the fifo wife

How longs your mans ring finger? Research from the University of Mainz found men with long ring fingers are more likely to be speed demons, overtake and park illegally. How so? The study found finger length is directly linked to exposure to testosterone in the womb, promoting masculine behaviour. Research has also shown that long fingered men are also better at sports, more successful in business and are often more fertile that those with ahem..shorter fingers..

A case of my fingers made me do it?

xx Deb

We have no plans for the weekend. Not a one. We may take a bike ride, go a little treasure hunting and some work in the garden but that’s about it really nothing to flash. Relaxing after the school holidays getting ready for school to start.

What about you? What are you doing for the weekend?

What ever it is have a lovely one.

xxDeb

Yesterday was B1’s birthday and in the past we have only celebrated the once and it’s always been while daddy has been home. Celebrating on another day has been great and when the real birthday came around it comes and goes with no fuss and the kids have been cool about that. We have had only the one celebration because well it confused the kids to have two birthdays.

So when I said to B1 Wednesday night off handed like that it was his birthday tomorrow he was out of his skin excited talking cake parties, balloons and presents. Ah no that’s not how it works. That’s not how it’s worked in the past but I guess it’s been because 1. They have been too little to understand and 2. They did not really care. So I broke the news Bubba we had your birthday celebration when daddy was home. That was your birthday party tomorrow is just kind of a formality. The look on his face; you could have sworn that I just told him that Spider Man and Santa did not exist at all at the same time. I explained again.

He was good but not you know?

This was not how it was meant to happen. I was not meant to have an unhappy B1 on his birthday he was meant to be all cool and nonchalant. Like me on my birthday as I turn 35 getting oh so closer to 40. He had had his birthday and it was awesome. Feeling ripped off and deflated by not being able to have his ‘real’ birthday celebrated and me fearing that one FIFO husband may feel ripped off because he was not able to be here to help celebrate B1’s ‘real’ birthday because the disappointment that was looming meant maybe a second celebration was around the corner was also not how it was meant to be.

Now I don’t like anyone feeling ripped off because of the this FIFO gig especially since we had already celebrated the celebration. Husband had been here, shared in the joy that was the party, cake and candles as had B1 it was just not on the ‘official’ day. I did the same spiel I always do birthdays are not really birthdays without daddy just like Christmas is not really Christmas without daddy. And that daddy had to work otherwise there would simply be no party or cake and that was the reality of our world. He nodded he got it as much as seven year gets it or cares but the look ; damn, the look was horrible. Like leaving a puppy behind at the pound.

Crap was not the only word I said but for here it will do, so with a quick conference call to husband actually that’s an exaggeration for the post, I had to wait. I cant call into the rig which when there is an ’emergency over cake’ is a pain in the proverbial. So we discussed and the decided just to make the day his. Don’t deviate from our plans there would be no cake no parties not a really big deal (yes parents of the year) but his choice of what to do all day, what to have for dinner, where to go. He was boss all day of everyone…like mother’s day…after all it’s his birthday. Sorted.

The day proceeded as planned without a hitch and I did as per normal to ensure that husband did not miss the joy that was Mac Donald’s and the two hour bike ride which in reality was me screaming for them to keep riding those damn hills because its what he wanted and it was the only way we could now get home. I literally photographed and videoed the heck out of the day. To the point I may have over stepped the line and I could be mistaken for a Russian spy. It’s a mission or obsession I’m not really sure which either way husband got the pictures of the ‘real’ birthday which incidentally was no where near as fun as the ‘faux’ birthday. Mummy they all whined at me..I’m eating…yeah I know I said…but dad’s not here on your birthday. He has seen me eat a burger mum bubba replied. Smart Alec..just smile..eat the damn burger and let me take the picture I snipped back…it was kind of like that all day..see good birthday fun.

So last night during dinner I asked him what was the favourite part of his day? I expected him to tell me it sucked..there was no cake or presents. Not really a great birthday in the eyes of a seven year old. So he surprised the heck out of me when he said; all of it after all he was in charge all day (really I’m not sure what the difference is to any other day it’s just this day he had permission to be in charge). He had had a great birthday adding but its not really a birthday without daddy. That’s right bubba..I said becoming a serious contender for Moaning Myrtle…its not and it isn’t.

Seriously my little boy of seven really gets it..how good is that..

X Deb

B1 turns seven years old today. Seven. Typically I don’t know where the time has gone. My B1 is an amazing boy but all children are aren’t they?

B1 is so different to my other babies. He is quiet. He is strong. He is wary. He is kind. He is a mummy’s boy and a daddy’s boy. I love how when I say I love you bubba he says I knew you were going to say that, how he gives us the thumbs up when he knows he has ‘got’ something and I love how he looks when he sees us throw our hands in the air with pride. I love how he circles my waist with his arm when we walk and how his eyes talk with love when he is on the phone to his daddy.

This year has seen us delve into the world of superheros, dinosaurs continue to fascinate us but we are learning the pros and cons of good and evil through red and black spiderman. Swimming has become our sport of choice with him understanding perhaps he just has a ‘knack’ that with a little fine tuning it will make him more of a superhero. Science and art are his subjects of choice but spelling, writing and maths are not but why would it be to a boy who couldn’t hear until he was four and everything is just so mumbo jumbo most of the time? Just remind me that when at 16 he wants to leave school for work, remind me because I might forget that I knew that day might come and its okay. I will be proud anyway. Mr L and Mr B are his best friends although B1 doesn’t like it when they talk about bum and pee’s pee’s and he will excluded himself from the group for that time. They will poke a little fun but he is okay with that and so am I. He tells me he makes the right choice for him and I smile at his decision knowing already I have a gentlemen in the making.

He makes me so proud. Life has been a little bit of a struggle but still he keeps on going. Nothing for him will come easy but he is determined and will not give up without a fight. Proud is what this mummy is.

He was my love at first sight, still is and always will be.

Happy seventh birthday baby boy,

x Mum.

Marriage tip four: We will get straight to the point..for goodness sake set some boundaries; know what your limits are with infidelity…because lets face it…when the reality comes we have two separate lives. He lives there we live here for six months of the time, well for me anyway. So find out what’s okay and what’s not okay. Flirting, kissing, sex?  Don’t be afraid to talk about it having ‘the chat’ it puts so much stuff at ease. It doesn’t jinx your relationship if you have trouble well maybe your already in trouble. What it does do is helps stops with over thinking, helps with the whole trust issue and who hasn’t dealt with that? That my friends can be such a pain in the derriere.

It’s something my husband and I discussed early on in our relationship because well we like to talk. Occasionally I think we like the sound of our own voice but you know. When we met FIFO husband entered our relationship with a broken heart (I think I was the rebound girl..lucky me). Me a single with a very liberal spirit. So given the difference in our ideas its was pretty important that we knew what was okay and what was not.

For him they have never changed cheat on me in any shape of form it’s over, in fact he told me again the other night. My liberal ideas I think still after 13 years still cause him unease but its okay I get it. So he reiterated; do it once have the decency to tell me but it’s still over and I will never take you back. His version of cheating is kissing and sex. Simple.

Now when I’m in a relationship I’m as monogamous as they come yet for me initially when we first met and right up until we married I felt I was okay with one indiscretion, if it happened. I had never thought and never felt that way but naively I thought I would be okay with the idea that if he slipped up once, ONCE, then I could turn a blind eye; sort of I think. As long as it was just the once,there was no relationship attached to that indiscretion and he was honest about it. I allowed for the ‘one indiscretion’ because well he was a gentleman (and still is) in his younger days and so his experience is different to mine. And my idea is that sex can just be sex.

Yet I guess that the real reason I was okay with that naive idea in reality was because I knew a couple of things about him. Firstly he told me he never would cheat on me, never let me down and is a man of his word. A promise is a promise. He is reliable like that. If he said he would be there at 8 pm with a dragons tooth he would be there at 8 pm bloody and battered but with a dragons tooth. He was honest there was nothing that was said that made me scratch my head and go hmmmm I’m not sure about that, he was as fair as they come and still is and he spoke about the boundaries first up. What I could and couldn’t expect from him. The trust I had for this man was immediate.

But.

For me now it’s different. Different. Now that I’m completely emotionally, physically and mentally invested it’s not okay for him to have ‘one indiscretion’. Not on your Nelly. Now I’m all grown up and he knows it. My boundaries have changed and he is aware of that. We have talked about it. We still talk about it. Confirming it constantly. Now he is mine like flower to a bee and all that rubbish. Yet that’s not to say I’m jealous or guarded with him. He still talks to his ex partners; why not they are beautiful women all grown up with beautiful babies of their own. He attends the odd girlie bar when overseas with his work mates (really what is it with a group of men gawking at women in a dimly lit room..gross) He works with the most beautiful women in close proximity’s for four weeks at a time and I’m okay with that. He tells me everything. Nothing is a secret.

However cheating for me and always has been more emotionally intimate, its not so much about the sex. If he was to hold their hand like he does mine, kiss them like he does me, whisper in their ear like he does mine or leave them a love note like he does me then there is out the door and I will close it without some much as a flinch. Only to open it again to give him his dirty laundry.

Yet I have never ever worried. Never have never will because we know the boundaries you know.

Tell me have you had the chat? What are your boundaries? What are you okay with?

xx Deb