a fifo wife {fifo life: a few things}

 

Despite being posted for Monday Im writing this Sunday night and today it’s the first of November can you believe it? I have spent much of the morning saying wholly quackers its Novemeber and I know everyone says it, but I will add to it I just can’t believe it where has the year gone? I’m going to be forty quicker than I knew it.

The weekend was great. Slow and steady. I spent much of today catching up on house work, preparing dinner for the next three nights and bouncing on the tramapline with the boys. How was yours?

So as you read this these are a few things that caught my attention from around here and on the web..

  1. I was chatting to an old friend yesterday and I got off the phone and said to myself I was a total bitch then. Not to the person on the phone but in regards to something we were talking about. Total one sided view being mine and Im embarrassed by my arrogance. Im currently debating do I call to apologies or just learn and carry on?
  2. Its 832pm and I just realised how quiet the night is outside. Its why I love the country.
  3. I was playing with B2  and B3 when I realised B1 has been inside without us all weekend. Its one of the things with a child with quirks even though you have three children it sometimes feels like its just two. I hate it.
  4. I asked about a situation that didnt concern me the other day just out of curosity. I dont ahve the intention of passing on the details to anyone else its not my business too and the reason I asked was because there is an obvious issue between two people I must deal with so my question is does that make me a gossip because the person who told me said Deb I didnt think gossip was your thing. And its not but does that make me a gossip?
  5. Did you know the cheapest time to book air fares is 54 days prior to travel.
  6. What its like to attend a sex party here.
  7. 50 anti aging tips here.
  8. What the celeb’s got up to for Halloween here.
  9. Summer fashion trends here – personally I am staying in my jeans for public safety.
  10. a couple of things you need to ask yourself before you rip down that wall during a reno and it’s not is that a weight-bearing wall here.

xxDeb

 

 

a fifo wife {fifo life: Halloween distractions continue}

I started celebrating these obscure American holidays when the boys were little not because I believe in them (I detest the concept of trick or treating and don’t do it) but because they created the perfect distraction for the boys between swings. I think we will all agree it’s the in-between times that are the hardest to fulfil for any parent so I thought way back then why not make it fun?

So this morning as I finished my conversation to my husband my boys wandered in and said its Halloween mum are we going to dress the house? I literally threw back my head and said urgh. I thought I had allowed it to slip but it seems not.

After my initial tantrum that I had created a rod for my back, I said okay its Saturday we had nothing else planned let’s get to it. I climbed into the loft pulled out the jack-o-lanterns, the fake webs that I had kept from previous years and threw around some candles in the dining room and viola Halloween is set.

I dress the dining room only I am not crazy it’s me that dresses and undresses and this year it’s the quickest ever. I have just spookily dressed the dining room in half an hour and the most effort was cutting out of the black bats and spray painting an orange tree branch black and dressing it with plastic skeletons. You can see my previous posts here, here, here and here. We will do the usual Halloween desert fest {the whole point} after dinner so I will grab some jelly snakes, and cupcakes and spider them up but that’s the limit this year in terms of ghoulish feasts I am tuckered.

The boys will do some Halloween craft and we will be however dressing up to watch a whole bunch of Halloween cartoons this afternoon and tonight. And now that the house is dressed it is fun. I am officially in the ‘spirit’ it also is a little signal that Christmas is on its way which is nice.

I have rounded up some pin-worthy pin’s over on Pinterest in case you want to get in the ‘spirit’..I know so bad is the pun.

Whatever you do happy Halloween.

xDeb

fifo life: fifo wife {15 people die a day from drinking wine over water}

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“But I don’t drink heavy anymore,” he said with such despair that I knew that this was going to be hard.

I drank just like anyone else he said with an uneasy laugh.

“And what was that,” she said smiling shifting the stethoscope on her neck.

“Three or four beers of a night after work. I worked hard in the sun. The weekends were a bit different what with visitors and things it could get a bit heavy then” he said imploring her to understand he wasn’t a dirty alcoholic.

He was drinking as everyone else did. You know the Aussie way.

“I know and I know everyone else did or does but that amount is deemed excessive medically for a reason. Some people can drink that way for 80 years and die without an implication and then there are people like you who cut their drinking, eat well exercise well but the drinking it still hurts them.”

She was doing a fine job telling someone that their past drinking and to a point their present drinking had become a problem by ‘medical standards’. I didn’t envy her as she sat there looking at him trying to make him understand.

By ‘lifestyle standards’, it was the norm and still is because I know people who believe the only time alcohol is a problem is when it affects their work. It doesn’t include the bottle or two they drink of an evening despite recommended daily allowance of just 20mg of alcohol is safe. That’s meant to be two glasses but there is no standard drink size in Australia.

Yes, I know the idea of everyone metabolising it at a different rate is what your thinking but don’t shoot the messenger, they are the facts.

She turned in her chair giving me a smile ‘If you continue to drink alcohol as you do the problem will get worse if you stop this is as bad as it gets’. She was talking about the numbness in his feet.

The room went silent. So silent you could hear the scribbling of her pen, you could hear him shift in his chair as the news that his past drinking had now become a problem. Despite being as ‘healthy as an ox’, he was on the verge of being diabetic. Of losing sensation in his feet. All this from what he did in his 30,40 and 50’s. He looked at his feet. He cleared his throat his eyes watered. He was embarrassed but there was or is no need he was far from an alcoholic even by my standards.

Personally I don’t drink much. I did in my early twenties but I remember alcohol being the igniter for arguments, for my mum bringing home broken women and the reason my mum left sandwiches in fire hydrant boxes for the homeless. I stopped drinking as I did when I met my husband a complete non-drinker with thanks to his childhood realising I used my six vodka shots every Friday night as a drug to make me a more social person {because without it apparently I was just horrible}. I stopped because it was becoming a habit I was using it as a drug a social inhibitor because without it I was unable to relax, be myself and I often used it to fix things but the reality is it never really did.

Now I don’t drink unless my husband is home because I’m on the job while he is at work and so it once or maybe twice a month. I don’t want it to be normal for my kids as it was me and yet I don’t want it to be so foreign that they don’t know about it and moderation.

I’m in that in-between place not sure how to handle it. I enjoy a nice red and love a vodka and lemon on a hot day and we are careful how we present alcohol to my boys because by many we know its drunk the wrong way its killing them and making them sick.

In Australia, alcohol kills 15 people a day and 430 people a day are hospitalised with alcohol related illness. When I first heard that I thought of the two sixteen-year-old boys who had got into their parents gin cabinet one night as I waited for my cousin in the ER. They were on the brink of death, having almost successfully poisoned themselves in one night. My cousin now suffered seizures having received a brain injury after being involved in a car accident with a drunk driver. Those two boys are lucky to have got away with a stomach pump and a severe hangover, my cousin not so lucky now having the thought process of a three-year-old and his mate driving the car was not lucky enough for any of that.

However, that statistic has nothing to do with drunk drivers or sixteen-year-olds getting into their parents gin cabinets. Excessive alcohol is the leading cause of diabetes, cancer, neurological disorders and heart disease. And to be fair to the people I know to show how ‘normal’ how culturally ingrained this is the NT has the highest rate of hospitalisation in Australia at 11.8% compared to the rest of Australia at 4.5%. These statistics don’t even include those that have died from alcohol related accidents.

And while we might be starting later people are drinking longer into their lives, women who historically didn’t drink much, now are drinking for extended periods throughout their lives. Long time drinking of too much red and white wine is now producing long time results later. We drink more wine than water on average.

It was then in the silent I turned to him touched his shoulder and said ‘at least it’s not your marbles’.

He looked at me and smiled his cheeky grin his eyes smiling and said ‘that last drink will get you in the end’.

Xx Deb.

 

 

 

{a fifo wife} sit the heck down and take break before you break

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You know when you have that overwhelming desire just sit on the couch all day and watch TV or just stare endlessly into space? Or you wish you could go back to bed even though you have just got up? Or my favourite you don’t even want to get out of bed at all. I have a conclusion and whilst I’m not a doctor I reckon {because reckon is medical slang for I know for sure} it is the first sign your stressed out. It is the first sign that your body is getting sick from stress. Your body is telling you to sit the hell down and take a break before you have someone dress you in an unfashionable white coat unlike the one pictured and takes you to window less medical facility.

So Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks.– Slow down.  Breathe.  Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose.  When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These mini-breaks will help you regain your sanity, allow you to do your hair, wipe away the drool and get back on track to staying awesome.

However in case you need some backup to go with that pep talk..

It’s good for your heart. “There are studies to show that stress is comparable to other risk factors that we traditionally think of as major, like hypertension, poor diet and lack of exercise,” says Kathi Heffner, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at the Rochester Center for Mind-Body Research at the University of Rochester Medical Center in New York.

It keeps away the common cold. It appears that stress hampers the body’s ability to fight inflammation, by making immune cells less sensitive to the hormone that “turns off” inflammation.

It boosts your memory. Research in mice also shows that shorter bursts of stress impaired the centres of the brain involved in memory and learning and left the mice struggling to remember how to find their way through a maze. A number of studies have also found that stress increases the amount of certain proteins in the brain that have been linked to Alzheimer’s, possibly accelerating the development of the disease.

It keeps depression at bay. In humans, the prolonged presence of stress hormone cortisol can reduce levels of serotonin and dopamine, which are linked to depression you don’t want that. Lack of sleep also alters that so off to bed with you.

It keeps you thin. Cortisol increases appetite, and may even specifically encourage junk food cravings. When stressed we all like a bit of comfort food. Comfort foods have to be high in all the bad stuff naturally otherwise its not comfort food.

It keeps you in the mood. One of the big reasons that women lose that lovin’ feeling is stress, but men aren’t immune either. In fact, Kinsey Institute researchers found that stress zaps the libido of around 30 percent of men (although another 21 percent said it actually increased their sex drive.). “Men are more likely to see sex as a stress reliever, whereas for many busy women, their husband’s desire is just another demand on their time and energy,” said Alice Domar, Ph.D., director of the Mind/Body Center for Women’s Health at Boston IVF told Ladies Home Journal.

So sweet things. Sit on the couch. Grab that coffee, watch Ellen take time out you need it. It is good for you.

And that white jacket is from available from here it’s super cute.

xxDeb

 

a fifo wife {fifo life: a story: bastards and the smell of rape}

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It was the dry season early morning and we were driving to Jabiru, a mining town located in the middle of the Kakadu National Park two hours or so from Darwin. Jabiru had been built to service the construction workers in the creation of the Ranger uranium mine as well as the mine workers.

This trip we were driving in mums blue Commodore. This car was mums pride and joy, but it was the source of many an argument between my mother and my father. My father had declared it a lemon. So naturally everything that could go wrong did yet this trip we were happily cruising with the luxurious air conditioning on and Kenny Rodgers telling the story of a card game on the cassette player.

I was in the back seat when I heard my mother go “oh what”. A saying she said when she couldn’t believe her eyes or ears. We started to slow down eventually coming to a stop on the side of the road.

What’s wrong I asked naturally assuming it was the car.

We had passed the bark hut Inn, so I knew we were almost to Jabiru but not close enough to be stopping for any other good reason than something had to be wrong with the car.

The Bark Hut was something of a necessity back then it serviced the aboriginal communities and stations. It had a pub, some necessities and fuel. Now it’s a tourist attraction and the simpleness of what it was a literal bark hut refurbished with signs and air conditioning and stocked with items more to the liking of travellers who prefer buses than beat up old trucks like my father had.

Mum turned to me and said when I get out of the car I want you to lock the doors but keep the car running.

I will never forget her saying that ‘lock the doors’.

She said it again as she got out of the car and I looked up at her as she passed the window.

I couldn’t really understand why and yet the way her voice was I was frightened. Facing forward I waited. Feeling the semi-trailers, trucks and cars whizzing past moving the blue Commodore as they passed.

It wasn’t long before she came back. She tapped on the window and said unlock the door. I could see her saying bastards as she turned back away.

I did as she asked, and she pulled the back door open, told me to move to the front seat all while smoothing out a towel and grabbing another from the space by the back windscreen.

I scrambled as she said still not knowing why.

Turning back to face her I could see in my mother’s, hands were the shoulders of a completely naked girl.

She was an aboriginal girl a full blood her skin beautifully dark and as the saying went so dark it was shined purple. Her hair was a mop of black curls, and it hung over her face. She didn’t look at me as my mother placed her lifeless body in the seat putting on her seat belt.

I remember seeing bits of leaves in the dark hair between her legs as I asked why she had no clothes on. Mum never answered so I remained confused as to why she was naked on a highway. I remember thinking how cold she must have been because it was the dry season.

My mother fixed the towel around her because she was incapable she just sat limp. She sat still looking at her feet. It was the first time I had seen another naked woman apart from my mother. She swayed in all directions as my mother tugged at the top of the towel trying to give her some dignity.

“Thank you, sista” are the first words I heard her say.

“You want smoke?” my mum said as she sat slowly back in the driver’s seat.

“Yes please”, she said in her that thick aboriginal accent. Back then in the still wilds of the NT early 80’s english was very much a second language for the aboriginal people.

Now sadly I don’t remember her name I wish I did because as she lifted her head shifting that mop of dark curly hair I could see she had the most beautiful face not that’s why I want to remember it but because their names are what I remember and they don’t deserve part of my memory she does. However, their names as she told us were Paul, Mathew and one other white fella whose name she couldn’t recall.

As she moved to take the cigarette from my mother part of the dark mop moved but some stuck to her lip and forehead where the blood had created a sticky glue. Her face was swollen. Swollen from crying or from a beating I couldn’t determine which. Aboriginal women I came to learn from experience always took or gave a beating to their heads; so seeing a swollen face didn’t surprise me even as young as I was. However even as young as I was I knew it was never okay to beat someone. However calling it culture makes understanding it harder.

I listened in her broken English as she retold her story. About how Paul, Mathew and the other white fella had done this to her. Raped her. Left her naked in the bush. They had been drinking at the Bark Hutt the night before when they went to party at the river. They went down a dirt track partied with her then they left her there so she walked.

Bastards my mum said again.

It’s the first time I learnt about rape.

She slumped in her chair looking out the window smoking her cigarette.

I continued looking at her. Not because she was an aboriginal because I had grown up with aboriginal people, and I feel sad that I have to express that but because she didn’t smell right, and it was the first time I had seen a broken woman, but it wouldn’t be my last mum had a habit of helping broken women.

So despite turning off the air conditioning I could still smell her and she smelt different to the other aboriginals I knew. They smelt of the sun, smoke and the bush. She didn’t smell like any of that she smelt what I now know as semen, blood and dirt. I looked at her because the open gash on her knee was bleeding and was bright red against the dark of her skin and I wanted to wipe it for her and she smiled at me.

We then travelled in silence to town to the police station.

Mum was angry when she got back into the car after taking her to the police station. “They know who they are going to have a talk to them. That’s all that will happen” she said.

We spun out of the car park, and I was thrown into the door as mum hit the accelerator.

As we drove to the camp mum recounted the story and it turns out she had walked for kilometres naked on the side of the road with cars, trucks and trucks passing her and nobody stopped.  The more mum told the angrier she got. I told you to lock the car in case it was a trick she added.

She went quiet after that like the purge had tired her. Whilst I was left confused why someone would do that to another. Leave someone behind while they were hurt because even so young I could see she was hurt inside and out. Just like I was confused about the huge pool of blood that was left where she had sat and came to stain my mums back seat.

I did understand though what a bastard was and I reckon three of them got off scot free.

xx Deb