the fifo wife

I’m going, to be honest, I didn’t really want to go to Japan.

I know super stupid and if I’m honest I was terrified of losing the kids because you know its a country of 127 million people and being country kids I thought it would be a nightmare. However, apart from the subways which are crazy busy {in any city} its also crazy calm and so Japan and me we developed a vibe together.

I loved Japan. It took just three days into our twelve days to say to my husband I really like it here and I’m looking forward to being able to come back and we have considered going back this year already.

And I know its taken forever but this is our travel to Japan. It was completely DIY and thank you to everyone who tipped and advised me on what to do but here are the long-awaited details of our trip.

We did the normal ‘family’ excursion I am told. Tokyo, Osaka and Kyoto. Our exact trip was Tokyo – snow monkey town- Osaka- Kyoto – Tokyo.

We swapped out the obligatory Mt Fuji trip for the Snow monkeys which I am glad I did {you get to see the Mountain on the train from Kyoto to Tokyo as good as any tour I reckon. They say its hardly ever viewable due to the clouds and at the time we went climbing wasn’t possible}because it snowed at Monkey town. A bonus because the kids got to experience ‘falling’ snow without the stress of a having to go to a full-blown snow resort.

I highly recommend the Snow Monkeys as either a day trip alternative or an overnight trip; personally, I would do an overnight trip. Snow monkey town; sweet as and its a great spot for trying an Onsen something the boys tried, however, the nakedness scared them off. We did the snow monkey trip on our own, using this site for great directions on trains to catch and advice – although don’t wait for transfers at the station grab a taxi it’s literally fifteen minutes up the mountain, much cheaper and there is no wait.

A word of warning the walk to the monkeys is a hike and the area where the monkeys is a bit ordinary but seeing them interacting, hanging out, fighting and ah mating was totally cool and we {with the exception of B1 who was scared they would rip his face off -you cant look them in the eye because they may take it as a challenge} We stayed at a traditional Rykon here also. It should also be mentioned the train ride from Nagoa to Osaka was breathtaking and the train with its big windows was like a tour in itself as it meandered through snow-covered forests and the rice paddies.

And if I was to choose a city to go back to it would be Kyoto. Loved it. Its the art centre of Japan {thats how it seemed} and just a bit quieter. Its also the home of the Geisha and I loved being able to see the old Geisha town and it was so lovely walking the streets at night seeing the Geisha girls gong from tea house to tea house; that is not common I’m told but it was so cool to see.

I really could go on some more about Japan and perhaps I will but the details of our ‘finer’ details of our trip and how we did it.

Accommodation.

We used booking.com to book all our accommodation and being five of us we booked family rooms in hotels and hotels. The hostels were clean and I was seriously happy with all our accommodation. The biggest thing to remember is that the Japanese sleep on floor mattresses folded and put away each morning so you may want to confirm that with hotel or hostel if they are Western beds or Japanese bedding either way as we discovered the Japanese like firm bedding and pillows. Try and stay as close to the train line as you can. We stayed at the following and I can recommend them based on price and cleanliness although cleanliness is not an issue at all in Japan.

Tokyo. Khaosan World Travellers Hostel.

We stayed here twice. This is a super basic hostel I can’t stress that enough but its clean and with the family room, it has your own shower and toilet. Its basically how the Japanese live and is just a few centimetres short of a capsule room {Im exaggerating sort of – rooms are small in Japan} It has floor mattresses and its located in Aksuksa the food district. Having visited almost all the districts Asuksa and Ginza were my favourite spots.

Monkey Town. Zen Hostel. This is a traditional Rykon. It’s in the middle of Monkey Town and walking distance from the train being a Rykon it has traditional bedding. It’s so clean; very clean. Family rooms are available so you don’t have to share {I think}. It has shared bathroom facilities. The shanty styled restaurant located just a few doors down was the restaurant that B3 ate his entire dinner and more without arguing, it is hailed by everyone in the family as the best dinner ever.

Osaka. The accommodation we used in Osaka was also a small apartment and fantastic. It was located in the ‘entertainment district’ and whilst I cant locate the details it was also so clean. It had traditional bedding and fantastic service.

Kyoto. Kyoto Higashiyama With. This was like a small apartment and my favourite of all our stays. It had a mix of western and traditional bedding.  It was in a great location and so clean. It was self-check-in after hours but the reception was outstanding, especially when we asked for some western pillows. Again it was in a great location and despite being on the main road so quiet, however, that’s Japan for you.

Getting around. 

Apart from our feet, we used the subway a lot and the bullet trains to get between cities.

The subway takes a bit to get used to but we used the PASMO card it’s a card you can refill and any credit left on their last for ten years.

For the bullet train and regional travel buy your train travel pass before leaving for Japan. We used JTB {no affiliation} and they were super efficient and easy to buy from. Just make sure that when you enter your details for the tickets it’s just as your passport states as you will need to show them with your passport when going through the gates and they won’t let you on if its wrong. I entered a letter wrong on B1’s ticket when purchasing and whilst I picked up the error here in Australia a reissue fee cost $55 AUD. It should also be mentioned that you can only pick and exchange these tickets up from a central station once in Japan so be prepared for that. The seats also need to be reserved at the station before boarding you cant just grab a seat.

Money.

Japan is a cash society. I had read that before we left and its very much as everyone says. Only major stores and hotels use credit cards with most restaurants and smaller stores use cash. Carrying cash on you as we discovered was as safe. B1 left his wallet behind and someone from the store chased us down wanting to return it and a checkout girl miscounted not giving us enough back and chased up down also for 5cents.

Internet. 

If you’re not using your time in Japan for a digital detox then I highly recommend you hire a pocket wifi. Book online before you go and have it delivered to your accommodation for when you arrive. Set up is easy and you can get it for as little as $79 for ten days. The internet is super fast and reliable in Japan and we used ours everywhere and was awesome for when we got lost and needed google maps, although if you download maps.me app if you don’t need the detox.

Food. 

The Japanese don’t eat at home a lot so the options for dining out are endless. Each area has its own ‘dish’ and best of all its cheap as chips. We easily fed six for $55 AUD a night. My advice is to try each town for their dish. I have never liked the noodle soup Ramen but oh my goodness we had it in Osaka in this little restaurant where when we entered everyone got up and moved seats so we could fit in and it was amazing. For breakfast, we went to the supermarket and bought some noodles and sandwiches as the boys didn’t want a traditional Japanese breakfast. Fast food restaurants are not common as I suspect vending machines and their style of eating fill this gap.

People.

Be prepared for the loveliest of people its what sold me on Japan. The number of times we ‘looked’ lost and people came out of the crowd to help us. On our first night we couldn’t locate our hotel and a young fellow we stopped to ask walked us to the hostel. Young men offered to carry Nana’s bag up the stairs at the subway, they gave up their seats for Nana and my littlest of boys. Nothing is a drama which is why no one says excuse me because it’s not. The only exception to the rule I found was on the subway escalators stand to the left unless you are climbing them.

Language.

My advice is to learn the basics but that’s common courtesy for when you are travelling to any country. There isn’t a lot of English around but there is enough to get you by and everything is so well signed posted that you will manage anyway.

Well thats a wrap and its got me all nostalgic about going back. Its a seriously great place to visit. I will add more or complete other posts as I things come to mind.

xxDeb

 

Its pretty common knowledge that I have suffered {or suffer} from bouts of anxiety. I have written about it soooo many times, Im like that annoying back neighbour. I have had two bouts of depression in which I needed medicinal help for. Both those bouts of depression when in full swing have been brought on purely by exhaustion and anxiety. Both the latter are fuelled by sleep deprivation.

I have dealt with both of these myself and with the help of my GP over the past five years. She encouraged me to use a mental health plan and talk to someone but I am a slower learner so I didn’t. Prior to children, I suffered what I considered general anxiety and self-confidence issues but nothing compared to what I have had these past five years. These past five years have been a doozy.

The medication I went on both time for my depression was great, it did exactly what it was designed to do and anyone suffering from mental health issues should speak to their GP about getting the chemicals in their brain rebalanced, however, I soon found the medication was increasing my anxiety levels an ironic side effect. I soon came off them and decided to try another approach.

Exercise and honesty. I learnt by acknowledging my anxiety I dealt with it better but never really knew what caused it and why it would flare up when it did. I never really knew why I would wake up in the middle of the night with that heavy cold feeling in my chest that spread from the inside out leaving me sleepless for hours. I never really knew why because my life was and is great. I would take care of my anxiety by exercising and what I felt was talking about things that bothered me but still, my anxiety was crippling me, except I was functional but not.

The crunch came at the beginning of this year; I was turning 41 and decided I didn’t want to live like this anymore. I was three weeks into having only slept no more than 4 hours a night for three weeks. My husband’s cousin bless his heart was ringing me every day to make sure I was okay. I was seriously tired in more ways than one and remember thinking is this how it’s going to be for the next 50 years? I asked myself did I want my kids to see me likes this for the next 50 years? Someone who isn’t really themselves and using the excuse for her short temper of being tired. I was giving it my best shot but I wasn’t my best version.

I contemplated going back onto medication but decided unless I was to find out what the issue was nothing was ever going to help me so I booked a hypnotist because that’s all I needed right?. I thought she would give me the tools at least to deal with my anxiety better because at this stage I was pretty much resigned to the fact this was life for me, afterall mental health issues can be genetic and passed down.

When I arrived to see her it wasn’t what I expected and I immediately became doubtful that I had made the right choice, after all, it was costing me $150.00, however, I persevered never judge a book by its cover.

We sat down and she went onto explain that she was not only a hypnotist but a counsellor, I cursed under my breath and for this, to work, it required work from me. I had never been to a counsellor because I never thought I needed one and truth be known I was embarrassed that I might. I know breaking my own rule about talking out your problems but I talked to my husband so I figured that counted but the difference is he couldn’t get out of me what she did.

Without boring you about the complete details of the appointment she asked me what I wanted from her and what I wanted myself. I remember telling her I was always having trouble finding my feet and I wanted to feel balanced so I could be the best parent I could be. So I could go on to teach my middle boy who was suffering anxiety to thrive and I wanted tools to help me get out of whatever was holding me in this unbalanced spot. I wanted to thrive because currently, I wasn’t.

She took this on board asked what my strengths and weaknesses were and I could rattle them off without an issue; in that regards, I’m fairly self-aware perhaps the crux of the problem and so she proceeded to do a timeline. It was during this stage she asked for of all my significant memories and how I felt at the time. I had heard about this theory before and so felt safe in what she was doing. The theory is that you get stuck in that time period or you carry those emotions with you if you don’t understand them. The exercise was interesting and what it brought up; but in the true sense of myself I explained away why the other person had the right to say and behave the way they did.

It was halfway through the appointment that she said to me “Deb you are paying me good money we are not going to fix this if you are not honest with me about how you felt and not why they might have behaved that way.”

Why that made a difference her saying that {in hindsight it was probably because I still couldn’t warrant talking to her after all my life was good, my childhood was great once again the marvels of hindsight I had no right to be here} but it made a difference and the Hoover Dam opened. However, I will cut you a long story short to avoided drowning you in the details and it’s worth mentioning this isn’t anyone else fault or a sob story it’s just the way it was.

As recalled my memories the pennies started to drop, the two and two’s were being put together then everything went click and I said out loud without thinking I have never felt very smart and I don’t think I’m good enough.

Truth is I have never felt very intelligent from day dot and I do often joke about it here but along with not feeling very smart, I have learnt from I’m not good enough for anything else either.

It was as she repeated my words back to me and as I was apologising for the snot that was pouring from my nose as the ugly cry spontaneously happened that I went to say but I am smart. I am more than capable and I am very much worthy of my place here. I mean the stuff I have done I said to her. The things I have achieved how could someone who is stupid and unworthy do these things I said. Suddenly everything coming to light, the hoover dam dried up and well everything becomes rosy- well sort of- its a work in progress, let’s not get carried away here.

Exactly she said.

I suddenly felt very proud of myself. A feeling I had felt fleetingly through the haze of anxiety and whilst the session was months ago a sense of surity of myself has stayed because despite saying the words to her I have never felt very clever I know it not true.  It’s just not and how dare I think otherwise. I wouldn’t allow my child to think that way so why make the exemption of myself.

We went on to do the hypnotherapy session at the end to deal with the final ends of anxiety and it was nothing like what you see on stage. There was no dancing of chickens and whilst I was ‘hypnotised’ I wondered if I even was because I only felt relaxed, the only thing was I couldn’t open my eyes like I wanted too.

Now to say it has my cured anxiety it hasn’t because it still pops up but what I have found is I now instinctively breath out like she had instructed in my hypnotherapy session; without fail. I still wake occasionally with that tightening in my chest but again I instinctively breath out, and I’m now more likely to be sleep deprived because of my seventeen-year-old poodle needing to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I feel different and I know I am because I am back to speaking my mind something my husband loved about me when we first met and I’m happy and I feel balanced without feeling or wondering if I’m bipolar.

The best part I have found is I’m losing weight without even trying and I think it because I’m not longer in fight or flight mode 24/7.  I’m on cruise control and whilst its not always going to be easy for me at least I have refound my feet and I’m running.

So my advice having now taken it myself- talk to your family, your partner, your GP but also invest in a councillor a professional. You can do it via a mental health plan on Medicare, or privately speak to your GP about who they can recommend but do it. It will be the best thing you do for yourself because its there job to find out the problem and help you navigate it. If you are seeing someone without results you then find someone new.

Life line 13 11 14

xxDeb

I hung up from talking with my husband this morning with a sigh. These past few swings have been the trickiest by far and I have struggled emotionally with them just as I am today after realising I may not have handled a parenting moment with my husband as well as I should have.

We have been doing this since before the kids were born. This is life for us. We are okay with ups and downs because we feel that the quality time that an equal time roster gives us is worth it. We work as a family to ensure it runs just as smoothly as if we were a ‘regular’ family and I think we do it better because we are all aware of the consequences of what will happen if we don’t. Relationships are built and they aren’t something that will maintain themselves and I will be honest I have never felt like a single parent even with my husband 400o km away. He has always been a hands-on parent. He has parented every day and more so on the days where I couldn’t despite being in the middle of nowhere with just a phone in his hand.

We have dealt with the missing of the kid’s ‘firsts’ already both husband and I. Both of us have missed first words, first crawls and first walks. He missed them because he was at work and I missed them or he saw them because I was in the toilet or outside. It was disappointing and in truth, outsiders seemed more upset than we were but it was okay because the disappointment never lay with the kids; it lay with us because let us face it- they were to young to remember or even know what the emotion disappointment was. Ask them who was there and they cant tell you- but I can.

So these past few swings have seen another round of firsts for the boys. First days of high school, first triathlons run, first on stage dance performance, first serious cross countries and the husband has been at work for all of them. The difference is; is that the boys wanted him there. This has been the tricky part, dealing with their initial disappointment, the tears, the unexpected I miss dad from a child who is as stoic as they come and then trying my hardest to make sure the husband didn’t feel it too. It has been so hard that it brought me to tears several times and I have felt guilty that I was here and he was there.

It makes all those first that we missed when they were little incomparable because this stuff was and is important to them. Now I know that hardly any other parents were at these other events and so whats the big deal? Parents miss things; it’s going to happen and as someone said when I missed my kids cross country they have to get used to it but it is different because we have made it so.

Resiliently all the boys said themselves as long as dad is there for the really big one, as long as he sees me train that’s what we care about but my heart has still ached and my mind has battled with each of them.

I did my best on the first day of high school, I had husband call as soon as B1 got in the car and we all spoke excitedly together. He and I both heard about his day together not missing a single detail. I sent a deluge of images and wept profusely the details into the phone as the first triathlon and dance performance was run. Husband, in turn, asked questions, he gave advice, he rallied them on and sent his love. He did the best he could and more but did I do enough as the person here because naturally I have taken or took on everyone’s emotional health on as my own.

Now looking back I think we have or are doing okay because this will continue to happen; its life but I do think we are doing it right because we know how important this is. Because even though these firsts are important we are engaged in the everyday mundane stuff. We invest in every single moment we can with our kids not just for the big stuff and they know it. They also know as much as these first are character moments, personality shapers, lesson teachers at a vital age but so is the everyday stuff. The regular parenting of showing up, being interested and just being there is the important stuff. And whether we are there in person or on the phone we have built a family that is together beyond a phone and a picture well that’s at least what I keep telling myself. I think we are doing it right for now at least.

xxDeb

 

It occurred to me a few months back that our kids are pretty amazing. They don’t ask for anything, they do everything we ask of them and more. Usually their behaviour is impeccable so with the husband doing incredibly long rosters with incredibly short rnr’s; I in my wisdom did a yes day.

I first heard of a yes day from Jennifer Garner. Whether she was or is the bright spark behind the idea I don’t know but she advertised the glories of the yes day on her Instagram feed and I immediately thought that’s a cool thanks for being awesome kids day. The concept of the yes day? Its a day where she doesn’t say no to her children; its a yes day to do everything and anything they want with her. Sounds fun right and how hard can it be? The kids would love it after all they deserved it for being so good.

We are not yes parents in terms of allowing the boys to have what they want unless of course, it’s not worth the argument such as wearing a superhero costume to the shops, not wearing shoes, wearing odd shoes, sleeping in their board shorts over PJ’s, playing in the mud and being kids. Do you get the picture? We say yes to what I consider common sense stuff the making of childhood stuff. That stuff gets a big fat yes from me a big fat tick. Its stuff like screen time all day, IPads in the car over conversations with us and doing stuff outside of our budget because they ‘have to have it’ stuff we don’t do.

So the day arrived and we announced to the boys its a yes day you know for being awesome I said casually. They cocked their heads in unison like three of the cutest puppies as we explained we are going to do everything you want within reason. They gushed you’re the best mum and dad they squealed as we headed to the city to fulfil their list. Their list I should mention was substantial and naturally included nothing I’m sure Jennifer Garner kids had which was camping in the lounge room (regular in our house) and hiking in the woods (every afternoon). No my country kids list included a waterpark, a movie, lunch at a restaurant their father and I loathed, laser tag and finally walking around the shopping centre getting so much sensory overload that they bounced.

Now initially the boys were grateful and after each activity, they thanked us profusely but come to the end of the day a shift happened. Perhaps it was the sugar setting in or perhaps it was knowing they had us over a barrel with yes day but they stopped listening to us. They stopped respecting our decisions and their tone shifted to something I would call sassy brat-like, the thank yous stopped and it was purely and expectation that they would get what they wanted. Had they been like this at the begining of the day yes day would have been a very short day. In turn, their father and I became tired of asking them to be quiet, to calm down or be considerate of others. Yes, we took into account the excitement and sugar high but it was crazy out of this world. Nothing like we had expected.

Now on reading others parents experience of yes day, ours seems to be a complete disaster and a glimpse into the life of what some parents different from us must experience. They have turned into sugar high entitled little demons is this what happens when parents cant say no I said to my husband as we drove up the range and as he finished threatening for the fifth time he would drop them to the side if they didn’t start listening. Come to the end of the day I didn’t feel the close bond that other parents raved about. I was too exhausted for that.

Yes day isn’t something that will be happening again although what I did realise however is that we spend such a great amount of quality time together as a family which is why yes day was a slight disaster in my book.

We have the balance of spending time with our children of saying yes and no. Our kid’s behaviour is a result of being ‘no’ parents. We have done it right and we don’t need to compensate with a yes day- ever.again.

Even as I write this I realise there are far too many Yes’s happening for my liking.

Deb.

 

How is even possible that tomorrow is May? The weeks and months are just flying by regardless of how was everyone’s weekend? Ours was jammed pack; it’s probably why the weeks and months are just whizzing by.

This weekend saw the boys compete for age champions at their swim club and I have to say I love being involved with this particular club. I don’t do too much right now I will be honest. Time and shyness stop me but I intend to become more involved as time goes on. At the moment I volunteer when I can but the whole club is just amazing. Its all about the kidlets doing their best – I love it. Do you get involved with your kid’s clubs much?

And as it happens now Sunday is our only free day now between swimming every day, basketball Tuesdays and Dancing Saturdays which also involves a drive to the city. I have to admit when its onswing weekends I like the chaos but naturally, when the husband is home it’s not so cool rnr flits by way to fast.

Speaking of which its 7.33pm, Monday is over alread,y and we are waiting for the pasta to finish boiling so we can have dinner regardless of here are some interesting things from around the web that peaked my interest.

1. I guess it was just a matter of time but whoa mumma..the first full genital transplant for an American military veteran who was involved in a roadside bomb..read more here.
2. Since 2016 half the Barrier Reef has died…read more here.
3. People are building spite houses… read more here.
4. A Royal FAQ page for everything you wanted to know and didn’t about the royal wedding…read more here.
5. A stylist tip to creating your own style ….read more here.

Have a great week.

Deb

{image is with thanks to Sharon Cairns}