I had a crap night sleep. My brain just would not shut off and yet none of it was important or possibly real. Just over thought stuff in the middle of the night exacerbated because I was tired. I wanted to sleep, but couldn’t so naturally frustration made it all worse.
Now I pride myself on being a level headed well thought out women who can function independently and coherently during the day but occasionally like a were wolf howling at the moon I become this over-thinker and sudden underachiever of a night. It generally happens like last night after being woken because I got whacked in the head by my second darling child who shared my bed. It can start for no reason but its symptoms are long and drawn out and yet the cure seems to be the light of day.
So the shit that kept me awake last night until I got up and shifted beds because I have this theory a change of space a change of energy in a room stops the overthinking and induces sleep. Energy is everything to me. So fifteen minutes of shifting rooms I was away with the fairies.They tell me writing things down helps and I have tried that, to just stop thinking and start concentrating on your breath, getting up and going back to bed and yes they all work but it’s not an till I have tossed and turned for an hour or so that I ‘remember’ these things.
So this is the crap that kept me awake questioning my whole existence in the dark and yet in the light of day nothing. Feel free to tell me if it all sounds familiar and how you fix the noises in your head to..
1. I’m angry about something yes I am that’s why I have a literal ache in my heart. So is that making me age more? I’m so angry about it. Am I at fault. No its not my fault. It is what it is. I’m killing myself over this.
2. Soooo that funny thing that’s happening to my left eye. Could that be retinal detachment..that would require a needle in the eye I can’t handle the needle in the eye idea but do I really want to be blind.
3. I should go to the pool today but are my googles why my left eye is doing weird things?
4. Hmmmm. Should I respond to that message, I got on FB now or later. No, they might be asleep with their phone by their bed I don’t want to wake them. They might think I’m crazy, and I’m not crazy. I’m tired angry, have a bung left eye but not crazy. No, it can wait.
5. What are we having for dinner tonight? Chicken. Should I do it on sticks- the boys like chicken on sticks or should I just do it in sauce? Either way it needs to be ready for after basketball I should get up and get it out now otherwise it will never defrost.
6. Must not forget B2 has an eye appointment.
7. Should I get up? It’s 2 am I could just have breakfast and do stuff. I could walk the dog but then my dogs will make other dogs bark at 2 am, and I don’t want to wake the neighbours beside yesterday morning there was a dingo in town. I know it was a dingo because of its walk. Well, I’m assuming it was a dingo I have seen Dingos in town before maybe it wasn’t.
8. Oh, it must be three o’clock I can hear the school cleaners driving past. Does anyone know how good they keep that school?
9. Is it normal for B2 to snore so loud at eight years old; I should google that.
10. I wish I could stop thinking of stuff. I should google how to fall asleep in a minute or less but if I google looking at the computer screen will make my eyes wake up and that will be worse.
11. I wonder if Steph knows how much I appreciated her friendship when our kids were little? Those playdates saved me. I want to tell her no I will look like an idiot. I hope she does know.
12. Why don’t people say thank you? If you give them a hand, a free plug why don’t they say thank you? How hard is it to say THANK YOU. Does it admit that you required help? That someone had to help you does that make success less sweet. Fuck I don’t know but annoys the shit out of me.
13. I should have shifted beds two hours ago. Why didn’t I? Because I’m an idiot.
How do you shut yourself down?
Stop the voices in your head at 2 am?
xxDeb
{image and complete credit is with thanks to here}
