Its lucky that my password is saved to computer because otherwise I may never be able to get back into the dashboard of my blog its been that long between posts. And I know you have noticed as much as I that the time between each is getting longer and the excuses for not writing greater and vaguer.
Truth is I miss writing but when my husband asked me the other day if I was going to write one particular day because I had not written for ages I said no I’m not in the right head space. If I had that day it would be proverbial vomit of shite because for whatever reason my positive attitude and sunny disposition has taken a leave of absence without even the decency of telling me. So naturally like any child does when something they like is taken away from them they sulk. And so I don’t write I however miss it. It’s just that as honest as I am, I’m sure you don’t need to hear all the vomit running through my head because otherwise you may never come back again or would you?
Would it make you feel normal to hear that I hate the way I look. That I’m broken-hearted that my kids were not asked to play anywhere over the school holidays. That I was hurt that someone be them childless insinuated that my children were better behaved in my husbands care than mine when I take absolute pride in how I parent it’s my job after all.
Would you stay or go to hear that my elderly 13 year old dog has gone completely blind and I’m angry about it and I know it’s just a freaking dog but she is my baby. That big boy the cancer trial dog is well but still dying before my eyes and I can not do a freaking thing about it. That someone I care about has cancer and despite the fight its beating him and Im freaking angry about that to.
Would it make you feel normal or make you run away to know I have been searching websites to see if I can find ways to find my style again because with more weight gain which I can only attribute to hormones lack of sleep and damn knows what else and it possibly can’t be my love of freddos I have lost it and lets not start on feeling like a ‘mom’ sigh I feel like a ‘mom’ and not in the ‘milf’ way.
Would it make you stay or run away to know that I am so freaking tired of battling the shite in my head, trying to understand the ignorance and rudeness of humans, the need for people to be nasty asses to others but realising it makes them feel better and every morning I question why can’t we all just get along and what is with all the killing of each other. Would it make you stay or go that I get so inwardly cranky with people who have the support of their family for everything yet whine and bitch about them while I am try to work out how I can go back to work because as I discovered despite hating mango picking I sang out loud more than once something I haven’t done in years and yet the only way to go back to work is too push friendships but then they are my family or is that just on my side? Im lost and Im tired of it.
And lets not get started about the constant itchy I have encountered since Mango picking. For the love of all that is mighty I would sell off what is dearest to my husband to get rid of the itching.
Would it make you feel better to hear all that? To feel normal or would it make some of you say {and yes I am one of them} that would say first world problem Deb; you have your health be it that you’re a fatty, your children be it naughty you have them, you are alive. Get your shite together! Your head out of your oversized ass?
Yeah thought so.
I will try to be more regular whether you’re here or not because just getting that out tears and all has made at least one person feel better and even that one person is me its worth it and I would love for you to comment here on the blog but I can not get the commenting plug-in to work for jabbas sake but will keep trying because I would love to hear your preverbible vomit too because it feels good to pull the plug sulk and stamp your feet once and awhile.
Big love
Deb
