the fifo wife

How are you? I know it’s been a long time between hellos.

It’s not because I haven’t thought of you, because, I have. The world is just so crazy. Even though we have seemingly made it through, everything still seems upside-down or slightly tilted. It’s Alice in Wonderland without the Wonder.

But Im digressing. However, I have seriously missed being here and hearing from you. As sad as it may be to some, social media provides me with a connection to other humans that my life doesn’t seem to allow.

I will go into our happenings soon, but first tell me, what have you been up to? I would love to know.

So if you are in the mood, I love to know how you are and here’s a pop quiz.

How did you sleep?
A book/ TV show or movie you would recommend?
Something you’re looking forward to?
Something that’s worrying you?
What would you name yourself if you could rename yourself?

I have strayed on my gratefulness for digital and social media, but social media hands up have been good for me, and I have missed it.

Anyway, the happenings here in my household. I, or rather us, have seen milestones happen and the ‘stuff’ that goes with them. Some expected like the moody puberty blues, others no. All part and parcel of having all teens in the house.

The youngest turned thirteen in April. He seemed so little for so long, and now he is a teen, officially taller than me; it seems surreal. He’s getting ready for the next stage, and how I think, has caught me by surprise. For me, what has gone with that is shifting in my understanding of my place for them now and serious consideration of what we or I want next in life.

What else? The eldest is learning to drive, which took ages for me to be comfortable with. B1 is a great driver. Don’t get me wrong. It was the mind shift I struggled with. My baby was driving. I wanted to get things right for him, and I didn’t want to teach him the wrong stuff, but as he said, he has been driving with me for years; I have nothing to worry about. B1 also pointed out that he wouldn’t have passed his Learner Permit had he not known the rules.

What else? Well, they are all working now. They have a great work ethic and Im glad for that but time is fleeting with them now, and I am missing them already. Where the weekends were once filled with time together, now we now take snippets of quality time in the car between shifts and sports games.

It’s where the time is ‘going’- between their school, sport and works there is little time for family. Im super proud, but being such a close family that enjoyed being together, this is the part Im struggling with most. As they gain independence, this transition phase leaves me treading water a little.

However, that is perhaps an indication I need to start adding more to my life. However, with all the driving to and from their events, I struggle to find the time. Where does everyone get the extra time to invest in themselves? Because with all the additional driving I do now- oh my gosh, I’m genuinely struggling. Does anyone else find that?

But I better go but please, know I love you guys being here. You mean so much to me. Your incredibly funny, intelligent and offer me and others so much. Than you.

Much love
Deb.

P.s For all my Paddington Bear and Queen fans, the sweetest video on the web today.

To the parents of the bullied kid, to the parents of kids who struggle at school or have mental health challenges.

Can I offer some advice from someone who is, has and will continue parenting one of those kids- if not all three.

My father initially passed on this wisdom to me years ago, before we had even encountered our troubles, but the man of few words advice never left me. So whilst his words were directed at me then, let me say them to you now.

Advice from someone in the thick of it.

In times of uncertainty for them, find what your kid loves to do, and build them from that. Be it sports, lego, dinosaurs, drawing or dance. They may not go on to be a star or become wealthy from it but nurture and encourage the crap out of it anyway. Don’t dismiss it. Don’t ignore it. Grab hold of it.

My reason?

It makes them realise they are good at something when they think they are not good at anything at all. It gives them a team, even if it’s for just 40 minutes, because they don’t have one at school. And it gives them something that is theirs. Something they can look forward to, beyond the hard stuff. Something that they become known for, instead of that kid that gets picked on, is always scared, or can’t work as quickly as the teacher likes.

It creates an escape. It builds their confidence in something which will trust me, extended onto other things. Other parts of their life that might have seemed tricky before. Which then makes them happy and isn’t that what we all want in the end for them?

Besides nothing seems as scary or lonely when you have ’something’ as well as the ’someones’ to love.

Do you have any advice for those in the thick of it?

xx
Deb.

#hegotinvitedtoplayunder16#confidentkids#mentalhealth#bullies#autism#aspergism#itswhyidrivethecityfourtimesaweek

Sorry. Is used to describe a feeling, sadness, sympathy, or disappointment especially because something unpleasant has happened or been done.

I used to say sorry a lot but . Its a side effect of my anxiety because I haven’t always said it. It also comes and goes depending on how tired I am- a trigger of my anxiety. Although having said that my parents do the same it’s I just never saw it for what it was. Personally, myself, I say it aside to my anxiety because I genuinely hate being a pain to others. As well as saying it because at times I don’t feel adequate or clever enough. Sometimes I say it too much because I’m scared people will see me for all of the above and I’m asking for them to forgive me for ‘stupidness’.. anxiety, imposter syndrome anyone?

However, in doing that my kids started to do it just like I did from my parents, that’s not okay (a quick smart jumped on that – the cycle ends here people). My parents didn’t need to do it, neither did I and nor do my kids. So I’m doing my best to change my modelling as a parent; because they may go to school to learn but we are their life teachers.

A few ways to stop saying sorry.

Is this a habit you have? And how did you stop?

xx
Deb.

A financial crisis is a much nicer way to say you are teetering on the edge of being broke. We have been there and whilst most don’t like to talk money, I believe shared knowledge is power and so having been broke once before and I vowing never to be there are again, we have learnt a few tricks on handling a financial crisis beyond crying recklessly for days. Although that’s also allowed when necessary this is scarey stuff but if I can be so bold to say being broke is not the worse that can happen. Its as simple as that.

Now I got to say we aren’t irresponsible with our money but we have chosen to invest in bricks and mortar, not toys but they too have expenses. We pay everything with cash but investment rentals negatively run require upfront cash and the benefit the doesnt come until July.

Regardless of our financial crisis always follows an unexpected end of a contract with a ‘lull’ in the industry and being casual it can be months between jobs. Then just to make it fun, something always blows up, dries up or requires some sort of major intervention to get it working again. This year it just happens to be something as surreal like a worldwide pandemic that has literally stopped major economies in their tracks. 

Needless to say for the past three weeks maybe longer I have been living in a constant state of frugality and I must admit this time with no fear; well only a little. Only a wee bit (when compared to my usual over dramatic we shall all starve speech- which we never would) because we have been here so many times before and this time we aren’t alone, there are literally millions of us in the same boat through no fault of our own. So this wasn’t anyone fault so as we stare possibly four months of beans as rice down the barrel I am as cool as a cucumber; we are prepared, sort of.

So eight steps to get through a period that will ultimately pass as long as you are sensible about it – oh and please I beg you don’t use credit cards to see you through this period. I beg you. Also if you get nothing out of this post please know you aren’t alone and we are all in the same boat some are better are keeping it together than others.

1. Change the way you think about money as a family and do not allow one family member to take on all of the financial stress can bring. Talk regularly where you are financially, talk about your money both when in a crisis and not. Start running your family as a small business. Its the reason big businesses have board room meetings and not talking or blaming each other doesn’t get you anywhere. You are a team. Talk to the kid’s age-appropriately, of course, were you are in this situation and what can they do to help- especially if means cutting out a few of their luxuries.
   
   Also, try and see this as a challenge rather than a crisis anything else easy to say when it’s not your first ‘challenge’. Mind set.
   
2. If you can’t make a payment on a utility bill, or mortgage whatever it might be don’t put your head in the sand and try not to pay with credit cards. Instead, contact your service provider and talk about a payment plan. Call your banks and see what you can do. Ask what they can do to help you because ultimately they don’t want to lose your current and future business because even big business know that things will pass. This is especially so for the banks – I called two weeks ago to find out that we were a lot more in front of our mortgage than I thought we were. There are so many options. Also, get on to Mygov to see what you might be eligible for over this period.
   
3. Reign in your expenses seriously where you can. A business will make job cuts we can make other cuts. If you don’t really need to shop for anything other than milk then don’t. If you can go without a hair cut then do it hence why I am cutting my own hair and my boys look like they have walked out of a trailer park.
   
4. Check about any forgotten about subscriptions and cancel them. You will be surprised how much these will add up too. You can do this via your app store settings.
   
5. Find a better deal and change the way you shop. Find out who can save you the most money and give you the best deal; you often have to ask because of business arent your mates. For instance, we were spending a Ludacris amount of money on phone plans with Telstra I swapped to their sister company Belong and saved our selves $50 a month for the same service. Health insurance is another one I hate paying. It is so much money, but so little return. I searched and for us I found NIB to be cheaper saving us $60 a month.
   
6. Change the way you eat; funnily enough, this is the one area most people refuse to reign in on but the food we consume is our biggest cost. Swap your brands out, change your cuts of meat, ditch the takeaway and cut down on the processed food. However in saying that at the moment we are eating more comfort food than ever but we are making our own. Try and shop locally for food that’s in season. Try the reward programs of the bigger stores if you cant get what you need locally. When you do need to make an out of community purchase shop online using the cashback programs and vouchers.
   
7. Sell off unrequired assets. If a business is settling into the red they sell off assets your home is no different. Being proactive makes everything not only feel better but is better because you will have additional cash in the bank and more room to move. Look at using Marketplace, eBay, and gumtree. Please ensure social distancing rules apply.
   
8. When you have made it through because you will plan so that there isn’t a next time and if there is then at least you will know what you need to do and how to do it.

Now I am off to check my bank account for the fiftieth time today you know just incase I wasnt aware of a lotto win.

*** Always seek the advice of a professional..always..the internet, google and me are not considered professionals.**

xDeb