I feel really lucky to be able to say that my husband and I are able to eat alone, together, in a restaurant that doesnt involve a drive threw speaker or kids playground without our children often. We get to go on those things called dates.
As soon as the kids were able to toilet themselves, we found other kid loving humans to babysit them once a swing. The regularity of our dates is once every two months. I think its important so we can chat about stuff without being interrupted by a five-year-old needing to know why Ben Ten’s watch is the colour green, and even more so now by a fifteen year old wanting to know if you know where his jammers are.
So, I was thinking today, as I cooked myself lunch that one of my favourite things about going out on a date with my husband was our dessert routine.
I realised today that no matter the place we eat at. Or what is on the dessert menu, we will always get two magnums from the servo on our way home. The Husband will go in and grab a plain, and an almond coated magnum. The servo is nothing romantic obviously but there is something in that ritual as we sit there enjoying the last few minutes of chatter or silence that I so love.
Rituals it seems have their place in relationships particulary in dating. A ritual of sorts promotes a relationship creates understanding and helps with conflict resolution, or so the research says. I have never thought of us, as a couple having a ‘thing’ together. Despite being together twenty-two years, but there it was- a dating ritual of our own.
So do you have a dating ritual? A favourite place? A dessert you have? I’d love to hear yours.
To the parents of the bullied kid, to the parents of kids who struggle at school or have mental health challenges.
Can I offer some advice from someone who is, has and will continue parenting one of those kids- if not all three.
My father initially passed on this wisdom to me years ago, before we had even encountered our troubles, but the man of few words advice never left me. So whilst his words were directed at me then, let me say them to you now.
Advice from someone in the thick of it.
In times of uncertainty for them, find what your kid loves to do, and build them from that. Be it sports, lego, dinosaurs, drawing or dance. They may not go on to be a star or become wealthy from it but nurture and encourage the crap out of it anyway. Don’t dismiss it. Don’t ignore it. Grab hold of it.
My reason?
It makes them realise they are good at something when they think they are not good at anything at all. It gives them a team, even if it’s for just 40 minutes, because they don’t have one at school. And it gives them something that is theirs. Something they can look forward to, beyond the hard stuff. Something that they become known for, instead of that kid that gets picked on, is always scared, or can’t work as quickly as the teacher likes.
It creates an escape. It builds their confidence in something which will trust me, extended onto other things. Other parts of their life that might have seemed tricky before. Which then makes them happy and isn’t that what we all want in the end for them?
Besides nothing seems as scary or lonely when you have ’something’ as well as the ’someones’ to love.
Do you have any advice for those in the thick of it?
Sorry. Is used to describe a feeling, sadness, sympathy, or disappointment especially because something unpleasant has happened or been done.
I used to say sorry a lot but . Its a side effect of my anxiety because I haven’t always said it. It also comes and goes depending on how tired I am- a trigger of my anxiety. Although having said that my parents do the same it’s I just never saw it for what it was. Personally, myself, I say it aside to my anxiety because I genuinely hate being a pain to others. As well as saying it because at times I don’t feel adequate or clever enough. Sometimes I say it too much because I’m scared people will see me for all of the above and I’m asking for them to forgive me for ‘stupidness’.. anxiety, imposter syndrome anyone?
However, in doing that my kids started to do it just like I did from my parents, that’s not okay (a quick smart jumped on that – the cycle ends here people). My parents didn’t need to do it, neither did I and nor do my kids. So I’m doing my best to change my modelling as a parent; because they may go to school to learn but we are their life teachers.
A financial crisis is a much nicer way to say you are teetering on the edge of being broke. We have been there and whilst most don’t like to talk money, I believe shared knowledge is power and so having been broke once before and I vowing never to be there are again, we have learnt a few tricks on handling a financial crisis beyond crying recklessly for days. Although that’s also allowed when necessary this is scarey stuff but if I can be so bold to say being broke is not the worse that can happen. Its as simple as that.
Now I got to say we aren’t irresponsible with our money but we have chosen to invest in bricks and mortar, not toys but they too have expenses. We pay everything with cash but investment rentals negatively run require upfront cash and the benefit the doesnt come until July.
Regardless of our financial crisis always follows an unexpected end of a contract with a ‘lull’ in the industry and being casual it can be months between jobs. Then just to make it fun, something always blows up, dries up or requires some sort of major intervention to get it working again. This year it just happens to be something as surreal like a worldwide pandemic that has literally stopped major economies in their tracks.
Needless to say for the past three weeks maybe longer I have been living in a constant state of frugality and I must admit this time with no fear; well only a little. Only a wee bit (when compared to my usual over dramatic we shall all starve speech- which we never would) because we have been here so many times before and this time we aren’t alone, there are literally millions of us in the same boat through no fault of our own. So this wasn’t anyone fault so as we stare possibly four months of beans as rice down the barrel I am as cool as a cucumber; we are prepared, sort of.
So eight steps to get through a period that will ultimately pass as long as you are sensible about it – oh and please I beg you don’t use credit cards to see you through this period. I beg you. Also if you get nothing out of this post please know you aren’t alone and we are all in the same boat some are better are keeping it together than others.
Change the way you think about money as a family and do not allow one family member to take on all of the financial stress can bring. Talk regularly where you are financially, talk about your money both when in a crisis and not. Start running your family as a small business. Its the reason big businesses have board room meetings and not talking or blaming each other doesn’t get you anywhere. You are a team. Talk to the kid’s age-appropriately, of course, were you are in this situation and what can they do to help- especially if means cutting out a few of their luxuries.
Also, try and see this as a challenge rather than a crisis anything else easy to say when it’s not your first ‘challenge’. Mind set.
If you can’t make a payment on a utility bill, or mortgage whatever it might be don’t put your head in the sand and try not to pay with credit cards. Instead, contact your service provider and talk about a payment plan. Call your banks and see what you can do. Ask what they can do to help you because ultimately they don’t want to lose your current and future business because even big business know that things will pass. This is especially so for the banks – I called two weeks ago to find out that we were a lot more in front of our mortgage than I thought we were. There are so many options. Also, get on to Mygov to see what you might be eligible for over this period.
Reign in your expenses seriously where you can. A business will make job cuts we can make other cuts. If you don’t really need to shop for anything other than milk then don’t. If you can go without a hair cut then do it hence why I am cutting my own hair and my boys look like they have walked out of a trailer park.
Check about any forgotten about subscriptions and cancel them. You will be surprised how much these will add up too. You can do this via your app store settings.
Find a better deal and change the way you shop. Find out who can save you the most money and give you the best deal; you often have to ask because of business arent your mates. For instance, we were spending a Ludacris amount of money on phone plans with Telstra I swapped to their sister company Belong and saved our selves $50 a month for the same service. Health insurance is another one I hate paying. It is so much money, but so little return. I searched and for us I found NIB to be cheaper saving us $60 a month.
Change the way you eat; funnily enough, this is the one area most people refuse to reign in on but the food we consume is our biggest cost. Swap your brands out, change your cuts of meat, ditch the takeaway and cut down on the processed food. However in saying that at the moment we are eating more comfort food than ever but we are making our own. Try and shop locally for food that’s in season. Try the reward programs of the bigger stores if you cant get what you need locally. When you do need to make an out of community purchase shop online using the cashback programs and vouchers.
Sell off unrequired assets. If a business is settling into the red they sell off assets your home is no different. Being proactive makes everything not only feel better but is better because you will have additional cash in the bank and more room to move. Look at using Marketplace, eBay, and gumtree. Please ensure social distancing rules apply.
When you have made it through because you will plan so that there isn’t a next time and if there is then at least you will know what you need to do and how to do it.
Now I am off to check my bank account for the fiftieth time today you know just incase I wasnt aware of a lotto win.
*** Always seek the advice of a professional..always..the internet, google and me are not considered professionals.**
Corona Virus. Its all anyone is talking about but Im wondering how are you doing? Im concerned about you all.
Right now we have no cases in our area and yet businesses are closing up. It seems surreal and strange. The boy’s basketball has been cancelled and so all this additional time has felt until now like a holiday but I am sure as things change so will this too. We are still at school, although there is whispers of closures and while we are not self-isolating at this stage we are avoiding large groups and going to the shopping centre when it’s busy. I am doing my best to remember social distancing but students and kids forget and so do I but its something that will be becoming a new normal soon enough.
I have been asked if I will self isolate and I have decided that once there is a confirmed case in my area we will start isolating ourselves. Husband is still at work, unsure when he will be home however he tells me this will more than likely be his last swing for a long time and so I’m on to the bank’s helpline as we speak. I’m trying not to add to the panic and see it as the opportunity for the world to reset.
Honestly, I can’t really fathom this. I did go into Woolworths a few days ago and I said to B2 this is like being in a movie. Staff were busy wiping down trolleys and baskets, shelves stripped bare, a security guard stood at the end of the checkouts, other shoppers wore gloves and face masks whilst over the store PA cheery announcements about COVID 19 and social distancing precautions were made.
It was in the bread aisle that I said to my son I just want to see your dad, my mum and dad. I want a hug and for them to tell me what’s going to happen, I hate uncertainty. He looked at me and said I know what you mean mum. I wanted to burst into tears at that point. He rubbed my back and said lets go mum.
The feeling of the unknown for me has become a physical ache in my shoulders that not even a run can shake. Its the unknown of when will schools close. What will happen with all the border closures? How will our economy take it?
But then I still believe that whilst I know there is a tragedy for some and I’m so sorry for them but what if we used this time to get back to the important stuff so it’s not for nothing.
What if we used this time to start considering and looking after each other. Really go back to being a community, like the days old before we became so individualised.
What if we used it as an opportunity to really start supporting the small businesses of Australia by buying local, and from the back of beyond. To enjoy the land we have and really start to take care of what we have got. The environment now has a chance to breathe.
So despite how tricky economically this is going to be for us as a family and a nation I am I’m trying to think of it as the gift of time and reset.
That we will come together as a community, that we will see the value in supporting each other and our environment and we will come out of this better than we thought.
Here are some things I thought were worth reading:
So I guess again I want to know how you are you feeling? I would love to know how you are going. This blog and you guys are important to me, thanks for being here.
