the fifo wife

After the cranky start to my morning karma punished me by giving me a flat battery in my 35 year three ton truck. Luckily well actually not lucky I simply dont belive in luck I knew how to go about charging the battery (it was not possible to move the old girl to jump start) but it got me thinking what makes a semi-successful fifo wife and I think I figured it out. Its about being indpendent, capable and well I did have the word but its gone… its a a bit of ‘we can do it’ attitude.

Personally I thrive on independence. I love it. I made that statement on a recent forum for fifo women and I don’t think it was recieved well so perhap’s Im a little unique in this field but I feel my most powerful and I will admit sexy (come on that’s an awesome feeling) when I have achieved something that is unexpected and with out the help of a man. I like the fact that I don’t need a man but want a man to get me through life. Brute strength the only thing lacking. I have my own tool kit that’s off limits to husband and I love know how to use a drill and wrench.I can hang a picture, I have stripped and sanded floors, painted rooms, serviced my cars since i was 16. I love being able to do all those things as well as put on a coat of lippy and gloss on my nails.

Perhaps this has all come about as I’m an only child and I am a little unusual in that I love being independent and capable.  Whilst I should set the record straight I’m not a feminist, my parents raised me with all the knowledge thay could give me in case the unfortunate happened. I remember my father made me change the tyres on my car 35 times (seven times each tyre including the spare) when I was 16 years old and my mother gave me a sink or swim approach to life when I was thirteen all this has served me well and so this is what I think there is 10 essential things we should all know in not only surviving fifo but everyday life as a woman:

1. Changing a tyre..even for a four wheel drive. Come on ladies the number of times Ive helped a woman on the side of the road is an embarrassment to the female species. Check the manual or have someone show you be it a man.

2. Check the air in the tyres know the pressure this will be in your manual. Check the oil and water (do this every Sunday as a religion). Be able to top up each if required.

3. Know how to jump start a car its cheaper than having it towed and store a set of leads in the car.

4. Be able to mow the lawn  and be able to fuel the lawnmower and to an extremity the dreaded whipper snipper.

5. Be able to check the fuse box in the house.

6. Know your phillips head from your flat head.

7. Manage your money.

8. Know CPR.

9. Being able to speak to a tradesman

9. Cook a mean lamb roast.

10. Put on a pair of heels and know how to flirt without making an ass out of yourself (easier said than done)

There is nothing more alluring and amazing than a woman who can take of herself..have a great Sunday.

xD

I’m feeling a little blah, a little grouchy today. Perhaps its because its the weekend (we all know how much I love the weekend’s) or perhaps its because I literally feel like I have a hangover; I’m tired and nausea, which is impossible (the hangover) because I don’t drink when husband is away and when he is home its barely if at all. Today, yesterday, marks the end of a big week for everyone, school concerts- official start to Christmas for us, swimming tests, doctors appointments and trips to the city and its two days out before our swing ends and handsome husband is home; so the butterfly’s are starting to set in. I’m literally telling my children to bugger off and they are approaching me with fear. Hmmm not exactly what I want so I have turned to kindness girl and one of my favourite posts that I have printed, laminated and tacked to my wall.  To up lift my mood the experts would say. Its read and been reread many many times. Thank you kindness girl.

7 things to do when you are grouchy… by kindness girl

1. Yell, Growl, Do a marge simpson groan, Send a text. Any physical sound or form of frustration will do. The kind that lets the inside get outside with out hurting anyone else. You may have to go outside, nature can hear you and absorb, she’s super old. Send an SOS text to a friend, especially if you don’t feel like really talking.

2.Take an Emergen-C, Chug a glass of water, Eat something green. I know this is the very LAST thing you feel like doing but chances are even if you don’t feel totally connected to your body, it is in need of some care if you are grouchy. It can’t hurt.

3. Make your bed or shower,Take a nap. I promise you, clean sheets are the way to a new mind and heart. If your bed is already made religiously, a nap is probably in order. If you can’t turn your brain off or if you have small children- just lay there and close your eyes- rest, that’s right, rest. Showering is also helpful, who knew? Running water is a thing.

4. Just finish one thing. If there is total chaos around you or if you are overwhelmed, just do one thing, nothing else, just one. It doesn’t even have to be big. Mine is this blog post, I already feel better and dishes and a meeting are still waiting for me.

5. Say no to one thing You don’t have to explain or apologize, just go to your e-mail right now and say you aren’t available and thank them, tell them you look forward to seeing so-and-so at the next meeting or event, or next opportunity- trust me, there is almost always another opportunity.

6. Make a sign. If you suck at telling people what you need, make a sign. I always get defensive and try to explain why I need all that, which is very little to begin with, just forget all that. I need… I need you to hug me… I need 30 minutes by myself… I need to know I’m not alone… I need time with you… I need to go see a movie… If your people feel annoyed or angry, they probably need something too. Tell them to make a sign and then maybe you can help each other.

7. Kindness will melt you, Remind yourself you are loveable. – what would you do for a grouchy person that you really love? Do whatever that is for yourself.

I like number 7 Im off to be kind to myself..oh and happy weekend to you..

xxD

I have three amazing boys. I love them equally and unconditionally. I love their individuality. I love how they have taught me so much about life and myself. I love them so much.

Yet I have  confession we will make it number four ( I told you that there was many) and should my second and third baby ever found out they (which they may now do…duh) may be hurt but its the truth yet its not a reflection on how I feel now.

I was watching the BBC series last night One born every minute. Its a show about women, labour and babies. Forty camera’s  in a labour ward in the UK. Any first time mums out there with impending labour watch and learn. I wish Id seen it and not. Its real life. It shows the very first moments of birth. The first moments of meeting the newest little member of your family. I watched in awe, amazed and reminiscent of my own births. I remember each birth in explicitly. What I remember most about my first birth was the love. The amazing amount of instant love and protection that I felt for my baby as they layed him on my chest. I was surprised at my self for having that feeling, it was instant love and it surprised me. I now know what they say by a mothers love. Days later I was still riding that wave of love as I remember husband asking me in the car ‘do you love him’ and I remember replying with all my heart and crying along with it.

So when baby two and three came along I was some what surprised that those same feelings of instant glorious love didn’t come.  I cared for them. I watched them in awe. I cuddled and kissed them. .I was motherly. It wasn’t postnatal depression (I think that came much later with b3 as I struggled to cope) I held and interacted more than I did with B1. The fact that they were mine still amazed me and I knew that I would love them but I didn’t have that instantaneous love for them that I had with my first baby. I did grow to love them and whilst it wasn’t hours or days but more like weeks I loved them. And love them I do. How I love them. Equally with out condition.

Now some will say it was because I didn’t labour with my last babies because I did for 36 weeks for b2 and 38 weeks b3. Labour in my opinion starts at conception. Its hard work right the way along what with morning sickness, back ache, moodiness, and all the other complications that can arise. People can be some what blase about pregnancy. And I have also met another mother who was brave enough to discuss this topic openly (after all who wants to admit they didn’t instantaneously love there babies) and she had three babies all natural births one being completely natural…no pain relief at all..brave and crazy. So I’m not sure what happened and I don’t really care. If it had gone on for too long Im sure I would have seen someone; I think, because I knew that the love would come and yes it did. I LOVE them without condition and yes I have what they call a mothers love.

xxD

Have you ever caught yourself talking to your children? Have you listened to the tone and sound of your voice? Have you ever watched your face or your body language when you speak to your child?

I was talking to another mother friend the other day after listening to another mother speak to her child in the supermarket. The mother at the market words although not hurtful; she were merely asking her child to get some orange juice and put it in the trolley. Her words were spoken with such venom it made my heartbreak for the child who was running around trying to please his mother. It wasn’t just her tone, it was her expression and body language. I listened and whilst that wasn’t me at that moment that was me many times over. Trying not to judge her it stopped me in my tracks.

My mother friend and I both admitted as we sat and watched our children in the pool doing their swimming lessons that how we sometimes interacted with our children now on reflection embarrassed us both.We admitted that our children are the only ones that really know us. I mean really know who we are. They know our tempers, know our strength and weaknesses. They know when we are winding up for an explosion.

Now if I’m honest and that’s what I am about I don’t think I have ever spoken to my husband or a friend the way I speak to my children sometimes and the most embarrassing part I would never stand for how I sometimes speak to my children. Never ever. So why do allow the double standard and speak to them that way?

Why?

The way I speak to the them is just the half of it. Communication is not just about words or the way I speak to them its my body language how scary I must appear sometimes..twice their size and fierce looking. Towering over them instead of getting down to look at them in the eye at their level. Lowering the sound of my voice and thinking about what I have to say.

I have made a lot of excuses for myself I’m tired, I’m frustrated, I have lot to do. I could rattle off the excuses of my massive double standard. Yet as it stands I am after the main influence in their life and I’m raising superheroes. Its unacceptable on my behalf.

It got me thinking and I’m in for a lot of adjusting.

Have you ever caught yourself talking to your children in a way that you would never allow for yourself?

xxD

Im off to the city. I love going and love coming home. It makes me appreciate my beautiful home all the more. Living in the country has its benefits: the peace and tranquility and safety. I feel so safe here. The draw back which are not many: Things take time, which I usually see as a good thing but things like medical, dental, optical (do I sound like a health benefit ad?) are frustrating so its off to the city. That’s the reason for my visit. Ladies problems. Damn it. Pap smears every two year’s girls that’s all I can say…bloody inconvenient really..lol..never mind its off to the city I go and I may squeeze in a wee bit of shopping and coffee to cheer myself up. Are you reading this husband? Love of my life…shopping..don’t use your credit card on the way home it may be a little extended..lol..

xxD