Dear friends I will be ‘out’ for a few days but will be back for the New Year. Promise. Here’s some holiday snaps of Darwin and of the fifo kids and our daily trip to the beach. Darwin at low tide it goes for miles, bliss for treasure hunting. We even got lucky and came home with lunch. Take care.
Talk soon
xxD
FIFO husband and I have been doing this FIFO thing for 12 years six with kids, six without. Before the oil and gas we where royal Australian navy and then mines and we have always always been good in term’s of having a life with out each. Always. No jealousy, no paranoia, nothing. I could go out with my girlfriends have fun and he would be okay with that, as it should be. At least until we started in the oil and gas, six years ago, four days after the birth of B1. Perhaps it would’ve happened any way but its seems odd that after all this time it happened there.
Some how we got to place where I feared him to a degree it was gradual I guess like most things like this are. He isn’t a violent man nor was he but if I missed a phone call while he was on a swing he would rant and carry unlike I was the worst wife in the world . Wanting to know where I was, why didn’t I answer the phone, why wasn’t I at the house, where was I what was I doing. In the end I developed a fear of him and his rants. I stopped going out because I felt guilty and I was worried I would miss an out of the blue phone call it was horrible. Now I could’ve carried a mobile phone but I live in a regional area and reception is limited and I had never had to worry before and quite simply I would forget and still do.
Then one holiday here in Darwin he had flown out to Singapore and he called to say sorry. For his behaviour. Sorry for the way he treated me. The change was instant, he has never harassed me about the phone or where I was again. I’m not sure what brought it on but I was glad. I didn’t know how long I could keep going for. His behaviour effected everything including how I was with him. It was a recipe for disaster really. This period lasted two years. Two years of him being a idiot(the nicest word I can currently think of) and he also says now that it was an embarrassing time of his life.
We never spoke really about what happened but this is MY conclusion. This is a tough industry for relationships. Lots fail and he tells me some horrible stories of how FIFO husbands will surprise their FIFO wives with secret trips home only to find them in another relationship. Occasionally now when this happens it will freak him out and he will call to check that we ‘are okay’. Most men say they didn’t realise, had no clue and perhaps they really don’t see the warning signs. Then there is the men/ women who have another relationship on the rig or vessel perhaps I should be worried and sometimes it crosses my mind but its not something I worry about. This is my theory to him why would I/he risk everything we have and I mean everything what we have is wonderful for a fling. Something that started with deception in my opinion would never last and I’m not a jealous person. Its not in my DNA.
So FIFO is tough on relationships. Some of his work mates have grown old with industry, some are just horrible men with horrible views about women and relationships. Some are men who have been bitten and are now sour. The thing is they are in a little community sharing each others views, tensions, worries and troubles. They have lots and lots of time to think and rethink. They start to share each others view weather on purpose or not it happens. I believe this is what happened and I think it still does, just not to us. Weather they will admit it or not there is a ring leader fuelling it either on purpose or not. I know the FIFO worker that effected our relationship and he was pleasant enough to speak with on the phone but he would be in FIFO husbands ear..why wasn’t she at home..how dare she not be at home when you are out working, that sort of rubbish. Now I’m not laying complete blame on a third party but I think it fuelled the situation. It didn’t help.
I wish I could say more on how we handle the situation after but I cant. FIFO husband continued to work with this horrible old man for a further three years and wives still leave there husbands and husbands still leave there wives. Its still the same but he knows better now. FIFO husband knows not to listen and get ‘sucked’ into the bad moral of his fellow FIFO workers. It may be happening to them but not to us. If there is a problem he can talk to me about it, I have nothing to hide. We are a partnership. As far as the phone goes he is better in fact its a giggle now but in all seriousness if he cant get me by evening that’s when he is entitled to panic. We are good we are as we were.
xxD
We are off to the ‘wave’ pool today the heat is unbearable but I stumbled on these over at dust jacket and just wanted to share…thank goodness..a little bit of Australia at Christmas. I always struggle with Australia’s version of Christmas. In my hearts desire it should be snow, chestnuts roasting on a open fire, mistletoe and all that but as we know its 38 degrees, cold prawns and the beach buts its all marketed with the northern hempshire in mind..it can be a little confusing for the head and heart but the beach is nice all the same..doesnt sort of match the marketing going on though does it?
xxd
Day two of mummy being home in Darwin. It all comes rushing back. Where to go, where to eat, where to shop and what bus to catch. When I lived here as a teenager I caught the bus everywhere. When I got my license at 15 (15years and 9 months was the minimum age) I barely used the bus. It was uncool you know. Back then buses weren’t air conditioner nor did they have shock absorber thingies that make the bus rise and fall as people board and un board. They weren’t nearly as ‘flash’.
Now they are ‘flash’ and so exciting to my country bumpkin babies and we are using them to go everywhere. They think they are so cool. B1 gets to press the button to make the bus stop…oh the power held by that button…cool (equally different) looking people ride the bus and it whooshes like a rocket. How cool is this bus mummy!! We talk and I point to all the places I knew as a kid..it really is the best way to see a place and its people.
Despite the heat and being caught in the occasional rain storm I’m enjoying it. I have got that life is good feeling about me.
We don’t have buses where we live, there is no need for a town with less than six hundred people. When we go to the city there is no need to ride them we have the car and usually in hurry to get where we need to go. So catching the bus has reminded me of a couple of things. Slow down. Enjoy the simple things and always, always carry deodorant with you.
Hope your having a good week friends,
take care
xxD
Im here. Darwin. My home town. Where was born and raise until I left when I was 23. Its not changed. My parents still live in the same house, they have the same neighbours. Its the same still. The humidity is still as suffocating. It still has the same smell. Its a mix of heat, humidity and the sea. I like it.
There’s not to much I can say about Darwin these days. I affectionately call it the twilight zone you come here and it really is like you cut off from the rest of the world. FIFO husband and I say we always get a real holiday when we come here.I like it but I don’t. I get frustrated my Darwin’s inability to change and whilst I appreciate that’s what most people that stay and live here like about it, its stuck. Its stuck between trying to become a thriving metroplis and hanging on to what its had and all the issues that goes along with that. From an outsiders view, its having trouble growing up.
Darwin is essentially a government run town filled mainly by defence personnel, government employees to help run those defence personal, and then there is those that have come here because its the last frontier. Really when you come here there isn’t to much further to go. Someone said to me that Darwin is a place you come to when your running from something and I have to agree that’s somewhat true. Its how it was when I was growing up and its still that way only bigger, more people and more suburbs. Darwin’s transit nature is what keeps it from really thriving I think. Its still has that Rouge feel to it which I hope it never loses but on arrival somethings just never change. Somethings that with time and growth should.
Darwin when I was growing up was amazing. It was little 6o thousand people if that. Everyone knew everyone somehow. My family and I would fish, crab, camp every weekend. Seriously every weekend. I woudl get home from school at three and we would be setting up camp by seven. Then every school holidays we would camp at Kakadu and we would help muster the buffalo and it was amazing fun.
Going to school was like a united nations affair and I loved that. I wish that was the case for home. Integration was normal. There was no Greek, Italian, Asian, white, or black it was just John, George, Lee or Ashley. It was second nature and if there is anything I miss its that. Going to George’s for Nasi Goreng , Ashleys for baklava was normal. It was great. Like a typical kid I never appreciated it. Darwin was safe back then but then most towns where in the 70’s and 80’s. Now they have security cars following certain buses. It breaks my heart and I long for the old Darwin that I remember that I would love my kids to experience.
I shouldn’t be to harsh this is Darwin after all. Darwin’s laid back nature is why most people stay for those that decided that the heat and build up wont get the better of them knowing that the reprieve of the dry is just around the corner. I long for the old Darwin so perhaps its my inability to move on and realise that with certain population growth comes certain problems and all city’s (because that’s what Darwin is now- a city- not the town I loved as child) has them.
What I am sure of is that I will be sure to jam the boys time here with everything I had as a kid, well Im going to at least try. I cant wait.
Have a lovely week my friends,
xxD