the fifo wife

The newest survival guide is out from the mining family matters girls and its just a little bit fab..cost is just $24.95 and its a great even if you are not offshore or FIFO its full of great information on keeping your family just a that great!

Avoiding fights about jealousy and helping kids to cope when you’re working away: these are among many issues tackled in a new guide for families in oil and gas.

The Survival Guide for Families in Oil & Gas is a 32-page, A5 booklet featuring professional advice from MiningFM’s psychologist Angie Willcocks and practical tips for keeping families strong and healthy despite lengthy periods apart. It’s targeted at energy companies for distribution to new and existing employees on FIFO and DIDO (drive-in, drive-out) rosters, or living in remote mining communities.

The guidebook is an initiative of Mining Family Matters and based on the successful Survival Guide for Mining Families, which is nearing 80,000 in sales.

Chapters in The Survival Guide for Families in Oil & Gas include:

• What to expect in the first few months of FIFO
• Building resilience in your kids
• Women in oil and gas
• Tackling loneliness when you’re apart
• Are you making excuses about sex?

“Families in oil and gas come up against many of the same pressures as other FIFO families,” says Mining Family Matters creator Alicia Ranford. “But there are some unique issues, including the added pressure of longer rosters, plus limited communication from offshore rigs and remote sites.

“We urge families to focus on the positives of the job – like the extended periods together during time off and the good wages – but we also arm them with simple strategies to cope if the going gets tough.

“Our oil and gas mum Debbie Russo, who writes for us on MiningFM, sends an email to her husband and uploads photos of the kids every day he’s away, even if he doesn’t get the messages for a few days. It’s their way of staying connected, and similar strategies can be easily adopted or adapted.”

For further information and pricing details: The Survival Guide for Families in Oil & Gas

Strategies for success in the Survival Guide for Families in Oil & Gas:

• Staying in touch: We all have different ways of dealing with difficult situations. Some people need as much contact as possible to feel connected. Others prefer to withdraw, and find that limited contact helps them cope. So if your FIFO partner seems distant and unwilling to remain on the phone in the early days, try not to take it personally.
• Setting routines: For those on FIFO rosters, how ‘home’ time is spent can become a major source of conflict. Practical suggestions that work for some couples include agreeing from the outset on a set number of nights that will be spent together and socialising together or apart.
• Women in oil and gas: It’s important not to fall into unhelpful thinking patterns such as ‘magnifying’ (blowing a problem out of proportion), ‘personalising’ (making the problem all about you) and ‘over-generalising’ (making any problem about your gender, when the issue might actually have nothing to do with it).
• Overcoming jealousy: We’ve heard that jealousy and insecurity are sometimes a problem when workers are getting used to extended rosters on oil rigs. Apparently, some workers think it’s fun to joke about partners having affairs back home. Just tell yourself “everyone’s got a story and their story is not my story”. Change the subject or leave the conversation altogether.
• Friends and family: Encourage the ‘away’ partner to keep in regular contact with friends and family via phone or email when away. Encourage the ‘home’ partner to make plans to see friends and family even when the ‘away’ worker is home. This eases the pressure on you both.
• Increasing intimacy: Differing libidos challenge most long-term relationships. When sex becomes a major issue, the lower libido partner feels the need to send frequent signals that “I am definitely not in the mood”. The result is less intimacy in the whole relationship. That’s when it’s time to break your ‘sex cycle’.
• United parenting: Families separated for work are often good communicators because they take the time to discuss issues instead of assuming that mum/dad will ‘just know’. Some families start every break with a catch-up on purely practical parenting issues. This sends a strong message to the kids that mum and dad are a united team.
• Helping kids to cope: If your child is missing mum/dad, allow them to talk about it and offer an extra cuddle. Avoid saying things like “be brave” or “don’t be silly” because your child might begin to hide feelings away from you, thinking that you are not interested or that they are unacceptable feelings to discuss.
• Family rules: Depending on the age of your kids, involve them in the creation of family rules to stick on the fridge. Remember the golden rule for FIFO families: the rules apply all the time, whether you are home or not. Standard rules are very important for kids in hectic households

xx Deb

Last month was February; if you didn’t realise that we have moved into March and you need to get a move on we are speeding through the year but I digress so being February it was the month of love. Technically its only meant to be the 14th of February however as you know with the internet and commercialism that one day just like Christmas is spread over the whole month to encourage you to prepare (i.e. buy) for the one day of the year when you should show someone you should give a hoot however as I have a fear of public displays of affection I decided it was pay it forward month or otherwise known the month of random act of kindness which for my introverted self much more tolerable.

Now my random act of kindness or pay it forwards haven’t come easy there was a an initial disaster and I am a naturally rather introverted but I sucked it up and determined not to deterred by my first act of kindness that saw me questioning my whole self and humanity I spent the month of February trying to pay it forward and doing nice things for people.

Now I must confess it was completely done for my own selfish reasons; it made me feel good. So good. I got that warm fuzzy feeling inside and when I saw what my pay it forward did froma smile, to a laugh and even a little dance; I wanted to do more. It was addictive and purely selfish. I went from one big pay it forward a week or random act of kindness to seeking them out on a daily basis. Doing something without expectation of getting nothing in return. I was like a super hero who laid in wait.

My RAK (because of course there is a acronym for random acts of kindness its cool now and easier to text) which ten years ago really was in reality is just being neighbourly or community minded ranged giving up my place in the supermarket queue when I had the time and no children to someone with children or less groceries, putting an extra 10 cents in someone else parking meter, holding a baby during my flight to Sydney, writing a thank you letter for some good service received, cleaning up the skate park while my kids where scootered around, baking for my neighbour and mowing the median strip for my new neighbours.

Simple stuff nice stuff and it comes back around.

My flight home from Sydney last month the desperate dash to the fair I arrived home and went to pay for my car in the car park to start my 90 minute drive home. It was 930 pm and I was also $10.00 short. Not thinking it would be more than $26.00 for 24 hours I spent my change on Jetstar. The carpet bag I carry; the bag that can solve almost all awkward situations including needing a new shirt because my kids have vomited on me to a first aid kit for the odd dog bite; this bag this time couldn’t help me. There was no change rolling around in the bottom of course there wasn’t not when I really need it. I was panicking my credit card maxed, I had forgotten to activate my debit card and couldn’t as it was after hours and I had used my change to watch ‘the new normal’ TV series on Jetstar. As I scurried around searching my bags my newest super hero appeared his as it turned out was James. James is a pilot. He asked me was I okay? I said no and proceeded to mutter like a mad woman that I had no money left and was $10.00 short to get out of the car park. I was on my knees at this point pulling things from my bag when I looked up to $10.00 being handed to me. I hesitated for just a seconded but decided I needed to get home I was tired and didn’t fancy the airport floor and another $26.00 added to the bill.

He smiled. Can I return it to you I said. Ah he said. I said you’re Qantas? Jetstar he said he gave me his id badge I guess not really believing I would send it. I did send i along with a bottle of red. He saved me a long walk home and I will before ever grateful. I’m not sure what would have been the worse the ribbing from my husband, the walk home or the sleep on the airport floor if hadn’t RAK me he saved me all of that with that random act of kindness.

I was so excited so grateful I told him if he wasn’t a stranger I would have kissed him and I would have but within seconds of giving me that $10.00 he was gone.

Like a true superhero. Gone with no expectation of anything in return.

Have you ever done a RAK? Or have you been the recipient of an RAK? 

xx Deb

It’s my birthday today. I’m 36. 36. Thirty six years old. I’m officially no longer in my mid thirties and closer to my forties. I’m okay with that I think. I’m processing that idea as I type this post. I’m okay with it I think. Yes I am. I have been thinking about it the last few days and I’m okay with this getting older thing. Have I said I think I’m okay with it enough? I couldn’t have said that last year or the year before. Last year I would have been hyperventilating at the thought of getting older; at turning thirty six. Again thirty six not thirty five. I am now thirty six. Now I’m okay well I’m at the moment in the stillness of the morning. Getting older means seeing my children grow, getting wiser and all that rubbish. If I didn’t grow older neither would they and hell that means they would never leave home and I want that sort of kind of not.

So I have embraced being older; being 36 years and lots of other things including the wrinkle on my left cheek and my new glasses. There is lots of things that have me thinking including what the day will hold to why my cousin in law could be serious when he opened his mouth on Sunday morning. These are the things running through my head. The first day of my thirty sixth year.

1. We had the whole family here over the weekend for a suit fitting for an impending June wedding. The house was full. It was messy it was loud and I was happy.

2. The boys got back from the Gold Coast they had an amazing time. Thank you GC. I’m happy that they had a good time and who says a buck’s party has to be full of drunken antics. This one was bonding between my husband and his brother and his brother and his new step son. That’s my kind of buck’s night.

3. The kids were playing super heroes. They were dressed in their costumes. Batman, Spiderman and superman. They were in full super hero mode when one husband steps out as Superman. Cape, belt and boots. He had brought a superman suit to play with the kids. I had never laughed so hard. The house never laughed so hard but I have never loved him so much.  Seriously a man that makes a fool of himself for the sake of his kids is a keeper.

4. We have a teenage girl staying with us…I love it…

5. Saturday night my one of my sister in-laws and I went to the pub for a drink together without the kids. She tells her husband the next day that we have decided to make it a regular thing when they come to town. First words out of his mouth? You didn’t ask me! The first words out of mine as she struggled to find an answer why should she have to? We didn’t leave on good words. I regret it a little but seriously I wish he would get his chauvinistic head out of his over sized horse riding arse.

6. I have my glasses and I like them. My husband likes them to. Although I think it’s some secretary fantasy he is having as he is asking me to whip them off far too frequently.

7. When I came back from Sydney I literally got stuck at the airport because of several reasons 1. I had spent all my change for a movie on Jetstar 2. I hadn’t activated my new debit card 3. My credit card was maxed because husband had paid for the buck’s week that evening. I couldn’t pay to get my car out. I was $10.00 short. It was 11pm at night. After much panic, cursing myself and my husband James the Jetstar pilot came to the rescue. He gave me $10.00 so I could get my car out and start my 90 minute drive home. He didn’t even I wanted to kiss him but thought since he and I had not technically met although he had already flown me home from Sydney it was inappropriate however I just sent him his $10.00 and a very nice glass of red. Thank you James.

8. The third instalment of the Game of Thrones airs soon..It’s the closest thing to porn you will ever see me watch…see the trailer here. I never in my life thought it would tickle my fancy but what I can say it did….there is the odd bit of nakedness with a very intriguing story line..Oh and it’s based on the bestselling book series..

9. Lindsay Lohans mentor is not Beyonce, Oprah god it’s not even Brittany Spears it’s Charlie Sheen..Whether she likes it or not. What hope does that poor girl have now..Read more here.

10. Want to see some awesome oldies who haven’t regretted getting a little ink then head here..I loved it..

Hope you have a great day..I know I will..

Have you struggled with getting older Ever run out of money and been helped by a stranger? 

xx Deb

Every one needs a hand to get where they need to go in life and there is no shame in having some support, some guidance its …how we learn grow and get places.

so today after the family left I said to my husband which support group should I highlight today and without he flinched Beyond Blue in particular men’s depression.

So the support group for today is Beyond Blue. 

Studies suggest that men are at greater risk of their depression going unrecognised and untreated than women. This is related to several factors. Men may become aware of the physical symptoms of depression, such as feeling tired or losing weight, or become irritable or angry, rather than acknowledging feeling sad or depressed. It’s common for men to use alcohol to mask the stress, though this in the end makes things worse.

So if the man in your life needs a little help head to Beyond Blue as well as your medical practioner for a little guidance.

Head to Beyond Blues website here.

Head to Beyond Blues face book page here.

Phone 1300 22 4636.

So husband left for his buck’s week on Tuesday so of course we had B2 come down with headaches and fever on Monday, the day before husband left. So as husband flew over head at 11 am Tuesday bound for the Gold Coast and all that frivolous glorious fun those headaches and fever in B2 turned to headaches, fever and vomiting. Cool. I can do vomiting. Whets a little bodily fluid on my shoes, I have had worse. B2 stayed unwell until where I am sure in some secret conversation he had with B1; in which I was not included B1 complained of being unwell not believing him I sent him to school. Half way through the shopping I get a call from school…Debbie can you come collect B1 from school he has a headache and a fever. Of course he does I say.

I collect him and commence the medical routine we have established. Mattress on the lounge room floor, TV, towels and bucket. Everything ready. It’s about this time that husband calls me. He has just ridden the push, the plough whatever the hell it was called to tell me he was having a whale of a time. Great I tell him. I am happy for you. I am however not feeling the love for him right now.

Now here comes part of my dilemma  as a FIFO wife or just mother and wife plain and simple and its one I’m sure one you at some point can all relate to if not don’t send me a emails telling me I’m a bad mother that is already a given at this point in time. So I have no one else to call on to look after my B1 so do I cancel all activities for the other children? Do loose almost $50.00 in non refundable fee’s? Do my other kids miss out because of my life style decision because I have no one else to take care of my baby? I decided to go ahead and so I dose my B1 up on panadol and commenced the rounds of craft, swimming lessons, and netball and hip hop dance classes; all the while insuring he stays more than a fair distance from the crowd if not in the car. We transport a towel and discreetly a bucket with us at every stop. He is doing well in fact I start to think he is coming well but the frowns I’m getting is making me want to give them the bird but I don’t because that goes against my good mannered nature.

What a fool I am.

We get home. His temperature sores. Of all the kids that that are going to be sick this one is going to be the worst all ways has been. I send him to the shower to cool him down and as I hang the washing the other two come out screaming that their brother is vomiting in the shower. So I say push it down the drain…the young girl staying with us look at me like Im the most revolting thing ever. In fact I’m not sure she showered last night…I bleached it I promised.

Cut a long story about my sick kids short…which I am guess you really don’t need to hear about…I spent the night rubbing his back trying to get his temperature down..a 41 degree temp is not unusual for him. Scary but true. As I said he will always be the worst and I have been turned away from enough emergency rooms to learn how to deal with them.

So this morning I am tired. Husband calls me at 5 am why aren’t you up he says because b1 is sick. Oh he says and then goes on to tell me about his fabulous day planned. Baby I say him I’m tired. I have to go to sleep. Right he hangs up like I have told him Dream World is closed today.

The point of this? Why does crap never happen when I go away? Why do the kids never ever get sick when I leave? Why is that a cat 5 cyclone doesn’t hit when I go away for the weekend? Why doesn’t the dog go down with a tick when I’m away? Why doesn’t the clutch on the car go and he is left with three kids in the country where public transport doesn’t exist when I leave? Why?  Is it karma? Its Murphy’s law because I scrub the house to an inch of its bearers, insure the bills are paid and meals are made? Is it Karma because when I do go away for the night that I wish that secretly my children may become a little smidgen of unwell? Not terribly sick but enough that the washing machine is in continuous cycle of cleaning sheets and towels. Unwell enough that sleep becomes allusive, vomit is your new scent and having a little crap on your shoe is not from a mess the dogs have made.

Why? Is it the way? Seriously it doesn’t even happen when its home. So when I say to him when he is at work that I am tired from being up all night with a sick boy because for whatever freaking reason said boy doesn’t wake to vomit and so I fear choking which results in me having no sleep. He can’t understand because he has never seen it? Just like he has never seen me change a tyre, remove a felled tree or prepare for a cat five cyclone? Seriously tell me why…oh wait don’t…I do not have the time because B3 the last of the children has just vomited all over his shoes.

So tell me do you find everything goes to crap when husband goes away?

Xx Deb