How do I stop him from missing dad she asked.
Well umm you can’t I said and why would you want to I answered.
Because it hurts, she retorted back to me.
I often wonder if I am cold and heartless or if I have been doing this far to long, but I believe missing someone is a good thing.Providing it’s not detrimental to someone’s way of being especially a child then it’s becomes a problem. Missing them shows how important they are to you.
So what do you suppose I do she said pouting. The cafe was noisy and windy and she was pouting all the things annoying me.
Well, I said what I have found is all my boy started missing dad at four years old its when they are becoming aware of things and how you I said how you handle it will make all the difference to them.
She leaned in closer so crying with him isn’t helpful she said. I didn’t know he well enough to know if she was joking.
Ah well, I don’t think it’s a bad thing but doing it too often isn’t great I said. And if you are then you need to reconsider what you’re doing. I followed up with if you make a fuss then so will they. We are their teachers.
I hovered over taking another sip of coffee but put it down and started with the stuff I knew what I have learnt along the way about kids and dads working away because essentially that what we had met for coffee for.
First off acknowledge that it’s okay to miss dad, in fact, it’s a good thing. Being told to stop sooking or stop crying is never a good thing in my book. Acknowledge how they are feeling and comfort them in that. Talk to them about it encourage them to do so.
Explain to them why you are doing what you are doing. Why is dad working in a mine? Why is dad working on a boat vessel or rig. Why is Dad driving a truck or flying a plane? Is it to be able to afford a home deposit is it because of a good roster? Is it because that is what he has to do?
Have them understand and encourage them that as a part of the family part of the team that they must help make this work. Kids love being part of a team they love being part of something bigger than them.
Don’t use the words away if you can help it Dad is at work not away from you. Everyone has to work, and this is what your family is doing for now. Going away and going to work bring to mind to different things. Going away makes it feel like it is done intentional without purpose going to work gives it purpose and a bigger picture, one that includes them in it.
Talk about dad like he is there. What he is doing or how his day was. He isn’t away from the family he is at work.
Plan adventures for when dad gets home from work. Have them plan one for one on one time and again as a family.
Create a draw or a special memory box where dad can see all their school artwork certificates or alike. Place any letters they may want to write or special drawings they want to do in there and when dad returns go through it.
Sleep with one of the dads worn shirts or one sprayed with their after shave.
If need be sleep together. Night time is often the hardest part for them but everything seems harder in the dark no matter the issue.
Make a video of their day just for dad.
Create a countdown calendar for countdown have them get involved in readying the house for dads arrival home. Mow lawns buy dads favourite food etc.
Read some FIFO children’s books, google the mine or rig daddy works on. For offshore check out Marine Traffic, you can follow the vessel all over the world. Daddy could make a video or send pictures every day.
I picked up my coffee and sipped it.
She sighed and said that’s a lot of work
but its worth it I said anything is for the ones you love.
xDeb
