FIFO husband and I have been doing this FIFO thing for 12 years six with kids, six without. Before the oil and gas we where royal Australian navy and then mines and we have always always been good in term’s of having a life with out each. Always. No jealousy, no paranoia, nothing. I could go out with my girlfriends have fun and he would be okay with that, as it should be. At least until we started in the oil and gas, six years ago, four days after the birth of B1. Perhaps it would’ve happened any way but its seems odd that after all this time it happened there.
Some how we got to place where I feared him to a degree it was gradual I guess like most things like this are. He isn’t a violent man nor was he but if I missed a phone call while he was on a swing he would rant and carry unlike I was the worst wife in the world . Wanting to know where I was, why didn’t I answer the phone, why wasn’t I at the house, where was I what was I doing. In the end I developed a fear of him and his rants. I stopped going out because I felt guilty and I was worried I would miss an out of the blue phone call it was horrible. Now I could’ve carried a mobile phone but I live in a regional area and reception is limited and I had never had to worry before and quite simply I would forget and still do.
Then one holiday here in Darwin he had flown out to Singapore and he called to say sorry. For his behaviour. Sorry for the way he treated me. The change was instant, he has never harassed me about the phone or where I was again. I’m not sure what brought it on but I was glad. I didn’t know how long I could keep going for. His behaviour effected everything including how I was with him. It was a recipe for disaster really. This period lasted two years. Two years of him being a idiot(the nicest word I can currently think of) and he also says now that it was an embarrassing time of his life.
We never spoke really about what happened but this is MY conclusion. This is a tough industry for relationships. Lots fail and he tells me some horrible stories of how FIFO husbands will surprise their FIFO wives with secret trips home only to find them in another relationship. Occasionally now when this happens it will freak him out and he will call to check that we ‘are okay’. Most men say they didn’t realise, had no clue and perhaps they really don’t see the warning signs. Then there is the men/ women who have another relationship on the rig or vessel perhaps I should be worried and sometimes it crosses my mind but its not something I worry about. This is my theory to him why would I/he risk everything we have and I mean everything what we have is wonderful for a fling. Something that started with deception in my opinion would never last and I’m not a jealous person. Its not in my DNA.
So FIFO is tough on relationships. Some of his work mates have grown old with industry, some are just horrible men with horrible views about women and relationships. Some are men who have been bitten and are now sour. The thing is they are in a little community sharing each others views, tensions, worries and troubles. They have lots and lots of time to think and rethink. They start to share each others view weather on purpose or not it happens. I believe this is what happened and I think it still does, just not to us. Weather they will admit it or not there is a ring leader fuelling it either on purpose or not. I know the FIFO worker that effected our relationship and he was pleasant enough to speak with on the phone but he would be in FIFO husbands ear..why wasn’t she at home..how dare she not be at home when you are out working, that sort of rubbish. Now I’m not laying complete blame on a third party but I think it fuelled the situation. It didn’t help.
I wish I could say more on how we handle the situation after but I cant. FIFO husband continued to work with this horrible old man for a further three years and wives still leave there husbands and husbands still leave there wives. Its still the same but he knows better now. FIFO husband knows not to listen and get ‘sucked’ into the bad moral of his fellow FIFO workers. It may be happening to them but not to us. If there is a problem he can talk to me about it, I have nothing to hide. We are a partnership. As far as the phone goes he is better in fact its a giggle now but in all seriousness if he cant get me by evening that’s when he is entitled to panic. We are good we are as we were.
xxD
