I am angry still, tired still, giving excuses still and so I felt okay entitled to spit the venom.

Naturally he hung up on me.

I don’t believe in hang-ups it’s no way to solve things. I would have rathered he blasted the shit out of me than the bullshit back and forth e-mail scenario we had yesterday. He hasn’t called today he won’t and I don’t want him to. I’m assuming we are still angry at the very least I am yet not at him. Knowing him he won’t be. We believe it’s better not to speak when you are angry. Childishly I have nothing to say, but I am sorry and yes I should have behaved better things I told him via email {sigh}.

Life out there was once described to me as a cross between big brother and survivor. Husband works with a great crew you never hear a bad word spoken about anyone, however, now and then something will come a cropper. It’s life eventually you will meet people who for one reason or another don’t appreciate you. Difference? you can’t escape them. You essentially live with them. Awkward. Stressful.

My husband is a good, fair man its why he does the job he does. He has the uncanny ability to stay in control, remain unbiased and see everything from everyone’s point of view. He likes everyone, and if he doesn’t, he likes them anyway for who they are, what they do, what they have done or stand for. He also doesn’t like to sit, so his employer gets value for money from him. He earns the money he makes. However, people are funny. Things that my husband find eye rolling worry me. Keep me awake. There have been a lot of eye rolling these past six months.

And yet when he calls to have a bit of love, a bit of support because the eyeball rolling has hit an all time high on the treadmill he gets the witch from hell because all I can think is- you slept twelve hours last night. Or did he? Because I wouldn’t know, I never gave him the opportunity to tell me. I never asked. I was too involved in my own self this month because I have it worse off.

So let’s get this straight NO ONE HAS IT WORSE OFF. I know that, knew that just needed the kick up the arse as a reminder.

Ordinarily I ask how he is. I listen but this is what I have found I don’t have outside support to spew my first world problems too, and I’m angry to a point about that because it hurts. I don’t have anyone I can tell, to just get it out so I keep it all to myself not wanting to burden my friends instead waiting for him and only him to call, so I can spew the venom at him at someone. Someone who already has shit of if his own to deal with and no one to tell. And yet knowing this that he has shit of his own to deal with I stopped listening to him and just to me. He doesn’t want me to fix it he is more than capable of that but just to listen. I am his support while he is out there and this month I have done a shitty job because he always has my back. Always.

So this is it. The cold. Wondering if I should make arrangements to have someone else collect him because the words ‘I’m done for the month’ on the computer screen can mean so much more than I’m not going to call for the last three days.

So my tips so you can avoid the cold and this goes for those at work or at home FIFO or not – no one has this easy.

1. Listen to them just listen don’t interrupt..use ‘mmm’ to let them know your listening.
2. Don’t minimize the problem; it comes across as you don’t think it’s important. Don’t say well at least it’s a job, or you wanted to have three kids so close together that’s not going to solve the issue.
3. Don’t compare, no one has it better. Seriously they don’t. You might have a sleep debt bigger than Australia’s contribution to Indonesia’s economy, but they are out there with nothing familiar.
4. Don’t shut them down because you’re too frustrated at listening. Yes it may be the same problem no doubt like your sleep debt but like yours are to you it’s a problem
5. Don’t tell them they are silly or irrational…I can’t even come up with an example because nothing is silly or irrational.

Another thought is to have yourself a support person other than your partner for when there are times they can’t be that person. I think it makes a difference, I know it does, this month is proof. Don’t try and fix it the problem they are telling you unless they ask you to; usually they are capable of that themselves just listen. Actively listen. Love them. Listening is one of the easiest ways to show love.

And if you don’t do your fair share of listening grab a beanie its cold outside.

xxD

I never thought much about it when it happened, but it is something I often reflect on late at night especially now I have children of my own.

I was picked up by John and Mungo this day. John was a handsome boy with a gorgeous nature and was one of my dearests of friends. Mungo we had gone to school together but he was a quiet boy and so I knew little of him but his unusual name.

We arrived at the creek it was my first time there even though it was just minutes from my home. The creek was or is beside the Darwin airport and during the wet swells to a rapid twice its size. Despite that, I didn’t know of its existence. Enthusiastically I jumped in behind the boys on old car tubes. They took off down the stream without care of me just like I was one of the boys.

Don’t swim or tube in swollen creek or rivers? Duh I was 18 the thought never ever crossed my mind because this was awesome fun.

We had done the creek run a couple of times, and I was on my third when it happened. The boys were behind me or in front I don’t remember, but they weren’t about when I went under nor when I came back.

How it happened I’m not sure but I can only describe it as being sucked into a ‘hole’ and got stuck. The tyre popped out from under me was I went under and floated away while I stayed wedged between a log and some rocks.

Initially, I tried to free myself but either I made it worse or I tired because the water was deep and so strong and so I stopped fighting. The water was cold now and I was doubled over with a stick wedged into my stomach and I recall that I was looking down to me feet seeing my hair float around my face. I remember looking at the blue in the plaid pattern of my shorts against the pale of my skin. I can remember the darkness around me whilst leaves and branches rushed by me. I remember what it felt like because I wasn’t scared, and I was surprised by that. I was losing consciousness or drowning at least and I was calm completely calm. I remember thinking I’m going to die like this.

I remember saying it again in my head I’m going to die like this and then thinking I got to try one last time to get out. I remember giving myself, one more all mighty push back against the torrent of the water and I literally popped to the surface. I looked about to see if anyone was around and I cant remember if they were already there or if they met me but we left after that. I only remember saying I got trapped and I have hurt my shoulder.

I went home that afternoon and the only thing I did was watch TV. I thought nothing more about it until about ten years ago when I had my first baby.

I think about that moment a lot more so since I have had more children.

I think about how calm I was and Im no longer afraid of dying. There was no bells like they say when you drown I was calm and okay with it. It was like going to sleep and everything fading. I also think that it I hadn’t tried one more time one more kick none of this would have happened because I literally would have died. It also makes me think of John. John committed suicide five years ago and I think if only he could have tried one more time, asked for help one more time but if dying if thats what it was is as I felt he would have found the peace he was looking for.

There is no moral but literally just keep swimming trry one more time you will eventually get there.

xxDeb

I don’t fly a lot now I did once like most grown up things, but now that I have three others to take along with me I don’t travel so much but often enough to know how to get an upgrade for free. However once upon a time flying was considered glamorous and enjoyable. Now it’s an inconvenience and the term crammed like sardines is something that can be used fairly firmly with any economy flight. Having said that though there-there is no reason to behave like anything other than civilised well-mannered people when taking to the skies.

So thirteen tips to modern day air travel..

1. Be nice to the ticket ground floor staff checking in your luggage. Dress sharp, wear deodorant for goodness sake and be nice. These are things that may just get you out of cattle class however being an arse will have you sitting by the toilet. There is no serious trick to an upgrade apart from the above tips and traveling solo. Solo travellers are more than likely to get an upgrade however, it’s no reason to ditch the kids.
2. Be ready for security screenings. Take off your shoes, belts, empty your pockets. Get laptops and aerosols out before you get to the conveyor belt and if you haven’t done this allow those who are more prepared ahead of you.
3. When you’re boarding the flight, get to your seat and sit down. Don’t rummage through your bag while standing in the aisle. It will not you win any friends. Perhaps help those around you with placing their overhead luggage into the overhead compartments. Karma will return the favour in taking off on time.
4. Follow the unspoken rule of the arm rest rule. In a three-seat row, the middle person takes both it’s their compensation for not being an aisle with easy access to get up and not being able to see out the window. See easy. No more awkwardness.
5. If you have children, it’s not easy to travel with I know I got three boys, however, perhaps this might make it easier for you at least. Crying on a flight is completely fine in my book it’s how babies communicate and unblock their ears there is nothing you can do. You could try giving them a bottle, breastfeeding, a dummy or older kids a gummy bear too chew but if these don’t work and they start crying, let them go.  If someone scowls or asks you to keep your child quiet ask the cabin crew to deal with them. However squealing you know that high pitched squeal kids make when having fun? It is not on for no reason other than to say hello once. Squealing in a confined space is not cute to anyone but a besotted parent but to cover my bases squealing is also a sign of distress use your parental common sense. Allowing your child to hit the back a seat the entire flight is not nice it’s the equivalent to are we there yet. With all that said kids are kids don’t stress it. Do your best to entertain them but 90% of your fellow travellers have been in your position. The other 10% will perhaps be one day.
6. If you see a family, couple, friends separated offer your seat to them after takeoff so they can seat together. The seat angle will take care of you next flight.
7. Use your manners with those around you. You don’t have to talk to anyone, but a simple hello is appreciated especially since you’re strapped in so close together, you could be on the set of 50 shades of Grey. Also being a regular flyer or member of a ‘lounge’ doesn’t make you better than anybody we all end up at the same destination in the end regardless some just faster than others.
8. Watch your alcohol intake prior to the flight and on it. The idea you get drunk due to altitude is fallacy if anything it comes down to water intake and dehydration so watch your intake of alcohol and sedatives simple. Nothing more unattractive than a drunk. Nothing more unattractive to your employer than you slurring their name into the dirt while the cabin crew scrawl down your name, your seat and the name of your company embroidered on your shirt. Watch your language it doesn’t make you funny or engaging it makes you look like a drunken arse and one day possibly an unemployed one.
9. Watch your hands and personal space with the cabin crew or fellow passenger be it male or female. There is no further explanation needed but consider this would you drink that much or behave that way if your wife, husband, children or employer were present. Respect the loved ones picking you up at the gate.
10. Consider the sound of your headphones and electronic devices. Just because Sponge Bob is your cuppa tea doesn’t mean it’s anyone else’s.
11. Turn your electronic devices off when asked, along with putting your tray table away, window and seat up. Don’t be the arse trying to squeeze a few extra minutes out of it.
12. Thank your cabin crew on leaving and pilot if they present themselves. They got you from A to B in a metal tube that weighs several tonnes without nose diving into anything .Which given the whole physics concept is amazing still to me.
13. Stand at least a metre away from the baggage carousel. Standing on it shin to shin blocks the view of those also trying to locate their luggage also. It doesn’t get to you any faster. Travelling is one of those things where everything is dependent on someone else so relax and make it enjoyable for all of us.

xxDeb