I smiled when I saw it was her number on my phone.
I answered it said hello and closed the door to the spare room behind me.
Hey, Deb, she said.
I sat on the bed ready for a chat. I looked at the door as I sat and how the paint was peeling at the base.
How are you? I squealed a little too much like a school girl excited by her call.
She and I had been friends for so long but when she started her new job our conversations switched to messaging and actual conversations would be weeks apart.
I’m good she said, but she wasn’t good I could tell, and my heart began to race.
I stood up from the bed and as I did her sobbing started. It was hard and loud over the phone into my ear. I looked around me to find a spot to hear her better. I found it, a place between a bed and a wall. It was dark and quiet, and I could concentrate on just her.
Baby, I said where are you?
I’m in my car she said sucking in some air between sobs. I smiled at myself because the car is where all good ugly cries are done.
What is the matter I asked quietly? But I already knew.
She told me.
It came out of her like a dam bursting. I let her go not interrupting. It was hard to hear and sweat formed between my ear and the phone as I pressed it harder to my head. She stopped and waited for me to reply, and all I could say was I know and I have been worried about you.
I want you to write about it, she said. I want you to tell my story. Her story was that of a drug users girlfriend and how she could no longer watch it happen. How she cold no longer watch him kill himself despite the pleas and promises. She could no longer deal with the mood swings and the abuse. How she could hear the husbands and wives of addicted partners cry in their rooms after phone calls home because this drug doesn’t just happen in darkened allies and squatters homes. It’s happening everywhere.
Ice is so bad she sobbed. I don’t know what to do she said to me.
I reassured her Ice wasn’t just affecting her and is was everywhere. Cities and country towns even my small country town. I know three families affected by the drug and my town is small and its farming. Ice is everywhere, and it’s getting worse. It’s the most accessible and easily made drug available on the illicit market. It can be made in the back of van for goodness sake.
She went on a little calmer now, I just want them to know what they are doing. Not just to themselves but their families. To the people that love them. I want them to know that they are killing themselves. Destroying everyone around them and to think of that when they use. And I tried to fix him she said I loved him so much and I always will, but I can’t do this anymore. She must have repeated that a hundred times reassuring me that she wouldn’t just fall or do this for anyone. That he wasn’t a terrible person and I don’t believe he was.
Okay, I will I promise I replied. I never wrote it then, and I knew I wouldn’t but told her I would anyway, I was too angry at what was happening because she told me everything that morning. Everything. And in a sense, I knew that it wouldn’t be the end of it. I knew she just wouldn’t leave him to die she would try one more time.
However, I have woken twice this week with the words in my head so its time and while I don’t believe it will change a ‘user’ it will give you information to talk to your kids. Information is power so the facts as I have come to learn them.
Ice is a pure form of methamphetamine, its because of this purity that makes it so addictive. It’s also known as Crystal Meth, Shard, glass, and shabu. In appearance, Ice often resembles iced water or grains of salt. However, it may also have a brown, yellow or pink tinge to it, with the consistency of a paste or earwax. It can be smoked, injected, eaten or snorted. The effects, when smoked, are almost instant with the drug taking hold in 3-7 seconds. Snorting, eating or injecting takes several minutes. Most users start at 18 years of age, but the reality is 2% of users started at 12 years old and the frightening part is 7% of the population have used it at least once in their life. The hold of the drug lasts between half an hour to twelve hours.
The drug gives a false sense of confidence, increased alertness, energy, high sexual drive and happiness. One former user said that it gave her clarity; she felt organized and that she could make good decisions. The ‘bad’ side effects are itching and scratching. Enlarged pupils and dry mouth. Teeth grinding and excessive sweating. Fast heart rate and breathing. Reduced appetite and insomnia.
Coming down off the drug often leads to depression and antidepressant medication is used however this creates a dependency on both drugs. Lacing the drug with others is very common because apparently the coming down is incredibly bad and they thinking lacing eases the effect.
The well-known ‘psychosis’ of Ice comes with heavy and frequent use and is the result of brain damage starting to occur.
What it does to the brain is irreversible with every inhale, snort or injection. Hours after Ice has been used the receptors in the brain start to turn off the natural production of Dopamine. Dopamine is responsible for the reward and pleasure portion of the brain. However unlike other stimulants like cocaine that allow the brain cells to re-capture & package dopamine ie reset, Ice does not.
Instead, the brain receptor cells respond by releasing an enzyme that destroys any extra dopamine. With repeated use over time, these enzymes permanently destroy dopamine cells. This leads to chemical changes in the brain that affect the way the brain works. In lamens terms, it means you damage the brain’s ability to ‘feel’ and so can’t without the drug. You are don’t feel joy or happiness without it or more of it, and yet you become an anxious, paranoid mess with the more you use.
This is what is called METHAMPHETAMINE-INDUCED BRAIN DAMAGE, and this is why Ice is Neurotoxic.
Those who suffer Methamphetamine brain damage from chronic use of Ice will eventually have health problems that lead to intense behavior changes including paranoia, insomnia, agitation, hallucinations, delusions and other psychotic behaviors. Along with causing behavioral changes and brain damage with symptoms similar to bipolar and schizophrenia, Ice is known to contribute to the aging process, kidney and liver damage, cardiovascular problems, respiratory problems, lowered immune system function, significant mouth and teeth damage and anorexia. Long-term users are known to have difficulty in memory retention but also show symptoms similar to movement disorders such as Parkinson’s disease. It is believed that long-term methamphetamine use also causes irreparable damage to the central nervous system which causes these symptoms. These combined issues mean a slow painful death.
The effects on family members loved ones is one of heartbreak and loss. It will tear families apart. Watching someone kill themselves is tough, soul destroying and walking away will break you.
That was my last phone call with her because the universe had a different plan for her, however, it went on to open dialogue about drugs with my children and now hopefully with you.
We talk about the effect all drugs has on the family and how it eventually and as will any drug will kill them. Slowly without decency and painfully despite those first few hours of ‘fun’ and often that death will be alone. We talk about how the initial buzz will never be recaptured and how the brain is forever changed.
Everything in their life and mine will be forever changed and rarely for the better.
xxDeb
Life line 131114.
